Location: A super hidden base in the middle of nowhere.

(Two men in heavy armour walk in, looking at the title of the story.)

Knight 1: Isn't that supposed to be "The Search for the Holy Grail"?

Knight 2: Nah...TSA doesn't know that story well enough.

TSA: WHAT WAS THAT?!

(TSA hits the second knight over the head with a lamb chop)

Knight 2: I, uh, meant to say that this would be funnier!

TSA: I thought so.

(TSA walks away holding the now-broken lamb chop)

Knight 1: That was really odd.

Knight 2: I wonder why he's writing this story?

Knight 1: Maybe he's had too much caffeine?

Knight 2: Maybe.

(They walk and walk and walk...)

Both knights: SKIP AHEAD!

TSA: OK, OK!!

(They suddenly walk into a room filled with the main characters from FF7 and FF8)

Seifer: Why the hell are we here?

Squall: Whatever

Selphie: To blow something to smithereens with a rocket launcher?

(Everybody stares at Selphie)

Selphie: Well we COULD blow something up...(Sulks)

Irvine (staring at Tifa): I wouldn't mind listening to HER heartbeat! WHOA MAMMA!!

Tifa (staring right back): Back off or I'll shove my foot up your ass.

Irvine: OH! And she talks dirty, too! I LIKE IT!!

Tifa: ...CLOUD!

Cloud (staring at Rinoa's ass): What?

Tifa: This cowboy is hitting on me!

Cloud: So what? It's not my fault that he has such bad taste in women!

Tifa: WHAT DID YOU SAY?! (Starts to pound Cloud's head into a wall)

Squall: ...Whatever.

Yuffie: Any Materia to steal?

Quistis: Stealing is wrong! (Whips Yuffie in the ass)

Yuffie: YEEOW!! (Throws a grenade at Quistis. Quistis blows up)

TSA: HEY! She's not supposed to die! (Revives Quistis)

Zell: Any hotdogs here?

(Zell gets buried alive by 1000 hotdogs)

Zell (from underneath the huge pile): OH YEAH!! HOTDOGS! (Begins to eat them like a pig)

Vincent: ...

Selphie (whispering to Aeris): What's with the vampire wannabe?

Aeris (whispering back): Don't worry about him; he just broods a lot.

Selphie (still whispering): Oh is that all? Our leader Squall does that a lot too.

Squall: Whatever.

Selphie (still whispering): See?

(Irvine sits next to Tifa {this should be interesting...})

Irvine: Hi babe.

Tifa (imitating Pamela Anderson in Barbed Wire): Don't call me babe.

Irvine: Why not, babe?

Tifa: Warned ya.

(Punches him in the face and kicks him in the groin)

Irvine (in a high, squeaky voice): Owww...mommy...(Cries like a baby)

Knight 1: Who are these lunatics?

Knight 2: They were the best we could do on such short notice, and they are not lunatics. Those two are lunatics.

Corana Ghask: HEHE!!

Cordana Ghask: HEEHAHAH!!!

(They dance around until they run into each other and fall into a coma)

Knight 2: See?

Knight 1: Rrrrrrriiiiiight.

(Turns to the...ummm...heroes)

Knight 1: Excuse me! Can I have your attention please?

(Gets blown up by Selphie's rocket launcher)

Selphie: Woo-hoo!!

TSA: HEY! You can't kill them! (Revives Knight 1)

Knight 1 (grabbing Cait Sith's megaphone): EXCUSE ME!!!!

(Silence)

Knight 2: Well that worked rather well.

Knight 1: All right! We are here to search for the Bony Snail!

Yuffie: Shouldn't that be the Holy Grail?

TSA: Nope, it's the Bony Snail. It's funnier.

Yuffie: Rrright...

Knight 1: Anyway, we have to leave this super-secret-hidden-in-the hardest-place-to-see-in-the-world-base in five minutes.

(Blank stares)

Squall: Whatever.

Seifer: WOULD YOU STOP SAYING THAT??!?!

Squall: Whatever.

Seifer: ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! (Stabs himself in the chest. TSA revives him)

Zell: Couldn't he have stayed dead?

TSA: Nope, he's the comic relief.

Zell: Oh... (Begins to laugh like a lunatic)

Squall: Whatever.

(Five minutes later they are all walking along a dirt road)

Seifer: Why can't we have Chocobos?

Squall: Whatever.

Seifer: AHHHHHHHHH!! (Hits himself over the head with a lamb chop)

Rinoa: Where did he get that lamb chop? (Looks at TSA)

TSA: What? I didn't give it to him! (Innocent smile)

Squall: Whatever.

Cloud: You know, that's getting really annoying.

Squall: ...Whatever.

Irvine (still with a high squeaky voice): Are we there yet?

Knight 1: Don't start with that!

Irvine (high squeaky voice): Whatever.

Selphie: That's Squall's line.

Squall: Whatever.

Selphie: See?

(Just then a chicken crosses the road {bad joke time})

Yuffie: Hey, why did the chicken cross the road?

Chicken: NOT THAT JOKE AGAIN!!! (Jumps into an oven and cooks himself)

Yuffie: Uhhh...

Squall: Whatever.

Seifer: IF HE SAYS THAT ONE MORE TIME I'M GONNA...

Squall: Whatever.

Seifer: THAT'S IT!!! (Runs and jumps off a fifty-foot cliff)

Zell: Aren't you going to revive him?

TSA: Why? There's a nice deep lake down there.

(Seifer climbs back up, soaking wet. He looks at TSA)

Seifer: I hate you.

TSA and Squall: Whatever.

(They notice that a guy in a black cape and a long sword is following them)

Cloud: Hey! It's Sephiroth!

Aeris: Nooo! He's going to kill me again! (Jumps off a fifty-foot cliff)

Cloud: Where are all of these fifty-foot cliffs coming from? (Stares at TSA)

TSA: What? Oh, yeah, the cliffs. Don't worry; she'll live.

Tifa: Does she have to?

TSA: I'm afraid so.

Tifa: Damn.

Cloud: YEAH!

Sephiroth (standing next to them): Why am I here?

TSA: I have no idea.

Cloud: Can I kill him?

TSA: Sure.

Cloud: OH YEAH!! (Kills Sephiroth)

Squall: Whatever.

Everybody: WOULD YOU STOP SAYING THAT?!

Squall: Whatever.

Everybody else: ...

(Aeris climbs the rather mobile cliff, soaking wet)

Aeris: Thank goodness for that lake of water.

TSA: That wasn't water.

Aeris: What was it?

TSA (grinning): Beer, and a lot of it.

Aeris: Oh. (Faints)

Irvine: I'll carry her! (Picks her up and puts her over his shoulder)

Irvine: Hmm...nice...

TSA (whispering to Selphie): Is he always this horny?

Selphie (whispering back): Uh-huh.

TSA: Ohhh...

Rinoa: Squally, I'm tired! Carry me!

Squall: Whatever.

Rinoa: I SAID CARRY ME!

Squall (jumping): YES MA'AM! (Carries Rinoa)

Seifer: It's a miracle! Squall said something besides...

Squall: Whatever.

Seifer: GGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! (Hits his head against a suddenly-it-was-there-for-no-apparent-reason tree)

(They walk until they come to a crossroads.)

Knight 1: Which way do we go?

Knight 2: Left or right?

Squall: Whatever.

Seifer: I'll go down the opposite path that Squall does! Just so long as I don't have to hear him say...

Zell: Whatever?

Seifer: GAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! (Runs down the right-hand path, can be heard screaming as he falls down a bottomless pit. Then he comes back covered in thorns)

Seifer: Ouch.

Squall: Whatever.

Zell: Well, that settles it! We go down the left-hand path!

(They all go down the left-hand path)

Squall: Whatever.

(Our heroes are walking down the left-hand path...)

Selphie: WITH NOTHING TO BLOW UP! I WANNA BLOW SOMETHING UP!!

TSA: You'll get something to blow up soon!!!

Selphie: Really?! WOOHOO!

TSA: Phew...

(Well, anyway, our heroes are walking down the left-hand path when who should jump in the way but...)

Seifer: ULTIMECIA?!?!?

Ultimecia: Yes! It is I! The fearful Sorceress Ultimecia, kome to...

(Gets blown up)

Selphie: WOO HOO!! I BLEW SOMETHING UP!!!

TSA: Told ya you'd be able to blow something up.

Selphie: WOOHOO!!

Cloud (whispering to Quistis): Is she always this perky?

Quistis (whispering back): You should see her when she's drunk, it's worse!

Cloud: ...

Squall: What...

(Squall gets hit on the head with a lamb chop)

Seifer: STOP SAYING THAT!!!

Cloud: Whatever.

Seifer: ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!! (Jumps into another its-just-there-for-no-apparent-reason tree)

Seifer: Owwwwwww...aching head...

(Aeris wakes up)

Aeris: Ohh...I've got a hangover... Hey, who's carrying me?

Irvine (Thinking that Aeris is passed out and can't hear him): Damn! This woman is HOT!!

Aeris: PUT ME DOWN YOU HORNY TOAD!!!

Irvine (dropping Aeris): YAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

(Aeris takes out her staff and beats him over the head with it until he's completely unconscious)

Aeris: TAKE THAT! (Kicks him hard)

Knight 1: Aren't we supposed to be looking for the Bony Snail?

Knight 2: Yes, but we'll never find it with these clowns tagging along.

Squall: Whatever.

Seifer: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! (Runs into a wall)

Knight 1: Where did that wall come from?

TSA: Hehehe...

Knight 1: Never mind...

Knight 2: Why are we only called 'Knight 1 and Knight 2'?

TSA: It's either that or Prometheus and Bob.

Knight 1: Which one of us would be Prometheus?

TSA: Actually, neither of you are good enough to be Prometheus, so I hereby declare your names to be Choco and Boko.

Choco (formerly known as Knight 1): Cool!!

Boko (formerly known as Knight 2): Really cool!

TSA: Hehehe...

Vincent: We are approaching a rather large castle.

Squall: Whatever.

Seifer: ...I'm not even going to...HEY!!

TSA: RUN INTO THAT SPIKED WALL!

Seifer: WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! (TSA makes him run into a spiked wall)

TSA: Hehehe... (Revives Seifer)

Seifer: I'm really beginning to hate you; you know that?

TSA: I know! (Laughs like a madman)

(They approach the castle)

Selphie: Heey! That looks like...

(They are standing in front of Ultimecia's castle)

Squall: Whatever.

Seifer: GRRRRRR... (Grabs Squall and smashes his head against a rock)

Rinoa: Squall! NOOOO!!!

(TSA revives Squall)

Rinoa: Phew!

TSA (looking at Seifer): Boo!

(Seifer jumps into the air and runs like hell)

TSA: Hehehe...

Selphie: Let's go inside!

Squall (rubbing his now-aching head): Whatever.

Seifer (from REALLY far away): AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rinoa: Selphie's right, let's go inside!!

(They all go inside)

Seifer: WAIT FOR MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

(Seifer runs in after them)

Seifer: Whoa! Nice place!!

(They look around)

Selphie: Doesn't look any different.

Squall: Whatever.

Seifer: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (Runs up the stairs and jumps off the balcony. Everybody stares at TSA)

TSA: What? I didn't make him do it!

Seifer (getting up): No, I did that for myself! I'M GOING MAD!!!

TSA: See?

(They remain silent and walk up the stairs and towards the Master Room of the castle)

Rinoa: Where are all of the monsters?

Seifer: They probably ran screaming when they saw him coming. (Points at TSA)

TSA (grinning): How'd you guess?

Everybody but Squall: Whatever.

Squall: THAT'S MY LINE!

Selphie: So, say it!

Squall: Whatever.

Seifer: GRAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (Jumps off the edge of the building)

Zell: There he goes again!

(Seifer falls down in front of them)

Seifer: Huh? What happened?

TSA: We can't have our comic relief falling down a really high building, now can we?

Seifer and Squall: Whatever.

(They enter the master room...)

Cloud: SAFER SEPHIROTH?!

Safer Sephiroth: HAHAH!! YES! I AM BACK TO KILL YOU ALL!!

(Gets blown to pieces by one of Selphie's rockets)

Selphie: WOOHOO!! I BLEW SOMETHING ELSE TO SMITHEREENS!!

Cloud: How much ammo have you got there, you little pyromaniac?

(Gets blown up. TSA revives him)

Cloud: Ouch, that hurt.

(Selphie grins)

Squall: Whatever.

Zell: Hey look!

(They all look. At the foot of the throne, is a sculpture of a snail that looks very bony. The Bony Snail!)

TSA: YES!! I'VE FOUND IT!

(Grabs the Bony Snail)

Seifer: Wait a minute! You dragged us along just so that you could torture us and get some stupid little statue?! YOU SADISTIC BASTARD!!!

(Gets blown up, TSA revives him)

Seifer: OWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!

Squall: Whatever.

Seifer: AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Takes out a grenade and eats it. Goes kaboom, TSA revives him AGAIN!)

Seifer: Why are you always reviving me?!

TSA (grinning sadistically): So that I can do this.

(Seifer gets crushed by a ten-ton Behemoth, but is still alive)

Seifer: Owwww...

Squall: WHATEVER!!

TSA: OK! Now that I have my statue, you can all go home! (Sends them back to their own worlds)

Seifer: NOOOOO!!!! NOT A SEQUEL!!!!!!!!!!! (Stabs himself, gets revived)

TSA: I want you as my comic relief again!