Fall TV '99 . . . Let's Get Ready to Cancel!
by Andy Moseley - reprinted with permission from the October 1999 Mariners' Log
It's October, which can only mean a few things. For one, the weather has finally decided to start cooling off. It's also time to go out and buy Halloween candy and a costume. (You are never too old to trick or treat - and you have my permission to say so!) The Braves are hopefully winning the World Series for the first time since 1995. Along with those, the thing I look forward to the most in October is all of the new fall TV shows. The story is always the same: maybe a dozen are hits, and the rest are gone within five episodes. Just look at 1998's statistics. Only 10 shows are back; 27 didn't make the cut. Fall 1999 brings us over 30 new shows. Which ones will still be around when the nest issue of the paper comes out?
As usual, there are plenty of new comedies. I tried out an episode of Grown Ups on UPN's Monday line-up, and it didn't appeal to me at all. Just because it stars Jaleel "Urkel" White doesn't mean we have another Family Matters on our hands. On the plus side, though, the show is much more color-blind than other shows. UPN also will try out Shasta McNasty on Tuesdays, which looks to be nothing more than a live action South Park minus the language. Take a scene from the pilot episode - a clearly fake parrot ends up mutilated and Verne "Mini Me" Troyer is used for bowling. ABC's Oh Grow Up looks to be hilarious in the corny, sarcastic way that only wacky people like yours truly can really understand. Any show that has a dog named Mom who barks with subtitles can’t be all bad. I also found Action on FOX to be a great show. It's definitely not for everyone as it pushes every envelope it can find with its language and sex. The WB hopes to cash in on the animation craze with its Friday night series Mission Hill. It isn't on FOX, which could be a downfall for the show, but the main character is named Andy, so I like it already. Some other comedies debuting which I don't think will last long include Malcolm in the Middle (FOX), The Parkers (UPN), Ladies Man and Work With Me (both on CBS), Popular (WB - every episode includes a big musical number . . . um, if you say so), Then Came You (ABC), Stark Raving Mad, The Mike O'Malley Show, and Cold Feet (three strikes against NBC).
Shows like Dawson's Creek and Felicity have shown that young adult viewers love high school/college romance-dramas. Capitalizing on that popularity, the networks are going with more versions of these shows, which could either make or break this genre. NBC's Freaks and Geeks is the only show out of the whole lot that doesn't use the “I’m-a cheerleader/jock-I’m beautiful-to-look-at” approach to casting; instead it is a show about geeks and nerds. This show just might appeal to the adults who have been there as well as to the teen audience. (But I question whether there even is a teen audience at 8 p.m. on Saturday nights.) FOX has Time of Your Life, a spinoff from Party of Five that features Jennifer Love Hewitt's character Sarah. If nothing else, it will draw in guys who have nothing better to do than tune in to see Hewitt. Other teen offerings include Roswell (the WB), Manchester Prep (FOX), and Odd Man Out (ABC).
Adult dramas and romantic shows fill out the remainder of the new fall schedule. I personally thing Snoops on ABC's Sunday schedule will fare okay in the ratings. Charlie's Angels worked in the old days; why not in 1999? The West Wing is NBC's White House drama that stars Rob Lowe, among others. This is just like the White House we know and love, full of scandals. Safe Harbor on the WB didn't really impress me; it reminded me too much of 7th Heaven. I was impressed by ABC's Once and Again. The teenagers actually act like typical teens, and the stars have great chemistry. But ABC’s schedulers don’t seem much brighter than NBC’s. Why schedule such a good show in the spot that NYPD Blue is taking over in November? Get Real on FOX could go either way. The parents have financial pains, and the kids are full of hormones - unoriginal, but familiar. Maybe one or two of the others will survive: Third Watch (NBC), Jack & Jill and Angel (WB), Love & Money (CBS’s idea of what we want, just one more opposites-attract show - as if we can never have too many of those, right?), Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Family Law, Judging Amy, and Now and Again (CBS), The Strip (UPN), Wasteland (ABC), and The Badland and Harsh Realm (FOX).
There's always one show that fits into every category, depending on what time you tune in. Such a show has comedy, drama, violence, and even romance. In this case, it also has guys who wear socks on their hands. That's right, the World Wrestling Federation has come back to network television. WWF superstars such as The Rock, Chris "Y2J" Jericho, and Jerry "The King" Lawler (a candidate for mayor in Memphis) will invade UPN on Thursdays. Of course it's fake; it's entertainment at its finest.
Somehow, even with all the new shows, there is room in the fall line-ups for everybody’s favorites. Hits like Friends, Frasier, The Drew Carey Show, The Simpsons, and Dharma & Greg are back for another season. Also back and seemingly going for a monopoly are news magazines. Between 60 Minutes, Dateline NBC, 48 Hours, and 20/20, there are 13 hours of these shows - and that doesn’t include the Barbara Walters specials and one or two other extras that preempt regular programming nearly every week. And if you want to watch news around the clock, there's always CNN, Headline News, and FOX News.
Let's not forget cable, as it will bring in many new prime-time shows. The Food Network's Doorknock Dinners features chefs who visit unsuspecting viewers at home and fix up a gourmet feast. Maybe they'll drop by my house. Ben Stein will host Turn Ben Stein On, his very own talk show sure to be hilarious on Comedy Central. TBS will try out The New Ripley's Believe It or Not, as correspondents search for the bizarre. Battle Dome, a rougher and tougher version of American Gladiators, will air in syndication. And for the audience who favors non-stop sports entertainment, TNN has sandwiched the ultra-violent ECW Wrestling between Monster Truck Madness and Roller Jam.
In my opinion, it looks as if the best of the new season will be the special-event programming. Teeny-boppers will enjoy Disney's presentation of Britney Spears and Joey McIntyre (yes, the New Kids on the Block are slowly returning) in concert. To counter, CBS has Celine Dion, Shania Twain, and Ricky Martin (yes, he'll be performing "Livin' La Vida Loca") on three consecutive days on Thanksgiving weekend. CBS will help celebrate Charlie Brown's 50th anniversary on a date to be announced. Chances are, Lucy will place the football and remove it just as Charlie Brown goes to kick it. After 50 years, wouldn’t you think he would catch on? Oh well. In a special on October 24, MTV will continue to talk to kids about violence in its "Fight for Your Rights" campaign.
If you have afternoon classes, maybe you are into the ultra-late night or early a.m. programming. There’s plenty of craziness during those hours, too. CBS is challenging Today by having Bryant Gumbel host The Early Show. Want to know who gets the house and who gets the minivan? No, that’s not a Hollywood Squares question. Better - Divorce Court has hit syndication. These shows are always fun to watch. And here's something you don't see on TV every day: blind dates from beginning to end. If you just can’t get enough of The Dating Game, Blind Date in syndication will follow couples on their blind dates from beginning to very happy or sad end. If you are not a speed reader, you know it’s hard to read the whole National Enquirer while standing in the grocery-store checkout line. Not to worry, it's coming to TV with syndication's National Enquirer TV. Find out when the world is going to end, how much weight Oprah has put on or taken off this month, and anything else they can scoop up. After all, inquiring minds want to know. Bring your tissues and your Deal-a-Meal, because Richard Simmons is movin' on up from info-mercials. Yes, either your biggest dream or worst nightmare has come true; he's going to be sweating to the oldies on syndication. Every day, the king of weight loss will help six to eight lucky people get their lives back in order.
What shows do you think will be hits? What shows are going to be bombs? Disagree with my thoughts on a show? Just want to say hello? E-mail me at andy1278@hotmail.com or visit me at Andy Online and let your voice be heard. I'll appreciate each and every message, and I'll reply with my thanks. If you've finished your studying, head over to the nearest TV and get to watching! The networks thank you.
