Name:

 

Age:

 

Locale:

 

Relationship Status:

 

Eyes:

 

Hair:

 

Body Type:

 

Criminal Record:

 

I have had partners and STD’s, but I’ve been treated for of them, so it’s ok.

 

Smoke? Drink?

 

Tell me a little bit about yourself, in 5 sentences or less.

 

Why are you filling out this application?

 

I am in a serious relationship. I have no intention or desire to date you. I will not create or remember ‘anniversaries’. I will not give you sappy pet names. I will not send you Christmas presents unless you are very, very good. This is ok?

 

What characteristics make a person attractive to you?

 

The best way to seduce me is to make me laugh so hard I vomit. Tell me a joke that exemplifies your sense of humor.

 

I tend to befriend my sexual partners.

 

I tend to stalk my sexual partners.

 

I tend to sell my sexual partners for meth money.

 

I have the average number of limbs (4).

 

I find it odd that you’re asking me questions that don’t pertain to my sexual performance.

 

I practice safe sex.

 

Have you been honest?

 

…Really?

 

Do you have any references? Testimonials?

 

Tell me I’m sexy.

 

Sign: