Clay and Michael's Day Off

So now you have to ask yourself, "What in the hell is a 'Grindhouse Adventure'?" It is many things my friend but it can all be summed up into one word, "treacherous". Gather around my fellow gamers and I will tell you a tale of two unlikely editors caught in the middle of giant corporations and their bitch employment staff. Don't fear for the text is not very long and the pictures are plentiful. You will laugh at our 8th grade potty humor and you will probably tell your mamma of our misbehavior but I don't care. The story begins at our local Toys'r'us...

Day 1: Toys'R'us

It was a fine day in the northern part of Oklahoma City and I was feeling a might adventuresome so I called my slave in training, Michael, on the phone and asked him if we should go check out the local attractions. Luckily I had my digital camera strapped and ready to roll so the first place we headed to was our local Toy'R'us, which used to be the biggest in the world. As we entered the store joking about Bill Gate's face we ran into a small bump in the road. A lone Xbox sign was slapped up on the entrance to the store. I asked myself, "Isn't it weird that they have a Bill Gate$ product up many months before release yet I see nothing of Gamecube or Game Boy Advance?" Michael felt the same way so we took action! Below you can witness our heroic acts of vandalism. 

That sure made me feel much better knowing that we did the community a bit of good in our feat. So we marched on only to find some "Help the Kids" foundation thing going on. I couldn't help but feel for the little tykes so I took a picture of one of their booths. Strangely enough I was taking a picture of a portrait studios booth. After analyzing their selection of kid pictures I informed the lady there that I was a much better photographer than her. I didn't care if the kids were dying, I was much better.

"Portrait Studios: We Make It Special"...Haha. Not very special. Also note the hot mother in the background.

As we traversed deeper into the corporately lit behemoth known as Toys'R'us I felt a cold chill over my body. Was it the cavernous walls crying out to me or the sterile floors radiating their demise up my leg? The icy feeling quickly turned for the better when I came in contact with the awesome videogame display containing everything from Paper Mario and Daytona to ATV Offroad Fury and Pokemon Stadium 2. It was like being in a mini-convention. I asked the young lads if they would mind a picture of them playing their favorite games and they agreed. I also inquired if they enjoyed the games they were playing and I received a positive affirmation. As you can see our Toys'R'us spares no expense when it comes to Interact N64 Controllers. Also note the competitively priced N64 and Dreamcast prices. 

After giving Michael a crash course in Daytona powersliding we moved on to the PS2 kiosk, which included a demo of ATV Offroad Fury, one of the systems better games. After drooling for a long while I decided to take some pictures of the game and Michael playing it but what happened next would forever scar me. A skinny Toys'R'us employee accosted and threatened me until I turn my camera off...I'm sorry...Let me back up for a sec. We were already told not to take pictures but I did anyways. Now back to the matter at hand. We told the young punk to summon his middle management manager so he could feel the wrath of Clay. The man that emerged from the front of the store was a plump greasy haired twin of Michael Douglas. (Let me repeat "plump") Coincidentally his name was Michael Singleton and he had a corncob up his ass. After joking about his name for a few minutes we squeezed the number for the corporate offices so we could get unadulterated permission from the fatcats. We told the seething smelly son-of-a-bitch off and continued to look for cheap games. That is when my eyes fell on what would become my new PSone love, Wipeout 3. It was priced for only $14.99!!!! How could I pass such a deal up? While I was excited to see if I could find any other worthy buys I figured I best not push my luck so I continued to the cashier where something even more amazing happened. Like always I lied to the desk clerk and gave her a wrong phone number (teehehe) but when the game scanned it came to only $6.99!!!! For proof please click on the series of pictures concerning Wipeout 3. 

After a good ten minutes of giggling like a schoolgirl in my car Michael and I decided that maybe we should give back to the giant toy store. Now simply click on the provided pictures for our grand finale. 

What happened next was purely a result of Michael's enraged hormones as he took the liberty of making love to the shopping carts. After screaming at him for poisoning the impressionable minds of young tykes we brought this journey to an end. Part 2 of Day 1 coming soon!