Chapter 21

© Copyright 2011 by Elizabeth Delayne





Cameron stood outside the RV staring at the grounds of Yellowstone beyond the campground. He was restless, suddenly tired of nature and longing for the hard concrete of the city. Words and phrases ran continuously through his mind. Earth ... glory, righteous, justice, fear.

Desolation, exalted, fear.

He told himself it was just a list of words, but something about them, something about their meanings, all scrambled together, put him on edge.

He’d just wanted to do a search. Couldn’t it have been that straightforward? Not to mention, an uncomplicated way to impress a girl? He’d been an A student in school—smart enough to balance getting into trouble with staying out of it. He knew how to research.

And he’d used his brains to impress a girl before. It was usually pretty simple—if not plain obvious.

He’d found a site to look up those things, typed in all kinds of words until it finally gave himself something back with earth, but as he read through, he felt his mind circling over all of the images and words.

It was the first and last time he would help anyone with the Bible. He wasn’t even sure why he’d done it. For a girl? He hadn’t really thought about it, he’d just wanted ...

Something. He wasn’t even sure what he wanted from or for Felicity. There were just moments when she seemed so sad. When she seemed chained to her sadness.

Like joy ... and glory over all the earth. That he understood. That was freedom.

But not wrath and destruction. Not bound and possession.

He didn’t like to feel chained to anything.

He couldn’t forget the words earth has nothing I desire besides you. It made him laugh. He desired a lot, and he wouldn’t call any of it godly.

Worth it, more likely.

He didn’t understand it, didn’t understand Felicity’s fascination with it. Who would put such words together, wonder and fear, justice and desolation? Didn’t justice fight against desolation? Wasn’t that the purpose?

No more.

This whole thing, the experience of it, was just a game. Maybe some saw it as a chance at fame, and others maybe as a chance to find the perfect someone. For him—he saw the prizes. He’d come on this show as a contestant. Not like George, to study. Or like Jamie and Tyler along for the ride.

He had a purpose.

It was a competition, a trip on an extended game show.

From now on, he would focus on his strengths.

And a friendship with Felicity would have to fall within the boundary of that game.



They filmed around Yellowstone, looking at animals, nature, talking about anything and everything that came to mind. Tyler talked more of Frank, resisted the normally natural need to touch as he talked—at least when he was with Jamie—and simply tried to simply enjoy her presence. Parts of it were easy.

But it would have been nice to have reached for her hand, brush the hair away from her face. Normally, simple acts. Since coming on the show it was something he noticed about himself, though he was unsure if it had been so easy before. Maybe something had opened up inside of him. He needed to connect with people, he needed to touch. Hugs came easy. The touch of a hand to another hand was necessary. It was human.

He resented the camera’s intrusion more than he had in years.

Finally, after a team picnic with the ranger who had taken them on the trail, they climbed on the RV. The sun was setting, for a moment the camera caught him as he stared out over the park, but he didn’t notice it.

Nor did the camera, or cameraman pick up on the thoughts behind his eyes as he enjoyed being in the presence of God.

It was—as he’d thought a thousand times since arriving at Yellowstone—simply breathtaking.



They turned all the lights off and under the filming of two camera men that were pressed in around them, they set up their board on the opposite sofa. Thessa sat on the floor, turned on the light.

“It’s not a message.”

“A picture?” Jamie said.

“A map,” George noted. He reached down, adjusted the light and ran it back and forth slowly. Streets, interstate.”

“There’s an airport symbol,” Felicity said. “Probably one of our own cities.”

Jamie slid down on the floor and leaned in close. She put her hand over the airport and traced down.

“You got something?” Tyler asked.

“It’s going to be a city. Interstates running here and here ... smaller than Chicago, my guess.”

“Most cities are smaller than Chicago,” Cameron pointed out.

Thessa scooted in on the other side and mirrored Jamie’s idea. She touched the airport, then traced one of the roads that circled. “San Antonio,” she said. “Interstate 410, 10. Airforce base locations here and here. Riverwalk. Airport.”

“So we need to send Bob to San Antonio. Anything that tells us where?” George asked.

“Move the light slowly back and forth from top to bottom,” Tyler leaned over a little further.

“The Alamo,” Thessa leaned back. “Where else more obvious are you going to go in San Antonio?”



“They’re really adding to our frequent RV miles,” George said as he sat across from Jamie with a map between them. He was highlighting the places they went, where they stopped, and the roads they traveled. He’d made notations on the map, using numbers that were referenced in his journal. She knew he kept detailed records of what happened, who said what and when things were done.

It would be useful for later, he said, both with his research and with the game itself. He would analyze it later against the show itself, after his own memories had settled and he documented it away from the journey.

His own memories, vs. his recorded memories, vs. the story the producers made out of the convoluted days, experiences and conversations.

It made Jamie wonder what it said about a life ... that you could shape your own memories.

She’d made choices, to stay with her grandmother when she could have returned to Chicago. She’d pushed back feelings and emotions, and in the process memories.

It was something, in general, she brought up with George. He was interested in her upbringing, being raised by her mother and father just on the edge of inner city Chicago, and later—almost raising her grandmother herself.

More than just a companion—it had aged her a little.

Shaking off the questions of her life she didn’t—or wouldn’t—face, Jamie traced the route with a finger. She followed it, even as she considered how her own route had been shaped. “The theme must be Zig zag up and down across the United States.”

“It would have been easier to head over from the Grand Canyon.”

“We would have missed Yellowstone.”

“Still missed my Grizzly Bear.”

Jamie laughed as she saw the genuine sadness flash in his eyes. “You and Cameron. What would you have done, Mr. University Professor, if you had seen a Grizzly Bear?”

George shook his head. “Not told my wife, she’d have the same tone with me. George, she’d say ....”



Felicity slid down from her bunk and as the RV moved forward she stopped, gained her highway legs. Cameron was playing with one of the gaming systems. He didn’t look toward her, but she didn’t really expect them to. He’d seemed distant since leaving Yellowstone, but she understood the need to step back. She told herself not to think about it.

So she didn’t—wouldn’t—press herself on him. She spotted Tyler, sitting alone. Felicity walked over and dropped down at his side. He glanced over at her. He was brooding, he knew it, and he was too ... tired to fight it.

“You’re scowling,” she said.

“What?”

“At Jamie and George,” she looked pointedly at him. “You’re scowling. Jealous or something?”

He shook his head. “Maybe I am. She’s started to avoid me. Conversations limited to friendly, but less than a minute. I think she times them.”

“And maybe she’s not avoiding you. Maybe she’s just not as tuned into you as you are to her.” She stopped herself from glancing at the camera. “You could catch her a break.”

“I haven’t done anything.”

“You’ve pressed her. Not intentionally, but you’ve got these,” she held up her hands and emphasized her word with a pair of air quotes, “I’m attracted to you vibes that just radiate out something fierce.”

He shook his head and held back most of the laugh that wanted to escape. So Felicity was comparing him to something almost nuclear. “Radiation. That’s a first.”

“You’ve only known each other a couple of weeks,” she reminded him. “It seems like more than that, but it’s not. It’s just a handful. She’s not ready to be pressed. Unlike you, she doesn’t live this show. She’s not used to it. She’s not going to air her dirty laundry out there like the rest of us. Or some of us.”

“If that was all the dirty laundry you had, then you’re better than the rest of us,” he sighed. Jamie was a very private person, but so was he about certain areas of his life. He wouldn’t have come back on the show if those areas weren’t protected, and thinking about it, acknowledging that part of his past only deepened the scowl.

But Felicity was right. It wasn’t so much that Jamie was avoiding him, but the he was—he had–tuned himself into her.

“You want some help?” Felicity asked.

He shook of the thoughts and focused on Felicity. Maybe she’d lost part of herself when her mother died, but it was there—it had pushed her to come on the show. It pushed her now, he could see it. The easy love, the desire for adventure.

She was just so cute, he thought, in that little sister—if he’d had a little sister—kind of way.

“And what kind of help could you give me?”

“A good bit. Jamie and I had a long talk on our little hike.”

He frowned in surprise. “And you talked about me? She ... talked about me to you on camera. That’s—”

“What girls are for. I did most of the talking. You’re used to this, Tyler. The rest of us aren’t.” Felicity pointed out. “Your moves are good for the real world, and though she would resist you for the sake of doing so, you could probably weaken her knees in a moment with the right move and the right smile,” she laughed when he adjusted his smile.

“Yeah—like that. But you have to remember that this is a manipulated, recorded world. She has a right to be wary—cautious. We all feel a little used. We find the pieces we’re told to go get and we want to see them ... then oh, wait, we have to film other stuff first. And hey–take a shower and clean up while you’re at it. Wake up here, go here. Wear what you wore two days ago, and we cleaned it for you. Wait, stop. Tell us this, do that—even though we know it will all be cut, spliced, revamped into something completely different than any reality we know.”

He chuckled and shook his head, then sighed. He knew that world. It had been his world for to long. The only difference is, he didn’t really pay attention to the product itself. He wasn’t sure he ever had.

But maybe he should have. If he was even thinking about entering the real world again, taking on a job, getting out of this business, maybe he should care a little bit more.

But either way, when the show ended Jamie was going to go home and that ... would be that.

“So I just avoid her?”

“No,” Felicity rolled her eyes. “Just rewind your steps a bit. It was working for awhile. Be her friend. Let her fall a little harder for you. Then she won’t be able to resist. Ah ... she knows about, you know. When you broke up with your girlfriend on the show ... and about Samantha. Nobody wanted you with Samantha, though.”

He frowned and glanced over at Jamie then back. “She doesn’t even watch the show. Did her grandmother warn her about me?”

“I think her grandmother would set you up with her, if she could. According to Jamie, you’re her grandmother’s fave.”

“For the record, I didn’t even want the relationship with Samantha. It was a momentary laps in judgement ...”

“But it still happened. I’d like to point out she could have found out on her own. It’s on the message board. But I sort of told her,” at his pointed look she held up her hands and managed to keep her near whisper. “Because ... I understand her reasoning. I understand that’s what she’s afraid of. I’ve already been made to look the fool on camera because of a guy. On this show. Not long ago.”

He sighed.

Felicity stood, touched a hand to his shoulder. “Personally, I’m rooting for you.”

He reached over, put his hand on top of hers. “When did you get to be so wise?”

“Because I’m rooting fo you?”

“Because you opened this up for me. I wasn’t seeing it right.”

Felicity shrugged. “You’re just seeing the real me now,” she said cheekily.

“I like the real you.”



Tyler took Felicity’s words to heart, he backed off, analyzed his approach, and tried to work out his game. He joined George for a discussion over their latest book, played games with Cameron on the computer, pulled out the cards and challenged Felicity to a game of gin. He took a nap. Talked to Thessa about her boyfriend.

But for Jamie, he pulled out a secret weapon.

Standing at the counter of the RV’s tiny kitchenette, he took out ingredients he’d stocked in the refrigerator and cabinets. A bowl. Flour. Wooden spoon. Chocolate chips, nuts. And everything else he needed.

He timed it just right. He knew Jamie couldn’t sit still for to long. She was too used to being on her feet. Like clockwork, as she finished another chapter, she closed her book and stood up, stretching a little. Seeing him at the stove, she wondered over when he started to stir. “You’re baking cookies while we’re on the innerstate? Driving?”

“Why not? I’m not driving.”

She shook her head. “Just surprised, that’s all.”

“That I can cook?”

“No ...” she said, leaning against the counter. “But that someone is. No one’s used this stove since we started.”

“Lealia, one of my teammates two ... three seasons ago, used to make these all the time,” he added the last of the last egg, dumped it in his trash bowl. “They’re sticky, pretty easy to make on the roll ...”

He finished stirring and tapped the wooden spoon on the side of the bowl. He opened a drawer, pulled out a clean spoon, and dipped it in for a sample, before handing it to her. He let her take it, let her sample it, and turned his attention back to the bowl.

It was intentional. Give her space. Move in just a little. Back off.

And reel her in. He could only hope that would be the eventual result.

“It’s good.”

He smiled. “Wait until these are baked.”

George walked over, watched as Tyler dropped the individual balls of dough onto the small cookie sheet. “We should stop, get some ice cream.”

“Got some in the freezer.”

“You’re prepared,” George said.

“You have to be prepared for some things.”

He opened the small oven, slid in the cookies, then pulled out the plastic wrap and covered the rest of the cookie dough. Jamie had moved to wash the spoon and set it in the drain.

As he walked back over to the television, he caught Felicity’s eye, and winked.


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