MOVIE QUOTES
Okay, this is the really
unorganized part of the quotes section. I humbly apologize, and promise to get
a more organized version up and running as soon as possible.
* * * * * *
Ace: I’m
looking for Ray Finkle… (a gun is pointed at his head) … And a clean
pair of shorts.
-
Ace Ventura, Pet Detective
Ace: There’s
something on the wing. Some… thing !
-
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
AJ: Have
you ever heard of Evil Kenievel ?
Lev: No
I never saw Star Wars.
-
Armageddon
Austin: (after
a shoe is thrown at his head) That really hurt ! I’m gonna have a lump
there, you idiot ! Who throws a shoe ?! Honestly! You fight like a woman !
-
Austin Powers: International Man of
Mystery
Armand: So
this is Hell… (looks up at Crucifix on the wall) … And there’s a
crucifix in it.
-
The Birdcage
Angel: There
is fate, but it can only take you so far, because once you’re there it’s up to
you to make it happen.
-
Can’t Hardly Wait
Athos: What
gives you the right to judge me – to play God with the lives of others ? Is it because
you’re so much holier than anyone else ?!
Aramis: Well,
yes; also because I’m more intelligent than anyone else.
-
The Man in the Iron Mask
Alfalfa: And
then the clouds opened up and God said, “I hate you, Alfalfa !”
Armand: Where
are you going ?
Albert: To
Los Copa.
Armand: Los
Copa ? There’s nothing in Los Copa but a cemetery.
Albert: I
know. That’s why I’m packing light. (brandishes a toothbrush and holds it
over his shoulder)
Armand: I
see. You’re going to the cemetery with your toothbrush. How Egyptian.
-
The Birdcage
Andrew: If
I lose my temper, you’re totaled, man.
Bender: (mocking)
Totally ?
Andrew: (serious)
Totally.
Al: Do
we have a problem ?
Mitch: Yeah
! You treat us like a pack of galahs !
Glenn: That’s
a type of parrot.
Mitch: I
mean, you might think we’re a bunch of drongos…
Glenn: That’s
a hopeless racehorse…
-
The Dish
Annie:
Now that was when people knew how to be in love. They knew it ! Time, distance,
nothing could separate them because they knew it was right, it was real, it
was…
Becky:
A movie ! That’s your problem ! You don’t want to be in love ! You want to be
in love in a movie !
-
Sleepless in Seattle
Arthur Weasley:
Harry, you must know all about Muggles. Tell me – what exactly is the function
of a rubber duck ?
-
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Alexander:
(re. The Thermians’ worship of the egotistical Jason) It’s like throwing
gas on a flame.
-
Galaxy Quest
Alexander:
You broke the ship, you broke the bloody ship !
-
Galaxy Quest
Alec: Lovely
girl. Tasted like… like strawberries.
James: I
wouldn’t know.
Alec: I
would.
-
James Bond 007: Goldeneye
Abbe Faria: When
I told them I had no idea where Count Spada hid his treasure, I lied.
Edmond: You
lied ?
Abbe Faria: I’m
a priest, not a saint.
- The Count of
Monte Cristo
Anna:
I’ve been on a diet every day since I was 19, which basically means I’ve been
hungry for a decade. I’ve had a series of not-so-nice boyfriends, one of whom
hit me. And every time I get my heart broken the newspapers splash it about as
though it’s entertainment. And it’s taken two rather painful operations to get
me looking like this… And one day, my looks will go; they will discover I can’t
act; and I will become some sad, middle-aged woman who looks a bit like someone
who was famous for a while.
-
Notting Hill
Alec:
Trust… What a quaint idea.
-
James Bond 007: Goldeneye
Ashley:
I object to this wedding !
Priest:
Get in line.
- While You Were
Sleeping
Abbe Faria:
God said ‘Vengeance is mine.’
Edmond:
I don’t believe in God.
Abbe Faria:
That doesn’t matter. He believes in you.
-
The Count of Monte Cristo
Ace:
I have a package for you, sir.
Man:
Sounds broken.
Ace:
Most likely. I bet it was something nice, though.
-
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
Ace:
I have exorcised the demons! This house is clear.
-
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
Ace:
Your request is not unlike your lower intestine: stinky and loaded with danger.
-
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
Ace: (chasing
a villain through the jungle in a monster truck) Nobody wants to play with
me !
Ace: (throws
torch at bat) Die, you bewinged spawn of SATAN !!!!!
(As they’re about to enter a bat cave)
Ace: Okay,
all looks good, you know, you never really know until you check things out
yourself.
Fulton: Well
aren’t you going to go investigate ?
Ace: It’s
dark in there ! I might fall into a PRECIPICE !
Ouda: (hands
him torch) Here you go.
Ace: (glares
at him) Spank you, Helpy Helperton !
-
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
(During a
lifesaving lesson at camp)
Amanda: I’ll
be the victim !
Wednesday: …
All your life.
-
Addams Family Values
Anna: Life
is precious, especially when you’re a Christian and only allowed one.
-
Anna and the King
Prince Chulalongkorn: Son
of schoolteacher forgets that I am son of King.
Louis: Son
of schoolteacher couldn’t care less.
-
Anna and the King
AJ: (upon
learning he must hand-detonate a nuclear bomb) Oh man. Well, we all gotta
die, right ? I’m the guy who gets to do it saving the world.
-
Armageddon
AJ: You
know, it’s all funny until someone gets SHOT in the LEG !!!
-
Armageddon
AJ: …
If anybody’s anybody, I’m Hans Solo and you’re Chewbacca.
Oscar: Chewy
?! Have you even SEEN Star Wars ?
-
Armageddon
Austin: How
could you sleep with Fat Bastard ?
Felicity: I
was just doing my duty, Austin. I had to.
Austin: No,
I mean, literally, how could you sleep with him ? He’s so fat ! The
mechanics of it is just mind-boggling !
-
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Austin: She’s
the village bicycle ! Everyone’s had a ride.
-
Austin Powers: International Man of
Mystery
Austin: Yeah,
and I can’t believe Liberace was gay. I mean, women loved him ! Didn’t see that
one coming.
-
Austin Powers: International Man of
Mystery
Filch: A
pity they let the old punishment die… Was a time detention found you hanging by
your thumbs in the dungeons… God, I miss the screaming.
-
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
Austin: (holding
Scott Evil hostage) It seems the tables have turned, Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil: Not
really. Kill the little bastard, see if I care.
Scott: But
Dad, we just had a breakthrough in group…!
Dr. Evil: I
had the group liquidated, you little shit ! They were insolent !
Austin: (to
man in restroom) Excuse me, but you didn’t happen to see… (notices the
man is blind) … anything at all…?
-
Austin Powers: International Man of
Mystery
Anita: The
population of the United States is over 63 million now.
Lilly: They
sure ain’t here.
-
Bad Girls
Anita: If
your laws don’t include me, well then, they don’t apply to me either.
-
Bad Girls
Alfred: There
is no defeat in death, Master Bruce. Victory comes in defending what we know is
right while we still live.
-
Batman and Robin
Alice: I
don’t think words for parts of the body make very good names.
Emily: He’s
got one of those, I looked.
Alice: I’m
sure he does, but I don’t think Daddy would want to stand on the porch at night
yelling that out.
Emily: But
that’s what you call Uncle Richard.
-
Beethoven
Armand: It’s
like riding a psychotic horse toward a burning stable.
-
The Birdcage
Albert: Whatever
I am, he made me ! I was adorable once, young and full of hope. And now look at
me ! I’m this short, fat, insecure, middle-aged thing !!
Armand: I
made you short ?
-
The Birdcage
Albert: You
don’t love me anymore, Armand.
Armand: Oh,
shit.
-
The Birdcage
Andrew: Speak
for yourself.
Bender: Do
you think I’d speak for you ? I don’t even know your language.
- The Breakfast
Club
Allison:
(talking about whether Claire should admit if she’s a virgin) It's kind of a double edged sword isn't it?
Claire:
A what?
Allison:
Well, if you say you haven't, you're a prude. If you say you have you're a
slut. It's a trap. You want to but you can't, and when you do you wish you
didn't, right ?
-
The Breakfast Club
Allison:
When you grow up, your heart dies.
-
The Breakfast Club
Andrew:
Hey, you're not urinating in here, man!
Bender:
Don't talk! Don't talk! It makes it crawl back up.
-
The Breakfast Club
Agent:
He hasn't got a passport.
Carl:
In the last few weeks he's gone to Harvard and Berkley, I think he can get a
passport.
–
Catch Me if you Can
Archie: We
need to talk.
George: You
tell those pigs to fuck off.
Archie: (to
policemen) Fuck off, pigs.
- A Fish Called
Wanda
Ariel: Is
he… dead ?
Scuttle: (opens
Eric’s eyelid) It’s hard to say. (puts his ears to Eric’s foot) Oh,
I – I can’t make out a heartbeat.
-
The Little Mermaid
Aragorn: Are
you frightened ?
Frodo: Yes.
Aragorn: Not
nearly frightened enough.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring
Arwen: If
you want him – come and claim him !
-
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring
Aragorn: Leave
all that can be spared behind. We travel light. Let’s hunt some Orc !
Arwen: Do
you remember when we first met ?
Aragorn: I
thought I had wandered into a dream.
Arwen: Long
years have passed. You did not have the cares you carry now… Do you remember
what I told you ?
Aragorn: You
said you’d bind yourself to me, forsaking the immortal life of your people.
Arwen: And
to that I hold. I would rather share
one lifetime with you, than face all the ages of this world alone. I choose a
mortal life. (gives Aragorn the Evenstar pendant)
Aragorn: You
cannot give me this.
Arwen: It
is mine to give to whom I will – like my heart.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring
Boromir: I
will find no rest here. I heard her [Galadriel’s] voice inside my head. She
spoke of my father and the fall of Gondor. She said to me, even now, there is
hope left, but I cannot see it. It is long since we had any hope… My father is
a noble man, but his rule is failing, and our people lose faith. He looks to me
to make things right – and I would do it – I would see the glory of Gondor
restored… Have you ever seen it, Aragorn ? The White Tower of Ecthelion,
glimmering like a spike of pearl and silver, its banners caught high in the
morning breeze. Have you ever been called home by the clear ringing of silver
trumpets ?
Aragorn: I
have seen the White City, long ago.
Boromir: One
day, our paths will lead us there and the tower guard will take up the call:
The Lords of Gondor have returned !
-
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring
(as Boromir lies
dying)
Aragorn: I
do not know what strength is in my blood, but I swear to you – I will not let
the White City fall, nor our people fail.
Boromir: Our
people… Our people…! I would have followed you to the end, my brother… my
Captain… my King…! (dies)
Aragorn: Be
at peace, son of Gondor.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring
Aragorn: You
have some skill with a blade.
Éowyn: Women
of this country learned long ago that those without swords can still die upon
them. I fear neither death nor pain.
Aragorn: What
do you fear, milady ?
Éowyn: A
cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of
valor has gone beyond recall or desire.
Aragorn: You’re
the daughter of kings. A shield maiden of Rohan. I do not think that will be
your fate.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Adele: Do
you remember me ?
Peter: I’ll
sure try.
-
The Majestic
Anna: I’m
just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.
-
Notting Hill
Anna: I
can’t believe you have that picture on your wall.
William: You
like Chagall ?
Anna: I
do. It feels like how being in love should be. Floating through a dark blue
sky…
William: …
With a goat playing the violin.
Anna: Yes
– happiness wouldn’t be happiness without a violin-playing goat.
-
Notting Hill
Anna: Rita
Hayworth used to say, “They go to bed with Gilda; they wake up with me.”
William: Who’s
Gilda ?
Anna: Her
most famous part. Men went to bed with the dream; they didn’t like it when they
would wake up with the reality. Do you feel that way ?
William: You
are lovelier this morning than you have ever been.
-
Notting Hill
Anna: (reading
a carving on a wooden garden bench) “For June who loved this garden, from
Joseph who always sat beside her.” Some people do spend their whole
lives together…
-
Notting Hill
Andie: You
know, you’re talking like that just because I’m going out with Blane.
Duckie: Blane
?! His name is Blane ?! Oh, that’s a major appliance, that’s not a name
!
-
Pretty in Pink
Andie: I
just want them to know that they didn’t break me.
-
Pretty in Pink
Annie: So
you’re a cop, right ?
Jack: That’s
right.
Annie: Well,
I should probably tell you that I’m taking the bus because I had my driver’s
license revoked.
Jack: What
for ?
Annie: Speeding.
-
Speed
Annie: There’s
gum on my seat… Gum !
Ace: (after
sending a Slinky down the long staircase of a monastery atop a mountain)
Isn’t this incredible ?! It’s gotta be some kind of a record !! (sings)
Everyone loves a Slinky, ya gotta get a Slinky ! Slinky ! Slinky ! Go Slinky,
go !
-
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
Aunty Em: I
saw you tinkering with that contraption, Hickory. Now you and Hunk get back to
that wagon.
Hickory: All
right, Mrs. Gale. But someday, they’re going to erect a statue to me in this
town –
Aunty Em: Well,
don’t start posing for it now.
-
The Wizard of Oz
Aramis: I’m
a genius, not an engineer.
-
The Man in the Iron Mask
Alex: I’m
not leaving my house.
Billy the Kid: Alex,
if you stay they’re gonna kill you. And then I’m gonna have to go around and
kill all the guys who killed you. That’s a lot of killing.
-
Young Guns
Andie: True
or false – all’s fair in love and war ?
Ben: True.
Andie: Great
answer.
-
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Andie: Our
love fern ! You let it die !
Ben: No,
honey, it’s just sleeping.
-
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Andie: (holding
a tissue under Ben’s nose) C’mon, blow. Nobody likes a Mr. Sniffles !
Tony: Yeah,
uh, I hate Mr. Sniffles.
-
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Andie: Unattached
?
Ben: Currently.
Andie: Likewise.
Ben: Surprising.
Andie: Smoker
?
Ben: Rarely.
Interested ?
Andie: Perhaps.
Ben: Hungry
?
Andie: Starving.
Ben: Leaving
?
Andie: Now
?
-
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Albert: Don’t
use that tone to me.
Armand: What
tone ?
Albert: That
sarcastic contemptuous tone. That means you know everything because you’re a
man, and I know nothing because I’m a woman.
Armand: You’re
not a woman.
Albert: Oh,
you bastard !
-
The Birdcage
Athos: What
is Porthos doing ?
Aramis: Walking
into the barn naked… Or so it would seem.
Athos: To
do what ?
Aramis: To
hang himself, I should think. He’s been threatening to do it for months.
Andy: Hello,
I am Andy, and I would like to thank you for coming to my movie. I wish it was
better, you know, but it's so stupid. It's terrible. I do not even like it. All
of the most important things in my life are changed around and mixed up, um,
for dramatic purposes, so I decided to cut out all of the baloney. Now the
movie is much shorter. In fact, this is the end of the movie. I am not fooling.
Goodbye. Go.
-
Man on the Moon
Amelia: Oh,
tish-tosh ! Actually, Doctor, your Astronomical advice was most helpful.
Doppler: Well,
uh – uh, thank you, thank you very much. I have a lot of help to offer
anatomically (stutters) amanamonically, as – astronomically…
-
Treasure Planet
Amelia: Let
me put this as monosyballic as possible – I don’t much care for this crew you
hired, either… How did I describe, them, Arrow…? I said something rather good
this morning before coffee.
Arrow: “A
ludicrous parcel of dribbling galoots”, ma’am.
Amelia: There
you go – poetry !
-
Treasure Planet
Amelia: Doctor,
I’d love to chat. Tea, cake, the whole shebang, but I have a ship to
launch, and you have your outfit to buff up.
-
Treasure Planet
Buzz: Don’t
worry, Woody. In just a few hours, you’ll be sitting around a campfire with
Andy, making delicious hot Schmoes !
Woody: They’re
called S’mores, Buzz.
-
Toy Story 2
Bender: Screws
just fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place.
-
The Breakfast Club
Bridget: Here
is the man we like to call Mr. … ah… (inwardly) Titspervert !
Titspervert ! (aloud) Fitzherbert… Because that… is… his name…
-
Bridget Jones’ Diary
Buzz: You
are a sad, strange little man.
-
Toy Story
Babs: I
saw my whole life flash before my eyes ! (pause) It was really boring.
-
Chicken Run
Babs: Morning,
Ginger, back from holiday ?
Ginger: I
wasn’t on holiday, Babs. I was in solitary confinement.
Babs: Aw…
It’s nice to get some time to yourself, isn’t it ?
-
Chicken Run
Batty: (feeling
threatened) Puff up, puff up – they hate that !
-
Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest
Bender: Hey,
how come Andrew gets to get up ? If he gets up, we’ll all get up, it’ll be
anarchy…!
-
The Breakfast Club
Bender: Brian,
this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups have been
represented.
-
The Breakfast Club
Babs: I
don’t want to be a pie – I don’t like gravy.
-
Chicken Run
Batty: I
have but one claw – but beware !
-
Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest
Back manager: If
you were my kids, I’d punish you.
Buckwheat: If
we were your kids, we’d punish ourselves !
-
The Little Rascals
Batty: (on
the invasion of humans) First come your highways, then your parking lots,
then your convenience stores, and then… (Zak flicks the antenna on Batty’s
head) … Price check on prune juice, Bob; price check on prune juice.
-
Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest
Boy at Police Station:
… There’s someone you should talk to.
Jeannie: (relenting)
If you say ‘Ferris Bueller’, you lose a testicle.
Boy at Police Station:
Oh, you know him ?
-
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Bender: What’s
that ?
Claire: Sushi.
Bender: ‘Sushi’
?
Claire: Rice,
raw fish, and seaweed.
Bender: You
won’t accept a guy’s tongue in your mouth, and you’re going to eat that
?
Claire: (annoyed)
Can I eat ?
Bender: I
don’t know. Give it a try.
-
The Breakfast Club
Blinkin: This
never would have happened if your father was alive.
Robin: My
father is dead ?
Blinkin: Yes.
Robin: And
my mother ?
Blinkin: She
died of pneumonia while – while you were away.
Robin: My
three brothers ?
Blinkin: Taken
by the plague.
Robin: My
dog, Pongo ?
Blinkin: Run
over by a carriage.
Robin: My
goldfish, Goldie ?
Blinkin: Eaten
by the cat.
Robin: (cringing)
My cat ?
Blinkin: Choked
on the goldfish.
-
Robin Hood: Men in Tights
Bernadette: Just
what this country needs: a cock in a frock on a rock.
-
Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
Bernadette: One
more push and I’ll smack his face so hard he’ll have to stick his toothbrush up
his arse to clean his teeth !
-
Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
Bernadette: Gather
‘round, girls. I’ll show you a trick. First, you drink the Gin and replace it
with water and put it back in the fridge.
Mitzi: Oh
! Clever girl ! And the scotch ?
Bernadette: Aha
! That’s where the complimentary tea bags come in handy.
-
Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
Bala: I’ve
been kidnapped by the village idiot.
-
Antz
(in the waiting
room of the afterlife)
Barbara: Adam,
is this what happens when you die ?
Receptionist: This
is what happens when you die, this is what happens when he dies (points to
gruesomely mangled dead people)… and this is what happens when they die.
It’s all very personal. And I’ll tell you something – if I knew then what I
know now, (shows them her slit wrists) I wouldn’t have had my little
accident.
-
Beetlejuice
(working on their
history assignment)
Bill: George
Washington – the father of our country.
Ted: Also
born on President’s Day.
Bill: The
dollar bill guy.
Ted: Hey,
did you ever make a mushroom out of his head…?
Bill: Ted
?
Ted: What
?
Bill: Alaska.
Ted: Oh
yeah. (thinks for a moment; then lights up excitedly) Had wooden teeth,
chased Moby Dick !
Bill: That’s
Captain Ahab, dude.
-
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
Bill: Let’s
face it dude: Wyld Stallyns will never be a triumphant band until we get Eddie
Van Halen on lead.
Ted: Yes,
Bill… But I don’t think we’ll get Van Halen until we have a triumphant video.
Bill: Ted,
it’s pointless to have a triumphant video when we don’t even have decent
instruments.
Ted: Well…
Why have decent instruments when we don’t even know how to play ?
Bill: That
is why we need Eddie Van Halen.
Ted: And
that is why we need a triumphant video.
Bill & Ted: EXCELLENT
!!!!! (they do air guitar)
-
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
Billy the Kid: Here’s
the deal – what I win, I keep, what you win… I keep.
Bill & Ted: Sounds
good, Mr. “The Kid” !
-
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
Bender: Naked
blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami
under the other. The bartender says, “I guess you won’t be needing a drink.”
Naked lady says – (falls through the ceiling) – Oh sh*t !
-
The Breakfast Club
Bender: Don’t
you ever talk about my friends ! You don’t know any of my friends ! You don’t
look at any of my friends – and you certainly wouldn’t condescend to speak to
any of my friends. So you just stick to the things you know: shopping, nail
polish, your father’s BMW, and your poor, rich drunk mother in the Caribbean !
Claire: Shut
up !
Bender: And
as far as being concerned about what’s gonna happen when you and I walk down
the hallways of school together, you can forget it coz it’s never gonna happen
! Just bury your head in the sand and wait for your f**king prom !
-
The Breakfast Club
Brian: Chicks
cannot hold their smoke, that’s what it is.
-
The Breakfast Club
Bender: Sporto.
Andrew: What
?
Bender: You
get along with your parents ?
Andrew: Well,
if I say yes I’m an idiot, right ?
Bender: You’re
an idiot anyway. But if you say you get along with your parents, well, you’re a
liar, too.
-
The Breakfast Club
Bridget: (rummaging
through her fridge) Where the f**k’s the f**king tuna ?! (imitating her
line on TV) Bridget Jones, with Sit up Britain, looking for the tuna
!
-
Bridget Jones’ Diary
Bridget: Hi,
you like me just the way I am.
-
Bridget Jones’ Diary
Bridget: (writing
in diary) … Have bottom size of Brazil…
-
Bridget Jones’ Diary
Bridget: Did
I really run round your lawn naked ?
Mark: Oh,
yes. You were four and I was eight.
Bridget: Well,
that’s a pretty big age difference. It’s quite pervy really.
Mark: Yes,
I like to think so.
-
Bridget Jones’ Diary
Boy at Police Station:
Drugs ?
Jeannie: Thank
you, no. I’m straight.
Boy at Police Station:
I meant, are you in here for drugs ?
Jeannie: Why
are you here ?
Boy at Police Station:
Drugs.
-
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Ben: Are
you going to be here when I get back ?
Sarah: You
know me.
Ben: (smiles
gently) I would not presume.
-
Forces of Nature
Brainy Gremlin: (talking
about what he wants to do in New York) There’s the Broadway shows – we’ll
have to find out how to get tickets for those; then there’s street crime, but I
believe we can see that for free.
-
Gremlins 2
Building Announcement:
Fire ! Fire ! Time to practice that age-old tradition of
self-preservation because THIS BUILDING’S ON FIRE !!!
-
Gremlins 2
Barry’s customer: Hi,
do you have the song I Just Called to Say I Love You ? It’s for my
daughter’s birthday.
Barry: Yeah,
we have it.
Barry’s customer: Well,
can I have it ?
Barry: No,
actually, you can’t.
Barry’s customer: Why
not ?!
Barry: God
! Do you even know your daughter ?! There’s no way she likes that song…! Oop -
(covers mouth apologetically) – is she in a coma ?
-
High Fidelity
Brodie: Listen,
not a year goes by – not a year – that I don’t hear about some escalator accident
involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent
– I don’t care which one – but some parent – conditioned him to fear and
respect that escalator !
-
Mallrats
Buttercup: You
mock my pain !
Westley: Life
is pain, Highness ! Anyone who says differently is selling something.
-
The Princess Bride
Buttercup: We’ll
never survive !
Westley: Nonsense
! You’re only saying that because no-one ever has.
-
The Princess Bride
Benny: (on
his mentally ill sister) She paints, she reads, she sets things on fire…
-
Benny & Joon
Buttercup: (in
the Fire Swamp) We’ll never succeed. We may as well die here.
Westley: No,
no. We have already succeeded ! I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire
Swamp ? One, the flame spurt – no problem ! There’s a popping sound preceding
each – we can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand – which you were clever
enough to discover what that looks like – so in the future we can avoid that
too.
Buttercup: Westley,
what about the R.O.U.S’s ?
Westley: Rodents
of Unusual Size ? I don’t think they exist. (a R.O.U.S springs out of
nowhere and attacks him)
-
The Princess Bride
Beverly: (to
her husband, who has cut his hand open) Stop bleeding ! Stop bleeding !
-
Riding in Cars with Boys
Blinkin: (after
falling from a tree) I can see ! (runs right into another tree)
Nope. I was wrong.
-
Robin Hood: Men in Tights
Bo: There’s
a monster outside my room, can I have a glass of water ?
-
Signs
Bo: Are
you in my dream too ?
-
Signs
Brom: We
haven’t heard your name yet, friend.
Ichabod: I
have not yet said it.
-
Sleepy Hollow
Benjamin Guggenheim: (upon
being offered a lifeboat) No, thank you. We are dressed in our best and are
prepared to go down as gentlemen… But we would like a brandy.
-
Titanic
Buzz: I’ve
set my laser from stun to kill.
Woody: Oh,
great ! If anyone attacks, we can blink ‘em to death !
-
Toy Story
Buzz: I
just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is
not an idea we promote on my planet.
Woody: Oh.
Well, that’s good.
Buzz: But
we’re not on my planet – are we ?
-
Toy Story
Buzz: I
don’t believe that man’s ever been to medical school !
-
Toy Story
Bo Peep: This
is for Woody, when you find him. (gives Buzz a long, deep kiss.)
Buzz: (coughs
nervously) Um, okay, but it won’t be the same coming from me.
-
Toy Story 2
Bobby: Well
I like school – and I like football – and I’m gonna keep doin’ ‘em both because
they make me feel good ! (leaves and slams door, then comes back in) And
by the way Mama – alligators are ornery because of the medulla oblongata ! (slams
door, then returns) And I like Vicki and she likes me back ! And she showed
me her boobies and I like them too !
-
The Waterboy
Boris: Bears
! Fellas ! Idiot balls of fluff ! You are not drowning because if you will
pause one moment, you will observe perhaps… TIDE IS OUT !
-
Balto
Bass man: Hey
guys… Chad fell down.
-
That Thing You Do
Becky: I
love the sky. It’s so limitless.
Gilbert: It
is big. It’s very big.
Becky: Big
doesn’t even sum it up, right ? The word big is so small.
-
What’s Eating Gilbert Grape
Birdie: It
wasn’t meant to be.
Kathleen: Why
not ?
Birdie: He
ran Spain.
Christina: Spain
?
Birdie: The
country. He ran it. It was his job.
-
You’ve Got Mail
Billy the Kid: You
remember the stories John use to tell us about the three chinamen playing Fantan
? This guy runs up to them and says, ‘Hey, the world’s coming to an end !’ and
the first one says, ‘Well, I best go to the mission and pray’; and the second
one says, ‘Well, hell, I’m gonna go and buy me a case of Mezcal and six whores
!’ and the third one says, ‘Well, I’m gonna finish the game.’ I shall finish
the game, Doc.
-
Young Guns II
Billy the Kid: (before
shooting someone) I’ll make you famous !
-
Young Guns II
Billy the Kid: ‘Buckshot
George.’ That’s your name. You wanted a name, that’s it. ‘Buckshot George.’
It’s a good name.
Hendry French: My
name is Hendry William French.
Billy the Kid: That’s
a good name too.
-
Young Guns II
Bernie the Hollywood
Agent: I’ve got to catch a plane.
Kermit the Frog: With
that tongue ? No way !
-
The Muppet Movie
Bill: I
am the Earl of Preston.
Ted: And
I am the Duke of Ted.
-
Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
Bugs: What
kind of Mickey Mouse organization would name their team ‘The Ducks’ ?!
-
Space Jam
Bullseye: You’re
good, baby, I’ll give you that… but me ? I’m magic !
-
Daredevil
Billy the Kid: (dictating
a letter to Doc) Dear Governor Axtell. I’ve heard that you will give
200 dollars for my head. Perhaps we should meet and talk. I am at the Juarez
village at the border. Send three men, and instruct them not to shoot, as I am
unarmed. In short, Sir, I surrender. Your obedient servant, William H. Bonney…
P.S: I changed my mind – kiss my ass !
-
Young Guns
Bridget: It
is a truth universally acknowledged that as soon as one part of your life
starts looking up, another part falls to pieces.
-
Bridget Jones’ Diary
(Morgan gives the
dog a bowl of water)
Bo: Don’t
give him that water – it’s dirty !
Morgan: Bo,
he licks his own butt, I don’t think he’ll mind.
-
Signs
B.E.N: …
I’m beginning to see my life pass before my eyes… at least, I think it’s my
life… WAS I EVER DANCING WITH AN ANDROID NAMED LUPÉ ?!
-
Treasure Planet
Chick: Before
AJ’s dad died, he told you to take care of his son. I don’t think shooting him
is taking care of him.
Harry:
I’m not gonna kill him, I’m gonna shoot him in the leg. He can still work with
one leg. Remember that one guy who worked all those years with one arm ?
Chick: Yeah…
But he wasn’t very good.
-
Armageddon
Chrysta’s Father: Chrysta,
don’t you think you’re a little too old to believe in human tales ?
Batty: ‘Human
tales’ ? Humans don’t have tails ! They have big, big bottoms that they wear
with bad shorts; and walk around saying, ‘Hi, Helen !’
-
Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest
Cameron: What’d
I do ?
Ferris: You
killed the car.
-
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Caroline: I
can do ugly – I did you for the past ten years !
-
For Richer or Poorer
Criminologist: And
crawling on the planet’s face, some insects – called the human race. Lost in
time, lost in space – and meaning.
-
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Cheshire Cat: And
by the way, in case you’re wondering, he went that way.
Alice: Who
did ?
Cheshire Cat: The
White Rabbit.
Alice: He
did ?
Cheshire Cat: He
did what ?
Alice: Went
that way.
Cheshire Cat: Who
did ?
Alice: The
White Rabbit.
Cheshire Cat: What
rabbit ?
Alice: You
just said…
-
Alice in Wonderland
Crazy Eyes: I
watch the stock market channel all the time – I just watch because I suspect
that anchor man of being an evil leprechaun… He can bullshit everybody else,
but he ain’t fooling me.
-
Mr. Deeds
Carol: Okay,
we all have these terrible stories to get over, and you –
Melvin: It’s
not true. Some people have great stories, pretty stories that take place at
lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But a
lot of people, that’s their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so
hard is not that you had it bad, but that you’re pissed that so many others had
it good.
-
As Good as it Gets
Captain Howard: Ho,
what did I say ? Did you hear what I said ? I heard what I said coz I was standing
there when I said it.
-
Bad Boys
Claire: I
have a really low tolerance for dehydration.
Andrew: I’ve
seen her dehydrate, sir. It’s pretty gross.
-
The Breakfast Club
Carl: Do
you wanna hear me tell a joke ?
Earl: Yeah,
I’d love to hear you tell a joke.
Carl: Knock,
knock.
Earl: Who’s
there ?
Carl: Go
f**k yourself.
-
Catch Me if you Can
Cameron: Somehow
they managed to get every creep and freak in the universe on this one plane.
-
Con Air
Cindy: Santa,
don’t forget the Grinch. I know he’s mean and hairy and smelly, and his hands
are cold and clammy, but I think he’s kinda… sweet.
The Grinch: Sweet…
?! You think he’s sweet ? (Cindy runs upstairs) Cute kid, bad judge of
character.
-
The Grinch
Centurion: You
know the penalty laid down by Roman law for harboring a known criminal ?
Matthias: No.
Centurion: Crucifixion.
Matthias: Oh.
Centurion: Nasty,
eh ?
Matthias: Could
be worse.
Centurion: What
do you mean, ‘Could be worse’ ?
Matthias: Well,
you could be stabbed.
Centurion: Stabbed
? Takes a second. Crucifixion lasts hours. It’s a slow, horrible death.
Matthias: Well
at least it gets you out in the fresh air.
Centurion: You’re
weird !
-
The Life of Brian
Charlie: What
side of whose bed did you wake up on ?
-
The Mask
Captain Smollett: Who
hired this crew ?! This is undoubtedly the seediest
bunch of cutthroats, villains and scoundrels I have ever seen, so who hired
them ? (Everyone points at Young Squire Trelawney, who in turn points to his
finger) Your finger hired the crew?!
Squire Trelawney: No,
that’s silly ! The man who lives in my finger hired the crew.
-
Muppet Treasure Island
Charlotte: You
have done nothing to be ashamed of.
Benjamin: I
have done nothing. And for that I am ashamed.
-
The Patriot
Caroline: (reading
a letter about the Bennetts’ misfortunes) ‘… and her sisters Jane and
Elizabeth were seen running down Market Street in an attempt to escape their
disgrace.’ Isn’t that exquisitely funny, Mr. Darcy ?
Mark: Exquisitely.
Just think how you would roar with laughter if it happened to yourself.
-
Pride and Prejudice
Cantrell: My
name is Cantrell.
Shemp: How
do you spell that ?
Cantrell: Correctly.
-
The Quick and the Dead
Columbia: My
God ! I can’t stand any more of this ! First you spurn me for Eddie, and then
you throw him off like an old overcoat for Rocky ! You chew people up and then
you spit them out again… I loved you – do you hear me ?! I loved you !!
And what did it get me ? Yeah, I’ll tell you: a big nothing ! You’re like a
sponge – you take, take, take and drain others of their love and emotion ! Yeah,
well, I’ve had enough ! You’re gonna choose between me and Rocky – so named
because of the rocks in his head.
-
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Chas: (on
Richie’s farewell note) Is it dark ?
Richie: Of
course it’s dark – it’s a suicide note.
-
The Royal Tenenbaums
Carol: The
man I know is not the boy you remember.
Lorenzo: None
of us are.
-
Sleepers
Charles Barkley: It
was this little girl, five-foot-nothin’. She blocked my shot !
Psychiatrist: I
see. And how long has this dream been recurring ?
Charles Barkley: It
wasn’t a dream – it was real !
-
Space Jam
Cardinal Richelieu: Tell
me D’Artagnan – what noble business brings you here ?
D’Artagnan: I’ve
come to join the Musketeers.
Cardinal Richelieu: Bad
timing.
-
The Three Musketeers
Christof: We
accept the reality of the world with which we are presented.
-
The Truman Show
Cyril: One
hundred thousand sperm and you were the fastest ?
-
Vertical Limit
Charlie: Mr.
Wonka, they won’t really be burned in the furnace, will they ?
Willy Wonka: Well,
I think that furnace is only lit every other day, so they have a good sporting
chance, don’t they ?
-
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Charlie: He’ll
never get out.
Grandpa Joe: Yes,
he will, Charlie. Watch. Remember when you once asked me how a bullet comes out
of a gun ?
-
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Commander Lock: Not
everyone believes what you do, Morpheus.
Morpheus: My
beliefs do not require them to.
-
The Matrix: Reloaded
Captain Amelia: Doctor,
you have… wonderful eyes.
Doctor Delbert
Doppler: She’s lost her mind !
-
Treasure Planet
Charley: Hey,
Chavez, how come they ain’t killing us ?
Dirty Steve: Because
we’re in the spirit world, asshole ! They can’t see us.
-
Young Guns
Charlene: I
kicked it off the heezy and bounced.
Peter: What
did you just say ?
-
Bringing Down the House
Charlene: Oh
hell no, ya know what ? I’m gonna kick the bulimia out of you.
-
Bringing Down the House
Dr. Pinderschloss: Love,
hate. Hate, love. Like for mama, no ?
Gomez: I
didn’t hate mother – it was an accident !
-
The Addams Family
Debbie: What
a lady killer !
Gomez: Acquitted
!
-
Addams Family Values
Doc: You
son of a bitch ! You’re starting to believe what they’re writing about you,
aren’t you ? Let me tell you what you really are! You rode a fourteen year old
boy to his grave, and the rest of us straight to hell – straight to hell ! (aims
gun) William H Bonney, you are not a god !
Billy the Kid: Why
don’t you pull that trigger and find out ?
-
Young Guns II
Donkey: Aw
man, I can’t feel my toes ! (looks down) I don’t have any toes ! (sits)
I need a hug.
-
Shrek
Duane: What
do you mean, ‘That’s it’ ?! I’m not giving up ! And neither are you ! And
neither am I !
-
Rat Race
Danny: You’re
a rotten drunk. Always have been.
Rafe: Well
you’re a lousy friend – that’s a new development.
-
Pearl Harbour
Drew: We
all know this deal is as certain as death and taxes…
Joe: Death
and taxes ?
Drew: Yes.
Joe: Death
and taxes ?
Drew: Yes
!
Joe: What
an odd pairing.
Drew: (annoyed)
It’s a saying.
Joe: Who
said it ?
Drew: It
doesn’t matter !
Joe: Then
why did you bring it up ?
-
Meet Joe Black
Donkey: Don’t
die, Shrek ! And if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light
!
-
Shrek
Dr. Delbert Doppler: Dang
it, Jim, I’m an astronomer, not a doctor ! I mean, I am a doctor, but I’m not that kind of doctor !
I have a doctorate, it’s not the same thing ! You can’t help people with a
doctorate – you just sit there and you’re useless !
-
Treasure Planet
Dumbledore: It
is not our abilities that tell us what we truly are – it is our choices.
-
Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets
Dumbledore: What
happened between you and Professor Quirrell in the dungeons is a complete
secret… So, naturally, the whole school knows.
-
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
Dogberry: Masters,
remember that I am an ass: though it not be written down, yet forget not that I
am an ass.
-
Much Ado About Nothing
Draco: Why
are you wearing glasses ?
Harry: (disguised
as Goyle) Uh… Reading.
Draco: Reading
? I didn’t know you could read.
-
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Dana: How
is he these days ?
Egon: Peter
? He was borderline for a while… then he crossed the border.
-
Ghostbusters II
Dimitri: So,
by what means shall we execute you, Commander Bond ?
James: What
? No small talk ? No chit chat ? That’s the trouble with the world today, nobody
takes the time to do a really sinister interrogation anymore.
-
James Bond 007: GoldenEye
Dan Marino: Hey
Ace, got any more of that gum ?
Ace: That’s
none of your damn business and I’ll thank you to stay out of my personal
affairs.
-
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
Debbie: These
Addams men – where do you find them ?
Morticia: It
has to be damp.
-
Addams Family Values
Debbie: Don’t
I yearn ? And ache ? And shop ? Don’t I deserve love ? And jewelry ?
-
Addams Family Values
Delivery Room Doctor: Would
you like some anesthesia ?
Morticia: No,
but do ask the children.
-
Addams Family Values
Dr. Evil: I’m
Dougie, I’m Dougie !
-
Austin Powers in Goldmember
Dr. Evil: Aaaaalright,
you’re not going to put that skin in your mouth a – ya did. Okay. That’s just
gross.
-
Austin Powers in Goldmember
Dr. Evil: You’re
not quite evil enough. You’re semi-evil. You’re quasi-evil. You’re the
margarine of evil. You’re the Diet Coke of evil – just one calorie – not evil
enough.
-
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Dr. Evil: (deep
voice) Austin… Know this… I am your father.
Austin: Really
?
Dr. Evil: (normal
voice) No, not really. I can’t back that up.
-
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Dr. Varnick: Here
for his shots ?
George: Yes.
Dr. Varnick: Well
he’ll be a little groggy this evening.
George: That’ll
be nice.
-
Beethoven
Danielle: A
bird may love a fish, signor, but where will they live ?
Leonardo da Vinci: Then
I shall have to make you wings.
-
Ever After
(Harry has just had
an alien removed from his body rectally)
Dr. Allison Reed: Can
we get you anything ?
Harry: Ice
cream… I want some ice cream.
Dr. Allison Reed: Ice
cream, okay, what flavor do you want ?
Harry: It
doesn’t matter – it’s for my ass.
-
Evolution
DJ Ruby Rhod: What
the hell are you screamin’ for ? Every thirty seconds there’s a bomb or
somethin’ ! I’m leavin’ ! Bzzz !
-
The Fifth Element
Dana: His
name is Oscar.
Venkman: (to
Oscar) Named after a hot dog, you poor man.
-
Ghostbusters II
Dana: (re.
Baby Oscar) It’s late. I really ought to put him down.
Venkman: May
I ?
Dana: Yeah,
if you want to.
Venkman: (points
in baby’s face) You’re short, your bellybutton sticks out too far, and
you’re a terrible burden on your poor mother.
-
Ghostbusters II
Dudley: Daddy’s
gone mad, hasn’t he ?
-
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
Doorknob: Must
you be so loud ? You woke me up.
Goofy: Good
morning.
Doorknob: Good
night ! I need a bit more sleep.
-
Kingdom Hearts
Duckie: That’s
okay, Petri, lots of things can’t fly. Rocks… trees… sticks… Spike…
D’Artagnan: I
think that it is possible for one man to love one woman all his life and be the
better for it.
-
The Man in the Iron Mask
D’Artagnan: Anne,
I know that to love you is a treason against France; but not to love you is a
treason against my heart.
Queen Anne: Then
we will both die traitors, D’Artagnan.
-
The Man in the Iron Mask
The Dead Collector: Bring
out yer dead !
Large Man with Dead
Body: (dead body still over his shoulder)
Here’s one.
The Dead Collector: That’ll
be ninepence.
The Dead Body: I’m
not dead…
The Dead Collector: What
?
Large Man with Dead
Body: Nothing. There’s your ninepence.
The Dead Body That
Claims it Isn’t: I’m not dead !
Dead Collector: ‘Ere
! He says he’s not dead !
Large Man: Yes
he is.
Dead Body: I’m
not !
Dead Collector: He
isn’t.
Large Man: Well
he will be soon, he’s very ill.
Dead Body: I’m
getting better !
Large Man: No
you’re not, you’ll be stone dead in a moment.
Dead Collector: Well
I can’t take him like that. It’s against regulations.
Dead Body: I
don’t want to go on the cart…
Large Man: Oh,
don’t be such a baby !
Dead Collector: I
can’t take him.
Dead Body: I
feel fine…!
Large Man: Oh,
do me a favor.
Dead Collector: I
can’t.
Large man: Well
can you hang around for a couple of minutes ? He won’t be long.
Dead Collector: I
promised I’d be at the Robinsons’. They’ve lost nine today.
Large Man: Well,
when’s your next round ?
Dead Collector: Thursday.
Dead Body: I
think I’ll go for a walk…
Large Man: (to
Dead Body that Claims it Isn’t) You’re not fooling anyone you know. (to
Dead Collector) Isn’t there anything you could do ?
Dead Body: I
feel happy ! I feel happy !
(The Dead Collector
looks furtively up and down the street, then knocks the “dead” body out with
his club)
Large Man: Ah.
Thank you very much.
All. See you on Thursday.
-
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Dr. Kosevich: You
have a girl… Unless I cut the wrong cord.
-
9 Months
Delmar: You
work for the railroad, Grandpa ?
Blind Seer: I
work for no man.
Delmar: You
got a name, do you ?
Blind Seer: I
have no name.
Everett: Well
that right there may be the reason you’ve had difficulty finding gainful
employment.
-
O Brother Where art Thou
Danny: Saul,
are you sure you’re ready to do this ?
Saul: If
you ever ask me that question again Daniel, you will not wake up the following
morning.
Danny: He’s
ready.
-
Ocean’s Eleven
Danny: You
look bored.
Rusty: I
am bored !
-
Ocean’s Eleven
(discussing
possible candidates for their crew)
Danny: Phil
Torenteen…
Rusty: Dead.
Danny: No
kidding ? On the job ?
Rusty: Skin
cancer.
Danny: Send
flowers ?
Rusty: Dated
his wife for a while.
-
Ocean’s Eleven
Interviewing DJ: Who’s
your influence, who popped your cherry ?
Lenny: Cap’n
Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters !
-
That Thing You Do
Denton ‘Dragon Slayer’
Van Zan: (re. dragons) Ever see a male ?
Quinn: When
I’m running for my life I generally don’t look back at the pluming.
-
Reign of Fire
Denton ‘Dragon Slayer’ Van Zan: You
see, they have great vision in the day; and even better vision at night. But in
the failing light, they can’t focus – magic hour.
-
Reign of Fire
Denton ‘Dragon Slayer’
Van Zan: We’re going to London.
Quinn: Good
luck. It’s that way.
-
Reign of Fire
Dawn: Oh
my God ! I forgot to tell you something… (breaks off and stares into space)
Heather: Oh,
she does that all the time.
-
The Replacements
Donkey: This’ll
be fun ! We’ll stay up late, swapping manly stories; and in the morning – I’m
making waffles !
-
Shrek
D’Artagnan: (reciting
Aramis’ poem to a barmaid) As morning hues of sunswept…
Aramis: (whispers
prompt) Fire…!
D’Artagnan: …
Fire… caress your poisoned face… (Aramis cringes. D’Artagnan gives up, and
sweeps the barmaid into a kiss)
Porthos: (as
they applaud) I declare, the boy’s a natural !
-
The Three Musketeers
Cardinal Richelieu: You
object to losing your head ?
D’Artagnan: Yes
sir, I like it where it is.
-
The Three Musketeers
Dolores: (to
Eddie, who’s hiding Roger in his pants) Is that a rabbit in your pants or
are you just happy to see me ?
-
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Dorothy: Did
you say something ?
Tin Man: Oilcan.
Dorothy: He
said oilcan !
Scarecrow: Oil
can what ?
Derek: Have
you ever wondered if there was more to life other than being really, really,
ridiculously good looking ?
-
Zoolander
Daredevil: That
white light at the end of the tunnel ? That’s not heaven ! That’s the C train !
-
Daredevil
Daredevil: They
say that right before you die, your life flashes before your eyes. That’s true
– even for a blind man.
-
Daredevil
Doc: (as
the cavalry arrives at a shootout) Billy, we’re good, but this is getting
ridiculous.
Billy the Kid: I
like these odds…
-
Young Guns
Dirty Steve: There
are people who will never secede –
John Tunstall: Succeed
!
Dirty Steve: …
Who will never succeed anywhere.
Richard: There’s
a whole roomful right here.
-
Young Guns
Dirty Steve: (repeated
line) He ain’t all there, is he ?
Elliot: Damn
the Devil ! Damn the Devil to Hell !
-
Bedazzled
Etheline: How
long have you been smoking ?
Margot: Twenty
two years.
Etheline: Well
I think you should quit.
-
The Royal Tenenbaums
Emily: I’ve
seen all your movies.
Cameron: Both
of them ?
-
In and Out
(in a confessional,
with Alejandro posing as a priest)
Elena: I
have broken the fourth commandment, padre.
Alejandro: You
killed somebody ?
Elena: No
! That is not the fourth commandment !
Alejandro: (pause)
Of course not. Tell me, what did you do to break the most sacred of
commandments ?
Elena: I
dishonored my father.
Alejandro: Oh.
Well that is not so bad. Maybe your father deserved it.
-
The Mask of Zorro
Eddie Valiant: I’m
sick of taking falls, I’m bouncing off the walls, when I get done, I’ll have
some fun, I’ll kick you in the –
Roger Rabbit: NOSE
!!!
-
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Eddie: These
are just things you’ve done, not who you are. People make mistakes, you know ?
Who you are is fine. More than fine.
-
28 Days
Elaine: May
I speak with William, please ?
Sapphire: He’s
not here. I think he’s in the bar with the band. They just got back from the
radio station. Is this Maryanne with the pot ?
Elaine: No,
this isn’t Maryanne with the pot. This is Elaine. His mother. Could you please
give him a message ? Could you tell him to call home immediately ? And could
you also tell him – I know what’s going on !
Sapphire: Alright.
But I’m just going to say this, and I’m going to stand by it – you should be
really proud of him. ‘Cause I know guys, and I’ll bet you do too. And he
respects women, and he likes women, and let’s just pause and appreciate
a man like that. You created him out of thin air, and you raised him right, and
we’re all looking out for him. He’s doing a great job, and don’t worry – he’s
still a virgin. And that’s more than I’ve ever said to my own parents, so there
you go… This is the maid speaking, by the way.
-
Almost Famous
Eddie: (carrying
Gwen inside) Eddie Boone, checking in.
Night Tech: You
can’t bring a girl into treatment with you, Eddie.
Eddie: Well
I wasn’t going to keep her.
-
28 Days
Eddie: I’m
a paranoid schizophrenic. I’m my own entourage !
-
America’s Sweethearts
Eddie: Dear
Mom, f**k you.
-
America’s Sweethearts
Executioner: The
prisoner wishes to say a word.
William Wallace: FREEEEE-DOMMMMM
!
-
Braveheart
Earth Girl: Maybe
it’s because she’s a little busy ordering around her little conformist flock of
sheep. Sheep ! You are all sheep. Baa!
-
Can’t Hardly Wait
Ed Wood: I
met Bela Lugosi.
Dolores: Well,
I thought he was dead.
Ed Wood: No,
he’s very much alive… Well, sort of.
-
Ed Wood
Ed Wood: Why,
if I had half a chance, I could make an entire movie using this stock footage.
The story opens on these mysterious explosions. Nobody knows what’s causing
them, but it’s upsetting all the buffalo. So, the military are called in to
solve the mystery.
Film Room Man: You
forgot the octopus.
Ed Wood: No,
no, I’m saving that for my big underwater climax.
-
Ed Wood
Éomer: What
business have an Elf, Man and a Dwarf in the Ridder-Mark ? Speak quickly !
Gimli: Give
me your name, horse master, and I shall give you mine.
Éomer: I
would cut off your head if it were a little higher off the ground.
Legolas: (drawing
his bow and arrow) You would die before your stroke fell.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Emilio: How
can I ever pay you back, Deeds ?
Longfellow Deeds: All
I want is your friendship, man.
Emilio: How
about a billion dollars ?
Longfellow: Okay,
that’s fine too !
-
Mr. Deeds
Ellen: I’m
gonna kill you if I have to ride all the way through hell to do it.
Herod: Do
you have some particular problem with me ?
Ellen: I’ll
letcha know.
-
The Quick and the Dead
Enrico: Look
at us go ! We’re zooming !
Zack: I
told you ! We’re hauling ass !
Enrico: We’re
hauling ass ! Alrighty !
Zack: (jerks
head towards back of delivery truck) Guess what I got back there ?
Enrico: You
just told me. Ass ! We are hauling ass !
-
Rat Race
Enrico: Am
I too late ? Look, I won a gold coin – a gold coin, isn’t it wonderful ? Look
at this room, what a beautiful room, have you seen this room ?
Randy: Yes
! We’re in it.
-
Rat Race
Edward O’Neil: I’ve
seen monkey sh*t fights at the zoo that are more organized than this !
-
The Replacements
(Chas and his sons
walk into his mother’s house loaded with suitcases)
Etheline: Chas
? What’s going on ?
Chas: We
got locked out of our apartment.
Etheline: Well
did you call a locksmith ?
Chas: Uh
huh.
Etheline: Well
I don’t understand. Did you pack your bags before you got locked out ?
-
The Royal Tenenbaums
Eric: Talk
to me, man.
Landon: About
what ?
Eric: About
you; about Jamie.
Landon: What’s
there to talk about ? She’s the best person I’ve ever known.
-
A Walk to Remember
Emerald City Doorman: Nobody
can see the great Oz; nobody’s ever seen the great Oz – even I’ve never
seen him !
Dorothy: Well
then, how do you know there is one ?
-
The Wizard of Oz
Eddie: Here’s
to the pencil pushers. May they all get led poisoning.
-
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Felicia: The
only life I saw for the past million miles were the hypnotized bunnies, and
most of them are now wedged under the tires.
-
Priscilla: Queen of the Desert
FBI Agent: Sir,
we have a national security matter.
Rockhound: Good
for you.
-
Armageddon
Felicity: I
want to see how the 70s and 80s turn out.
Austin: The
70s and 80s ? I’ve looked into it. There’s a gas shortage and a Flock of
Seagulls. That’s. About. It.
-
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Fred: Why
don’t we harpoon Charles straight through the head, drag him back to the
apartment, then hit him with a hammer until he agrees to come back ?
Elizabeth: Harpoon
him through the head… That’s not going to work, Fred.
Fred: Why
not ? How many times have you tried it ?
-
Drop Dead Fred
Frankenfurter: It’s
not easy having a good time. Even smiling makes my face ache.
-
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Fay: I
think sometimes you love someone so much, you have to be numb to it. Because if
you actually felt how much you loved them, it would kill you.
-
Riding in Cars with Boys
Finn: What’s
it like not to feel anything ?
Estella: Let’s
say there was a little girl, and from the time she could understand, she was
taught to fear… let’s say she was taught to fear daylight. She was taught that
it was her enemy, that it would hurt her. And then, one sunny day, you ask her
to go outside and play, and she won’t. You can’t be angry at her, can you ?
Finn: I
know that little girl, and I saw the light in her eyes. And no matter what you
say or do, that’s still what I see.
-
Great Expectations
Frodo: What
do you want ?
Aragorn: A
little more caution from you – that is no trinket you carry.
Frodo: I
carry nothing !
Aragorn: Indeed
? I can avoid being seen if I wish, but to disappear entirely ? That is a rare
gift.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring
Forrest: They
said it was a million-dollar wound, but the army must keep that money coz I
still haven’t seen a nickel of that million dollars.
-
Forrest Gump
Forrest: Lieutenant
Dan sent me a letter – got us invested in some fruit company. He said we didn’t
have to worry about money no more and that’s good – one less thing.
-
Forrest Gump
Frodo: Put
it out, you fools, put it out ! (stomps out campfire)
Pippin: (sarcastic)
Oh, that’s nice – ash on my tomatoes !
-
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring
Frodo: I
am Frodo Baggins, and this is Samwise Gamgee ?
Faramir: Your
bodyguard ?
Sam: His
gardener.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Florist: Sir,
I can’t replace the plant just because you killed it.
Gerhardt: I
did not kill this plant. It was sick or something.
-
28 Days
Frau Farbissima: It’s
a television commercial ! With this cartoon leprechaun; and all of these
children are trying to chase him…! “Hey, Leprechaun man, Leprechaun man ! We
want to get your lucky charms !” Oh ! and there’s all these little tiny bits of
marshmallow just stuck right in the cereal so that when kids eat them they
think, ‘Oh, this is candy, I’m having fun !’
-
Austin Powers: International Man of
Mystery
Fulton: Bumbawe
Atuna… Bumbawe Atuna…
Ace: Bumblebee
tuna ! Bumblebee tuna ! (to tribesman) Excuse me – your balls are
showing. (smiles) Bumblebee tuna !
-
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
Ferris: You
can’t respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn’t work.
-
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Felicia: (singing)
A desert holiday, let’s pack the drag away. You take the lunch and tea, I’ll
take the ecstasy. Fuck off you silly queer, I’m getting out of here ! A desert
holiday, hip-hip-hip hooray !
-
The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the
Desert
Felicia: It’s
so funny you’ll laugh so hard your lashes will curl all by themselves.
-
The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the
Desert
Felicia: So
anyway, back to me.
-
The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of The
Desert
Ferdinand: I
suppose the life of an anorexic duck doesn’t amount to much in the broad scheme
of things.
-
Babe
Ferris: Cameron
is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you would
have a diamond.
-
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Ferris: (making
an atrocious noise with a clarinet) Never had a single lesson !
-
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Forrest: Lieutenant
Dan, what are you doing here ?
Lieutenant Dan: I’m
here to try out my sea legs.
Forrest: But
you ain’t got no legs, Lieutenant Dan.
-
Forrest Gump
Lieutenant Dan: So
where are you boys from ?
Forrest and Bubba: Alabama,
sir !
Lieutenant Dan: (grins)
You guys twins or something ?
Forrest: No
sir, we are not relations.
-
Forrest Gump
Frodo: Before
you came along, we Bagginses were very well thought of.
Gandalf: Indeed.
Frodo: Never
had any adventures or did anything unexpected.
Gandalf: If
you’re referring to the incident with the dragon, I was barely involved…
-
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring
Frodo: If
you ask it of me, I will give you the One Ring.
Galadriel: You
offer it to me freely ? I do not deny that my heart was greatly desired this…
In place of a Dark Lord you would have a Queen ! Not dark, but beautiful and
terrible as the morning ! Treacherous as the Sea ! Stronger than the
foundations of the Earth ! All shall love me and despair ! (stops herself,
and returns to normal) I pass the test. I will diminish, and go into the
West, and remain Galadriel.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring
Frodo: I
can’t do this, Sam !
Sam: I
know. It’s all wrong. By rights, we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s
like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered – full of
darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes, you didn’t want to know the end.
Because how could the end be happy ? How could the world go back to the way it
was when so much bad had happened ? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing,
this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun
shines, it will shine out clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you.
That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I
think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots
of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to
something.
Frodo: What
are we holding on to, Sam ?
Sam: That
there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
French Soldier: I
don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper !
I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father
smelt of elderberries !
-
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
French Soldier: You
don’t frighten us, English pig dogs ! Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a
silly person ! I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King – you and all your
silly English K-nig-hts !
-
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Fozzie: (doing
a stand up comedy routine) There was this sailor that was so fat –
Fat Sailor: How
fat was he ? (breaks bottle and threatens Fozzie with it)
Fozzie: Uh…
He was so fat that everybody liked him and there was nothing funny about him at
all.
-
The Muppet Movie
Fozzie: (re.
their newly painted Studebaker) I don’t know how to thank you guys.
Kermit: I
don’t know why to thank you guys.
-
The Muppet Movie
Father Graham: I
am insane with anger !
-
Signs
Father Graham: (to
Bo, who leaves cups of water all over the house) C’mon now, you’re too old
to be doing this. What’s wrong with this glass of water?
Bo: It’s
got dust floating in it.
Father Graham: And
this one ?
Bo: A
hair.
Father Graham: And
this one ?
Bo: Morgan
took a sip and it’s got his amoebas in it.
-
Signs
Flora: Maleficent
doesn’t know anything about love, or kindness, or the joy of helping others.
You know, sometimes I really don’t think she’s very happy.
-
Sleeping Beauty
Fabrizio: I
can see the Statue of Liberty already… It’s very small, of course.
-
Titanic
Fred: That’s
it ! I hate you ! (kicks Elizabeth and runs away)
-
Drop Dead Fred
Fred: Boo
! (Lizzie screams) Sh*t yourself ?
-
Drop Dead Fred
Fred:
THE MEGABITCH SQUASHED MY HEAD !!!
-
Drop Dead Fred
Fred: Oh,
great ! Mickey fart pants !
-
Drop Dead Fred
Fred: He’s
such an utter girl, isn’t he ?
-
Drop Dead Fred
Genie: (gasps)
They trampled the rug ! That’s a little redundant… (to Carpet) So this
isn’t really a bad day for you, is it ?
-
Aladdin and the King of Thieves
Genie: And
you are ?
Thor: I’m
Thor.
Genie: You’re
Thor ?
Thor: Well
it hurtths !
-
Aladdin and the King of Thieves
Grumpy: Ask
her who she is, and what she’s doing here !
Doc: Ah,
yes. What are you, and who are you doing here ?
-
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Genie: That’s
the trouble with doing the right thing – sometimes, you do it by yourself.
-
Aladdin: The Return of Jafar
Grinch: We
did our worst, and that’s all that matters.
-
The Grinch
George:
I put a gun to my father’s head once. Ever think like that ? He was passed out.
Had just been yelling at my mom over nothing – overcooked meat… I went up to my
room… I held the barrel right up to his ear, and then I chickened out again… Of
course it was a BB gun, but it still would have hurt like hell.
-
Life as a House
Goanna: What’s
a human ?
Batty: Delicious
and nutritious – tastes just like chicken !
-
Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest
Gimli: I
can’t see ! What’s going on ?!
Legolas: Would
you like me to describe it for you ? Or shall I fetch you a box ?
-
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Gingerbread Man: Do
you know the Muffin Man ?
Lord Farquaad: The
Muffin Man ?
Gingerbread Man: The
Muffin Man.
Lord Farquaad: Yes,
I know the Muffin Man… W-Who lives on Drury Lane ?
-
Shrek
Gandalf: What
did you hear ? Speak !
Sam: N-nothing
important. That is, I heard a good deal about a ring, and a Dark Lord, and
something about the end of the world, but… Please, Mr. Gandalf, sir, don’t hurt
me ! Don’t turn me into anything… unnatural !
-
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring
Gwen: Don’t
ever be someone’s slogan, because you are poetry.
-
28 Days
Gimli: It’s
true you don’t see many dwarf women. In fact, they are so alike in voice and
appearance, that they are mistaken for dwarf men.
Aragorn: It’s
the beards.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring
Gordie: It
happens sometimes. Friends come in and out of our lives like busboys in a
restaurant.
-
Stand By Me
Gerhardt:
There’s a time when you can share and you hold hands and be on the same path.
But there’s always a fork in the road… at some point. And sometimes you have to
go on one part of the fork and they gotta go on the other part of the fork. Or
just down the back part of the fork while you go forward. And they’re like… (sighs)
Or they got a salad fork and you have one of the big dinner forks and you have
longer to go but they’re like done because that’s it, they’re stuck on a piece
of food that they… (sigh) A desert fork or like one of those, you know
small little shrimp forks or crab forks and you’re trying to get out a crab.
They’re like that and you’re over here jumping to the huge serving fork or
something like that, or a ladle, you know ?
-
28 Days
George: I
own the hotel and live there. So you can pretty much say that my life is like
Monopoly.
-
Two Weeks’ Notice
Gonzo: It
just feels so weird.
Rizzo: You
mean that Mr. Aeral’s dead ?
Gonzo: Yeah,
that and my pants are filled with starfish.
Rizzo: You
and your hobbies !
-
Muppet Treasure Island
Gimli: It’s
luck you live by, lad… Let’s hope it lasts the night.
Legolas: Your
friends are with you, Aragorn.
Gimli: Let’s
hope they last the night.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Gimli: You’ll
find more cheer in a graveyard.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Gomez: He
has my father’s eyes.
Morticia: Gomez,
take those out of his mouth.
-
Addams Family Values
Gomez: They
say that a man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. And
with God as my witness, I am that fool !
-
The Addams Family
General Kimsey: The
fate of the planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards I wouldn’t trust with
a potato gun !
-
Armageddon
Garland Greene: He’s
a fountain of misplaced rage – name your cliché. Mother held him too much or
not enough, last picked at kickball, late night sneaky uncle, whatever. Now
he’s so angry that moments of levity actually cause him pain – give him
headaches. Happiness, for that gentleman, hurts.
-
Con Air
Georgie: I
don’t make major motion pictures. I make crap.
Ed Wood: Yes,
but if you take that crap and put a star in it, then you’ve got something.
Georgie: Yeah;
crap with a star.
-
Ed Wood
George: Dog
eat dog ? Dog eat dog here ? George never bring Shep here ! Uh-uh ! Never !
-
George of the Jungle
Grinch: Cindy,
we may be horribly mangled, but there’ll be no sad faces on Christmas !
-
The Grinch
George: I
can tell you I love you as many times as you can stand to hear it, but all it
does is remind us that love is not enough.
-
Life as a House
George: Change
can be so constant, you don’t even feel the difference until there is one.
-
Life as a House
Galadriel: Even
the smallest person can change the course of the future.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring
Galadriel: The
Quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail, to
the ruin of all… Yet hope remains while the Company is true.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring
Gollum: (to
Sam) Stupid, fat hobbit !
-
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Gimli: Toss
me !
Aragorn: What
?!
Gimli: I
cannot jump the distance – you’ll have to toss me ! (pause) Don’t tell
the elf !
-
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Gandalf: “Gandalf”
? That was what they used to call me… Gandalf the Grey… I am Gandalf the
White. And I come back to you now – at the turn of the tide.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Gonzo: Rizzo,
come here, my Capt’n Alphabet is sending me a message – R U THERE.
Rizzo: Are
you sure it didn’t say are you nuts ?!
-
Muppets from Space
Gonzo: I
had that weird dream again.
Rizzo: You
mean the one with the goat and the dwarf and the jar of peanut butter ?
-
Muppets from Space
George: It’s
amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy.
-
My Best Friend’s Wedding
George: The
misery ! The exquisite tragedy ! The Susan Hayward of it all !
-
My Best Friend’s Wedding
Gene: You’re
out of your mind !
Mr. Smith: What’s
your point ?
-
Nick of Time
Gabriel: I’m
not a child !
Benjamin: You’re
my child !
-
The Patriot
Grace: I’m
not stupid, Matthew, I know what this is.
Matthew: What
is it ?
Grace: This
is hemp.
Matthew: (tries
to sound shocked) Is it ?
-
Saving Grace
Guy: You
are my biggest fan.
Dell Paxton: Thanks.
-
That Thing You Do
Guy: When
will the records be ready ?
Uncle Bob: Luke
21:19.
The Bass Player: “In
your patience possess ye your souls.”
Lenny: Luke
? Who’s Luke ? When will the records be ready ?!
-
That Thing You Do
George: You
make Ghandi look like a used car sales man !
-
Two Weeks’ Notice
Gilbert: You
know what ? You’re such a big boy.
Arnie: Yeah
!
Gilbert: You’re
such a big boy.
Arnie: I’m
a big boy !
Gilbert: You
know what ? I bet you could do this all by yourself if you really wanted to.
Could you do this by yourself ?
Arnie: I’m
a big boy !
Gilbert: Yeah,
you’re a big boy. Now take this… (gives Arnie a washcloth)
Arnie: Take
this…
Gilbert: …
Wash everything. Your towels are there.
Arnie: Okay
!
Gilbert: And
your robe is there.
Arnie: Okay
! The big boy is gonna wash himself !
-
What’s Eating Gilbert Grape
(Pluto sniffs
around in the opposite direction of where Donald is going)
Goofy: Uh,
Donald, ya know, I betcha that…
Donald Duck: Aw,
what do you know, ya big palooka !
Goofy: Hmm…
What do I know ?
-
Kingdom Hearts
Georgey: Dad,
what’s a rack ?
Peter: (snatches
porn magazine from him) It’s a country !
-
Bringin’ Down the House
Genie: Pool’s
a man’s game, so being a rug you’ll be at a disadvantage… (carpet wins)
Ahh, pool’s a dumb game anyway.
-
Aladdin: The Return of Jafar
Genie: Al,
trying to show your dad a better life wasn’t stupid… Leaving him alone with the
parrot – that was stupid.
-
Aladdin and the King of Thieves
Guy at Police Station:
You were too much eye makeup. My sister wears too much.
People think she’s a whore.
-
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Goofy: (half
asleep) How many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon ?
-
A Goofy Movie
Hoot: When
I get home, people’ll ask me, “Hey Hoot, why do ya do it, man ? Why ? Just some
war junkie ?” Ya know what I’ll say? I won’t say a goddamn word. Why ? They
won’t understand. They won’t understand why we do it. They won’t understand
that it’s about the men next to you, and that’s it. That’s all it is.
-
Black Hawk Down
Hermione: Now,
if you two don’t mind, I’m going to bed before either of you come up with
another clever idea to get us killed – or worse – expelled. (flounces off)
Ron: She
really needs to sort out her priorities.
-
Harry Potter & the Philosopher’s
Stone
Hermione: Even
in the wizarding world, hearing voices isn’t a good sign.
-
Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets
Henslowe: Strangely
enough, it all turns out well.
Fennyman: How
?
Henslowe: I
don’t know, it’s a mystery.
-
Shakespeare in Love
Hamish: Where
are you going ?
William: I’m
going to pick a fight.
Hamish: Well
we didn’t get dressed up for nothing.
-
Braveheart
Hunter: In
my humble opinion, in the nuclear world, the true enemy is war itself.
-
Crimson Tide
Harry: Not
to be rude or anything, but right now isn’t a very good time for me to have a
house elf in my bedroom.
-
Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets
Hermione: Maybe
we should ask him.
Ron: Oh,
that’d be a pleasant visit. “Hello, Hagrid. I’m fine, thanks. Tell me, have you
been setting anything mad and hairy loose in the castle ?”
-
Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets
Harry: We
get it. We got it the first time. We got it the last forty-seven times. It
ain’t funny.
-
Andre
Harry: The
United States Government just asked us to save the world. Anybody wanna say no
?
-
Armageddon
Harry: Just
a little help, God. That’s all I’m asking.
Max: I
think we’re close enough, He might have heard you.
-
Armageddon
Harvey: I
don’t know – Kate’s a special lady.
Terry: Kate
is an iceberg waiting for the Titanic.
-
Bandits
History teacher: Who
was Joan of Arc ?
Ted: Noah’s
wife ?
-
Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
Holly:
You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul:
The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly:
No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too
long - you're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're
afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling ?
Paul:
Sure.
Holly:
Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and
go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away.
-
Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Hopper: First
rule of leadership – everything is your fault !
-
A Bug’s Life
Hopper: I
swear, if I hadn’t promised mother on her deathbed that I wouldn’t kill you, I
would kill you !
-
A Bug’s Life
Happy Jack: I’m
paid to uphold the law.
Bill the Butcher: What
the hell are you talking about ?
-
Gangs of New York
Hagrid: Dry
up, Dursley, you great prune !
-
Harry Potter & the Philosopher’s
Stone
Hula Teacher:
Lilo, why are you all wet?
Lilo: It's
sandwich day ! (off everyone’s look, she sighs and explains) Every
Thursday I take Pudge the fish a peanut-butter sandwich.
Hula Teacher:
Pudge is a fish ?
Lilo:
And today we were out of peanut butter. I asked my sister what to give him, and
she said, "A tuna sandwich." I can't give Pudge tuna
! (whispers to teacher) Do you
know what tuna is ?
Hula Teacher: Fish.
Lilo: IT’S
FISH !!! If I gave Pudge tuna, I’d be an abomination ! I’m late because
I had to go to the store, and get peanut butter, ‘cause all we have is - is…
stinking TUNA !!!!
Hula Teacher: Lilo,
why is this so important to you ?
Lilo: (serious
and calm) Pudge controls the weather.
-
Lilo & Stitch
Haldir: I
bring word from Lord Elrond of Rivendell. An Alliance once existed between Men
and Elves. We fought together and we died together. We are here to honor that
Alliance.
Aragorn: Haldir,
you are most welcome !
Haldir: We
are proud to fight alongside Men once again.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Huey: Can
I just pull on your wings to see how they’re attached ?
Michael: Why
don’t you pull on your pecker to see how it’s attached ?
-
Michael
Howard: There
will come a time, boy, when you’ll wish you never met me.
Jack: Mister,
I’m already there.
-
Speed
Helen: Are
they going to help us ?
Stephens: Sure
they are, they’re the police. Hey, your taxes are paying their salaries – we
die, they gotta take a pay cut.
-
Speed
Harry: You
shot me, I can’t believe it. They’re giving you a medal for shooting me, you
little prick !
Jack: Harry
– you told me to.
-
Speed
Hansel:
I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I
was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard
Gere's a real hero of mine… Sting. Sting would be another person who's a
hero... The music he's created over the years - I don't really listen to it,
but the fact that he's making it - I respect that. I care desperately about
what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling ? No. Do I know what I'm doing
today ? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.
-
Zoolander
Howie: All
the cool points are out the window, and you got me all twisted up in the game.
-
Bringin’ Down the House
Inigo: Hello.
My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
-
The Princess Bride
Iago: That’s
it. All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
-
Aladdin: Return of Jafar
Ira: Ira
Kane, head of the Science department, Glen Canyon Community College.
Harry: Harry
Block, Geology professor, Glen Canyon Community College.
Wayne: Wayne
Grey… I took some chemistry in high school.
-
Evolution
Inigo: That
Vizzini, he can fuss.
Fezzik: Fuss…
fuss… I think he likes to scream at us.
Inigo: Probably
he means no harm.
Fezzik: He’s
really very short on charm.
Inigo: You
have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes,
yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough
of that !
Inigo: Fezzik,
are there rocks ahead ?
Fezzik: If
there are, we’ll all be dead.
Vizzini: No
more rhymes now – I mean it !
Fezzik: Anybody…
want a peanut ?
(Vizzini screams
with frustration)
-
The Princess Bride
Inigo: I
do not mean to pry, but you don’t by any chance happen to have six fingers on
your right hand ?
Westley: Do
you always begin conversations this way ?
-
The Princess Bride
Ichabod: It
was a headless horseman !
Baltus:
You must not excite yourself.
Ichabod: But
it was a headless horseman !
Baltus: Of
course it was. That’s why you’re here.
Ichabod: No,
you must believe me. It was a horseman – a dead one ! Headless !
Baltus: I
know, I know.
Ichabod: You
don’t know because you weren’t there… It’s all true !
Baltus: Of
course it is. I told you – everyone told you.
Ichabod: (in
a high-pitched whisper of horror) I saw him !!! (faints)
-
Sleepy Hollow
Judge: …
And there be hanged by the neck till he be dead, dead, dead ! Now do you have
anything to say, young man ?
Billy the Kid: Yes
I do, your honor. You can go to hell, hell, hell ! (bursts into laughter)
-
Young Guns II
Joe: Don’t you love New York in the fall ? It
makes me want to buy school supplies.
-
You’ve Got Mail
Joe: It
wasn’t personal.
Kathleen: What
is that supposed to mean ? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it
wasn’t personal to you. But it was personal to me.
-
You’ve Got Mail
Joe:
If I hadn’t been Fox Books and you hadn’t been The Shop Around the
Corner, and you and I had just met…
Kathleen:
I know.
Joe:
Yeah, yeah. I would have asked for your number. And I wouldn’t have been able
to wait twenty-four hours before calling you up and saying, ‘Hey, how about…?
Oh, how about some coffee, or drinks, or dinner, or a movie… for as long as we
both shall live ?’
-
You’ve Got Mail
Joon: (watching
Sam making a toasted cheese sandwich with an iron) Some cultures are
defined by their relationship to cheese.
-
Benny & Joon
Jessica Rabbit:
I ambushed him, hit him in the head with a frying pan, and put him in the trunk
– so he doesn’t get hurt.
Eddie Valiant:
Makes perfect sense.
- Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Jack: Tell
me again Harry – why did I take this job ?
Harry: Oh
come on. Thirty more years of this, you’ll get a tiny pension and a cheap gold
watch.
Jack: Cool.
-
Speed
John Smith: I’d
rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you.
-
Pocahontas
Jason:
You will go out there.
Alexander:
I won’t, and nothing you say will make me !
Jason:
The show must go on.
Alexander:
Damn you. (goes onstage)
-
Galaxy Quest
Judge:
Mr. Reede, one more word out of you, and I will hold you in contempt.
Fletcher:
I hold myself in contempt ! Why should you be any different ?!
-
Liar Liar
Joe:
Careful Bill – you’ll give yourself a heart attack and ruin my vacation.
-
Meet Joe Black
Jerry:
You’re missing the grand design here ! If I don’t go, I’m dead ! Yeah ! And
it’s a little hard to carry on a relationship when I’m stuffed with straw and
formaldehyde !
- The Mexican
Janet:
What have you done with Brad ?
Frankenfurter:
Nothing… Why, do you think I should ?
-
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
John Urgayle: Pain
is your friend; it is your ally. Pain reminds you to finish the job and get the
hell home. Pain tells you when you have been seriously wounded. And you know
what the best thing about pain is ? It lets you know you’re not dead yet !
-
G.I. Jane
Jerry:
Yeah. You’re “just doing your job.”
Ted:
Hey, I do what I have to, okay ?
Jerry:
Would you listen to yourself ?! You sound like Schultz from Hogan’s Heroes
!
- The Mexican
Jenny:
His name’s Forrest.
Forrest:
Like me.
Jenny:
I named him after his Daddy.
Forrest:
He got a Daddy named Forrest too ?
-
Forrest Gump
J:
That’s just very funny to me… Y – y’all ain’t laughin’, though.
- Men in Black
Jack:
You suck.
Peter:
I suck, or the outfit sucks ?
Jack:
It’s a toss-up.
- While You Were Sleeping
John:
When they opened Disneyland in 1956, nothing worked.
Ian:
Yeah but John, if the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don’t
eat the tourists.
- Jurassic Park
Jay:
When was the last time you had a CAT scan ?
Kay:
About six months ago – it’s company policy.
Jay:
Right, I think you should make another appointment.
-
Men in Black
Jim: And
there is no such thing as a ‘no sale’ call. A sale is made on every call you
make. Either you sell the client some stock or he sells you a reason he can’t.
Either way a sale is made, the only question is – who is gonna close ? Your or
him ? Now be relentless, that’s it, I’m done.
-
Boiler Room
Jay: Alright,
but let’s say we’re caught in a situation where we’ve got like five minutes to
live, like a bomb or something is gonna go off. Would you f**k us then ?
Bethany: In
that highly unlikely situation ? Yeah, sure.
Jay: She’s
a slut ! Bunnng !
-
Dogma
(Gordon produces a
notebook and pencil on wrist springs)
Jim West: You
know, you could put a gun on that.
Artemus Gordon: Then
where would I keep my pencil ?
-
Wild Wild West
Jay: No
wonder he saw Jesus – homey’s rockin’ the ganj !
-
Dogma
Jeff Dearly: (re.
paycheck) I want half – and don’t give me none of that ‘fifty-percent’ shit
!
-
Drowning Mona
Jesse: I
refuse to play your Chinese food mind games !
-
Dude, Where’s My Car
Jesse: Have
you seen my car ?
Christie: Yeah.
Jesse: You
have ?
Christie: Well,
I saw the backseat.
Jesse: No,
I’m talking about the whole thing.
-
Dude, Where’s My Car
Jenny: I
wish I could have been there with you.
Forrest: You
were.
-
Forrest Gump
Jason: Am
I too late for Alexander’s panic attack ? (Alex hides his face in despair)
Apparently not.
-
Galaxy Quest
Jason: Where
are you going ?
Alexander: To
see if there’s a pub !
-
Galaxy Quest
Jack: Hi,
can I get you a drink ?
Page: Wow
! I’ve never heard that one before. You really blow me away with your
creativity.
Jack: Well
I…
Page: “Well
I… uh…” Your recovery’s even better ! Do you even care at all who I am ? I
could be the Antichrist or have the intelligence of a thermos but unfortunately
those are not the matters the male penis ponders. So please – tell me. Why did
you walk all the way over here to ask to get me a drink ?
Jack: Well…
because… I’m the bartender.
-
Heartbreakers
Julius: David.
What the hell are you doing ?
David: Making
a mess !
Julius: Yes.
This I can see.
-
Independence Day
Julius: “All
you need is love.” John Lennon – smart man. Shot in the back, very sad.
-
Independence Day
(A line of
prisoners file past a jailer)
Jailer: Crucifixion
?
Prisoner: Yes.
Jailer: Good.
Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each. (next prisoner approaches)
Jailer: Crucifixion
?
Prisoner 2: Er,
no, freedom actually.
Jailer: What
?
Prisoner 2: Yeah,
they said I hadn’t done anything and I could go and live on an island
somewhere.
Jailer: Oh
I say, that’s very nice. Well, off you go then.
Prisoner 2: No,
I’m just pulling your leg – it’s crucifixion really !
Jailer: (laughing)
Oh yes, very good. Well –
Prisoner 2: Yes
I know, out of the door, one cross each, line on the left.
-
Monty Python: The Life of Brian
Joe: Don’t
be feisty, sista.
Jamaican woman: I
not be feisty mista. You com’ for me that’s good news.
Joe: Can
do no right by people. I com’ to take you, you want to stay – I leave you stay,
you want to go.
-
Meet Joe Black
J: You
do know Elvis is dead, right ?
K: No,
Elvis isn’t dead. He just went home.
-
Men in Black
J: You
probably don’t remember me, but we used to work together.
Kevin: (re.
J’s black suit) I don’t remember working in a funeral home.
-
Men in Black II
J: What
are you doing ?
K: I
always do the driving.
J: Oh
no.
K: I
remember that.
J: No,
you drive that old busted joint. I drive – the new hotness. (points at K)
Old and busted. (points at himself) New hotness.
-
Men in Black II
J: Worms
! Give me some cover fire !
Worms: Too
scared, can’t move !
- Men in Black II
Jerry: I
need a lift in your el truck-o to the next town-o !
-
The Mexican
Jerry: I
don’t know what it takes ! I’m new in the f**k-you business !
-
The Mexican
Julianne:
Michael... I love you. I've loved you for nine years, I've just been too
arrogant and scared to realize it, and... well, now I'm just scared. So, I
realize this comes at a very inopportune time but I really have this gigantic
favor to ask of you. Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy. Oh, that
sounds like three favors, doesn't it?
-
My Best Friend’s Wedding
Julianne:
I'm pond scum. Well, lower actually. I'm like the fungus that feeds on pond
scum.
Michael:
Lower. The pus, that infects the mucus, that cruds up the fungus, that feeds on
the pond scum. On the other hand, thank you for loving me that much, that way.
It's pretty flattering.
Julianne:
(starting to cry) Except it makes me fungus.
-
My Best Friend’s Wedding
Julianne: You’re
going to humiliate me, aren’t you ?
George: Only
if I can.
-
My Best Friend’s Wedding
Jeanie: Why
should he get to ditch when everyone else has to go ?
Guy at Police Station:
You could ditch.
Jeanie: I’d
get caught.
Guy at Police Station:
Then your problem is you.
Jeanie: Excuse
me ?
Guy at Police Station:
Excuse you.
-
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Justin: Feel
my aura.
Vada: I
don’t think I’m allowed to.
-
My Girl
Josie:
That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes
hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that
that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of
your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh
and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared
that that it will go away all at the same time.
-
Never Been Kissed
Josie: (on
the phone to her brother while eating pie, after accidentally getting stoned)
… You know what’s a weird word ? Fork… Oh my God – someone ate my entire pie !
I don’t know how that happened !
-
Never Been Kissed
Jasper: Come
out, puppies. I’m not going to hurt you.
Horace: I
thought we were gonna pop ‘em off.
Jasper: Shut
up !
-
101 Dalmatians
Johnny: I
used to talk about killing myself all the time, man. But I don't wanna die now.
It ain't long enough. Sixteen years ain't gonna be long enough. I wish there
was so much stuff I never seen. So many damn things I ain't seen enough. That
time we were at Windrixville was the only time I've ever been away from my neighborhood.
-
The Outsiders
John Herod: This
is my town ! I make the rules ! If you live to see the dawn, it’s because I
allow it !
-
The Quick and the Dead
McGinty: You
know what the difference is between a winner and a loser ?
Shane: The
score.
-
The Replacements
McGinty: A
real man admits his fears. That’s what I’m asking you to do here tonight. Who
wants to go first ?
Clifford: I’m
afraid of spiders, Coach.
-
The Replacements
McGinty: (to
Nigel) You’re looking at a 65-yard field goal here.
Nigel: (to
Falco) You just hold the ball, Shane, and I’ll kick the bloody piss out of
it.
-
The Replacements
Janet: What
have you done to Brad ?
Frank: Nothing…
Why, do you think I should ?
-
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Janet: You
killed them !
Magenta: (calmly;
to Riff Raff) But I thought you liked them. They liked you.
Riff Raff: THEY
DIDN’T LIKE ME ! THEY NEVER LIKED ME !
-
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Janet: If
only we were amongst friends… or sane persons…!
-
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Jonah: Talk
to her, dad. She’s a doctor.
Sam: Of
what ? Her first name could be ‘Doctor.’
-
Sleepless in Seattle
Jack: It’s
a game. If he gets the money he wins, if the bus blows up he wins.
Annie: What
if you win ?
Jack: Then
tomorrow we’ll play another one.
Annie: But
I’m not available to drive tomorrow – busy.
-
Speed
Jack: We’ve
got to do something about these hostages.
Harry: We’re
not gonna shoot them are we ?
-
Speed
Jimmy: (calling
after Faye as she leaves) I shoulda dumped you in Pittsburgh ! (turns to
the group) Which one of you butts told them we were engaged ?
Mr. White: The
same person that said you had class, Jimmy.
-
That Thing You Do
(as Jack is trying
to stop Rose, who is trying to commit suicide by jumping from the ship)
Rose: You’re
crazy !
Jack: That’s
what everybody says, but – with all due respect, miss – I’m not the one hanging
off the back of a ship, here.
-
Titanic
James: This
is a place for crazy people. I’m not crazy.
Dr. Peters: We
don’t use the term ‘crazy’, Mr. Cole.
James: Well
you’ve got some real nuts here.
-
12 Monkeys
June: Do
you know what I like even more than chess ?
George: Pokémon
?
-
Two Weeks’ Notice
Jimmy: The
meat’s fine, the lettuce is fine, but if you bring me another hamburger with
mayonnaise on it, I’ll cut off your legs, set fire to your house and then watch
you try to crawl out of your burning house with bloody stumps.
-
The Whole Nine Yards
Jim West: I
thought I’d go as a government agent who’s going to shoot and kill General
Bloodbath McGrath.
Artemus Gordon: An
armed Negro cowboy costume in a room full of white, Southern, former slave
owners. You’ll win first prize.
-
Wild Wild West
Jim West: I
have a telegram for a Dr. Loveless. It’s from his mother Irene. She’s telling
him to come on home. Stop all this foolishness.
-
Wild Wild West
Jim West: I’d
like to have everyone’s attention for a moment. It seems we have had a series
of major misunderstandings here tonight. First of all, the whole ‘drummin’ on
the boobies’ thing. Now in my native land –
Someone in Crowd: Georgia
?
Jim West: (rolling
eyes) Africa… We use drums to communicate between villages. And as you can
see by this gal, we could communicate all the way to Baton Rouge. Hell, on a
clear night, we might even get Galveston. All I was saying to this gal was ‘Hi,
how ya doin’ ? My name’s Jim… How’s your momma ?’ Then there was this whole
‘redneck’ comment. And I’m sensing that you took that negatively. But let’s
break down that word ‘redneck.’ First word – red. Color of power, fire,
passion. Second word neck… neck… Hey, I can’t think of nothing for neck right
now, but without that you still got red and that’s something to be proud of…
-
Wild Wild West
Joe: You’re
crazy about him.
Kathleen: Yes.
I am.
Joe: Then
why don’t you run off with him ? What are you waiting for ?
Kathleen: We
only know each other… Oh, God, you’re not going to believe this…
Joe: Let
me guess. From the Internet.
Kathleen: Yes.
Joe: “You
have mail.”
Kathleen: Yes.
Joe: Very
powerful words.
Kathleen: Yes.
-
You’ve Got Mail
Jack: You
can do anything if you’re not afraid.
-
Daredevil
(Watching three
Imperial guards at sword practice)
Jedediah’s wife: They’re
not like any Injuns I ever seen, Jedediah.
Jedediah: That’s
because they’re not Injuns, woman ! They’re Jews !
-
Shanghai Noon
Jeff: Don’t
worry about me, I’m easy to forget, I’M ONLY THE F**KING LEAD SINGER !!!
-
Almost Famous
Pyro: You
know those ‘dangerous mutants’ you hear about on the news ? I’m the worst one.
-
X-2
Joon: Maybe
I should invite him back in.
Benny: Yeah,
before someone sticks a stamp on his head and mails him to Guam.
-
Benny & Joon
Jerry: One
more word outta you and I will crash this f**king car ! One more word Sam and I
swear, I swear to f**king God Sam, one more word…!
Sam: (making
up a word) Naugahyde !
Jerry: Okay
! (attempts to crash car)
-
The Mexican
Jim: Without
the map, we’re dead. If we try to leave, we’re dead. If we stay here…
Morph: (imitating
Jim) “We’re dead, we’re dead, we’re dead !”
-
Treasure Planet
John:
Now you listen to me, James Hawkins. You got the makings of greatness in you,
but you got to take the helm and chart your own course. Stick to it, no matter
the squalls! And when the time comes you get the chance to really test the cut
of your sails, and show what you're made of, well, I hope I'm there catching
some of the light coming off you that day.
-
Treasure Planet
Kuzco: No
touchy !
-
The Emperor’s New Groove
Kermit: Life’s
a movie, write your own ending.
-
The Muppet Movie
Kenickie: A
hickey from Kenickie is like a Hallmark card – when you care enough to send the
very best.
-
Grease
Kate:
Maybe that whole love thing is just a grown-up version of Santa Claus; just a
myth we’ve been fed since childhood. So, we keep buying magazines, joining
clubs and doing therapy and watching movies with hit pop songs played over love
montages all in a pathetic attempt to explain why our love Santa keeps getting
stuck in the chimney.
- Kate & Leopold
K: Imagine
a giant cockroach, with unlimited strength; a massive inferiority complex and a
real short temper is tear-assing around Manhattan in a brand new Edgar suit.
-
Men in Black
K: 1500
years ago, everybody knew that the earth was the center of the universe.
500 years ago, everybody knew that the earth was flat. And 15 minutes
ago you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you’ll know
tomorrow.
-
Men in Black
Kingpin: Is
there anything else ?
Bullseye: Yeah.
I want a bloody costume.
-
Daredevil
Kingpin: Was
that really necessary ?
Bullseye: Necessary
? No – it was fun.
-
Daredevil
Leonardo DaVinci: You
cannot leave everything to fate, boy. She’s got a lot to do. Sometimes you must
give her a hand.
-
Ever After
Lieutenant Dan: Have
you found God yet, Gump ?
Forrest: I
didn’t know I was supposed to be looking for him.
-
Forrest Gump
Lilo: Leave
me to die.
-
Lilo & Stitch
Legolas: (to
Aragorn, in Elvish) You’re late. (in English) You look terrible.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Lockhart: Amazing
! This is just like magic !
-
Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets
Lion: Alright,
I’ll go in there for Dorothy. Wicked Witch or no Wicked Witch, guards or no
guards, I’ll tear them apart. I may not come out alive, but I’m going in there.
There’s only one thing I want you fellows to do.
Tin Man &
Scarecrow: What’s that ?
Lion: Talk
me out of it.
-
The Wizard of Oz
Lilo: Did
you lose your job because of Stitch and me ?
Nani: Nah…
The manager’s a vampire and he wanted me to join his legion of the undead.
Lilo: (under
her breath) I knew it.
-
Lilo & Stitch
Lilo: Can’t
you go any faster ?
Nani: (stops)
Oh no ! Gravity is increasing on me !
Lilo: No
it’s not !
Nani: It
is too Lilo, the same thing happened yesterday.
Lilo: You
rotten sister, your butt is crushing me !
-
Lilo & Stitch
Lockhart: Hello…!
Who are you ?
Ron: Ron
Weasley.
Lockhart: And,
er… Who am I ?
Ron: (to
Harry) Lockhart’s memory charm backfired ! He has no idea who he is !
Lockhart: This
is an odd sort of place isn’t it ? Do you live here ?
-
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Lanie: I
met a homeless guy and he had a vision.
Cal: You
mean like ESPN ?
Lanie: No,
he had ESP – there’s no ‘N.’
-
Life or Something Like It
Louis: Your
honor, ladies and gentlemen, I don’t think it’s very fair to call my clients
frauds. Sure, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was trapped in an
elevator for two hours and I had to make the time. But I don’t blame them,
because one time, I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you.
-
Ghostbusters II
Lucy: You
are the most selfish man on the planet !
George: Well
that’s just silly – have you met everyone on the planet ?
-
Two Weeks’ Notice
Lev: American
components, Russian components – all made in Taiwan !
-
Armageddon
Loki: I’ve
heard a rant like this before.
Bartleby: What’d
you say ?
Loki: I
said I’ve heard a rant like this before.
Bartleby: Don’t
you do it…
Loki: You
sound like the Morning Star.
Bartleby: You
shut your f**king mouth !!!
Loki: You
sound like Lucifer man ! You’ve f**king lost it !!! You’re not talking
about going home anymore, you’re talking about f**king war on God.
I say f**k that. I have seen what happens to the proud when they take on the
throne ! I’m going back to Wisconsin.
Bartleby: We’re
going home, Loki ! And not you, not even the Almighty Himself is going
to make that otherwise.
-
Dogma
Leeloo: Leeloo
Dallas mul-ti-pass. Multi-pass.
Korben: Yeah,
this is my wife, Leeloo.
Leeloo: Multi-pass.
Korben: …
Newlywed, just married…
Leeloo: Multi-pass.
Korben: (to
Leeloo) Yes, she knows it’s a multi-pass !!! (to attendant)
Anyways, we’re in love.
-
The Fifth Element
Lenny: Oh
I’m not here with these fellas. I have a pig in competition over at the
Livestock Pavilion – and I’m gonna win that blue ribbon !
-
That Thing You Do
Lenny: Here’s
the thing: we aren’t the Wonders right now. We’re Captain Geech and the Shrimp
Shack Shooters !
-
That Thing You Do
Lt. Jordan: What
did they give you the Navy Cross for ?
Master Chief Urgayle: During
the Gulf War I pulled a 300-pound man out of a burning tank.
Lt. Jordan: So
stopping to save a man makes you a hero, but if a man stops to help a woman
soldier, it means he’s gone soft ?
-
G.I. Jane
Lisa: Some
advice, okay ? Just don’t point your f**kin’ finger at crazy people !
-
Girl, Interrupted
Littlefoot’s mother: Let
your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen carefully.
-
The Land Before Time
Lilo: I’m
sorry I bit you… and pulled your hair… and punched you in the face…
-
Lilo & Stitch
Lilo: (making
voodoo dolls of her classmates) My friends need to be punished.
-
Lilo & Stitch
Legolas: A
red sun rises – blood has been spilled this night.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Lord Vortigern: Patience
isn’t one of my virtues.
Merlin: You
have so few of those, I wouldn’t worry about that one.
-
Merlin
Leroy: Jerry,
I want you to know. You’re the craziest f**k I ever met.
-
The Mexican
Lion: I
do believe in spooks. I do believe in spooks. I do I do
I do ! I do believe in spooks. I do believe in spooks. I do
I do I do !
Wicked Witch of the
West: You’ll believe in more than that before I’m
finished with you !
-
The Wizard of Oz
Lion: (crying)
You’re right, I am a coward ! I haven’t any courage at all. I even scare
myself. Look at the circles under my eyes – I haven’t slept in weeks.
Tin Man: Why
don’t you try counting sheep ?
Lion: That
doesn’t do any good – I’m afraid of ‘em. (sobs loudly)
Scarecrow: Ah,
that’s too bad.
-
The Wizard of Oz
Lion: (to
Tin Man) Come on, get up and fight, you shivering junkyard ! (to
Scarecrow) And put your hands up, you lopsided bag of hay !
Scarecrow: Now
that’s getting personal, Lion.
Tin Man: Yes.
(to Scarecrow) Get up and teach him a lesson.
Scarecrow: Well,
what’s wrong with you teaching him ?
Tin Man: Well
I hardly know him.
-
The Wizard of Oz
Leroy: A
lot of people are under the impression that you get to choose who you love.
-
The Mexican
Longfellow Deeds: What
are you in for ?
Crazy Eyes: I
bit the mailman. (waves hands around) He was doing some sort of wizard
magic on me.
Longfellow Deeds: You
sure about that ?
Crazy Eyes: (still
waving hand) Not exactly, he might have been waving.
-
Mr. Deeds
(after the kids
find out that their father is Mrs. Doubtfire)
Lydia: Who
did this to you ?
Daniel: Uncle
Frank and Auntie Jack.
-
Mrs. Doubtfire
Shakes: The
future lay sparkling ahead, and we thought we would know each other forever.
-
Sleepers
Lenny: There
he goes, off to his room, to write that hit song, Alone in my Principles.
-
That Thing You Do
(when Jimmy is
reluctant to sign a management contract)
Lenny: Are
you crazy ? A man in a really nice camper wants to put our song on the radio !
Gimme a pen, I’m signin’; you’re signing – we’re all signing !
-
That Thing You Do
Landon: I’ll
always miss her. Her love is like the wind. I can’t see it but I can feel it.
-
A Walk to Remember
Larry Zoolander: I
just thank the Lord she didn’t leave to see her son as a mermaid.
Derek Zoolander: Merman
! (coughs) Merman !
-
Zoolander
(after DaVinci
opens a locked door by removing the pins from the hinges)
Louise: Why
– that was pure genius !
Leonardo DaVinci: Yes
– I shall go down in history as the man who opened a door !
-
Ever After
Mugatu: (unveils
model) I give you – the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids who Can’t Read Good
!
Derek: What
is this ? (throws model to floor) A center for ants ?! How can we
be expected to teach children to learn how to read when they can’t even fit
inside the building ? It must be at least… (thinks for a moment) …thirty
times this size !
-
Zoolander
Muhammad Ali: Aw
man. Six million termites, and you don’t know nada, ‘til one morning you go to
get something to eat and bust right through the floor.
-
Ali
Mr. White: It’s
very important that you don’t stink today.
Lenny: Hey
– I make no guarantees !
-
That Thing You Do
Mr. Tinkles: (to
Calico; after setting the room on fire) I want you to stay here.
Calico: Why
?
Mr. Tinkles: Because
I hate you.
-
Cats & Dogs
Mitch: That’s
bulls**t ! You just bulls**ted NASA !
-
The Dish
(Miguel and Tulio
are stranded at sea in a boat with a horse, Altivo)
Miguel: Tulio,
did you ever imagine it would end like this ?
Tulio: The
horse is a surprise.
-
The Road to El Dorado
Master Chief John
Urgayle: If I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.
-
G.I. Jane
Mrs. Gloop: My
son ! He’ll be made into marshmallows in five seconds !
Willy Wonka: Impossible,
my dear lady ! That’s absurd, unthinkable !
Mrs. Gloop: Why
?
Willy Wonka: Because
that pipe doesn’t go to the marshmallow room – it goes to the fudge room !
-
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Mr. Vernon: What
if your home, what if your family – what if your dope was on fire ?
Bender: Impossible,
sir. It’s in Johnson’s underwear.
-
The Breakfast Club
Mrs. Tweedy: It’s
a pie machine, you idiot. Chickens go in, pies come out.
Mr. Tweedy: Ooh,
what kind of pies ?
-
Chicken Run
Metatron: Metatron
acts as the voice of God. Any documented occasion when some yahoo claims God
has just spoken them – they’re speaking to me. Or, they’re speaking to
themselves.
-
Dogma
Mr. Vernon: What
was that ruckus ?
Andrew: Uh,
what ruckus ?
Mr. Vernon: I
was just in my office and I heard a ruckus.
Brian: Could
you describe the ruckus, sir ?
-
The Breakfast Club
Merry: (as
they’re being chased by Farmer Maggot) I don’t know why he’s so upset –
it’s only a couple of carrots.
Pippin: …
And some cabbages. And then those three bags of potatoes we lifted last week.
And – and the mushrooms the week before.
Merry: Yes,
Pippin ! My point is, he’s clearly overreacting !
-
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring
Merry & Pippin: We’re
coming too !
Merry: You’d
have to tie us up and send us home in a sack to stop us !
Pippin: And
anyway, you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission… quest… thing…
Merry: That
rules you out, Pip.
Elrond: Nine
companions… So be it ! You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring !
Pippin: Great
! (claps hands together) Where are we going ?
-
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring
Melissa: Ace,
where are you ?
Ace: I’m
in Psychoville and Finkle’s the Mayor.
-
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
Morticia: (upon
seeing that Wednesday has strapped Pugsley into the electric chair)
Children, what are you doing ?
Wednesday: I’m
going to electrocute him.
Morticia: But
we’re late for the charity auction.
Wednesday: But,
Mother…
Morticia: I
said no.
Pugsley: Pleease
?
Morticia: (indulgent
smile) Oh, all right.
-
The Addams Family
Michelle: What’s
my name ? Say my name, bitch !
-
American Pie
Mark: He’s
not prejudiced, you know. He hates everybody.
-
Andre
Max: (as
a nurse comes up to him with a large syringe) Who’s that for ? Mr. Ed ? You
stick that thing in me, I’m going to stab you in the heart with it. You ever
see Pulp Fiction ?
-
Armageddon
Melvin: (sitting
in a bar after Carol storms out) Well, it’s not right to go into details,
but I said the wrong thing. Whereas if I hadn’t, I could be in bed right now
with a woman who, if you make her laugh, you’ve got a life. Instead I’m here
with you – no offense, but a moron, pushing the last legal drug.
-
As Good as it Gets
Melvin: I’m
drowning here, and you’re describing the water !
-
As Good as it Gets
Milo: Oh,
my decision ? Why, I think we’ve seen how effective my decisions have
been. Let’s recap. I lead a band of plundering vandals to the greatest
archaeological find in recorded history, thus enabling the kidnap and/or murder
of the royal family. Not to mention personally delivering the most powerful
force known to man in the hands of a mercenary nutcase who’s probably going to
sell it to the Kaiser ! Have I left anything out ?
Dr. Sweet: Well,
you did set the camp on fire and drop us down that big hole.
-
Atlantis: The Lost Empire
Milo: Did
you forget your pajamas, Mrs. Packard ?
Wilhelmina Packard: I
sleep in the nude.
Dr. Sweet: (throwing
a sleeping mask to Milo) You’re gonna need this. She sleepwalks.
-
Atlantis: The Lost Empire
Mike: You
freeze, bitch !
Store Clerk: Oh
sh*t, I’m f**ked.
Mike: Now
back up, put the gun down, and give me a packet of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious.
Marcus: And
some Skittles.
-
Bad Boys
Marcus: You
mean y’all paid, what, $80 000 for this car and you ain’t got no damn cup
holder ?!
Mike: It’s
$105 000, and this happens to be one of the fastest production cars on the
planet. Zero to sixty in four seconds, sweetie. Limited edition.
Marcus: You
damn right it’s limited ! No cup holder, no back seat. Just a shiny dick with
two chairs in it. I guess we the balls just draggin’ the f**k along.
-
Bad Boys
Mag Wildwood: (highly
inebriated) You know what’s gonna happen to you ? I am gonna march you over
to the zoo and feed you to the yak.
-
Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Mark Darcy: I
don’t think you’re an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the
ridiculous about you. Your mother’s pretty interesting. And you really are an
appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever’s in your
head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences… But
the thing is, um, what I’m trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in
fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much.
-
Bridget Jones’ Diary
(on the subject of
where babies come from and how they are born)
Margaret: Tell
me, Dennis, how ?
Dennis: The
bellybutton. It opens up.
Margaret: Then
how come men have them ?
Dennis: So
they don’t look weird in bathing suits.
-
Dennis the Menace
Mayor McIntyre: You’ve
just got to tell them.
Cliff: That
we lost Apollo 11 ?
Mayor McIntyre: Well,
I wouldn’t say that first.
Cliff: What
would you say first ?
Mayor McIntyre: How
about: “Hey, you’ll never guess what happened…”
-
The Dish
Metatron: Human
beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the
awesome power of God’s true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in
and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adams
before we figured that out.
-
Dogma
Mr. Pizzacoli: A
trained dolphin could deliver pizzas better than you two !
Jesse: But
then the pizzas would get all wet.
-
Dude, Where’s my Car
(at a meeting with
the PG & E lawyers)
Ms. Sanchez: Let’s
be honest here. $20 million is more money than these people have ever dreamed
of.
Erin Brockovich: Oh
see, now that pisses me off. First of all, since the demur we have more than
400 plaintiffs and – let’s be honest – we all know there are more out there.
They may not be the most sophisticated people but they do know how to divide
and $20 million isn’t sh*t when you split it between them. Second of
all, these people don’t dream about being rich. They dream about being able to
watch their kids swim in a pool without worrying that they’ll have to have a
hysterectomy at the age of twenty. Like Rosa Diaz, a client of ours. Or
have their spine deteriorate, like Stan Blume, another client of ours.
So before you come back here with another lame-ass offer, I want you to think
real hard about what your spine is worth, Mr. Walker. Or what you might expect
someone to pay you for your uterus, Ms. Sanchez. Then you take out your
calculator and you multiply that number by a hundred. Anything less than that
is a waste of our time. (Mrs. Sanchez picks up a glass of water) By the
way, we had that water brought in especially for you folks. Came from a well in
Hinkley.
-
Erin Brockovich
Morgan: Double
burger. (singing) Chuck, I had a double burger !
Chuckie: Will
you shut the f**k up, I know what you ordered, I was there !
Morgan: So
give me my f**king sandwich.
Chuckie: What
do you mean your sandwich, I bought it – hey Morgan, how much money you
got on you ?
Morgan: I
said I’d give you the change when we ordered the Sno-Cones when we pulled up,
so why don’t you give me my sandwich and stop being a prick.
Chuckie: well
why don’t you give me your f**king sixteen cents you got on you and we’ll put
your sandwich away on layaway – (puts sandwich on the dashboard) – there
you go, keep it right up here for you. We’ll put you on a program, every day
you bring your six cents and at the end of the week you’ll have your sandwich.
Morgan: Why
do you have to be such an asshole ?
Chuckie: What
am I – sandwich welfare ?! I think you should establish a good line of credit –
like how you got your couch, payment plans; remember how your mother brought in
$10 for a year and she finally got her couch Renaissance style ?
-
Good Will Hunting
Ms. Dinsmoor: She’ll
only break your heart, it’s a fact. And even though I warn you, even though I guarantee
you that the girl will only hurt you terribly, you’ll still pursue her. Ain’t
love grand ?
-
Great Expectations
Mrs. Weasley: Your
sons drove that enchanted car of yours to Surrey and back last night.
Arthur Weasley: Really
? How did it go ? (Mrs. Weasley hits him) I mean, that was very wrong
indeed boys. Very wrong of you.
-
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Mr. Bubbles: So
far, you have been set adrift in the sheltered harbor of my patience.
-
Lilo & Stitch
Miguel: (looks
at map to El Dorado, then at a huge rock with carvings on it) Hmm…
Tulio: Wake
up, we’re there.
Miguel: We
found it ?
Tulio: Oh
yeah. We found it.
Miguel: Fantastic
! Where is it ? How far ?
Tulio: Right
here.
Miguel: Where
? Behind the rock ?
Tulio: No,
no. This is it.
Miguel: Give
me that. (grabs map) This ca – what ?
Tulio: Apparently,
El Dorado is native for “great… big… rock” !!! Hey, but I tell you what,
I’m feeling generous, so you can have my share !
Miguel: You
don’t think that Cortez could have gotten here before us and –
Tulio: …
And what ? Taken all the really big rocks ? The scoundrel.
-
The Road to El Dorado
Merrill: Morgan,
this crop stuff is about a bunch of nerds who never had a girlfriend in their
lives, they’re like 30 and they work up little codes together and analyze Greek
mythology and make up secret societies where other guys who never had
girlfriends before can join in. They do stupid crap like this to feel special.
It’s a scam. Nerds were doing it twenty-five years ago and new nerds are doing
it again.
Father Graham: It’s
just static Morgan. Turn it up and see.
Morgan: It’s
a code.
Bo: Why
can’t they have girlfriends ?
-
Signs
Merry: It’s
just a detour – a shortcut…
Sam: Shortcut
to what ?
Pippin: Mushrooms
!
-
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring
Mrs. Banks: (re.
her surprise towards the failure of their previous nanny) … She seemed so
solemn and cross.
George: Winifred
– never confuse efficiency with a liver complaint.
-
Mary Poppins
Mordred: Why
didn’t you kill him, Auntie Mab ?
Queen Mab: Because
that’s what he wanted me to do.
-
Merlin
Merlin: You
killed her !
Mab: No
I didn’t. I only let her die.
-
Merlin
Mordred: (after
being mortally wounded) Die, dear Auntie Mab ? That’s the last thing I
shall do.
-
Merlin
Morgan: I
like the old ways. They’ve made me beautiful.
Merlin: But
that’s just an illusion.
Morgan: Beauty
is only an illusion.
-
Merlin
Mordred: I’m
sorry father, but I’m going to destroy you. And this time your pet wizard won’t
save you.
-
Merlin
Michael: Remember
what John and Paul said.
Frank: The
apostles ?
Michael: No,
the Beatles ! “All you need is love.”
-
Michael
Mike: Oh,
that’s great, blame it on the little guy. How original ! He must’ve read the
schedule wrong with his one eye !
-
Monsters Inc.
Mushu: My
little baby, off to destroy people. (sniffles sentimentally)
-
Mulan
Mushu: (ramming
breakfast into Mulan’s mouth) No time to talk. Now remember, it’s your
first day of training; so listen to your teacher and no fighting. Play nice
with the other kids, unless, of course, the other kids want to fight, then you
have to kick the other kids’ butt.
Mulan: But
I don’t want to kick the other kids’ butt.
Mushu: Don’t
talk with your mouth full.
-
Mulan
Milo: What’s
Mole’s story ?
Dr. Sweet: Trust
me on this one – you don’t wanna know. Audrey, don’t tell him. You shouldn’t
have told me, but you did, and now I’m telling you – you don’t want to know.
-
Atlantis: The Lost Empire
Mole: You
have disturbed the dirt.
Milo: Uh,
pardon me ?
Mole: You
have disturbed the dirt ! Dirt from around the globe, spanning the centuries !
What have you done ? England must never merge with France !
-
Atlantis: The Lost Empire
Mushu: My
little baby’s all grown up (sniffles) and saving China !
-
Mulan
Miss Piggy: Midnight.
The lone alien stands before a naked sky. The mood is tense. My hair looks great.
-
Muppets from Space
Merkin: I’m
just a little tense. This whole office is not Feng Shui. All the desks are
facing evil.
-
Never Been Kissed
Miracle Max: Go
away or I’ll call the Brute Squad !
Fezzik: I’m
on the Brute Squad.
Miracle Max: You
are the Brute Squad !
-
The Princess Bride
Man in Church: Hey
Abbot !
Abbot: (under
his breath) I hate that guy !
-
Robin Hood: Men in Tights
Miguel: You
fight like my sister !
Tulio: I’ve
fought your sister. That’s a compliment.
-
The Road to El Dorado
Miguel: Oh,
come on !
Tulio: I’m
not coming on !
-
The Road to El Dorado
Miguel: Look
! The map to El Dorado ! This could be our destiny – our fate !
Tulio: Miguel,
if I believed in fate, I wouldn’t be playing with loaded dice.
-
The Road to El Dorado
Merrill: The
geeks were right.
-
Signs
Merrill: This
is exactly what the nerds want…
-
Signs
Merrill: (sitting
in the closet watching TV) I moved the TV in here for the kids’ sake. So
they wouldn’t get obsessed, like you said. They had already been watching for
ten hours straight. I figured they should be playing Furry, Furry Rabbits or
something.
Father Graham: What’s
Furry, Furry Rabbits ?
Merrill: It’s
a game, isn’t it ?
-
Signs
Mr. Nathan: It’s
a bunch of crock ! They’re trying to sell sodas. I’ve been watching all
morning, and I’ve seen twelve soda commercials. Twelve !
-
Signs
Mother Superior: (at
a Las Vegas casino) Brace yourself sisters. Spread out and look for Mary
Clarence. Try to blend in.
-
Sister Act
Merryweather: I’d
like to turn her into a fat ol’ hop toad.
Fauna: Now,
dear, that isn’t a very nice thing to say.
Flora: Besides,
we can’t. You know our magic doesn’t work that way.
Fauna: It
can only do good, dear, to bring joy and happiness.
Merryweather: Well,
that would make me happy.
-
Sleeping Beauty
Merryweather: (wearing
Aurora’s dress) It looks terrible.
Flora: That’s
because it’s on you, dear.
-
Sleeping Beauty
Mikey: (trying
to prove that Santa Claus doesn’t exist) … And, how does Rudolph’s
nose glow ? What is he – radioactive ?
James: Well,
how does grandpa’s nose glow ?
-
Look Who’s Talking Now
Mikey: I
don’t wanna brush my teeth. I brushed them last Saturday !
James: I
know, but you’re gonna have plants growing out of your mouth.
-
Look Who’s Talking Now
Muggsy: So
what are you saying ? That I’m trying to disobey my momma ?
Psychiatrist: I
didn’t say that, Muggsy. You did.
Muggsy: But
I love my momma.
-
Space Jam
(final lines of the
film)
Merlin: Why,
they’ll even make a motion picture about you !
Wart: What’s
a motion picture ?
Merlin: Uh
– that’s something like television… Without the commercials.
-
Merlin
Merlin: (to
sugar pot) Insolent piece of crockery !
-
Merlin
Mr. White: Any
questions ? Don’t ask. I’m tired of talking to you and I want to sleep.
-
That Thing You Do
Mr. Potato Head: How
come you don’t have a laser, Woody ?
Woody: It’s
not a laser ! It’s a little light bulb that blinks !
-
Toy Story
Mr. Potato Head: (rearranges
his facial features crazily) Look, I’m Picasso !
Hamm: I
don’t get it.
Mr. Potato Head: You
uncultured swine !
-
Toy Story
Matilda: When
I was in the 7th grade, I was… the fat kid in my class.
Derek Zoolander: Ew.
-
Zoolander
Mr. Turkentine: Of
course you don’t know ! You don’t know because only I know. If you knew and I
didn’t know, then you’d be teaching me instead of me teaching you – and for a
student to be teaching his teacher is presumptuous and rude. Do I make myself
clear ?
-
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Mrs. Gloop: (as
Augustus is drowning) Help ! He can’t swim !
Willy Wonka: There’s
no better time to learn.
-
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Mrs. Arness: I
do believe I’m stoned.
-
Bringing Down the House
Mrs. Madeline Drake: So,
Mr. Logan, what are you a professor of ?
Wolverine: Art.
-
X-Men 2
Mrs. Madeline Drake: (after
finding out that her son Bobby is a mutant) This is all my fault.
John Allerdyce: Actually,
they’ve found out that the mutant gene is passed on by the father. So really,
it’s his fault. (points to Bobby’s father)
-
X-Men 2
Morpheus: This
is a war and we are soldiers. What if tomorrow, the war could be over ? Isn’t
that worth fighting for ? Isn’t that worth dying for ?
-
The Matrix Reloaded
Morpheus: I
stand before you unafraid. Because I believe something you do not ? No. But
because I remember. I remember that I am here not because of the path that lies
before me, but because of the path that lies behind me.
-
The Matrix Reloaded
Morpheus: I
have dreamed a dream but now that dream is gone from me.
-
The Matrix Reloaded
Mrs. Madeline Drake: Have
you ever tried not being a mutant ?
-
X-Men 2
Narrator: …
The jungle king was pleased to find that he looked pretty good in Armani.
George: Pretty
darn good !
-
George of the Jungle
Nimue: I
love him.
Mab: I
love him !
Nimue: You
hate him !
Mab: I
hate him too.
-
Merlin
Nigel Powers: Do
you know how many anonymous henchmen I’ve killed over the years ? I mean, look
at you. You don’t even have a nametag. You don’t stand a chance. Just lie down
on the floor.
-
Austin Powers in Goldmember
Narrator: Okay,
every story’s gotta have a really big coincidence and here’s ours.
-
George of the Jungle
Nani: Oh,
you are such a pain.
Lilo: Then
why don’t you sell me and buy a rabbit instead ?
Nani: At
least a rabbit would behave better than you !
Lilo: Good,
then you’ll be happy ‘cause it’ll be smarter than me too !
Nani: And
quieter !
Lilo: You’ll
like it ‘cause it’s stinky like you ! (goes into her room and slams
the door)
Nani: GO
TO YOUR ROOM !!!!!
Lilo: I’M
ALREADY IN MY ROOM !
-
Lilo & Stitch
(The hotel
receptionist hands Nick his bill)
Nick: Wait
– what’s this $150 ?
Receptionist: Oh,
those are your in-room movies.
Nick: Oh,
I didn’t watch any movies.
Receptionist: (looks
at bill) Let’s see… Afro Whores.
Nick: Afro
Whores ?
Receptionist: It
says you watched it… Eleven times.
Nick: No,
I didn’t watch that.
Receptionist: (reads)
2:00 Afro Whores, 3:30 Afro Whores, 5:00 Afro Whores… It
says in the morning you watched The Grinch for ten minutes, then
switched back over to Afro Whores.
-
Rat Race
Neo: The
Matrix. It’s changed.
Trinity: Is
it good for us, or bad for us ?
Neo: Well
every floor is wired with explosives.
Trinity: Bad
for us.
-
The Matrix Reloaded
Nigel: Hey
Shane Falco ! I lost a ton of money on that Sugar Bowl disaster of yours. What
a bloody shambles that was. You could smell the stink all the way back in
bloody Wales.
Shane: Nice
meeting you.
-
The Replacements
Nicky: (re.
Matthew’s dying marijuana crop) Have you tried plant food ?
Matthew: I’ve
tried everything; I’ve even talked to them.
Harvey: What’d
ya say ?
Matthew: “Would
ya mind not dying ?”
Dr. Bamford: You
really are a crap gardener, Matthew.
Matthew: Well,
what do I know about plants ? I’m from Glasgow.
-
Saving Grace
Nicky: Where
have you been ?
Matthew: Nowhere.
Nicky: And
what have you been doing ?
Matthew: Nothing.
Nicky: Well
I’m glad we got that out of the way.
-
Saving Grace
Narrator: Pooh
crawled from the bush, brushed the prickles from his nose, and began to think
again.
Winnie the Pooh: Think…
Think…
Narrator: And
the first person he thought of was…
Winnie the Pooh: Winnie
the Pooh ?
Narrator: No,
Christopher Robin.
Winnie the Pooh: Oh.
-
Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree
Nightcrawler: Why
not stay in disguise all the time ? You know, look like everyone else ?
Mystique: Because
we shouldn’t have to.
-
X-Men 2
Oz: Damn
it, Jimmy. Why the hell did you have to move next door to me ?!
Jimmy: Oz,
do you know what kind of soil they have in the back yard ? I’ve been here two
days and I’ve got these tiny little tomato plants –
Oz: Oh,
my God !
-
The Whole Nine Yards
Oz: He’s
a little upset… I’ve managed to upset a mass murderer.
-
The Whole Nine Yards
Ole Golly: There
are as many ways to live in this world as there are people in this world, and
each one deserves a closer look.
-
Harriet the Spy
Oliver: Scared,
Harry ?
Harry: A
little.
Oliver: It’s
all right. I felt the same way before my first game.
Harry: What
happened ?
Oliver: Er,
I don’t really remember. I took a bludger to the head two minutes in. Woke up
in hospital a week later.
-
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
Oz: (on
being sensitive towards girls) It’s just like that college chick told me…
All that you gotta do is just ask them questions, and listen to what they have
to say and sh*t.
Stifler: I
dunno man, that sounds like a lot of work.
-
American Pie
Otto: Don’t
mind her. She’s just a little upset that someone dropped a house on her sister.
-
Beetlejuice
Otto: Don’t
call me stupid.
Wendy: Why
on earth not ?
-
A Fish Called Wanda
Old Rose: (looking
at a salvaged hand mirror) This was mine. How extraordinary ! And it looks
the same as the last time I saw it… (looks into it) Hmm… Reflection’s
changed a bit.
-
Titanic
Old Rose: A
woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets. But now you all know that there was a
man named Jack Dawson, and that he saved me – in every way that a person can be
saved… I don’t even have a picture of him. He exists now only in my memory.
-
Titanic
Owl: Blast
it all !
Gopher: Good
idea ! Dynamite. Save time.
- Winnie the Pooh
and the Honey Tree
Paul: (brainstorming
campaign slogans) Paul – Paul Power… Paul for President… Paul… Promise…
Progress… Peanut…
-
Election
Pete: You
stole from my kin !
Everett: Who
was fixing to betray us !
Pete: You
didn’t know that at the time !
Everett: So
I borrowed it until I did know !
Pete: (after
a pause) That don’t make no sense !
-
O Brother, Where Art Thou
Pumbaa: Timon,
ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there ?
Timon: Pumbaa,
I don’t wonder. I know.
Pumbaa: Oh.
What are they ?
Timon: They’re
fireflies… yeah, fireflies – that got stuck up in that big bluish-black thing.
Pumbaa: Oh,
gee. I always thought they were balls of gas, burning billions of miles away.
-
The Lion King
Pacha: Someday
you’re gonna find yourself all alone, with nobody to blame but yourself.
Kuzco: Thanks,
I’ll log that one away.
-
The Emperor’s New Groove
Pacha: We’re
on our honeymoon.
Waitress: Bless
you for coming out in public.
-
The Emperor’s New Groove
Pleakley: Oh
great – he’s loose !
Jumba: His
destructive programming is taking effect. He’ll be irresistibly drawn to large
cities; where he’ll back up plumbing, reverse street signs, and steal everyone’s
left shoe !
-
Lilo & Stitch
Pete: (talking
mournfully about his prison release date) I’ll be eighty-four years old.
Delmar: (a
jubilant realization) Well I’ll only be eighty-two !
-
O Brother, Where Art Thou
Pete: I’m
voting for yours truly !
Everett: Well
I’m voting for yours truly too !
(Pete and Everett
look to Delmar for the deciding vote)
Delmar: Okay
– I’m with you fellas.
-
O Brother Where Art Thou
President J Thomas
Whitmore: In less than an hour, aircraft from here will
join others from around the world. And, you will be launching the largest
aerial battle in the history of mankind. ‘Mankind.’ That word should have new
meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences
anymore. We will be united in our common interest. Perhaps it’s fate that today
is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom –
not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution, but from annihilation. We’re
fighting for our right to live – to exist. And, should we win the day, the
Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day
when the world declared in one voice: “We shall not go quietly into the night !
We will not vanish without a fight ! We’re going to live on ! We’re going to
survive ! Today, we celebrate our Independence Day !”
- Independence Day
Priest: Dearly
beloved, we are gathered here to –
Lucy: I
object.
Saul: Oh
geez.
Priest: I
didn’t get to that part yet.
Jack: (smiling
at Lucy) I would have to object too.
Priest: (to
Peter, the groom) What about you ?
Peter: I’m
thinking.
-
While You Were Sleeping
Peter: I’m
not afraid of you. I studied martial arts with some of the best Chinese
masters.
Tom: Well,
I sure hope they taught you how to pull a fire poker out of your ass !
-
Just Married
Prince Chulalongkorn: It
is always surprising how small a part of life is taken up by meaningful
moments. Most often they’re over before they start, even though they cast a
light on the future and make the person who originated them unforgettable.
-
Anna and the King
Poison Ivy: Kiss
me and I’ll tell you.
Robin: Tell
me and I’ll kiss you.
-
Batman and Robin
Police Psychiatrist: I
don’t know why you claim to be Sigmund Freud.
Sigmund Freud: Why
do you claim I’m not Sigmund Freud ?
Police Psychiatrist: Why
do you keep asking me these questions ?
Sigmund Freud: Tell
me about your mother.
-
Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
Paul: You
know what’s wrong with you, Miss Whoever-You-Are ? You’re chicken; you’ve got
no guts. You’re afraid to stick out your chin and say, ‘Okay, life’s a fact,
people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because
that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness.’ You call yourself a
free spirit, a ‘wild thing’, and you’re terrified somebody’s gonna stick you in
a cage. Well baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s
not bounded by the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It’s
wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into
yourself.
-
Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Peter “Weps” Ince: So
what does that make us, since we’re the only nation that’s ever dropped a
nuclear bomb on somebody ?
-
Crimson Tide
Pippin: Are
we lost ?
Merry: No.
Pippin: I
think we are.
Merry: Shh
! Gandalf’s thinkin’.
Pippin: (after
a pause) Merry ?
Merry: What
?
Pippin: I’m
hungry.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring
Peggy: Most
of the men in this town think monogamy is some kind of wood.
-
The Mask
Pepe: Hey,
Kermit. When will you fix the oven, okay ?
Kermit: What’s
wrong with the oven ? (the oven explodes)
Pepe: That.
-
Muppets from Space
Prince Humperdinck: To
the death !
Westley: No
! To the pain !
Prince Humperdinck: I
don’t think I’m quite sure I’m familiar with that phrase.
Westley: I’ll
explain and I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you
warthog faced buffoon.
Prince Humperdinck: That
may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
Westley: It
won’t be the last. ‘To the pain’ means the first ting you lose will be your
feet, below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.
Prince Humperdinck: And
then my tongue I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time – a mistake I
don’t mean to duplicate tonight.
Westley: I
wasn’t finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye, followed
by your right.
Prince Humperdinck: …
And then my ears, I understand, let’s get on with it –
Westley: Wrong
! Your ears you keep and I’ll tell you why. So that every
shriek of every child in seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish.
Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out: “Dear God
what is that thing !” will echo in your perfect ears. That is what ‘to the pain
means’. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
-
The Princess Bride
Prince John: Such
an unusual name – ‘Latrine.’ How did your family come by it ?
Latrine: We
changed it in the 9th Century.
Prince John: You
mean you changed it to ‘Latrine’ ?
Latrine: Yeah.
Used to be ‘Shithouse.’
Prince John: It’s
a good change. It’s a good change !
-
Robin Hood: Men in Tights
Philip Henslowe: The
show must… you know…
William Shakespeare: (prompting
him) Go on !
Princess Fiona: THERE’S
AN ARROW IN YOUR BUTT !
Shrek: What
? (turns and looks to see that there is indeed an arrow in his butt) Oh,
would you look at that ?
-
Shrek
Prince Phillip: You’re
living in the past, father, this is the 14th century !
-
Sleeping Beauty
Prince Derek: Don’t
let her die !
Rothbart: Is
that a threat ?
Prince Derek: Don’t
you dare let her die !
Rothbart: Oh,
it is a threat.
-
The Swan Princess
Porthos: Champagne
?
Athos: We’re
in the middle of a chase, Porthos.
Porthos: You’re
right – something red !
-
The Three Musketeers
Porthos: This
sash was a gift to me, from the Queen of America.
D’Artagnan: There’s
no Queen of America !
Porthos: I
beg to differ, infant. We’re on quite intimate terms, unless you can prove
otherwise.
-
The Three Musketeers
Person in theatre: Do
you mind ?
Frank: A
hotdog is singing ! You need quiet when a hotdog is singing ?
-
You’ve Got Mail
Peter: Sarah
is going places !
Charlene: (looking
out the window to see Sarah sneak out and climb into a car with a boy) Oh,
she’s going places all right.
-
Bringin’ Down the House
Puppy: My
nose is froze and my toes is froze.
-
101 Dalmatians
Penny: How
old are you ?
William: Eighteen.
Penny: (grins)
Really, me too ! How old are we really ?
William: Seventeen.
Penny: Me
too !
William: Actually,
I’m sixteen.
Penny: Me
too. Isn’t it funny ? The truth just sounds different.
William: I’m
fifteen.
-
Almost Famous
(Korben shows up at
Father Cornelius’ door with an unconscious Leeloo in his arms)
Father Cornelius: Yes
?
Korben: I’m,
uh, looking for a priest.
Father Cornelius: Weddings
are one floor down, my son. Congratulations.
-
The Fifth Element
Professor X: The
next time you feel like showing off, don’t.
-
X-Men 2
Policeman: Put
your knives down and get on the ground.
Wolverine: I
can’t.
-
X-Men 2
Pepe: Kermit,
I will help you up okay… You are so soft and plump…!
Miss Piggy: You
have one second to get your hands off me, shrimp !
Pepe: Sorry
Piggy ! (laughs evilly)
Queen Elizabeth: (authorizing
Lord Wessex to marry Viola) Have her, then, but you’re a lordly fool. She’s
been plucked since I saw her last, and not by you. It takes a woman to know it.
-
Shakespeare in Love
Queen Anne: I
would rather die !
Cardinal Richelieu: THAT
CAN BE ARRANGED !
-
The Three Musketeers
Rogers: You
should write a book – ‘How to Offend a Woman in Five Syllables or Less.’
-
The Swan Princess
Rufus: We
were sent by He who is called I Am !
-
Dogma
Robin: Blinkin,
what are you doing up there ?
Blinkin: Guessing…
I guess there’s no-one coming…
-
Robin Hood: Men in Tights
(Bugsy accidentally
shoots Rod McCain in the head)
Rollo: Oh great. Terrific ! He decides to keep the zoo open, so you kill him ! Brilliant ! Well done, thank you ever so much, especially for shooting him right between the eyes so that it doesn’t even look like an accident. Because the people at Octopus will know that he was coming here to close us down, so there’s our motive for killing him. Stunning ! Well, Mr. Brain of Britain, what are we going to tell the police – who are, of course, already on their way here ! Another example of the thoroughness of your plan !
-
Fierce Creatures
Rodmilla: Darling,
nothing is final until you’re dead – and even then I’m sure God
negotiates.
-
Ever After
Ron: ‘Follow
the spiders’ ! If Hagrid ever gets out of Azkaban, I’m gonna kill him !
-
Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets
Riffraff: Your
wet.
Janet: Yes
– it’s raining.
Brad: Yes.
Riffraff: Yes.
-
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Ron: They
were starving him, mum ! They put bars on his window !
Mrs. Weasley: You’re
lucky I haven’t put bars on your window !
-
Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets
Robin: This
is Achoo.
Blinkin: A
Jew ?! Here ?
-
Robin Hood: Men in Tights
Roger Rabbit: Yeah
! The probate ! My Uncle Thumper had a big problem with his probate ! He
had to take these big pills, and drink lots of water !
Eddie: Not
prostate you idiot – probate !!
-
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Roger Rabbit: I
didn’t know where your office was. So I asked the newsboy. He didn’t know ! So
I asked the fireman, the green grocer, the butcher, the baker – they didn’t
know ! But the liquor-store guy – he knew.
-
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Russell: (whilst
high on acid) I AM A GOLDEN GOD !!!!!
-
Almost Famous
Russell: (reading
his article in ‘Rolling Stone’) I never said I was a golden god… Or did I ?
-
Almost Famous
Russell: (high
on acid and preparing to jump off the roof of a house into the pool) … And
you can tell Rolling Stone my last words were – I’M ON DRUGS !!!!! (the
partygoers below him cheer raucously)
William: Russell
! I think we should work on those last words !
Russell: (thinks
for a moment) I got it, I got it… Last words: I dig music… (spattered
applause) I’M ON DRUGS !!!!!!!!!!! (everyone cheers again)
-
Almost Famous
Russell: You,
Aaron, are what it’s all about. You’re real. Your room is real. Your friends
are real. Real, man, real. You know ? Real. You’re more important than all that
silly machinery. Silly machinery. And you know it ! In eleven years it’s going
to be 1984, man. Think about that !
Aaron: Wanna
see me feed a mouse to my snake ?
Russell: Yes.
-
Almost Famous
Ronald: I’ll
have the plumbing checked immediately, Mr. Ace.
Ace Ventura: See
that you do. If I’d been drinking out of the toilet, I might’ve been killed.
-
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
Rockhound: (after
stepping onto the asteroid) This is like Dr. Seuss’ worst nightmare.
-
Armageddon
Rockhound: Harry,
this is illegal, man.
Harry: I’m
temporarily insane, Rock, it’s all right.
-
Armageddon
Robert the Bruce: I
have nothing. Men fight for me because if they do not, I throw them off my land
and I starve their wives and children. Those men who bled the ground red at
Falkirk fought for William Wallace. He fights for something that I never had.
And I took it from him, when I betrayed him. I saw it in his face on the
battlefield and it’s tearing me apart.
Robert’s Father: All
men betray ! All men lose heart.
Robert the Bruce: I
don’t want to lose heart ! I want to believe as he does !
-
Braveheart
Rollo: It’s
an anteater, not a man-eater.
Sydney: What
would you be saying if it ran over there, jumped into that pram ? What would
you be saying to the child’s mother now?
Rollo: I’d
say, ‘Madam, you are the victim of an eight billion to one chance – a leaping
anteater. An evolutionary mutant previously unknown to science !’
-
Fierce Creatures
Rob: Should
I bolt every time I get that feeling in my gut when I meet someone new ? Well,
I’ve been listening to my gut since I was fourteen years old, and frankly
speaking, I’ve come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.
-
High Fidelity
Rob: People
worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort
of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening
to thousands, literally thousands, of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain,
misery, and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable ? Or was I
miserable because I listened to pop music ?
-
High Fidelity
Rob: I
always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of
things, like thinking about my future and… I guess it made more sense to commit
to nothing, keep my options open. And that’s suicide. By tiny, tiny increments.
-
High Fidelity
Rob: John
Dillinger was killed behind that theater in a hail of FBI gunfire. And do you
know who tipped them off ? His f**king girlfriend. All he wanted to do was go
to the movies.
-
High Fidelity
Rob: Now,
the making of a good compilation tape is a very subtle art. Many dos and don’ts.
First of all you’re using someone else’s poetry to express how you feel. This
is a delicate thing.
-
High Fidelity
Nani: What
is that thing ?!
Animal Shelter Worker:
A dog, I think… But it was dead this morning.
Nani: It
was dead this morning ?!
Animal Shelter Worker:
Well we thought it was dead – it was hit by a truck !
-
Lilo & Stitch
Rizzo: I’ve
gone way beyond afraid. Right now I’m somewhere between bedwetting and a
near-death experience.
-
Muppet Treasure Island
Reuben: You
guys are pros, the best. I’m sure you can make it out of the casino; of course,
lest we forget, once you’re out the front door, you’re still in the middle of
the f**king desert !
-
Ocean’s 11
Rusty: You
scared ?
Linus: You
suicidal ?
Rusty: Only
in the morning.
-
Ocean’s 11
Rusty: The
Bellagio and the Mirage. These are Terry Benedict’s places.
Danny: Yes
they are. You think he’ll mind ?
-
Ocean’s 11
Reverend Oliver: (explaining
why he has chosen to go to war) A shepherd must tend to his flock; and at
times, fight off the wolves.
-
The Patriot
Royal: (after
being exposed and thrown out of the house) The past six days have been the
best six days of probably my whole life.
Narrator: Immediately
after making this statement, Royal realized that it was true.
-
The Royal Tenenbaums
Raleigh: Are
you ever coming home ?
Margot: Maybe
not.
Raleigh: Well
then I just want to die.
-
The Royal Tenenbaums
Rita: He’s
so impetuous !
Artemus Gordon: Yes,
he’s an idiot.
-
Wild Wild West
Roy O’Bannon: (reading
a reward poster) ‘The Shanghai Kid.’ This is terrible !
Chon Wang: I
know. I’m not from Shanghai.
-
Shanghai Noon
Roy: Holy
crap, the vultures are eating my head !
-
Shanghai Noon
Stifler: Jim,
can’t you keep your shirt on ? You’re scaring the chicks away !
-
American Pie 2
Scott: But
Dad, we just had a breakthrough in group !
Dr. Evil: I
had the group liquidated, you little s**t ! They were insolent !
-
Austin Powers: International Man of
Mystery
Skip: Don’t
mind her. She’s French-Canadian. Some days she’s Canadian. Can be quite
pleasant. Today she’s obviously French.
-
Vertical Limit
Sam: Didn’t
you see Fatal Attraction ?
Jonah: You
wouldn’t let me !
Sam: Well
I saw it and it scared the s**t outta me ! It scared the s**t outta
every man in America !
-
Sleepless in Seattle
Stitch: This
is my family. I found it – all on my own. It’s little, and broken; but still
good. Yeah – still good.
-
Lilo & Stitch
Sean: She
is not perfect. You are definitely not perfect. The question is whether or not
you are perfect for each other.
-
Good Will Hunting
Shane: Pain
heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever.
-
The Replacements
Secretary: He
knocked over another ATM – this time at knife-point. He needs your advice.
Fletcher: (screams
into phone) STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLE !!!!!
-
Liar Liar
Susan: Tell
me you love me now.
Joe: I
love you now. I love you always.
-
Meet Joe Black
Smee:
I just had an apostrophe.
Hook:
I think you mean an epiphany.
Smee:
Lightning just struck my brain.
Hook:
That must hurt.
- Hook
Sam:
There’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.
- Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Smeagol:
They’re my friends.
Gollum:
(his other personality) You have no friends. Nobody likes you.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Sgt. Maj. Dickson: Your
ass is grass and I’m a lawnmower !
-
Good Morning Vietnam
Sam: What
I wouldn’t give for some nice big taters.
Gollum: What’s
‘taters’, precious ?
Sam: PO-TAY-TOES
! Boil ‘em, mash ‘em, put ‘em in a stew. Nice big golden chips with a piece of
fried fish. Even you couldn’t say ‘no’ to that.
Gollum: Oh
yes we could ! Spoiling nice fish. Give it to us raw and wriggling ! You keep
nasty chips !
-
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Storm: Kurt,
can you transport in there ?
Nightcrawler: No.
I have to see where I am going, otherwise I might end up in a wall.
-
X-Men 2
Stifler: There’s
little hearts on her panties ! There’s little hearts on her panties !
-
American Pie 2
Stifler: Yes,
the force is strong in that one.
-
American Pie 2
Stifler: Jim,
you’re the only guy I know whose dick needs an instruction manual.
-
American Pie 2
Slim: Help
! Francis ! I’m stuck !
Francis: Where
are you ?
Slim: Over
here !
Francis: Where
?
Slim: (irritated)
OVER HERE ! I AM THE ONLY STICK WITH EYEBALLS !
-
A Bug’s Life
Switchblade Sam:
Put a cork in it, you're giving me a headache.
Dennis:
I don't have a cork.
Switchblade Sam:
Shut your mouth.
Dennis:
I can't because my nose gets stuffed up. It's my allergies. If I keep my mouth
closed I can't breathe good.
Switchblade Sam: Then
keep your mouth open but don't talk.
Dennis:
Where do you put the cork when you put a cork in it?
Switchblade Sam:
Didn't I ask you to shut your yap?
Dennis:
What's a yap?
Switchblade Sam:
It's your mouth!
Dennis:
I can't shut my mouth because my nose gets stuffy...
Switchblade Sam:
SHUT UP!
- Dennis the Menace
Sloan:
The city looks so peaceful from up here.
Ferris:
Anything is peaceful from one thousand, three hundred and fifty-three feet.
Cameron:
I think I see my dad.
-
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Susanna: I
know what it’s like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit
in but you can’t. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing
on the inside.
-
Girl, Interrupted
Sam Beuregarde: What
is this Wonka, some kind of funhouse ?
Willy Wonka: Why
? Are you having fun ?
-
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Sean:
Do you have a soul mate?
Will:
Define that.
Sean:
Someone you can relate to, someone who opens things up for you.
Will:
Sure, I got plenty.
Sean:
Well, name them.
Will:
Shakespeare, Nietzsche, Frost, O'Conner...
Sean: Well
that's great. They're all dead.
Will:
Not to me they're not.
Sean:
You can't have a lot of dialogue with them.
Will:
Not without a heater and some serious smelling salts.
- Good Will Hunting
Sean:
Thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. Stayed up
half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me... fell into a deep
peaceful sleep, and haven't thought about you since. Do you know what occurred
to me?
Will:
No.
Sean:
You're just a kid, you don't have the faintest idea what you're talkin' about.
Will:
Why thank you.
Sean:
It's all right. You've never been out of Boston.
Will:
Nope.
Sean:
So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art
book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work,
political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works,
right ? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine
Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful
ceiling – seen that. If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a
syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few
times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and
feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably
throw Shakespeare at me, right ? ‘Once more unto the breach dear friends.’ But
you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your
lap; watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I'd ask you about
love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and
been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes,
feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from
the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her
angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through
cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room
for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes,
that the terms ‘visiting hours’ don't apply to you. You don't know about real
loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love
yourself. And I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at
you... I don't see an intelligent, confident man... I see a cocky, scared s**tless
kid. But you're a genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly
understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me
because you saw a painting of mine, and you ripped my f**king life apart.
You're an orphan right? [Will nods] You think I know the first thing
about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver
Twist ? Does that encapsulate you? Personally... I don't give a s**t about all
that, because you know what, I can't learn anything from you, I can't read in
some f**kin' book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I'm
fascinated. I'm in. But you don't want to do that, do you, sport ? You're
terrified of what you might say… Your move, chief.
-
Good Will Hunting
Steve: Where
is Soda and Super-dope anyhow ? (Shower curtain opens to reveal Soda with a
towel around his waist) Wow. Mornin’, Mr. Universe !
-
The Outsiders !
Seamus: I’m
half and half. Dad’s a muggle; mum’s a witch. Bit of a nasty shock for him when
he found out.
-
Harry Potter & the Philosopher’s
Stone
Sweet: Molliere,
now what have I told you about playing nice with the other kids ? Get back - I’ve got soap, and I’m not afraid to use
it ! Back, vile creature ! Back to the pit from which you came !
-
Atlantis: The Lost Empire
Seraph: (after
a Jujitsu duel with Neo) The Oracle has many enemies; I had to be
sure.
Neo: Of
what ?
Seraph: That
you were The One.
Neo: You
could’ve just asked.
-
The Matrix: Reloaded
Sam: You
knew you were dying from the start ?
George: We’re
all dying from the start. I just got moved to the head of the line.
-
Life as a House
Sam: You
don’t like raisins ?
Joon: Not
really.
Sam: Why
?
Joon: They
used to be fat and juicy. And now they’re twisted. They had their life stolen.
Well they used to taste sweet but really they’re just humiliated grapes.
Sam: It’s
a shame about raisins.
Joon: Cannibals.
Sam: Yeah…
Did you ever see those raisins on TV ? The ones that sing and dance and stuff ?
Joon: They
scare me.
Sam: Yeah,
me too.
-
Benny & Joon
Sam: Hey,
Benny ! Thanks for the couch. Mike made me sleep under the sink.
-
Benny & Joon
Samantha: You
have managed to Forrest Gump your way through this.
-
The Mexican
Samantha:
I have to ask you a question. It's a good one so think about it. If two people
love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together, when do you get
to that point of enough is enough?
Jerry:
Never.
-
The Mexican
Sulley: See
that, Mikey ? Ted’s walking to work.
Mike: Big
deal. Guy takes five steps, he’s there.
-
Monsters, Inc
Sulley: Hey
– may the best monster win.
Randall: I
plan to.
-
Monsters, Inc
Bedevere:
What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant:
Well she turned me into a newt!
Bedevere:
A newt ?
Peasant:
(after a pause) I got better.
Crowd:
BURN HER ANYWAY!
-
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Spike: There’s
something wrong with this yogurt.
William: Ah,
that’s not yogurt, that’s mayonnaise.
Spike: Ah,
right-o then. (continues to eat it)
-
Notting Hill
Saul:
I have a question. Say we get into the cage, and through the security doors
there and down the elevator we can't move, and passed the guards with the guns,
and into the vault we can't open –
Rusty:
… Without being seen by the cameras.
Danny:
Oh. Yeah, sorry, I forgot to mention that.
Saul:
...Yeah well say we do all that… Uh... We’re just supposed to walk out of there
with $150,000,000 in cash on us; without getting stopped ?
Danny:
Yeah
Saul:
Oh, ok.
-
Ocean’s Eleven
Steve:
Hate to tell you this buddy, but you have to wear clothes to work. There's a
law or something.
-
The Outsiders
Sally:
There're some things, though, I know for certain. Always throw spilled salt
over your left shoulder. Keep rosemary by your garden gate. Plant lavender for
luck. And fall in love whenever you can.
-
Practical Magic
Sally:
I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for.
-
Practical Magic
Sally:
And I don't want them dancing naked under the full moon!
Aunt Jet: No, of course. The nudity is entirely optional – as you well remember !
- Practical Magic
Scars: I need a woman.
Ellen: You need a bath.
- The Quick and the Dead
Scars: You’re pretty.
Ellen: You’re not.
- The Quick and the Dead
Scarlet: Blinkin, fix your boobs ! You look like a bleedin’ Picasso !
- Robin Hood: Men in Tights
Sgt. Alfred:
I knew you were having some financial troubles, so I thought I'd turn a blind
eye to a little homegrown. But, Grace, this is a huge amount. It's pretty
good stuff, too, isn't it!
-
Saving Grace
(Donkey keeps
humming)
Shrek:
Alright, you're going the right way for a smack bottom.
-
Shrek
Sister Mary Robert:
I'm so nervous. What if I forget the words?
Sister Mary Clarence:
You're gonna go straight to hell.
–
Sister Act
Sister Mary Clarence:
Lord, we want to thank you for the gifts that we're about to receive. And
uh...ye Lord, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of no food, I
shall fear no hunger. We want you to give us our day of daily bread. And to the
republic for which it stands...by the powers vested in me, I pronounce us ready
to eat. Amen.
-
Sister Act
Sam:
Well I'm not looking for a mail-order bride! I just want somebody I can have a
decent conversation with over dinner. Without it falling down into weepy tears
over some movie!
Greg:
She's, as you just saw, very emotional.
Sam:
Although I cried at the end of The Dirty Dozen.
Greg: Who didn't?
Sam:
Jim Brown was throwing these hand grenades down these airshafts. And Richard
Jakel and Lee Marvin (Begins to cry.) were sitting on top of this
armored personnel carrier, dressed up like Nazis...
Greg:
(Crying too) Stop, stop!
Sam:
And Trini Lopez -
Greg:
Yes, Trini Lopez!
Sam:
He busted his neck while they were parachuting down behind the Nazi lines...
Greg:
Stop.
Sam:
And Richard Jakel - at the beginning he had on this shiny helmet...
Greg:
(Crying harder) Please no more. Oh God! I loved that movie.
-
Sleepless in Seattle
Sam:
(looking at a photograph) She looks like my third grade teacher, and I hated
my third grade teacher... Wait a minute, she is my third grade teacher!
-
Sleepless in Seattle
SWAT Cop: Anything
else that’ll keep this elevator from falling ?
Jack: Yeah.
The basement.
-
Speed
Stephens: Did
you have any luck with the bomb ?
Jack: Yeah,
it didn’t go off.
-
Speed
Sheriff: (upon
being ordered to go after Billy the Kid) I’d rather drink turpentine and
piss on a grass fire.
-
Young Guns
Tom: What’s
scum ?
Billy the Kid: Well
Tom, that’s bad types. Politicians, bankers, cattle king – scum.
-
Young Guns II
Ted:
(introducing Genghis Khan) This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally
ravaged China, and who, we were told, 2 hours ago totally ravaged Ashman’s
Sporting Goods.
-
Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
Ted:
Now your Dad’s going for it in your own room ! (giggles)
Bill:
Shut up, Ted.
Ted:
Your stepmom is cute, though.
Bill:
Shut up, Ted.
Ted:
‘Member when I asked her to the prom ?
Bill:
SHUT UP, TED !
-
Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
Tinkerbell:
You know that place between asleep and awake ? That place where you can still
remember dreaming ? That’s where I’ll always love you.
-
Hook
Tommy:
I had to be up at the crossroads last midnight, to sell my soul to the Devil.
Everett:
Well ain’t it a small world, spiritually speaking. Pete and Delmar just been
baptized and saved. I guess I’m the only one that remains unaffiliated.
- O Brother, Where Art Thou
Timon:
Hey ! What’s going on here ? Who’s the monkey ?
Nala:
Simba’s gone back to challenge Scar.
Timon:
Who ?
Nala:
Scar.
Pumbaa:
Who’s got a scar ?
Nala:
No no no no – it’s his uncle.
Timon:
The monkey’s his uncle ?
-
The Lion King
Theoden:
I will not risk open war.
Aragorn:
Open war is upon you, whether you risk it or not.
- Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
The Riddler:
Has anyone ever told you, you have a SERIOUS IMPULSE CONTROL PROBLEM
???!!!
- Batman Forever
Thumper:
Eating green is a special treat. It makes long ears and great big feet. (Whispers
sentence) But it sure is awful stuff to eat… I made that last part up
myself.
-
Bambi
Terry:
You're gonna rob the bank with a Magic Marker? What are you gonna do, draw on
'em?
-
Bandits
Terry: (after
having been shot at and chased by police) May I please go back to prison ?
-
Bandits
The Riddler: Tell
the fat lady she’s on in five.
-
Batman Forever
The Devil:
You know, you'd think that meeting the Devil would be interesting enough, but
no. All people want to know about is Him. Like He's so bloody fascinating!
Elliot Richards:
So He's a man?
The Devil:
Yeah; most men think they're God, this one just happens to be right.
-
Bedazzled
The Devil:
You're so nervous, Elliot.
Elliot:
How do you know my name?
The Devil:
I'm psychic. Plus it's on your name tag.
-
Bedazzled
Theresa:
Okay, look, I think we got off on the wrong foot here --
Erin:
That's all you got, lady. Two wrong feet. In f**king ugly shoes.
-
Erin Brockovich
Thai:
You got a message.
Korben:
Yeah
Thai:
You're not gonna open it? It might be important.
Korben:
Yeah, like the last two I got were important. The first one was from my wife,
telling me she was leaving. The second was from my lawyer, telling me he was
leaving... with my wife.
Thai:
Ah, that's bad luck. Grandfather say it not rain everyday. This is good news,
guaranteed. I bet your lunch.
Korben:
Okay, you're on.
Thai:
Come on... (reads) ‘You are fired.’ Oh.
Korben: Well,
at least I won lunch.
Thai: Good
philosophy, see good in bad, I like.
-
The Fifth Element
Todd:
He won't change and we'll keep on being friends forever.
Big Mama:
Forever is a long long time and time has a way of changing things.
-
The Fox and the Hound
Two-Bit: (to Ponyboy) Look at their pants!! (laughs; to Socs) Y’all waitin' on a flood ?
- The Outsiders
Talk Show Producer: No respected psychic will come on this show. They all think you’re a fraud.
Venkman: I am a fraud.
- Ghostbusters 2
The Caller: Isn’t it funny – you hear a phone ringing and it could be anybody. A ringing phone has to be answered… doesn’t it ?
- Phone Booth
Tony:
Do you see purple people? My friend saw purple people and one day some men from
the state came and took him away. He didn't like that. So time went by and he
told 'em he didn't see purple people no more.
Susanna:
He got better.
Tony:
Nah, he still sees 'em.
-
Girl Interrupted
Tinkerbell: Eat.
Peter: Eat
what ? There’s nothing here ! Gandhi ate more than this !
-
Hook
Timon: That’s
not a king ! That’s a fuzzy maraca !
-
The Lion King II
Timon:
We're gonna fight your uncle... for this ?
Simba:
Yes, Timon. This is my home.
Timon:
(under his breath) Whoa. Talk about your fixer-upper.
-
The Lion King
Théoden:
So much death. What can men do against such reckless hate?
Aragorn:
Ride out with me. Ride out and meet them.
Théoden:
For death and glory.
Aragorn:
For Rohan. For your people.
-
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Tess:
We need to get Rust a girl.
Rusty:
There's a women's prison down the road !
-
Ocean’s 11
Terry:
I know everything that's happening in my hotels.
Danny:
So I should put the towels back?
-
Ocean’s 11
Two Bit:
Shoot, this house ain't dirty. You ought to see my house.
Ponyboy:
I have and if you had the sense of a billy goat, you'd clean your house up
'stead of bummin' 'round ours.
Two Bit:
Shoot, if I did that, my mom would die of shock.
-
The Outsiders
Tulio:
What's happening here?
Miguel:
We're both in barrels – that's the extent of my knowledge.
-
The Road to El Dorado
Tommy:
Music to drown by. Now I know I'm in first class.
-
Titanic
Tommy: (to
Jack, as the latter gazes upon Rose for the first time) Ah forget her,
boy-o. You’d as like have angels fly out of your ass as get next to the likes
of her.
-
Titanic
Truman:
The early bird gathers no moss! The rolling stone catches the worm!
-
The Truman Show
The Bowler: There’s
another chicken. Crazy chicken world !
-
Mystery Men
The Blue Fairy: A
lie keeps growing and growing until it’s as clear as the nose on your face.
-
Pinocchio
Tucker:
How's momma?
Gilbert:
She's fat.
Tucker:
Come on man. She's not all that big, Gilbert.
Gilbert:
What?
Tucker:
Listen, I saw a guy at the state fair that was... a little bit bigger.
Gilbert:
A little bit bigger ?
Tucker:
Look, all I'm sayin’ is that she's not the biggest I ever seen, okay?
Gilbert:
Tucker, she's a whale !
Tucker:
Well take her out for a walk once and while.
Gilbert:
(derisive) Take her out for a jog ?!
Arnie:
She's a whale! Tucker, she's a whale!
-
What’s Eating Gilbert Grape
Ted: (upon
their arrival in 19th century Texas) This is just like
Frontierland.
Bill: Yeah,
but you can get shot here, Ted.
-
Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
Tito: He’s
a spy, man ! Come on, let’s eat him !
You’re dead meat, kitty !
-
Oliver and Company
Tulio: All
right, wait, I’m getting something (bangs head against wood). Ok. Here’s
the plan. In the dead of the night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one
of those longboats and then we row back to Spain like there’s no mañana.
Miguel: Back
to Spain, yeah ?
Tulio: Yeah.
Miguel: In
a rowboat ?
Tulio: You
got it.
Miguel: Great;
sensational – and that’s your plan, is it ?
Tulio: That’s
pretty much it.
Miguel: (after
a brief pause) Well I like it ! So… how do we get on deck ?
Tulio: (concentrates
for a moment) Well – in the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions,
hijack one of those longboats…
Miguel: Oh
great !
-
The Road to El Dorado
Tulio: Oh
come on, you’re buying your own con !
Miguel: At
least I’m not dating mine !
Tulio: Ooh,
low, low.
-
The Road to El Dorado
Everett: Well
isn’t this place a geographic oddity ? Two weeks from everywhere !
-
O Brother Where Art Thou
Everett:
The treasure is still there boys, believe me.
Delmar:
But how'd he know about the treasure?
Everett:
I don't know Delmar. The blind are reputed to possess sensitivities
compensating for their lack of sight, even to the point of developing
paranormal psychic powers. Now, clearly seeing into the future would fall into
neatly into that category; its not so surprising then that an organism deprived
of its earthly vision ...
Pete:
He said we wouldn't get it. He said we wouldn't get the treasure we seek on
account of our ob-stac-les.
Everett:
Well what the hell does he know, he's just an ignorant old man !
-
O Brother Where Art Thou
Vizzini: He
didn’t fall ?! INCONCEIVABLE !
Inigo: You
keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
-
The Princess Bride
Vada:
I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls. Ken was my favorite. Then
one Christmas I got them a camper and all they wanted to do was hang out in it
by themselves. So I wasn’t too upset when they took that wrong turn and went
over the cliff.
-
My Gril
Vinny: Did
you drink that ?
Milo: Yeah.
Vinny: That’s
nitroglycerin. Don’t move, don’t breathe, don’t do anything. Except maybe pray.
-
Atlantis: The Lost Empire
Venkman: Doh
!
Ray: Re
!
Egon: Egon
!
- Ghostbusters 2
Vivian: (telephones
Kit) I called and called last night. Where were you ?!
Kit: Mom
?!
-
Pretty Woman
Violet Beuregarde: (whilst
picking her nose) Spitting’s a nasty habit.
Willy Wonka: (glares
at her) I know a worse one.
-
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Vivian:
I appreciate this whole seduction thing you've got going on here, but let me
give you a tip – I'm a sure thing.
-
Pretty Woman
Vivian:
You're late.
Edward:
You're stunning.
Vivian:
You're forgiven.
-
Pretty Woman
Vivian:
The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that ?
-
Pretty Woman
Vera:
We're not crazy. We should've bought a squirrel, but we didn't buy a squirrel.
Merrill:
Which is why we stole the rocket car.
-
Rat Race
Vicar: If
you have to commit a crime to get what you want, then you’re not meant to have
it.
-
Saving Grace
Viola: (disguised
as Thomas Kent) Tell me how you love her, Will.
William Shakespeare: Like
a sickness and it’s cure together.
-
Shakespeare in Love
Viola: I
love you, Will; beyond poetry.
-
Shakespeare in Love
Viola: (performing
as Juliet) I do remember well where I should be, and there I am – where is
my Romeo ?
Nurse: (shouts
from the audience) Dead !
-
Shakespeare in Love
Wizard: A
heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by
others.
-
The Wizard of Oz
William: You
will never age for me, nor fade, nor die.
-
Shakespeare in Love
William: Don’t
blow smoke up my ass – it’ll ruin my autopsy.
-
Meet Joe Black
William: (to
the Grim Reaper) When I introduce you, and I tell them who you are, I don’t
think anyone will stay for dinner.
-
Meet Joe Black
Westley: Death
cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a little while.
-
The Princess Bride
Willy Wonka: A
little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
-
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
William: (drunk
for the first time) I can’t feel my legs… I HAVE NO LEGS !!!!!
-
Can’t Hardly Wait
William:
Ay, fight and you may die, run and you’ll live – at least a while. And dying in
your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from
this day to that, for one chance – just one chance – to come back here and tell
our enemies that they may take our lives, but they will never take our freedom
!
- Braveheart
William: Sons of Scotland, I am William Wallace.
Young Soldier: William Wallace is 7 feet tall.
William:
Yes I’ve heard. He kills men by the hundreds, and if he were here he’d consume
the English with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his ass. I
am William Wallace: and I see a whole army of my countrymen here in
defiance of tyranny. You have come to fight as free men, and free men you are.
What will you do with that freedom ? Will you fight ?
- Braveheart
Wednesday:
(dressed as an Indian, ad-libbing her part in a Thanksgiving play) Wait.
We can not break bread with you. You have taken the land which is rightfully
ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on
reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will
sell our bracelets by the road sides, and you will play golf, and eat hot h'ors
d'ourves. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have
stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They said do not trust the
pilgrims – especially Sarah Miller. And for all of these reasons, I have
decided to scalp you, and burn your village to the ground.
-
Addams Family Values
Wilhelmina Bertha
Packard: Attention: tonight's supper will be baked
beans. Musical program to follow.
-
Atlantis: The Lost Empire
Wilhelmina Bertha
Packard: For the person who stole the "L" from
the ‘Motor Pool’ sign – Ha ha, we're very amused.
- Atlantis: The
Lost Empire
William Wallace:
In the year of our lord thirteen fourteen, patriots of Scotland, starving and
outnumbered, charged the fields of Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets.
They fought like Scotsmen. And won their freedom.
-
Braveheart
William Wallace's
father: Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow
it.
- Braveheart
William: (drunk)
You… have to come with me. There’s this chick… there’s these two chicks… they’re
triplets, man !
-
Can’t Hardly Wait
Will:
Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a
shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something
nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm
real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the
location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have
that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen
hundred people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are
sayin', "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't
give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it
wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in
the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass.
And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the
country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got
his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks.
Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was
so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of
course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could
turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't
helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And naturally they're takin' their
sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an
alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the
icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all
the sea life in the North Atlantic. So my buddy's out of work and he can't
afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks 'cause
the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's
starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate
special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I
think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take
his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village,
club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be
elected president.
-
Good Will Hunting
Who Father: Hey,
honey, our baby’s here ! (pause) He looks just like your boss.
-
The Grinch
Wise man: We
were led by a star.
Brian’s mother: Led
by a bottle, you mean.
-
The Life of Brian
William:
Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start
with that, what are you going to end up with ? Fall head over heels. I say find
someone you can love like crazy, and who'll love you the same way back. And how
do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any
heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is,
there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not
fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try.
Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.
-
Meet Joe Black
William:
You're at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong woman!
Joe:
Are you threatening me?
William:
Yeah, I certainly hope so.
-
Meet Joe Black
Willy Wonka: It
happens every time – they all become blueberries !
-
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Willy Wonka: So
shines a good deed in a weary world.
-
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Willy Wonka: The
suspense is terrible – I hope it lasts.
-
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Wicked Witch of the
West: Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch of
the East? Was it you?
Dorothy:
No, no. It was an accident. I didn't mean to kill anybody.
Wicked Witch of the
West: Well, my little pretty, I can cause
accidents, too!
-
The Wizard of Oz
Wolverine:
Do you have any beer here?
Iceman:
This is a school.
Wolverine:
So, is that a no?
-
X-men 2
Xavier:
My tolerance of you smoking within the mansion notwithstanding; continue
smoking that in here, and you will spend the rest of your life believing you
are a six-year-old girl.
Logan:
You would do that?
Xavier:
I would have Jean braid your hair.
-
X-men 2
Young Girl:
... And then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork
flew down from heaven, and put the diamond in the cabbage patch, and the
diamond turned into a baby!
Pugsley:
Our parents are having a baby too.
Wednesday:
They had sex.
-
Addams Family Values
Yzma:
(plotting the murder of Kuzco) Aah... How shall I do it? Oh, I know...
I'll turn him into a flea. A harmless, little flea. And then, I'll put that
flea in a box. And then I'll put that box inside of another box. And then I'll
mail that box to myself. And when it arrives, (laughs) I'll smash it
with a hammer! It's brilliant, brilliant! Brilliant, I tell you! Genius, I say !
-
The Emperor’s New Groove
Yzma: It’s
like working with a monkey. A big, stupid monkey named Kronk.
Kronk: Oh.
Yzma: And
you know what ? I never liked your spinach puffs either !
(Kronk, his Angel
conscience and his Devil conscience all gasp)
Yzma: Never
!
Angel Conscience: Oh,
that was harsh.
Devil Conscience: (jabs
his pitchfork threateningly) That’s it, she’s goin’ down.
-
The Emperor’s New Groove
Young Masbath:
Is he dead?
Ichabod:
That's the problem. He was dead to begin with.
-
Sleepy Hollow
Zazu:
Checking in with the morning report.
Mufasa:
Fire away.
Zazu: Well
the buzz from the bees is that the leopards are in a bit of a spot. The baboons
are going ape. I told the elephants to forget it, but they can't. The
cheetahs are hard up, but I told them - cheaters never prosper.
-
The Lion King
Zak: A
part of me really wants to stay.
Crysta: A
part of you will always stay.
-
Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest