'Til Death Do Us Part- Part 12 Kevin's funeral was four days later. Ann and Mary hugged the minute they saw each other. Ann was horribly shooken up from the way she looked. Even Tim and Mary hugged; guess what they say is true, death brings people closer.
All of Kevin and Brian's families were in full attendance. Brian looked terrible. I suspected he hadn't been doing much of anything lately.
There'd been an announcement on MTV, VH1, and most major networks the night before. The group site, Mary's site, mtv.com, and backstreet.net had all crashed within hours because of the millions of fans trying to get on.
Mary forced herself to go in and work on her album some more before the funeral. I guess she needed to busy herself.
Even though I wasn't family, I sat with Mary, Christina, Ann, Tim, and Jerald, the immediate family. Christina's green eyes were wide during the service. Mary and the rest of Kev's family had requested a closed casket service. I hadn't seen him, so I didn't know why, but they knew best.
Then we moved to the cemetary. It was a small family plot where Kevin's dad was buried, and now Kev. I stood with Nick and Howie here. They both remained solemn, their eyes downcast, their mouths silent except for the muttering of "Amen" at the end of the prayer.
When they lowered the casket into the ground, a strong sense of finality settled over everyone. A single tear ran down Nick's cheek while Howie's eyes were red rimmed. I didn't even wanna think about me. I was observing, trying not to feel. That was very hard to do. I gave up when I felt the tears falling from my eyes.
When it was all over, the murmurs started. Hushed sympathies, quiet apologies, gentle hugs.
Mary and Brian found each other and hugged each other tightly, for a long time. Tim held Christina, who didn't seem to care, or possibly even notice, who had her. She was just watching Mary, her little face so serious and solemn.
Eventually everyone left except for Mary, Christina and me.
"I had a dream last night," Mary murmured as I stood beside her. "It scared me."
"What was it?" I asked gently.
"On the 23rd of every month, someone I loved was taken away from me until I had no one left. That's the most horrible feeling in the world."
I looked down and read the headstone.

Kevin Scott Richardson
Born: October 3, 1971
Died: October 23, 2011
Husband, father, son, brother, friend, and role model to many. The world will miss you

"C'mon, let's go home," I said softly. Mary nodded and I put my arm around her shoulders. Christina took my free hand and we left the cemetary.

We drove back down to Orlando and got back home at about seven that night. It was almost November now, in a couple days.
"You gotta go back to school on Monday, baby."
Christina pouted. "Do I have to?"
Mary nodded. "Yep."
"Okay."
"Why don't you go get ready for your bath, I'll be there in a minute."
Christina nodded and headed towards the bathroom. Mary sighed and sat down on the couch, pulling the clip from her hair.
"God, he's really gone," she muttered. "I mean, half of me still thinks this is all just some messed up dream and that I'll wake up and he'll be here. The other half of me is still trying to grasp the reality part."
I nodded. "I understand."
"Mommy?"
Mary looked up, startled, then shook her head.
"I'm coming, baby." She stood up and walked back to the bathroom, lifting her hair up off her neck, then letting it fall back down.
I sighed and took my suit jacket off, then sat down, tossing the jacket to the other side of the couch. I kicked my shoes off and pulled my tie off, tossing that on the jacket.
I propped my feet up on the coffee table and rested my head on the couch cushion, closing my eyes. Christina woke me up from my little doze a few minutes later when she climbed up onto the couch and leaned on me.
"Hey, baby girl," I murmured, putting my arm around her. "How you feelin'?"
"Okay, I guess. I miss daddy."
"I know you do, I do, too. So does your mom."
"Do you know where he went?" She looked up at me. I couldn't tell her heaven; Mary didn't believe in God, and although she didn't force that on Christina, she also didn't bring it up. Her religion or anyone else's.
So I shrugged my shoulders.
"I don't know."
"Oh. How come nobody knows?"
"No one's sure, sweetheart. Don't worry about it now. You'll understand it better when you're older."
She nodded and rested her head on my chest.
"Get your feet off that coffee table, you know they're not supposed to be up there," Mary said, walking into the livingroom and raising an eyebrow at me.
"I thought that was Kev's rule, not yours." It slipped out before I could catch it. I literally bit down, hard, on my tongue. She narrowed her eyes at me.
"Don't you dare think that just because he's gone, his rules don't still apply. Nothing changes."
The room was silent for a minute until Christina piped up.
"Yeah," she said in a small voice. I glanced down at her and she raised her eyebrows at me.
"I'm sorry, Mary."
"C'mon, Christina, you should go to bed."
"But I'm tired."
"You should be, I let you stay up late last night. C'mon."
"Okay. 'night, AJ." She hugged me and kissed my cheek.
"'night, baby," I replied, doing the same to her. Mary took her back to her room and put her to bed.
"I'm sorry," I said again when she came back out.
"I know you are."
"You're not mad?"
"I can't get mad at you. To get mad at you, my anger would have to overwhelm my sadness. If that happened, you'd have to put me away."
I smiled slightly as she kicked my feet off the coffee table.
"I don't wanna see those up there again."
"Okay."
"Good." She went into the kitchen and came back a minute later with two sodas. She handed one to me and sat down beside me, sighing.
"The world spins again tomorrow, doesn't it."
I shrugged my shoulders. "I think it could wait 'til Monday. Give you the weekend to pull yourself together."
"If only the world cared enough." She sighed again and leaned against me. I put my arm around her shoulders.
"AJ, what am I gonna do when you decide to get married? I mean, I can't expect you and your wife, whoever that may be, to live here with me and Christina."
"If I get married," I said, sighing.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know. I just can't find anyone."
"So I noticed."
"You tryin' to get rid of me?"
"No," she said quickly. "If I had my way, you'd never get married at all and just stay here with us. 'Course, that's just me." She shrugged her shoulders and I laughed slightly.
"Mary?" I said after a minute.
"What?"
"Do you miss your parents at all? I've never heard you talk about them."
She shrugged her shoulders again.
"I missed my mom more than my dad. I really don't even think about them anymore. I like it better this way. To be perfectly honest, I'm glad Christina, and the rest of you, never got to meet them, especially my dad."
"Why not?"
"She doesn't need to be exposed to that. I don't want her exposed to prejudice in the family. I want her to know that's wrong, and my dad is, or was, not the person to teach her that." She sighed again. "Of all the people I've lost in my life, I miss Kev and Tiff the most."
I squeezed her shoulders and she shook her head.
"I'm goin' to bed. You gonna be up a while?"
"Maybe."
"Make sure you turn everything off and the doors are locked."
I nodded. "I know."
"'night, AJ," she said, standing up and kissing my cheek.
"'night."
I watched her walk back to her room and heard the door click shut.
After a minute, I stood up and turned all the lights off and made sure the doors were locked, then went back to my room.
When I flipped the light on, I was surprised to see who was on my bed.
"Christina, sweetheart, what are you doing in here? You should be asleep."
She shook her head. "I can't."
"Can't sleep? Why not?" I sat down beside her on the bed. She shrugged her shoulders, a trait she'd obviously picked up from her mother.
"Bad dream?"
She shook her head.
"'fraid of the dark?"
She shook her head again. "Not really."
"Then what is it?" I sorta knew, but I wanted her to tell me.
"Are you sure daddy's never coming home?" she said softly. I nodded.
"Very sure." She analyzed stuff too much, just like both her parents.
"And you don't know where he's going?"
I shook my head. "No."
"But why did he leave?"
"I don't know."
"Was it 'cause he didn't love me and mommy anymore? Did we make him leave?"
I shook my head, surprised that she even thought that.
"No, baby, of course not. Why would you think that?"
"I heard daddy tell mommy the only reason he would have to leave is if he stopped loving us."
"That's not what happened at all. Your dad still loves you, and you should still love him."
She stared at me. "Are you really sure?"
"Yes, baby, 100 percent."
She nodded.
"Feel better now?"
She nodded again. "A little."
"Good. Let's get you back to bed."
"Can I sleep in here with you? Just tonight?"
"Don't you wanna sleep in your room, in your bed?"
She shook her head.
"Why not?"
"I'll miss daddy too much."
"Well... okay, but just tonight. This shouldn't become a nightly thing." I smiled at her and she grinned back.
"Get on in there, I gotta go change."
She nodded and crawled under the covers while I grabbed my pj pants and headed for the bathroom.
After I changed, I headed back to the bedroom. I flipped on the lamp by the bed and turned off the overhead light.
When I got into bed, Christina curled up beside me. I laughed softly.
"Comfy?" I asked. She nodded.
"Good."
"AJ?" she murmured as I reached back to turn the lamp off.
"What?"
"Can you be my daddy?"
I hesitated a minute, then turned the lamp off.
"We'll talk about that later. Go to sleep."

Part 13
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