It seems you can't go to any movie-related site these days without reading a review where someone's trashing something you love. A common experience of mine is to see a movie opening night, walk out thinking it was one of the best things I'd ever seen, and then read 3 days later how big a flop it was. How it was so terrible and everybody hated it. I can't help but wonder if the reason so many movies get a bad reputation is because everybody listened to those few who were the first to say the movies sucked, and never bothered to try it for themselves. I'm no critic, I'm just a movie fan. I can tell when somebody's trying to make a buck and when they're seriously attempting to be entertaining. To me, the worst thing a movie can do is be boring. Other than that, I'm usually easy to please. I know what I like and what I don't, and so I most always come out satisfied when it comes to Hollywood movies. So, here is the beginning of a never-ending list of movies that everyone hated, but I loved... Am I alone? Let me know if you're with me!
CALIGULA
WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT IT-What's not to like? This movie has hardcore sex scenes, mass beheadings, and fisting to name a few highlights. Perhaps it repulses everyone that it goes on for over 2 hours, but such is the nature of an epic. You heard me right! This is a true story of the mad emperor of Rome, people! Sometimes history isn't going to be pretty. I'm proud to say that the first thing I did when I came of legal age was go and rent this movie. It's just so extreme, you have to give it that. The name actors that appeared in it had no idea the hardcore sex scenes were going to be inserted later, and that kind of sucks. However, it was produced by PENTHOUSE magazine for crying out loud. It's only fitting. Well, whatever. It's a damn cool movie.
SHOWGIRLS
WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT IT-If a movie ever begged to have a huge cult following, it's this one. In my opinion, it was just a 70's exploitation flick with a huge budget. Now what is the problem with that? If it were made a couple decades ago by somebody like Russ Meyer or Jack Hill, it'd be considered a classic today. Audiences just didn't know what to think of it, especially in an age where everyone tries to act so sophisticated about movies. They see stuff that wins awards, has a "buzz", or is family-oriented. What a bunch of shit. SHOWGIRLS is the real deal, kiddies. It's sleazy, cheesy, and doesn't give a fuck what you and your grandma think. I give props to Elizabeth Berkley, the star, who went all-out in her performance. That kind of bravery is rarely seen these days in Hollywood.
THE FIFTH ELEMENT
WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT IT-How could you not like a Bruce Willis action movie, set in space, with a naked kung-fu alien chick, Zeus as the president, Gary Oldman as the villain, and Chris Tucker? God damn if I didn't absolutely love it. See, I read a lot of HEAVY METAL as a teenager. For those of you who aren't in the know, that was a comic book for grown-ups, filled with spectacular fantasy stories that were illustrated by the best artists in the world. Anyway, this movie was straight out of that magazine, like a comic book come to life. If you watch the animated movie HEAVY METAL, the first story in it (about the cabbie who picks up the girl) is just like this in a lot of ways. Hell, the whole movie is. Blue people, gross aliens, spaceships, sex, it's all there. Well, this is one spectacular film, and to me it was almost a new STAR WARS. Ah, screw you if you don't like it.
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD 1990
WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT IT-Yes, the original is a classic. Okay? It's one of the best horror movies ever, and has stood the test of time. I thought the re-make was just as good, if not better in many ways. People always get upset when they re-make anything, even if the original sucked (like THE HAUNTING for example). Look at what happened with the 1998 version of PSYCHO, which was an exact duplicate of the original. I liked the new one more because you could see the blood, and it had actors I like more than the original ones. That aside, the 1990 re-make of NOTLD was awesome. IT covered everything the 1968 version did, plus a hell of a lot more. It put some clever twists on things that only fans could appreciate, and made the characters behave as more modern people would. The best part is when wimpy Barbara takes off her skirt and puts on the pants. "I'm not gonna die in this one, guys!" And Tom Savini directed it, for god's sake. He's the man.
SPICEWORLD
WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT IT-When the Spice Girls came out, I instantly hated them. Their songs sucked and they were all stupid whores. But, like it or not, they were a pop phenomenon. At that time, I was still holding onto the idea that rock n' roll could be saved. As time went on and I realized we were doomed to spend the remainder of the 90's in teeny-bopper hell as far as music went, I grew to see the value of these girls. Like 'em or not, I couldn't take my eyes off them. Their image was fascinating. By the time the movie came out, I was totally into seeing it. I thought it would be the worst thing ever, and fun as hell to crack jokes at. Little did I know how entertaining it would be. I loved it. The girls were a bunch of cartoons, and the fact that they were intended as role models for young girls made it even cooler. These girls dressed skanky and had British accents, they were not role models. It was a revelation, albeit slightly disturbing.
FREAKS
WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT IT-On the one hand you could say that director Tod Browning was exploiting the physically deformed or handicapped. On the other, you could say he directed one of the most original features of all time, and one of the scariest. The scene in the end (where it's storming and all the freaks attack the woman) still gets to me. Browning was a true pioneer and risk-taker. No one would ever make a movie like this today. And the so-called freaks? They all acted like movie stars anyway. The idea for the movie came from actor Harry Earles, who played the dwarf. I mean, midget. I mean, uh...
STRIPTEASE
WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT IT-Generally an actress appears nude in early roles, then goes on to become a superstar, never doing it again. What a rare treat that Demi Moore became a major Hollywood star, got huge fake breasts, then starred in a movie where she was a stripper. Seriously, I thought this movie was great, and not just for that reason. It's got a good story, tons of hilarious dialogue, and one of the best groups of characters ever. Come on, man: Ving Rhames, Burt Reynolds, Robert Patrick, Armand Assante? I just don't get it. You go, Ms. Moore!
IDLE HANDS
WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT IT-A return to the basics of horror, and I loved it. When it was released, audiences stayed away because teenage violence was a hot media item. Nobody wanted to see a movie where kids were killing each other. Too bad. It was like a combination of EVIL DEAD 2 and AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON, with a bunch of foul-mouthed teenagers in all the main roles. Plus, the gore content was pretty high for such a film. You had severed limbs, impalement, stabbings, and zombies. And who could forget the unexpected "scalping" scene? Excellent. They successfully pulled of the time-honored tradition of black humor & horror, and even found time to add nudity. Bless 'em.
SPECIES 2
WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT IT-The original sucked, but this rocked! It was full of nudity, sex, and gore. They backed off on the computer effects, and upped all the things that we horror fans really want to see. All the story was about were these two aliens that were driven by their insatiable need to mate. Along the way, they screw to death anyone who gets in their way. Natasha Hestridge in particular deserves recognition for her performance in this. She was nuts, man. She busted out of her cage, ninja'd everybody, and saved the day.
THE FRIGHTENERS
WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT IT-I just don't get you people. We have the best supernatural comedy since GHOSTBUSTERS, directed by the man who brought us DEAD ALIVE, and nobody sees it. Hello! I don't even think I should have to explain myself here. This movie was not only damn good, it was an instant classic.
THE ADVENTURES OF FORD FAIRLANE
WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT IT-Dice is funny as shit. Always was, always will be. What the hell was wrong with this movie? Nothing, other than it featured the most hated comedian in history, and was released at the height of his (un)popularity. I remember seeing this the night it was released. Nobody, I mean NOBODY, was in the theater but me. Oh, and in case you were wondering, I was laughing my ass off. My ass actually came off and hit the floor. It resounded with a large thud, which echoed throughout the empty auditorium. I have watched this movie a million times, and it's still cool as all get out. Get out!
RETURN OF SWAMP THING
WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT IT-Directed by cult hero Jim Wynorski, this was one of the best comic-book-based movies ever made. It's very very very cool. Our ass-kicking superhero Swamp Thing does battle with the evil doctor, fights a bunch of monsters, and gets Heather Locklear. It even uses Creedence's "Born On A Bayou" for the opening song. God damn! How cool. Plus, if all that wasn't enough, Monique Gabrielle plays a sexy gun-toting henchwoman. Henchperson. Whatever. Anyway, I think most movies made from comic books are good, but the critics are always iffy with them. BARB WIRE is an example of a cool one that gets no respect. As far as Swamp Thing goes, the first movie was crap and so was the TV series. To me, RETURN OF SWAMP THING is the only one you need to see. I said need!
