How could something be for all the wrong reasons, but yet at the same time for the right reasons? Why did it have to be Sesshoumaru who was asking this of me? Anyone else and I doubt Inuyasha would have said a word, but with it being his half-brother, I can't shake the feeling that by doing this I would be betraying my best friend.
I know it sounds silly since I really am in no way betraying him and in truth this has nothing to do with him, yet the feeling remains. I don't expect him to jump on board with the whole idea, I just hope that he doesn't object to it too much. If anything could keep me from helping Sesshoumaru out, it would probably be Inuyasha hating me because of it.
Glancing up, I catch Shippo nodding his head toward the door. Seems Sango is almost here. Quickly I finished collecting the dishes from breakfast and set them off to the side to wash later, just as the door opens to reveal Sango. Behind her, the rest of the group follows her in and takes up spots around the fire. Seems the whole gang came.
"Well good morning." I greeted with a smile as I placed some water over the fire to heat up for some tea. Something tells me we are going to need it for this conversation. Already I can see Inuyasha looking slightly edgy. Everyone remained silent until the water had finished and I had passed out the cups to everyone.
"Have you thought anymore about how you are going to answer?" Sango questioned breaking the silence that had settled over the group. Already I could see Inuyasha begin to fidget in his seat, more than likely not wanting to hear what I would answer. I briefly wondered why he had shown up at all if he didn't really want to be there anyways.
"Still leaning the same way as I have been from the beginning. I can not think of any reason, short of Inuyasha hating me because of it, to not go through with this." I told them, making a point to look at Inuyasha during this time. If he wanted to stop me, now was the time. After today it would be too late for him to try to change my mind.
"But why does it have to be that bastard?!" Inuyasha demanded startling the rest of us. Though truly we should be used to his outbursts by now, we had seen enough of them in the past as it was. I found myself asking the same question, although a bit less colorful. Why did it have to be Sesshoumaru who had asked me to have a pup with him?
"I wish it wasn't him too, Inuyasha. Do you have any idea how much it hurts thinking this is in some way betraying you? But it's not Inuyasha and this might be my only chance. Please do not take this away from me unless there is just no way we can get passed it. I refuse to lose you over this no matter how important it may be to me, but I really want this."
"I won't stop you Kagome," Inuyasha began after a long moment of silence. "I'm not happy about this, but I won't make you choose between this and our friendship. I may not like it, but I'm sure I'll get over it by the time my niece is born." Inuyasha assured doing his best to put on a smile. "And that bastard better not plan on keeping her from me."
"Well than I guess no one was able to come up with a reason not to other then the fact that it's Sesshoumaru?" I questioned looking around the group at the others. After everyone had shook their heads I continued, "Okay then does anyone have any other conditions I should put on it besides him not attacking us or killing Inuyasha?"
"Do you really think it is a good idea to bring another half-demon into the world? Even with her father being who he is, her life will be hell. One battle after another, neither side accepting her." Madoka (tranquil), the wolf half-demon Inuyasha had been seeing, questioned drawing our attention toward her. We had learned after she had first arrived that her life had been much like Inuyasha's.
"I understand your concern Madoka, but you are forgetting one important detail. Both you and Inuyasha grew up without anyone to help you or stand by your side. She will have all of us and Sesshoumaru, heck even Jaken. We can all make sure she doesn't go through the same things the two of you did." I assured her, already having thought of the problems myself.
"As far as conditions go, besides not attacking us or killing Inuyasha as you already mentioned, how about also coming to our aid if called upon? It would be a good idea to have an ally like Sesshoumaru backing us if we have any more 'Naraku's showing up." Sango suggested making a really good point and I found myself nodding without hesitation.
"And tell that bastard to keep his hands off my fang." Inuyasha threw in grumbling. I wasn't really sure if he was talking to himself or us, but nodded my head all the same. I decided not to bring up the fact that Sesshoumaru hadn't tried for the sword in a few years since if it helped Inuyasha be okay with the idea, all the power to it.
"Did he say what time he would be stopping by for your answer tomorrow Lady Kagome?" Miroku inquired and as I glanced over at him, I noticed he had his remaining hand holding onto Sango's. Thinking back I tried to remember if he had said a time or even a general part of the day, but soon realized he hadn't and shook my head.
"Shall we take Shippo with us when we leave then?" Miroku questioned, nodding his head toward the kit who was off coloring on the other side of the room. Thinking about it for a moment, I decided it would be best to have him out of the hut now considering Sesshoumaru would probably want to...yes well...as soon as I had given him my answer.
"Yes that would be great. Thank you Miroku. I will probably stop by the next day to pick him up. I'll go ahead and get a bag ready for him now." I decided as I stood up and headed into the back room. Grabbing a small bag, I had traded some dried meat to a villager for, I began gathering up his toys and a couple of changes of clothing that I had made him.
"Here you go." I told him with a smile as I walked back into the room and handed Miroku the bag before taking my seat once again. "Anyone hungry?" I questioned realizing it was just about lunch time. Where the time had gone I had no idea and apparently neither did the others as they looked at me strangely before looking out the window and realizing the sun was above us.
"Sure." Sango replied with a smile and, after nods of agreement from the others, I began getting out what I would need to cook enough food for the whole group. It wasn't long before it was finished and I passed it out to everyone, including Shippo, who had decided to join us a few minutes before. Soon as everyone had begun eating, I let my mind wander to tomorrow.
Tomorrow I will tell Sesshoumaru that I agree to have his pup. Tomorrow, as long as the conditions are met, I will have started an alliance with Sesshoumaru. Tomorrow I will take one of our oldest enemies and Inuyasha's half-brother into my bed. Tomorrow I will lose my virginity to a cold, emotionless demon who has more than once tried to kill me.
Tomorrow will be the first day in my mission to become a mother. Tomorrow...Everything will change tomorrow. Enemies to allies. Allies to, well I guess lovers would be the best way to describe what we will be...One night standers?...Lovers to parents. Where do we go from there? Perhaps parents to friends? What an odd way to go about things.
"We should be heading out. Kaede said something about needing our help to repair some roofs." Inuyasha informed me after everyone had finished eating, bringing my attention back to the present and away from the possibilities tomorrow may bring. "Stop by when you come into the village to pick up the runt." he told me before walking outside into the snow.
"Be good Shippo and I will see you in a couple of days." I told him with a smile as I picked him up and, after a quick hug, kissed him on his forehead. "See you guys later." I bid goodbye to Sango and Miroku as I handed Shippo over and walked them to the door. After waving goodbye, they followed Madoka out and I watched until they could no longer be seen.
Closing my door, I realized it may not have been such a good idea to send them off so early. Now I had the rest of the day and however long it takes him to get here tomorrow, to think about it. I couldn't even clean the hut to keep myself busy seeing as I had already cleaned it everyday for the past six days. And it wasn't even dirty to start with.
Sitting back down by the fire, I allowed my mind to wander. Questions began appearing one after the other. Am I really ready to be a mother? Yes. I have been ever since we first took Shippo in. I don't know if it was just me or if it was my mind and body trying to get me used to this era. As it stands, most girls my age are already married and have children.
Am I really ready to lose my virginity? Yeah I am, especially since I am the only one of my friends, both in this era and in the future, to still have a hold on it. I suppose I never really thought about it too much considering the only options I had were Inuyasha, Kouga and Hojo. And none of them I ever really thought of taking things that far with, for different reasons.
Inuyasha, as much as I love him, and at one time was in love with him, my thoughts never seem to drift pass kissing him. I suppose it could have been because our relationship was always so rocky and I could barely decide if he liked me from one moment to the next, let alone think about taking it further than that. He's just so...Inuyasha.
Kouga I couldn't even see myself kissing, other than maybe on the cheek. He was just always a friend in my eyes. Yeah he's cute, but I was never attracted to him in that way. And truthfully I'm glad I never saw him as more, him and Ayame were really meant to be together. I would have hated myself if I had stood in the way of that.
And Hojo? Well dear Hojo was just way too boring for my tastes. Not to be mean to the poor guy or anything, but he was rather dull. Of course it didn't help things that I could never manage to tell him no when he asked me out. I mean before I could even get out my answer, while trying not to hurt his feelings, I have my friends practically throwing me at him.
So yes I am ready to lose my virginity, however, am I ready to lose it to Sesshoumaru? I haven't the foggiest idea. And it's not so much that it's him, I mean come on I would have to be blind 'and' deaf not to be attracted to that demon. It's more the idea of the thing. Am I ready to lose my virginity in a one night stand? Who even does that? In this era or mine?
Who thinks to themselves, 'Well I haven't lost my virginity yet and I'm 20 years-old. Let's go find me a man, or demon as the case may be, and lose it in a one night stand. Who cares if he never calls me back, it was only my virginity.' And what this must look like from the other side of things. I can't even image what the others must think of this.
Not the whole, it's Sesshoumaru-hated half-brother of Inuyasha, attempted killer of us on a few occasions, cold as ice and emotionless Sesshoumaru-that I'm losing it to, but me, me!, losing my virginity to a guy who isn't about to start spouting poetry or confessing his undying love for me. Perhaps I should stop reading romance novels, but shouldn't there be more to it than this?
Shouldn't there be serenading underneath the balcony? Five dozen roses delivered one at a time, each attached to a small poem? A long, leg raising, heart stopping, breathtaking, passionate kiss on the previous date letting you more was to come the next time? A phone call 10 minutes after he dropped you off just because he missed you already?
Okay so I'm a hopeless romantic, but still, a girl only has a first time once. Shouldn't there be something romantic to mark the occasion? Anything at all? Am I just thinking too much into it? I mean lets face it, if Sesshoumaru started becoming all romantic one of two things would happen. I would think he was crazy or I would fall in love with him.
I'm starved for affection from the opposite sex, I know this, I admit it. And maybe it's better this way, there being no romance to it, that is. The last thing I need to do is lose my heart again to someone who, I know from the very start, would never return the feelings. At least this time I know not to lay my heart out there for him to break.
Perhaps it is better this way in the end. I may not get my beautiful night to remember, but at least I won't end up broken hearted when the image shatters and things return to how they were. I suppose if I think of it this way, in truth I am lucking out by losing it this way. I mean how many girls remember this first time as a heartbreak?
Yes, I am ready to lose my virginity to Sesshoumaru in a one night stand. I go in knowing everything for what it is. No hidden agendas. No expectations. No miscommunication. No broken hearts. I 'can' do this. I am 'ready' to do this. I 'want' to do this. Tomorrow is the day my life changes forever. Now if I can only get through tonight.