6. A Talk for Male Students

 

In Saint Matthew's Gospel (19:16-22) we read about Christ's conversation with the rich young man. I shall just remind you of the more salient points.

The young man comes to Jesus and asks him: "Teacher, what good deed must I do, to have eternal life?" Jesus an­swers: "If you would enter life, keep the commandments."

 

The young man asks another question, "Which?", and Jesus reminds him of the Ten Commandments. The young man's reaction is: " All these I have observed; what do I still lack?” Then Jesus says: "If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor and come, follow me." And then we have the reaction of the young man: without a single word, he turns and leaves.

            Let us try to examine this episode from the human view­

point, whereas it is more often analyzed from various other viewpoints. In a human perspective we can explain it as follows. The young man is in some way drawn to what Jesus is saying. He understands that he is proclaiming some sort of good­a good which he too would like to achieve and which is called the Kingdom of God. So what must he do? What spe­cific thing? The young man's question sounds positive. Even so, we cannot see his response to Jesus' advice in a positive light.

Let us look at the episode as a whole. When Jesus tells him to observe the commandments, and then lists them, the young man answers that he has observed them all from an early age. A general picture of this man begins to emerge. We could see him as an honest, sensible and upright person. However, we could also see him rather differently. At this point the young man feels that he is in a sense superior to Jesus. "What are you proclaiming?" "What do you want?"

"This isn't beyond my capabilities, or different from my present life. So, in a certain sense, you are not superior to me; I am on the same level as you, or maybe on a higher one. " We do not find this in the Gospel text. However, this further psychological aspect can be read between the lines of the text.

We all have a certain male arrogance. This young man had his share of this arrogance, and his reaction was in line with it.

If we take this factor into account, then the remainder of the conversation makes sense and its lesson becomes clear to us.

Jesus asks him a question or, rather, issues a challenge: "If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, ...and come, follow me." "Follow me." This is an offer and a challenge. He is no longer talking about things the young man can do with relatively little effort, since he has already answered that 'I All these I have ob­served from my youth." Instead, Jesus is asking him to give. And here we gain a glimpse of another male characteristic: our lack of willingness to give.

We are quite ready to take, or conquer, in terms of enjoy­ment, profit, gain and success-and even in the moral or­der. Then comes the question of giving, and at this point we hang back, because we are not prepared to give. The ele­ment which is so characteristic under other forms in the spiritual portrait of women is barely perceptible in men. Though we can therefore claim that our Catholicism is be­coming more masculine and less feminine, the picture is not quite the same as regards deep commitment. This male Ca­tholicism is not in terior and deep enough; the male believer does not have a true interior life. What he maybe thinks of as his own particular religious style-this discretion and distance or detachment from devotional practices and the sacramentallife-in effect means that his interior life is de­fective and lacking in depth. Even looked at from another perspective, this is really the result of the fact that we men do not have a deep enough interior life. Our Catholicism may therefore be more masculine, but it is not deep enough.

Moreover, we cannot leave the affairs of the Kingdom of God to women, and the reason for this is that Christ gave clear instructions in this regard when he told his Apostles: "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations" (Matthew 28:19). This means, "Go and teach," which in turn means that we must take responsibility for the Gospel as Truth! In contemporary terms it means that, in accordance with our specific characteristics as men, we must take responsibility for the Gospel as Weltanschauung and idea. In men the in­tellect has a certain su premacy over the heart, and this is why Christ entrusted responsibility for the Gospel as idea to them. The Gospel is life and we are all responsible for it. Women have a great role to play in the Church, and in Ca­tholicism; however, the Gospel as idea is primarily a male sphere.

Christ said that we should go out and teach. My dear sons, this does not refer only to bishops and priests, but to all of us. Now, when have you, as grown men, taught somebody? Have you taught any children their catechism? Or started a discussion of some religious topic with a col­league? You may feel that such matters are embarrassing,

Our analysis of this Gospel incident can now be used as the starting point for our specific reflection on your particu­lar condition in life, because it is easy to discern similar traits and elements in the spiritual portrait of each of us: male arrogance, scant willingness to give, and the spirit of conquest.

We have a spirit of conquest and domination in the var­ious spheres of life, and this can also be our attitude in reli­gious matters.

There is a certain tendency to see religion as a women's matter and something rather unsuitable for men. Men al­ways feel more at home in the role of Nicodemus. Do you remember? Nicodemus was the member of the Sanhedrin who recognized Jesus, but only in secret. I am not saying that he already believed in him; however, he recognized him and visited him by night, at times when nobody would see him. We have a tendency toward the Nicodemus type of religious attitude, toward the type of devotion which is characterized maybe only by superficial discretion but very often also by fear of what others might think.

We are reluctant to commit ourselves. We are just like that young man, who was very willing to take everything he could from Christ, in a spirit of conquest, but who went away when it came to committing himself .

However, it can also be a simple question of circum­stances, since it is only fair to admit, for example, that, quite a part from your presence here toda y and the general pres­ence of men in our churches today, our Polish Catholicism is becoming more and more masculine and less feminine. I feel that in today's age of tension and conflict, the problems of faith and religion do to some extent call forth this type of testimon y.

However, even though more men go to church, so that sometimes they even outnumber the women, and even but here we must make a clear distinction between discre­tion and cowardice or simple superficiality. You probably do not discuss religious matters or even think about them at all. Oh, how superficial you are! But Christ said: "Go out and teach." When you are a father (as some of you already may be): "Go and teach." When you kneel with your child in prayer: "Teach!"

You will maybe object, as people used to, that this is not your problem, but that it is a matter for women and that women must teach children to say their prayers. Maybe this is true of the words of the prayers, but surely it does not ap­ply to the teaching of prayer itself or of a religious sense?

"Go and teach."

My dear sons, we should remember that we men have a special responsibility with regard to spreading the concept of the Gospel. Responsibility for the Gospel has been left. far too much to women, and we must make sure tha t those who are growing up now recognize this. Husbands usually tell their wives that it is completely up to them to deal with these matters. But Christ said, "Go and teach," and he was saying this to you! This instruction should be taken in its broader sense; the method of teaching is one thing, and the duty to teach another.

As I have already noted, when we examine Christ's meet­ing with the rich young man and consider the psychological dialogue between the lines, we can see the young man's male arrogance and his lack of willingness to give of him ­self. However, we can also see a certain tendency to imposE his own human interpretation on what is God's truth 0f will. This is obviously a general human tendency, but it ap­plies in a particular way to men.

I feel that I must make God's truth and will fit into my perspective, and my concern is whether or not they are con­venient for me. For me! If it is convenient or helpful to me, well and good, but if not, I refuse it and leave. There is the temptation to place myself "above" Christ, especially when he asks something of me.

Maybe this temptation to follow our own inclinations and wishes to place ourselves "beyond" Christ is found particularly in the field of sexual morality, because it is here that Christ makes demands on men. These demands are greater than we think, but they are not made in the way we imagine; his demands are made differently from the way we normally make them.

What usually happens in the case of a man is that he is the one whose desire is strongest and it is he who urges his partner on, and who "takes." On the other hand, it is the woman who pays, while very often the man is unwilling to pay anything at all. Often when the woman has to pay per­sonally, all he says is: "Go and find a doctor. I'll give you the money." While she pays personally, he pays with mon­ey! Or he may try to shift the blame, saying: "It's your fault. Why did you let this happen? It's your fault, not mine." But it is he whose desire was so overwhelming and who "took"! However, the point is this: when he takes his pleasure he must also take his responsibility.

My dear sons, these rather crude expressions I have just given as examples are not particularly unusual. Maybe what I am about to tell you will seem premature. However, you should be prepared for the future and begin to assume gradual responsibility for it. We are dealing here with a twofold question, the first as­pect being that of you and the Creator, and the second that of you and your partner .

First, let us consider the aspect of you and the Creator .My dear brothers, God, who is Father, is first of all Creator, and this God who is Father, who is Creator, planted a re­flection of his creative strength and power within man. We approach creation biologically, so that the whole matter is viewed in natural terms. However, it has its inner signifi­cance in God. Since biology and nature come from God, the seeds of life which each of us carried within his body are the basis of our participation in God's creative force. God creates, which means that he calls something into existence from nothing. And man creates inasmuch as he gives life. This is why each of us must have deep respect for the es­sence and nature of things. We should sing hymns of praise to God the Crea tor for this reflection of himself in us-and not only in our souls but also in our bodies.

Now, let us consider the aspect of you and your partner . Although it is true that man is the creator of life, this life is created within the woman. It is another law of nature that they create this life together; they unite more closely in or­der to bring this life into being. However, this is a very spe­cial moment and is particularly important because the man is the creator of life within her; but it is she who takes on the whole burden of this life immediately afterwards. And, precisely because of this factor, this is where a frightening moral danger begins, since the man can fall into the role of a primitive profiteer or exploiter. He will in fact always do so, if he does not make use of his own interior strength ­the strength of his intellect and his will and even his heart-in order to mature in the role of father.

God is Creator and Father .

It is precisely when a man does not mature into the role of father that we hear him say things like: "Go and find a doc­tor. I'll give you the money. Why on earth did you let this f1appen? There is such a thing as contraception." However, ;he has a right to your recognition of your paternity and to four assumption of responsibility and your protection.

We make very little effort to understand how women think and feel, so that resentment sets in and wounds are opened in the soul; a woman feels walls of isolation, incom­prehension and destruction springing up between her and the man who was so close to her. And our arrogance and pride prevent us from seeing all this; our attitude is that of a conqueror or captor.

We should Ij.ke this difficult problem to solve itself. How­ever, it will not go away on its own; it is you who must solve it. Not her, but first and foremost you. Men have a certain tendency to leave this problem up to the woman "You should have known. You really should have known." If she should have known, you should have known too! You must accept responsibility for this person who will be born.

This is not only a demographic or economic problem, but a deep moral one. My dear brothers, I beg you not to forget that this is a moral problem. Why do we try to believe that this is not so ? You are no longer sixteen years old, and we must face this question and solve it. I say we since this ap­plies to us priests too, because in the course of conversations through the grille of the confessional we are sometimes left speechless when faced with the absolute authority of this new existence. So this matter involves us too.

Of course, from both the economic and demographic viewpoints some solution is required for the population question. The Church is seeking a solution, and has asked doctors and other specialists throughout the world to carry out research in this field.

Such solutions are often rather abstract, since the real so­lution must be given by each one of us, and it certainly does not lie only in natural birth control (although natural family planning does represent a great step forward) but also in the development of a correct attitude toward love. The ex­pression and demonstration of love does not always mean that conception must take place. We should give careful consideration to this question and not forget it.

Our retreat brings us face to face with Christ, and we come to understand the generalline of his teachings, as re­flected on in our meditations. My dear sons, in the Gospel we see many different men in a number of different rela­tionships with Jesus. It is a sort of composite picture of hu­manity, with figures representing each one of us even today.

We find Pilate, who has a discussion with Jesus and at one point seems close to him, but all this leads simply to a general question, "What is the truth?", after which he moves away. Then there is the dissolute Herod, with whom Jesus does not speak at all. We also have Nicodemus, whom we have already mentioned and who can be taken as an ex­ample of another type of man. And we have Saul, who starts out as a cruel persecutor, and then becomes the Apos­tle Paul. In the Gospel there are also many other men to whom Jesus says, "Follow me," and whose reaction is dif­ferent from that of the rich young man. Unlike him they obey. ..and there are a great many of these, too.

My dear sons, Christ says, "Follow me," to each person, to each young man. He says, "Follow me," to each one of us. And following him means walking after him, in his foot­steps, following him with your mind, your will and the whole of yourself .

You may imagine that this means not following yourself, but that is in fact just what it does mean. This is most impor­tant for us, since each of us wants above all to follow him­self. Following Christ also means following yourself. Christ does not tear you away from yourselves. He does not dirnin­ish or nullify the personhood of any of us. He enriches us if we truly desire to join him and shoulder the responsibility we have in common with all humanity: "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations." The Kingdom of God is something which involves everybody, and this is why every man who seeks the Kingdom of God finds himself .

Amen