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Religious Humor


I don't think any of these are offensive, but if they are I do apologise and feel free to e-mail me with any objections to these . . .

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Index:
Holy Bloopers
The Hat Pin
One At A Time
Each and every one of the following sentences actually appeared in various church bulletins. They are called "Holy Bloopers."

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, come early.

Wednesday the Ladies' Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing Put Me In My Little Bed, accompanied by the pastor.

On Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mother's Club. All ladies wishing to be Little Mothers, please meet with the pastor in his study.

This being Easter, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay an egg at the alter.

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water," one of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

On Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet, come forward and get a piece of paper.

The ladies of the church will cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.

A bean supper will be held on Saturday evening in the church basement. Music will follow.

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Allen Belzer, the sin of Rev. And Mr. Julius Belzer.

Tonight's sermon: What is hell? Come early and listen to our choir practice.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and our community.

Potluck and supper: prayer and medication to follow.

Don't let worry kill you off -- let the church help.


A man who went to Church with his wife always fell asleep during the sermon. The wife decided to do something about this and one Sunday took a long hat pin along to poke him with it every time he would doze off. As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out "... and who created all there is in 6 days and rested on the 7th?" she poked her husband, who came flying out of the pew and screamed "Good God all mighty!"

The minister said "That's right, that's right" and went on with his sermon. The man sat back down, muttering under his breath, and later began to doze off again when the minister got to "... and who died on the cross to save us from our sins?" the wife hit him again and he jumped up and shouted "Jesus Christ!"

The Minister said "That's right, that's Right" and went on with his sermon. The man sat back down and began to watch his wife and when the minister got to "... and what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second child?" the wife started to poke the husband but he jumped up and said "If you stick that damn thing in me again I'll break it off!"


One day God came to Adam to pass on some news."I've got some good news and some bad news," God said.

Adam looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first."

Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a Brain. It will allow your to be very intelligent, create new things, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children"

Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"

God looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."


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