Helpful hints!

1. Don't drink bleach! I don't care if the other kids are doing it! It dosen't make you cool.

2. He's your cousin for goodness sakes! It's wrong!

3. If you're walking and you trip start breakdancing! Nobody will know how fucking clumbsy you are.

4. If you have erotic dreams about any of the cast members of Grumpy Old Men keep them to yourself.

5. Eat grits every day!

6. Tampons are not made to be worn as earrings.

7. Make sure he's not a cop first!

8. Don't try to buy friends with corndogs. Once you run out of corndogs you run out of friends.

9. If you have a crush on someone at school don't show it by hanging a dead cat in their locker.....they won't think it's sweet.

10. Roadkill does not make a good birthday present!

11. If you get crabs, fuck the ointment! Name them and keep them as pets!

12. See a clown, shoot it!