Fuck All
by Anonymous, 1993

***

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words
in the English language today is the word "fuck". It
is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can
describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical
categories.

It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked
Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John).
It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a
passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an
adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a
noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).

It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking
beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my
date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction
(Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid). As you can
see, there are very few words with the overall
versatility of the word "fuck". Aside from its sexual
connotations, this incredible word can be used to
describe many situations...

Greetings: "How the fuck are ya?"

Fraud: "I got fucked by the car dealer."

Resignation: "Oh, fuck it!"

Trouble: "I guess I'm fucked now."

Aggression: "FUCK YOU!"

Disgust: "Fuck me."

Confusion: "What the fuck?!"

Difficulty: "I don't understand this fucking
business!"

Despair: "Fucked again..."

Pleasure: "I fucking couldn't be happier."

Displeasure: "What the fuck is going on here?"

Lost: "Where the fuck are we?"

Disbelief: "UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE!"

Retaliation: "Up your fucking ass!"

Denial: "I didn't fucking do it."

Perplexity: "I know fuck all about it."

Apathy: "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"

Greetings: "How the fuck are ya?"

Suspicion: "Who the fuck are you?"

Panic: "Let's get the fuck out of here."

Directions: "Fuck off!"

Disbelief: "How the fuck did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a
fucking asshole."

It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking
thirty."

It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with
this fucking job?"

It can be maternal- "Mother fucker."

It can be political- "Fuck Dan Quayle!"

It has also been used by many notable people
throughout history:

"What the fuck was that?"
- Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?"
- Captain of the Titanic

"That's not a real fucking gun."
- John Lennon

"Who's gonna fucking find out?"
- Richard Nixon

"Heads are going to fucking roll."
- Anne Boleyn

"Let the fucking woman drive."
- Commander of Space Shuttle

"What fucking map?"
- "Challenger," Mark Thatcher

"Any fucking idiot could understand that."
- Albert Einstein

"It does so fucking look like her!"
- Picasso

"How the fuck did you work that out?"
- Pythagoras

"You want what on the fucking ceiling?"
- Michaelangelo

"Fuck a duck."
- Walt Disney

"Why?- Because its fucking there!"
- Edmund Hilary

"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?"
- Joan of Arc

"Scattered fucking showers my ass."
- Noah

"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my
head."
- John F. Kennedy

As you can clearly see, the word "fuck" is indeed, one
of the most useful and versatile in the whole fucking English
language... The End.