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(but do we really CARE WHY?) James has an interesting homepage at hometown.aol.com/jnaugle/naugle1/naugle1.htm ah, to be young and naive again... when I become overwhelmed by my sardonic evolution - i.e., when I can't keep my big sarcastic mouth shut - my entirely unsolicited commentary will appear in the present typeface ??? how can you appreciate what you are completely unaware of? is that what is appreciated....absolvence of any expectations of attentiveness? 2. Guys like to be the center of attention. hint: you can use this to control them. this might be really cute for the first ohh, five minutes or so, but eventually you'll find yourself saying, at times quite loudly, GROW UP! besides, just because we ignore you doesn't mean we don't appreciate you, it just means we are ignoring you 3. Yes, we appreciate that you take pride in your appearance, but that doesn't mean you have to obsess over it. but...without the obsession would not that pride fall into the category of "unnoticed but presumed appreciated"? 4. Universal truth- All guys interpret everything all girls say as "she wants my body." yes, we appreciate that you take pride in your appearance, but that doesn't mean you have to obsess over it 5. We don't catch subtle hints, in case you haven't noticed males are about as dense as it gets, if you want our attention, I recommend the use of flares, sledgehammers, and pliers. although I shudder to think of possibilites for flares and pliers, the sledgehammer I like 6. Don't over interpret what we say, we put a lot less thought into what we say than you do. universal truth - all girls interpret everything all guys say as : "explain to me again how I am totally wrong" 7. Most of us are not jerks... or pigs, we just don't think and we don't communicate well, so you need to use your superior communicating and thinking ability to help us out. Webster's definition of "jerk" : "one who does not think, not willing to apply himself to improved communication, will also attempt manipulative flattery in order to avoid any actual effort" |
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No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired." You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed." Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive." These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined." Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive." Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps." Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience." You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness." You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time." You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome." You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear." No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced." You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective." You don't talk a lot.. You're just "abundantly verbal." You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations." You're not being sent to the principals office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building." It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information." The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged." |
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