Words of Wisdom from the Almighty Daria Herself

Hello? How's life treating you? Chances are, the answer to that question is "hell no", so I have collected many quotes and sayings from MTV's Daria. Dumped by your BF/GF? Harrased by everyone? Feel like your parents are complete boobs? Do you look in the mirror and feel like your insides are rotting out? Well, I seek to console you, friend. If you believe these divine and true sayings, none of these little, petty things will ruin your life, for you will have developed nerves of steel and complete skepticism, as you will know to become invulnerable to hurt.

**WARNING: living by these sayings often results in aloof behavior, alienating everyone around you and then you become alone and miserable.

Daria is the most HILARIOUS show I have ever seen. It first came on MTV when I was 13 and harrassed by kids in school because I had mousy brown hair and glasses. I even had a green jacket. Actually, I first came across Daria in a Beavis and Butthead comic (so I have an affinity for low-grade humor). She went to school with Beavis and Buttead (she had fun scrutinizing those bottom-feeders) where they called her "Diareah cha cha cha!" When I saw her I knew that she would be a character I could relate to. SHe wasn't really popular and I looked a lot like her.

Daria comes on MTV at the 10 spot at 10:00 Eastern Time and every weekday at 12:30 Eastern Time (although many times MTV will run its gay ass Real World marathons right through that slot. Yesterday I was all set for my daily dose of cynicism when the fucking Real World cut right into Her timeslot!! I was SO pissed since I HATE stupid Real World (this particular one featured these lesbian Mexicans) now I have nothing against Mexicans or lesbians but I didn't want to see that during Daria. I don't give a shit about these stupid college-age slackers and their petty fights and these stupid girls always saying "I really felt so sexy in my new leather pants and he thought they were really hot yeah yeah and now we're f**king irresponsibly. . ." SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! ARRRRGHH!

Back to MAIN

Quick Character Intro:

  • Daria: cynical, realisitc, intelligent
  • Jane: Daria's friend, artistic, cynical
  • Helen: Daria's mom, work-a-holic, phony
  • Jake: Daria's father, psychoneurotic, scardy-cat
  • Quinn: Daria's sister, shallow, and annoyingly cute
  • Brittany: cheerleader, ditsy, dates QB (Kevin)
  • Kevin: dumb, plays football (I'm the QB man!)
  • Sandy: President of the Fashion Club, shallow, snide
  • Stacy and Tiffany: fashion club
  • Mr Oneil: sensitive, English teacher, absent-minded
  • Mr. Dimartino: irritable, has one eye that pops out
  • Ms. Barch: man-hating science teacher, bitter

    Daria Quotes:

    "I don't have low self-esteem. I just have low esteem for everyone else." -Daria

    Daria's mom:":Doesn't this beauty just take you out of yourselves, girls?" Daria: "I'm getting a chill, so I'm going to crawl into myself for a while.

    "Forget it. I don't like kids. I didn't like kids even when I was a kid." -Daria

    "She's a winner, she couldn't be thinner, so she goes to the bathroom, and vomits up dinner." -Jane and Daria's opinion on student life

    "I can't shoot my own mother. Not with paint anyway." -Daria

    "Well, I guess I would like for my family to do something together . . . something that will really make them suffer." -Daria

  • Quinn" "Don't worry, I'll keep the house under control(?)
  • Daria: "But you'll also have to watch out for mass murderers, serial killers, torturers and. . .puppy kickers."
  • Quinn: "Mo-OO-om!

  • Daria:"Oh yeah, and E.T came and touched my belly button and made the pain go away."
  • Jane: "You have the weirdest sex dreams."

  • Jane: "Daria. You just got ten dollars off that poor girl."
  • Daria: "Yeah. . .that was wrong"
  • Jane: "Next time. . ."
  • Daria: "I'll make it twenty."

    "Dammit! It's my turn to say dammit!" -Daria

  • Daria: "Come on, do it for friendship."
  • Jane: "I have no friends. I walk alone.
  • Daria: "Do it for sisterhood. . .
  • Jane: "No."
  • Daria: "Well, will you do it for the sake that you'll get to look in people's houses and see what screwed-up tastes they have?"
  • Jane: "I'm bringing a Polaroid."

  • Mr. Dimartino: "If no one can tell me the ANSWER, then there will be a QUIZ tomorrow!" (Daria raises her hand) 'DARIA! Stop showing off!"

  • Daria: "Wow, that test was easy."

    Jane: "Yeah. I got an 80."

    D: "But you got a 96."

    Jane: "I grade on a curve."

    "Yeah. . .that would be bad. -Daria

    From the Daria Diaries:

    "I like musicians. . .they make me look motivated."

    "My parents want me to live up to my potential, so I'm careful not to let them know what it is."

    "I respect my superiors. Now if only I could find some."

    "I looked forward to the move with excitement and anticipation. Then I remembered my family was coming too."

    "People who live happily ever after are in serious denial."

    "My subconscious really wishes it were unconscious."

    "How lucky can I get. . .to have an attractive, popular, younger sister. Pass the drain cleaner please."

    Playing dress-up is normal phase of development. Sometimes the ONLY phase of development."

    "He's the BMOC. To bad he has no idea what it stands for."

    "Rah Rah Sis Boom Bah-humbug!"

    (On Role-models) "My Parents. They prove that the insane can lead productive lives."

    "Quitters never win, and a winner never quits telling you about it."

    Quotes from other characters in Daria

    "I like having low self-esteem. It makes me feel special." -Jane

    "If you wear big shoes, the rest of you looks cuter by comparison." -Sandy

    Quinn's "boyfriend":"Tuesday. . .break up with Skylar, go out with Taylor?!" Quinn:"His parents own a ski house."

    "Mom! Dad! Daria is ruining my life again! -Quinn

    "The flea market is SO romantic this time of year. The Chia Pets are in bloom." -Jane

    "But my pores are TINY!" -Quinn

  • Brittany:""Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?"
  • Kevin: "I'm right here, babe."

    Sandy: "Is Quinn prettier?

  • Tiffany: "No, Sandy, you're WAY cuter. . ." . . .later. . .
  • Quinn: "is Sandy cuter?"
  • Tiffany: "No Quinn, you're WAY cuter."

    "I have a problem with authority." -Trent

    "Well, I for one am very excited about this. I can feel myself getting into the modeling spirit. May I be excused? I need to go vomit up breakfast." -Jane

    "Shut your lying, cheating mouth!" -Ms. Barch, to all the guys

    "Wow, Daria. You did something for a guy. Guess you can join the human race after all." -Jane

    Jake (in rush hour traffic): "Go to hell, you b*st*rd! My daughter's got a rash!" Rolls down window. . . "I SAID GOT TO HELL, YOU B*ST*RD! MY DAUGHTER'S GOT A RASH!!

    "Friends don't let short-waisted friends wear hip-huggers." -Sandy

  • Mr. O'Neil: "You know what they say: A spoonfull of sugar helps the medicine go down."
  • Jane: "Not if you're diabetic