© Copyright 2008 by Charlotte Ann Zuzak

“Okay. What’s now? I’ve resigned, given them a month’s notice, told them I was done. I just hope that I performed with quality. What now? What will the rest of my life bring? Will my teaching be enough?” Chris sat in the pew reminiscing aloud and experiencing mixed feelings about resigning from her position as organist for Trinity Church. At age thirty-five she was young to be “retiring” as the parishioners phrased it. She had been organist since she had attended the university in town.

Chris worked hard to put together an income that enabled her to keep her small house after her husband died. They had stayed on in the university town after their marriage. Jim had taught in the English department. Employment at the church plus her position at the junior college and private piano students put together a liveable salary, but at the same time, it meant that she worked nonstop with little time for recreation. She didn’t know what she’d do if she had children, but somehow, with the Lord’s help, it would have worked out.

Dark-haired with big brown eyes and a slim figure she was a beautiful, young woman who attracted much attention. Her one date since Jim’s death had been a disaster and thank goodness that person had left town.

However, it was performing at the organ that was giving her much joy even though the church salary was low. The money she made from private students was substantial, but many of them were taking piano lessons just to satisfy their parents.

She looked up as the pastor walked through with one of the few applicants for her job. Obviously a college student looking for some extra money. The student sat at the organ and played hesitantly. Doug Morrison, the pastor, looked over at Chris as the student struggled and shrugged his shoulders. He smiled at the student and said, “We’ll be making a decision on Thursday. I have to hear one more applicant. Would you be able to play on Sunday if we choose you?”

The student looked panicked. “If I could practice ahead of time,” she said hesitantly, “I might be able to play this weekend. But I have to choose the music, right?”

“Yes,” said Doug. “That does go with the job. But don’t forget—someone else handles the choir and the choir music. But you will play for them. And as organist you can come in any time and practice.”

“Okay,” said the girl with a sigh. “I’ll wait to hear from you.” She shook hands, smiled and turned, walking slowly down the aisle and out the door.

Doug shook his head and sat down in the pew ahead of Chris. “I don’t know what these students are looking for, but this position is not a piece of cake. She’s forgetting that it also means playing for special services. Chris, I wish you wouldn’t quit.”

Chris shook her head. “Doug, it’s not enough money, even though I love the position and it has added so much to my life. I really do feel as if I’m losing something, but I need some time for myself. If I could give up my teaching position and live on the salary the church pays, I would. I have felt awful this past week since I’ve given you my resignation date.” She felt tears well up in her eyes and lowered her head.

Doug got up and moved to sit beside her. A dark haired young man about Chris’s age, he put his arm around her shoulder in sympathy. He knew that Chris had lost her young husband to cancer and his feelings went out to her because he had gone through the same thing with his mother, putting aside any thoughts of dating or marriage. She had insisted that he finish his seminary studies and continue with his calling while she fought the disease that riddled her body.

He mentally went through the budget of the church. While it was not that of a large church, it was rather substantial. He absent-mindedly patted Chris’s shoulder.

“Let me throw out a few ideas to the finance committee. Suppose I can come up with some extra money to put together a decent salary. Could you give up your private students? I think you should keep your college job. What if we could get someone to help you choose music? Would this help? I want to keep you. You have been so important to the church. I know you don’t have much of a social life, and I think you need one. You’ve been too closeted since Jim died.”

Chris sniffed, blew her nose and wiped her eyes. “What about yourself? You’ve been trying to run this church and looked after your mother until she died. No brothers and sisters?”

“Yes, but they figured that my position was only a Sunday situation. According to them I had a lot of spare time.”

Chris laughed bitterly. “If they only knew.”

Doug stopped beside the pew where she was sitting, hesitating as he sat down beside her. “What about my idea?”

“I don’t know. My private students will be left in the lurch.” “How so? You say that you are ready to leave the church position. You could leave the private students for awhile telling them that it could be temporary, and you would get back to them when you were able.”

Chris was strongly tempted, but the idea made her feel insecure. “Doug, I’m afraid to give up everything. I have no one to help me. My father is well-situated, but never cared for Jim and always felt that I should handle my own affairs. When Jim died my father made no move to help me. He told me to stand on my own two feet and trust no one.”

Johnnie, the custodian chose that moment to enter the sanctuary with his mop and pail to begin cleaning. He turned toward Chris. “Just want you to know, Ms. Middleton, that I really miss hearing you practice. I really enjoy cleaning when you’re around.. And I’ve been hearing the church members all talking about how much you are missed. It’s awfully quiet without you. The choir needs someone to keep them on key.” He made a little bow to her and arranged his cleaning equipment.

“Thank you, Johnny, that’s awfully nice of you to say that.”

Chris felt her eyes well up again. Doug handed her a clean handkerchief. “Come on. Let’s go to my office. Johnny, unbeknownst to him, may have delivered a message from God.”

On the way Chris thought about the possibilities of a raise. Would it be enough to give up the private students? Would the piano students care? As if he read her mind Doug spoke. “You’re trying to do too much, Chris. What do you think about my finding you a raise? Let me sit down with my budget tonight. Can I tell you tomorrow?”

She nodded, looking as if she doubted anything could work out.

“Chris,” he smiled, “You’re too wrapped up with insecurity. Everything will be okay. Let’s say a prayer.”

Chris listened as Doug prayed that she would continue to use the gift that God had given her. Let him find a way to balance the budget, to come up with funds to help her. Doug continued praying for her students, that if they were really interested in studying piano they would find another teacher letting Chris follow her own path. She had so much to offer the church.



Chris tossed and turned that night, unable to sleep. She felt as if she had cut something important out of her life. Anyone who loved music and enjoyed performing at the organ would understand. She thought about the student who had applied for her position. All it was to her was a job. Music was part of the liturgy.

The next day was Tuesday, a light day at the college, as the academic year was drawing to a close. Chris spent a great part of the day writing final exams and planned to check with Doug to see if anyone had applied for the organ job.

At four o’clock she walked in the back door just as the phone rang. Dropping her brief case she ran into the kitchen to answer.

“Hi, Chris, it’s Doug. I know this is last minute, but I’ve got a bit more work to do and will be grabbing a bite at the diner. Care to join me for dinner? I think we need to talk. If we feel everyone is eavesdropping we can come back to the parish house. How does it sound?”

“Sounds great. I have no plans. Just waiting to give finals and listen to students complain about their grades.”

He laughed. He has such a warm laugh, thought Chris. Too bad he hasn’t found a wife. He’s perfect husband and daddy material. Might be a minister but definitely has his feet on the ground. The kids in youth group really love him.

“Okay. How about six o’clock? My brain will be pushing the off button by then.”

“Is this about the organ position?” Chris asked bluntly.

“Well, yes, but also I’d just like to talk with you.”

Chris agreed to see him for dinner. She was nervous as she prepared to meet Doug, knowing that whatever he had to say would effect her future.



Doug arrived promptly at six. He was not wearing his clerical garb, but chinos, a sports jacket, and open-necked oxford cloth shirt. His outfit was complete with loafers and he looked the role of an Ivy League preppy.

The local diner was known for good home cooking and was always filled with the locals who didn’t feel like preparing a meal at home. They looked at the menu and chose. As the waitress walked away, Doug reached in the inside pocket of his jacket.

Clearing his throat he handed the paper to Chris. “I met with the head of the finance committee today. She had time this afternoon, and I had a cancellation. This is what we came up with in the way of a salary.”

Chris closed her eyes, took a breath and looked at the paper. She couldn’t believe it. The responsibilities were outlined and a substantial raise was underlined.

“I want you to know that this is based around your abilities, no one else’s,” said Doug.

“It’s more than enough,” whispered Chris. “I can do it.”

Doug’s smile made her heart flip. He really was a great guy. “We’re set then? I can tell everyone that you’re not leaving?”

“Yes, and thank you.” Chris thought she was going to cry, and wiped her hand across her eyes.

Doug looked relieved as he picked up the bill. “Let’s get out of here. I’d like to talk to you privately.”

“What? There’s more to this job?”

“Well,” he laughed, “Depends on how you look at it.”

He was quiet as he opened the car door for her and drove off toward the parish house. “How about a cup of coffee? I indulged and bought some great stuff.”

She smiled and agreed that it would top off a wonderful evening.

As they entered, he turned to her and asked “Do you like Chopin?”

“I love Chopin,” she exclaimed.

He pulled out some CDs and put one on his machine.

They listened to the music for a few minutes. Chris’s heart was pounding and Doug sat with his eyes closed concentrating on the mournful soul music that only Chopin could produce.

Finally he got up, turned off the music and sat down next to her on the sofa. He reached over and took her hand. “I’m glad that you’re not leaving. That I’ll be listening to your music at church. Everyone was very upset when you said that you were going to leave, but I think they understand that you have to make a living.”

Chris had a feeling that this wasn’t what he was trying to say.

Doug squirmed and sighed. He took a deep breath and put his arm on the back of the sofa behind Chris.

“How long has your husband been gone? I know that I didn’t come to Trinity Church while he was alive.”

Chris looked away. “Jim died five years ago. He suffered so horribly. I almost gave up on God. No human being should go through what he did.”

Doug nodded. “Have you done any dating?”

Chris’s eyes grew big as she thought about a bad situation. “I was asked out by a member of the church who has since left. I won’t spell out the nightmare that date was. Let me say that some other members saw us that night and came to my rescue.”

“How awful! Did this put you completely off dating?”

“I haven’t gone out with anyone since then. My music and a good book have been my dates.”

“I’ve been pretty well wrapped up with church business since I’ve been here, but I could use a bit of a social life. I’m thirty-five and my family thinks a married pastor with a family is needed here. I moved my mother here when she became ill and was tending to her as well as my position. I’m finally able to do some things I want to when I ever get any time off.

Doug looked at her. “You were widowed at a young age. Have you thought about getting married again?”

“Yes, and I’m young enough that it could happen. However, I also want to be able to work at my own interests.”

“I can understand. Some of the church, members don’t. In a situation such as mine, they think that the wife is an extension of the cleric. She shouldn’t have to be.”

Doug stood up and started to pace. “Okay. Let me just say it. Chris, I’d like to take you out. See you on a dating basis. I’m very fond of you, but will pull back if you feel that I’m coming on too strong. All you have to do is speak up.” He sat beside her, put his arms around her and brought his lips to hers.

Chris felt a warmth that had been absent for a long time. To have him as a personal presence in her life was a comfortable thought. Maybe the presence of Doug in her personal life and helping him at church was what she needed.

“Doug, I’ve enjoyed being with you tonight. Please give me some time. I’d really like to go out with you.”

“Chris, I’ve admired you so much, and I guess I’ve secretly had feelings for you. I like your perfume, that blue dress you wear, how you look when you’re playing. Oh! I forgot one thing. One big thing. I have written up a piece to put into the church bulletin and local newspaper about your giving up private students. As it is, a couple of college students have come forward who need the money and will give piano lessons. I realize this was pretty nervy, but the article only goes in if you accept the organ position and want to take a sabbatical from your private students. Don’t give up your position at the college. I hope I don’t sound as if I’m planning the rest of your life!”

Chris laughed at the wistful, little boy expression on his face. He was so comfortable to be with.

“The salary is great and I feel as if a load has been lifted from my shoulders now that others want to help with my private students. It will give the music majors some teaching experience.”

“And us?” He reached over and took her in his arms. She didn’t pull back. “Maybe you’re not ready to date. I’ll understand. But I want you to know how I feel about you and that I’ll wait. I didn’t straighten out the organ position only because I’m interested in you, I want it to draw a good musician if we need to change at any time.”

Chris paused in a moment of confusion...

“What Jim and I had was one thing, it was beautiful. But it’s over, unfortunately too soon. I wouldn’t date if I was to keep comparing the new man in my life with Jim, but I feel that now it won’t happen.”

The grin on Doug’s face was a lamp being turned on. “I suggest that we do our dating out of town for awhile. You know how these little old ladies love to gossip. And neither one of us needs to offer an explanation about our being together.”

“They just like making up a good love story,” laughed Chris.



A month later Chris was in the church office one morning listening to a frustrated Lydia, the church secretary, talking to someone on the phone.

“Just a minute, Jenny, our organist just walked in. She’s the one you need to talk to.”

“She handed the receiver to Chris with a sigh. “You know that funeral on Friday? Jenny Davenport’s niece wants to sing the song that was done at Mr. Steven’s funeral last month. She is the grand niece of the woman who died.” She rolled her eyes.

Chris took a breath and smiled, hoping it carried over to her voice. “Hi, Jenny. What version of the song does she want to do? Jenny, there are several versions. Uh huh. What key does she sing in? You don’t know. Tell her to bring her music and come an hour before the funeral. No, half an hour won’t work. We want some quiet time before the funeral actually begins. What do you mean she doesn’t have music? I see. You’re saying that she usually does it a capella but thought it would be nice to use an organ. I don’t know if we have a copy. I’ll look. Yes, Jenny. I want her to come early. ‘Bye now. See you Friday.”

“Oh!” moaned Chris as she hung up. “Some things never change for an organist. Doesn’t it seem logical that a singer would bring his or her music? We do have a music budget, don’t we?”

Doug wandered into the office at that moment. He grinned. “What do you want? Miracles?”

“Sometimes an organist needs a few. I must love this job to stay with it.”

“Do you love the pastor?” Doug wiggled his eyebrows.

“He’s definitely become part of my life. And I do love playing the organ.”

“Now I feel as if I’m being compared to a piece of furniture,” he moaned.

Lydia smiled and shook her head as her pastor and organist openly expressed feelings for each other. She hoped that eventually she’d be working for both of them.






HEY! and don't forget to e-mail Charlotte Ann Zuzak if you have a comment!


zuz@zoominternet.net

Author's Note: Charlotte has a bachelor’s degree from Albion College and a master’s from the University of Michigan, both in foreign languages.

Charlotte’s poetry and short stories have been published in Shadow Poetry, Bell’s Letters Poet, The Storyteller, Art With Words, Poets’ Podium (Canada) and several other journals. She won the Lake Ontario Writers’ Award in September of 2007 for her poem Buzz of an Idea. She is a member of the Federation of Canadian Poets and her work has appeared on their website.

She travels extensively and in 2007 spent the summer in France In September she spent time in Sardinia and Corsica, returning to France in October. In 2008 she hopes to spend time in Ireland.

Charlotte and her husband, a retired university dean, have a daughter who is a medical doctor.





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