Hey, you!
Yeah, you with your thumb up your ass. Yeah, you! Get yer ass over here! Yeah, I know holding up that wall is hard fucking work ‘specially with that cigarette in your hand. And I suppose if I was wearing leather that looked anything like that crap you’re wearing, I wouldn’t want to go anywhere somebody could see me either. And no, the studs on your jacket don’t impress me either. Just get your lazy, poser ass over here where I can scream at ya better!
Now that’s better? Can you hear me? Aw, I don’t give a shit -- I’m gonna talk at you anyway and yer gonna fucking lissen. Who am I? Name’s Vargas and, yes, I have a fucking tan. Ain’t my problem I ain’t stupid enough to get myself turned into one of you. I work for Grendel mosta the time. I’m kinda his promoter, if you will, and I run things for him. He keeps me well fed, if you know what I mean, and I can tell you you’re a shithead because 1) you are, 3) Grendel’ll make you taste your own left ball before you die if you fuck with me and 3) I’ve been around far longer than you have and can probably kick your ass anyway, even if I am “just a ghoul”. Ask that fuck Trevalian what ghouls can do.
So, why am I even talking to you, you worthless sack of shit? I’m talking because the big guy’s making me waste my time. Seems he’s decided for some godforsaken reason to host a Tontine in New York City. Actually, it’s about 60 er 70 miles from the Big Apple in some piece of shit historical suburb called Sleepy Hollow. You heard of it? Headless horseman, Ichabod Crane, covered bridge, etc? Yeah, I thought your parents might’ve read it to you. Or more likely, you saw the movie. Well, anyway, Grendel’s a big Johnny Depp fan (don’t ask me why, he also likes Britney Spears, the Smurfs and that fuckin “Makin the Band” show on Friday nights.). So Grendel’s this Depp fan, right, and so he goes and sees this movie (I like Christina Ricci myself, but I’ve always been a tit man), so he like, loves the decor. He says to me “Hey, Vargas! I wanna do this at the Tontine!”
So I says to him “What? Are you nuts? These fukkin Brujah don’t know the diffrence tween a Sleepy Hollow themed rave and a Big Mac!” So, anyways, I talked him down to just makin the theme Sleepy Hollow and not like going balls out, cause you fucks just ain’t hip enough to 'preciate it.
So, anyway, Grendel’s havin this thing at Lyndhurst. It’s like the County Fairgrounds in Sleepy Hollow where you can all come, listen to some tunes (I woulda got some big name bands but these should be fine for yous guys).
So, the younger among you (and the stupider ones who just can’t remember) are almost assuredly asking yerselves “What the hellz a taunteen? More importantly, will I get arrested if I fuck it?”
tontine (pronounced taun-teen) a joint financial arrangement whereby the participants usually contribute equally to a prize that is awarded entirely to the participant who survives all the others.
definition, Webster's Dictionary.
"Who gives a shit what Webster said? Wasn't he a fucking Ventrue anyway?"
--reaction, Screech, angry Brujah, shortly before tasting his left testicle during the last tontine.
The most common place for tontines were troop units during World War II where a bunch of guys would chip in to buy a bottle of expensive wine or something. Then the last one alive (sometimes a week, sometimes sixty years) would get the bottle of wine. It’s actual a legal thing, notarized and legalized and sodomized and all that shit.
The Tontine is the ultimate fighting tournament in the world, at least to those who participate. Every so often, the so-called Anarchs gather in one place and beat the fuck out of each other until there’s only one left standing. It’s actually not quite so mindless, but that’s about it. Everybody who is anybody who gives a shit about everybody who’s here is here. (I’ll pause for a sec while you stew on that one).
Fuck it, I don’t have time to wait for you. But there’s lots of other shit happening too. People will be buying and selling shit, the Camarilla will be here trying to figure out what the Sabbat are up to, the Sabbat will be here trying to figure out what the Camarilla are up to, and maybe a couple of Toreador and Tremere will come along to give us something to practice smashing up. I hear a rumor that the bossman is trying to organize an Anarch council of some sort, but whatthufuck do I know? Grendel’s having a big ass poker game too. And I heard somebody’s gonna be selling a hot babe?
Oh yeah, couple basic rules before I let you go back to holding up the wall.
Grendel’s hosting. Grendel’s place. There’s a Prince of Sleepy Hollow, it’s his domain too, but the two of em are working together. You fuck with someone (like, say, the hired help) you fuck with Grendel.
Nobody dies. Grendel tends to get pissy. And somehow, the Prince of Sleepy Hollow always knows who kills people in his town. Don’t ask me how, but he does. And then Grendel’s gonna find out and he’s gonna have you for lunch. One of his security boys probably gets you for lunch if you’re worth it, but the bald guy’s gonna have his fun. Beat the hell out of each other all you want, but nobody dies. Bad for business. People die -- they don’t come to the Tontine next time around. Bad business practice. So nobody dies on Grendel's turf.
Except, of course, for the Black Lottery
Deep down inside, we’re all Anarchs. There’s gotta be a risk. At the end of the night, we throw everybody’s (even Grendel’s) name into a hat with one exception -- he (or she) who holds the belt. Then we draw one name out. Everybody else in the room then tears that person apart – last time we ripped apart Seregi Voshkov, a Nosferatu from Russia. It’s pretty fucking cool -- even I have to admit that. Anybody ever wonder what happened to the original Brujah? Black Lottery, I’m telling you. That whole Troile story -- bullshit.
Anyway, Grendel’s the host, MacNeil’s coming from LA, Ramirez from Chicago, Xerxes from Cleveland, Ransom from Boston, Mohammed from Atanta, Castle from New York, do I need to go on? Oh yeah -- of course, the Jamaican will be here to defend his belt. Chandra’s dead, though, she ain’t gonna be back to try to get the belt back.
What belt?!?@*? What do you mean what belt? Goddamn, yer young and stupid, ain’t ya? But I guess you can’t help it -- you’re Brujah. Unless you’re not, in which case you’ll never get over it.
It’s the belt. Ya win the Tontine, ya win the belt. Anybody can enter, its like the U.S. Open. Anybody can enter, anybody can win. Well, yeah, you gotta beat a hell of a lot of tough motherfuckers to get there. So, come on to Sleepy Hollow, August 19. Be there and kick some ass. Or, more likely, get yer ass kicked.
Tontine Rules
Vargas here again.
So, you still want to get your ass kicked?
You all know that eventually this thing’s gonna come down to the big guys, don’t you? It always does. I suppose if you’re just looking for new recruits to your personal war or just looking to let out a little agression, that’s fine. But don’t go in looking to win the whole thing unless you’re up for bigtime disappointment.
But you're probably Brujah. You should be used to disappointment by now. So, here’s the rules.
First things first, there’s a signup and we put up sheets and you idiots break yourselves up into Heats of four or five and fight it out once your heat’s up. You don’t get signed up, tough shit. But if you got a bone to pick with someone, sign up in his heat and you’ll fight him sure enough. Then yer all suppoesd to fight each other. Top two guys move on. Yeah, maybe that doesn’t seem organized, but do we seem like Ventrue or Tremere?
By 11:00, you need to find Chamberlain -- he’s the head ref. He’s also another one of Grendel’s ghouls, so don’t go fucking with him either. So, at that point, tell Chamberlain what order you finished in -- we don’t care how you do it -- we assume you really fight it out and kick each others’ asses until one person falls down. But if you want to rock-paper-scissors for it, feel free. We just need to know by 2300 who’s moving on. We don’t even care if you referee your fights -- if you can get somebody to do it for you, cat’s ass to you. We don’t care.
Chamberlain’s a busy man – he ain’t ref your heats unless you pay him. But it ain’t hard -- if you can’t figure it out, you’re stupider than I thought.
by 11:15, the brackets will be posted. Although smart guys should be able to figure it over beforehand.
11:20 the first elimination round -- 32 fighters left. If it doesn’t work out quite like that, we fix it somehow, but that’s up to me and Chamberlain. Two fights happen every 10 minutes until 1230, when the first round ends. If you don’t show up for a scheduled fight, YOU LOSE. No exceptions, no arguments. Both fighters don’t show up, they both fucking lose. Their fucking problem. You here for the Tontine, you here for the Tontine. Also, at this point, fights go 9 minutes. Fight not over at 9 minutes -- you got one minute to find a winner. Somebody’s gotta lose or both fighters lose. This ain’t baseball, man. No extra innings.
12:30 Second elimination round. 16 left. Two fights every ten minutes until 1:10.
1:20 - 1:30 Two quarterfinals go on simultaneously, ‘less we’re runnin early. Yeah, sure, that’ll happen.
1:40 First semifinal.
1:50 Second semifinal.
2:00 The championship.
If the beltholder loses in the Elimination Round, whoever beats him gets the belt. If he gets Eliminated in his Heat, the Heat winner takes it for now. Like that’s gonna happen.
Any questions, ask! I’ll laugh at your stupidity and maybe, just maybe if you’re real lucky, I’ll answer em.
Anyway, God has some edicts I don't understand. Here they are:
Out of Character Rules:
Very simple rules. Every fighter has abilities, represented by cards. Each combatant in the Tontine flips up one of his cards and you compare the results to the table, which will tell you the result. Whatever the result, you cannot flip the same card twice in a row. You can't use the same card twice in a row.
All abilities are represented by cards. There are no disciplines which modify the way you play the cards. There are, however, a certain amount of cards which are not common. Some are, in fact, unique (Death Blossom, God Save the Queen, Don’t Make Me Stop this Planet,etc).
Several results may occur:
0 -- no damage. Remember, you can’t play this card again next round regardless.
# -- this is the amount of damage you suffer, taken off your life total
#a -- this is the amount of aggravated damage you suffer, taken off your life total. Also, aggravated damage is carried over to the next fight, where you start with as much aggravated damage as you have accumulated over the course of the evening
#h -- this is the amount of damage that you heal. Remember that you cannot heal your aggravated damage, nor can you heal up to more than your starting total
t -- you were thrown. This means that next round, you must use a defense card to get back into the fight (Dodge, Counter, Soak,Vanish). You take no damage unless there is a # by the t.
v -- you vanished. Next turn, you take no damage under any circumstances.
* -- please note. This system is still evolving. If you have any comments or suggestions, feel free to e-mail Kurt or Scott.
The Insult:
A good insult or morale booster can do wonders for a fighter. If an insult is piercing enough, the referee may choose to take life away from an insulted fighter (they may heal these) before the fight even begins. Obviously, this only works in the elmination rounds where you have a referee. If this knocks a fighter out, this is a MAJOR loss of face. One insult per fight, please. And make them good -- if they are too dumb, the ref will take them away from you.
Cards:
Each fighter will be issued their own set when they arrive. Any special or unique cards that are not on the chart will be explained on the card, as will it in regards to each other card it might come across. Unique cards that meet unique cards result in a push and no result occurs.
Yes, you can register for the Tontine aheaad of time. We are still working out how. More details to follow.
Again, any questions or comments, drop us a line!
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