* If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
1. Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
* Who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
* When a cow laughs, does milk come out its nose?
* How did a fool and his money GET together?
* How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
* If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
* What's another word for thesaurus?
* Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
* What do they use to ship Styrofoam?
* Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
* Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
* How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
* Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
* When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
* Does fuzzy logic tickle?
* Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
* Shouldn't there be reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the
Special Olympics?
* Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
* Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
* What was the best thing before sliced bread?
* Why do they make scented toilet paper?
The following were actual headlines from Newspapers across America:
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Stud Tires Out
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Eye Drops off Shelf
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Checkout Counter Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Drunken Drivers Paid $1000
`84 War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Deer Kill 17,000
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
Air Head Fired
Steals Clock, Faces Time
Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
Include your Children when Baking Cookies
THINGS TO PONDER
by some guy I stole all the questions from
2. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
3. Why are there interstates in Hawaii?
4. Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
5. Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
6. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
7. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
8. If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
9. If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
1O. lf buttered toast always lands buttered side down and a cat always lands on it's feet, what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it?
11. If you are driving the speed of light and turn on your headlights, what happens?
12. You know how most packages say "Open Here". What should you do if the package says, "Open Somewhere Else"?
13. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
14. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
15. Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
16. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same material?
I7. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn the stereo down?
18. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
19. Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
20. What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
21. If fire fighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
22. If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
23. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
24. Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
25. Why is abbreviation such a long word?