Chapter 4

© Copyright 2006 by Elizabeth Delayne

arter sat on the dark stairs where he was sure Dave couldn’t see him. His brother sat in the faded blue recliner that had been their father’s and stared at the fireplace as the gas flames gently licked against the fake logs. The only other light was from the Christmas tree, as the lights danced around.

His Bible lay across his lap, but he wasn’t reading it. He was just staring thoughtfully into the fire.

He looked so much older now. The responsibility seemed to rest on his shoulders, in his eyes. He seemed more serious at times, more ... reserved.

He was older than the rest of them. Six years Gracie’s senior, and over twice that Carter’s own. It was hard to remember that Dave was only his half brother. He’d come with his father, brought into the marriage from the first day.

It was hard to believe that a set family going into his marriage would bother him, or at least, keep him from getting married.

But maybe it did. They hadn’t made it easy on him or Noel.

How many times over the last few months had Carter yelled at his brother, stormed away? How many times, Carter wondered, had he yelled at Noel?

Had he been the one to push them apart?

As the car lights moved across the living room, Dave looked to the clock and slowly got up. He set his Bible aside, stretched, and slowly ambled toward the door.

He didn’t rush.

You’re supposed to go out to see her, Carter wanted to scream, but he didn’t. Instead, he stood and carefully walked down the steps as Dave stepped outside.

Dave stopped on the porch, and waited for Becca. Instead of going to the car as Carter had hoped, he stayed put, and made just enough effort to ruffle Becca’s cap–not looking at the car until the last moment. Then he turned, stared sadly out at the car and finally lifted a hand.

No smile. No thankfulness.

As Becca stepped passed him, she sadly shook her head. Carter groaned inwardly. He wanted to shout at all three of them.

Don’t let her go. Please don’t let Noel go…

Because losing someone hurt like mad. It cut a gaping hole in your heart. Carter knew it … and he knew that Dave had felt it too.

But Dave simply turned and stepped inside. Noel drove off as he shut the door, and he turned his eyes on Carter.

For a moment the two brothers just looked at each other, both a little lost and alone. Suddenly, he remembered what it had been like that day. Noel had picked him and Becca up from school. She drove them to the hospital where they waited. They knew so little. Their father had died instantly, but his mother...his mother had held on, and they thought she would make it.

Dave and Gracie had already lost their natural mother and then they lost their father; but they stayed, waited, hoped and prayed for the woman who became their mother by choice.

When it was all over, Dave came home with them. He walked Noel to her car and came in, much like this. Carter had stopped and waited, not knowing what to say, if there would ever be anything to say again.

It all flashed, like the dazzling display of twinkling lights—flashes of memories, flashes of light and dark.

It all happened so fast.

Now he had to save it. He had to save Noel. He just didn’t know how.

“I think it’s time I tagged in.”

Carter turned and saw Pops standing behind him on the stairs. He stepped down, around Carter, and nodded toward the kitchen. “Why don’t you join me?”

Dave looked toward Carter, then reluctantly headed into the kitchen.

Pops turned, pointed a finger. “You too. This was your idea,” he whispered.

Carter reluctantly followed.

What had been bravado hours ago had been swallowed up by grief. He watched as Dave sat down and was followed by his grandfather. He took a chair beside Pops and sat back.

He stared at Dave.

Please.

He wanted to weep.

As silence fell, Carter turned to watch his grandfather. Pops leaned back, worried thoughtfully over his words. “I don’t normally get involved in other people’s affairs.”

”And who was wrapping presents all evening?” Dave smarted back, as if he knew what the game had been.

Pops shrugged. “As I said, I don’t normally get involved in someone else’s affairs ... but there was one other time someone dear to me needed some advice–advice he didn’t want.”

“I don’t have to hear this–“

Dave started to push back. The look in his grandfather’s eyes must have stopped him. Carter watched, his breath held. He saw defiance, anger and turmoil.

“Sit down, David. I knew how to get your father to listen. You’re going to listen to me now,” as David sat back down in his chair, Pops continued, “You both know that your father had cancer as a boy. God worked a miracle in his life. He graduated high school, went off to college, and met your mom.”

He turned to Carter. “Dave’s mom was full of life and energy. She had goals and plans and would move in one streamlined direction. Dave got that sense of direction from her, but his father, it took him awhile sometimes to get some sense knocked into him—and maybe Dave inherited that as well.”

“You’re pushing it,” Dave muttered.

“I’m you’re grandfather,” Pops reminded him. “In any case, your father was head over heals in love with her, and he broke things off because he was afraid. He was afraid of the cancer returning.”

Pops looked back at Dave. “He came home that Christmas, heartbroken. He would take long walks. He’d been one to enjoy life, to take such joy in simple things. Since being isolated in the hospital, he just seemed to have vigor...not to work endlessly, but to work for, to work toward something, a sense of life and living. Both your parents had that in common.”

Dave stared off in the distance, his eyes seeming to be looking at something far away.

“Suddenly he seemed sad, like he lost his way. I finally sat him down, got it out of him. He said that he didn’t want to put her through losing him. He wasn’t sure what days he had. He said that he could never really see himself as an old man, he doubted he would live so long.”

Dave frowned as he looked down at his hands, “And she died first.”

“So very young.”

“The cancer never came back. It didn’t take his life. God performed a miracle in my boy. He gave me the seven best grandchildren. He showed me what it meant to be strong. There were so many blessings. So many hard times. And so much strength from God.”

But he still died–Carter nearly screamed, nearly wept. God didn’t take just one–he took both his parents.

They still died.

And yet, they lived.

He heard the voice inside of him–but he’d been looking at his grandfather. It hadn’t come from him. He suddenly had a picture of his father, standing in the fall sunshine, looking up at the blue sky.

He wasn’t sure what days he had and yet he lived.

The emotions were boiling inside. Dave pushed back from the table, left them alone. He didn’t go after Noel. He just went upstairs.

Pops reached out a hand, put it to Carter’s arm.

And he wept.






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