Chapter 6

© Copyright 2006 by Elizabeth Delayne

Sitting silently beside Rod, Joanna stared at the grassy field of the golf course, not really seeing anything particular.

“The divorce was just the end of a very long road, but their was something final, something harsh to it,” her voice was soft. “When mom and dad split up, I wanted it to be their fault, but I hadn’t been home to stop it, not that I could have—stopped it, I mean. I felt like the biggest failure. I couldn’t do anything right, for myself—but I guess that was in my eyes. I know it was and I told myself it was, but ...”

“After college, I couldn’t go home. I told you that. I went around from job to job and did things like hiking ... that all together could amount to a time of self-search. And after Bethany ... after her death, I was alone in that old house and I couldn’t ... it was so hard. I wanted to hold onto the past. Hold onto her. And I couldn’t let go of the hurt my parents caused me. I ... I realized then that I couldn’t control how my parent’s felt, but that didn’t erase the hurt completely ...

“I never thought about the divorce, because it wasn’t the issue. For awhile I blamed myself. I wasn’t there. I refused to go home. I never intended to go back. I must have I made myself not think about it ...”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“I know that ... now,” Joanna turned and looked at Rod with a weak smile. “I’ve seen students at school ripped apart by their parent’s selfishness and I guess that’s helped me heal—being able to help and watch them start to heal.”

“Are you okay?”

Joanna swallowed back the tears and looked at him, “I am ... I think. Are you ...” she thought about her words carefully. “Are you okay with me?”

Rod smiled tenderly and released her hand only to wrap his arms around her and pull her close.

“Joanna,” his voice was soft, but self assured, “there’s nothing that you’ve told me that could make me care less or,” his lips brushed against the top of her head, “make me less proud of you. You triumphed. That’s what I like—you.”

Relishing in his comfort, Joanna leaned close, his strong heart-beat beneath her left ear. For the moment she pushed all the doubts away.

I could stay here forever ...

“I wish you didn’t live so far away,” he whispered after awhile and Joanna smiled, her cheek pressed gently against his chest, having already thought the same thing more than once.

“I’ll be back next week,” she leaned back just enough to meet his eyes, “that is ... if you want me—”

Rod squeezed her against him and she laughed in delight as he held her in a tight hug before he let her go. A smile, just slightly boyish enough to make Joanna’s heart skip a beat, appeared on his lips.

“Want you to come?” He asked in a loud voice. “I think I might break my vow of staying away from Glendale and head back on a long vacation.”

Joanna laughed, “I know I’m special if you’re that desperate.”

“Don’t tempt me,” Rod whispered leaning close and kissing her nose lightly. “Who knows what I might do. You might find yourself kidnaped and swooped off to ... to Mongolia or some other far off place where we could hide out for the rest of our lives ... alone.”

For a moment, Joanna took off in his silliness. “Mongolia, eh? Doesn’t sound like a half a bad idea,” she looked at him mischievously. “Sounds pretty good when I think about all my problems here. Maybe I should take the year off and go there to do some more soul-searching. Live like a hermit in the far back wilderness or something. That always appealed to me.”

A place where her family would never tell her what to do, or object when she made decisions without consulting them. Now that was appealing.

“I wouldn’t let you,” Rod argued fiercely, his eyes bright with a strange twinkling. “What have we been talking about? Running away from me won’t help anything—”

“Oh really?” Joanna jumped up in a challenge, her eyes glittering, “I’ll race you back to the house. We’ll see what that does for your ego.”

“Hey!” Rod called after her, glad to see that the sadness had worn itself away, “You’re leaving me to carry all this stuff back alone.”

Rod chased after her, and beat her to the door by several seconds. They both leaned against the rough brick breathing heavily, before heading back to the gather their lunch materials. Halfway there Rod stopped and pulled her close, kissing her.

Saying goodbye to Rod when he left not an hour later was harder for Joanna than she had anticipated. Rod Kirkland had stormed back into her life, and this time the brunt of his full-throttle invasion was knocking her head over heals.

* * *

The windows were dark, the faded curtains were still. Nothing waited to be picked off the porch. The door stuck a little, like always, when she turned the key in the knob.

There was no one to open the door for her.

The living room was just as clean as she had left it. There was no one there to mess up. For several years she had told herself to get a dog, but never really felt a desire to take care of one.

Now she felt as if she needed something ... something to fill up the deadening quiet of the house. Something to fill up the desire to run back to Dallas.

Before going to the phone to call Rod, she turned on her stereo and slipped in a CD. Her home felt less empty with the music playing ... and so did she ... but only slightly.

Oh, Rod. What have you done to me?

She heard her name called, then the footsteps on her porch. The door flew open unexpectedly.

“Joanna!” Kelly Stark from next door stood in at the threshold, panic in her amber eyes. The 17 year old looked pale. “Joanna! You’ve got to come quick. Something’s wrong with mom.”


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