Mood:  spacey

Many changes have gone on in my life since I last appeared on livejournal. I have gotten out of a very bad, abusive and expensive relationship. It was not the best thing for me emotionally or physically. The relationship started close to the end of august of 2003. You would think that I would have looked for the early warning signs of a bad thing: gang affiliation, gang affiliated tattoos, hatred family, manipulation, guilt trips, children (not always bad, just in this instance), no job, drug abuser, alcoholic. In which most were present at that time. The only thing that kept me coming back to him was the fact that not many people have ever really shown interest in me and I was not use to being alone. I had dumped my fiancé at the time for him, which I now regret, not for getting out of the first relationship but for jumping head first into another one that was to be even worse. After being hit (the last time was so bad it left bruises on me for a month, and that told me right there I deserved much better, but not in an egotistical way), my apartment that I had got with the guy was torn apart because he needed his alcoholic fix and I was not going to give him a credit card...that was maxed out anyways, and on top of all that I was being his mother being the only financial provider, and I was tired of it. If I wanted to be a mom I would have been a long time ago but that would have just made things even harder for me to get out. Plus that would not be something I need right now. So I moved back home in mid September 2004, which made my parents very happy. I only lasted 7 months out on my own for 7 months and that made me feel really worthless, but maybe it was just a mistake I had to make to grow stronger.

I had made a promise to myself, my parents and most importantly my grampa that I would go back to school in Spring 2005, I had dropped out in the Spring of 2004 because we were not making enough money for rent and I had to work full time now. As my last post states I now work for a Structural Engineering company, which I love. It was the job that helped my get back to standing on my feet.

I have now been there for just over 10 months and enjoying every minute. So now I am still working full time and overtime. My main goals right now are to pay off my debts, enjoy life, and save up for a car because my car will be dying pretty soon. Fortunately I only have one more payment for all of my debt and it will all be cleared up. I can’t wait, that will be so much worry lifted off of my shoulders. I am also going to night school now, which I will be doing for a very long time at the rate that I am going but at least I am still trying to better myself even though I am already at the job I want to do.

My sis and me have been fighting non-stop since I moved back but it seems like things are cooling off a little bit. Who knows if she doesn’t mind I might get more involved with her and her friends, well on the weekends anyways. God knows I need to have a social life once again, like the social butterfly I once was. My sis told me today that I am going to a “gothic Prom”, there are a few problems with that 1) I don’t know how to dance 2) I don’t have a date to this prom thingamajinger and 3) I don’t have a dress or what ever you wear to that sort of thing 4) I know I would not fit in because I am not gothic. I do know for a fact that if I do go to this prom thingy I would definitely be taking off the following day, so I would not have to worry about what time it was or what time I had to be home. But one thing I am definitely proud of is that I am finally back on my toes with a visible goal. Getting my life back on track was the most important thing for me.