Mike Gilday and Tricia stood at the edge of the cavernous cavern, the bottom was hundreds of feet away. “How do we get down?” Tricia asked. Mike knew the answer, and he knew she wouldn’t have liked it. He grabbed her by her sexy, slim freshman waist, and leapt into the pit. Her screams were deafening, but Mike remained calm. Building up speed, Mike kicked his heels together and activated the mini-jets in his boots. They quickly decelerated and landed on the ground comfortably. “How…you…how…” was all she could mutter.

“A friend.” Was Mike’s response. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver zippo lighter. It was the only illumination in the dark abyss. Following the caves through the pit, Mike and Tricia found themselves in a spacious arena, filled with what looked like cryogenic tubes. A familiar chuckle filled the room, and Mike cringed as the man who took his hand made himself present. Wearing a white trench coat, Mike’s evil half came into the light. A high powered, automatic laser was attached to his back, and his eyes shown with a gray that could only be evil.

“Welcome to my…woodshop.” He chuckled, “Who’s the girl,” he flashed in a split second to her position, “Hello cutey.”

“Get away from me you dirty clone!” she screamed. She tried to slap him, but his acute senses were to quick, and he had her hand before she could even raise it back. “I’m more than a mere clone…I was an experiment, I am his evil side…” before evil Mike could rant further, his head exploded in a purplish mass of goo.

“A clones a clone.” Mike said. Tricia rushed to Mike’s arms, hugging him tight. Evil Mike lay in a pool of purple blood, decapitated. “That’s odd, they usually disappear.” Mike turned, and examined the lab. The tubes had what he expected, clones. He found a computer terminal, and activated the self-destruct sequence.

A silver box caught Mike’s attention, and he quickly ran to it. It was a safe, with a code key lock. He looked at it for minute, wondering how to open it. “Screw it.” He thought, raising his shotgun and blowing the lock open. In it were a small box, opening it revealed a very Matrix-style pair of sunglasses. He read the directions which stated, “Targeting/infrared/X-ray/zoom glasses.” He put them on and tested them. He looked at Tricia, and thought about seeing through things, and saw right through her clothes! He grinned, “I’m gonna like these!” His mind switched, and he realized Evil-Mike’s weapon would be a great asset. He swiped it from the corpse, and holstered the shotgun in the satchel on his back. He took Tricia to the exit, and realized the self-destruct system was still counting down!

“MWAHAHAHA!” Mike’s Evil twin laughed, holding the pieces of his head. He quickly exited the facility, locking the exit.

“Damn it!” Mike said, noting the chainsaw’s inability to saw through anglo-tritanium. He spotted an air vent above them, and grinned.

Grabbing the waist he had come to admire, Mike and Tricia rocketed through the ventilation shaft. “GO!” he screamed, and the two bounded down the corridor. The wall of fire that shot through the shaft threw them out another grate, and into the middle of an empty silver room. Tricia clutched Mike as he surveyed the room, checking his coat for burn marks, streaks, or stains.

To his relief he saw a door, and activated his glasses X-rays. He saw through the door, and saw three guards guarding three high security doors. Using the function to the extreme, he saw through to a ship that hovered above a platform. He saw the people he had been searching for board it, and Mike saw a group of alien’s readying an ambush. He had to get there, and he readied his new weapon, using the shot-through walls function to pick off the three guards. Mike couldn’t help but note one of the rooms was an armory, where he picked up gasoline for his chainsaw, stocked up on some shells, some pulse ammo for his rifle, and a new toy: Thermal charges, they should make a nice explosion. When Mike and Tricia found themselves outside, they noticed a red sky, orange clouds…

“What’s going on?” Tricia asked.

“It looks like they’re terra-forming…” Mike began, but was cut off when four clones made themselves present. They charged him with swords, and one shot at him with a pistol. Two bullets hit Mike in the chest, but his sneaking suit easily absorbed them. The pulse rifle incinerated the one with a gun, but jammed when Mike tried to use it further. Tossing it to the ground, he revved the chainsaw, “Let’s go.” He quickly decapitated two of the clones, but the third proved to be a challenge. The clone flipped over Mike, wielding an impressive blade. Mike blocked a swipe with his chainsaw, and sparks flew. The clone kicked Mike in the face, and a pain shot through his jaw. Mike flipped backwards, and the chainsaw stalled in the sand. The clone sneered with sharp yellow teeth, Mike recognized it as Kevin McGowan. The clone stood on Mike’s arms, and beat his back with the blunt end of the sword. Mike coughed up blood, and muttered, “Your face is just as ugly as the real thing.” The clone snarled, and raised the sword up, sharp end pointed downward at Mike’s head. The clone’s weight proved to be too much for Mike, and it was a shame that clones tended to physically resemble perfectly the original.

As Mike prepared to bid farewell to this plane we know as reality, the clone vanished into a green glow. The sword fell an inch away from Mike’s face(in no way similar to what happened with the fire poker at the end of The Evil Dead).

“I fixed it.” Tricia said smiling.

Mike grinned, and the two made their way to the ship. Using the shoot through walls feature, Mike dispatched of the guards at the ramp, and found an air vent. The two climbed in it, and Mike used his goggles to spot Nate Ernst locked in battle with a huge bug. Mike didn’t like Nate much, but he knew Calabro, and Joe would be next. He cringed when he saw Caitlin nearby…He thought, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend…” Mike kicked out the air vent, and gave the pulse rifle to Tricia, “Just in case.” He said smiling. Nate had been knocked unconscious, and Mike wasted no time. Using his rocket boots to accelerate, Mike spun himself into a kicking position and took out the menacing mantis. The mantis lay on the ground, and Mike aimed both barrels at the monster, and pulled the trigger, “Suck it, bitch.” It’s head exploded, and two eyeballs lay in the chipped smoking floor. An annoying voice screamed, “It’s a clone! He’d never save us!”

Mike rocketed upward toward the vent, and found two strange figures in the vent. He recognized one as Mr. Farrell, and the other as Ross Carrigan. “Nice of you to drop by.” Mike said, and the four headed back down.