Arapron lead Arwank into a bedroom at Rivenhell.
"See- this is the nicest room."
"I know, Araporn. I live here, remember?"
"Oh yeah..."
Arwank sighed. "It's perfetc though." They hugged and did all that lovey dovey crap, when suddenly the wardrobe doors opened and there stood the gangrel little creature that has captured so many hearts (and pairs of panties)... Roll 'em!!!!!

"Where is she, precious?" He hissed, crawling out and creeping up to them. "Where iss the precious Dozy? We wants her, yes we does, precious!!!" He ran out of the room giggling.
Araporn and Arwank stared at eAch other, kinda confused. Then they both laughed and closed the door.

The party raged on in the rest of the 'Palace of Love' as that same elf called it (he really needs a hobbie... although I suppose I do too, sitting here alone watching Teen Titans, drinking tea, whilst writing this crap but there you go). Anyways, in the basement, Lord Elbong sat in the corner, smoking a cigarette whilst wondering if he was better off as a bad guy in The Matrix instead of here. Suddenly, Galadri-hell stumbled in, drunk as usual but even more so tonight. As soon as she saw Elbong she went very red and stood bolt upright.
"Ah, A-Arwank's dad! Thank you for letting us have a great party.
"As if there were any alternative in the matter." Elbong said gloomily. "Are you enjoying yourself?"
"Uh... I'm three sheets to the wind, ma'am!"

Elbong gave her a strange look. "I'm so happy for you." He said dryly. "And where might your date be tonight?
"Oh no, no date. Celibate husband."
Elbong raised an eyebrow. "Pardon me?"
Galadri-hell paused for a moment, looking as if she had an idea... but no, she was just hallucinating. This time, ladybirds with tophats were involved...

"Um... Nevermind. You have anything to drink?"
"I believe the kegs are upstairs."
"No, no, that's what the cretins drink. I mean alcohol, liquor -- good stuff."

Elbong considered him as he dragged off his cigarette... to the mental home. Sorry, I copied that dragging bit from the American Pie Production Script and thought it needed a bit of a revamp.
"All right, I got some scotch." He replied. "Why don't you get the glasses. Behind the bar."

Meanwhile, Sam was boring Frieda like some kind of History teacher with his boring gardening tales.
"...The success or failure of the organic approach depends on how gardeners use and prepare organic matter. Organic matter improves soil tilth and prevents soil compaction and crusting. It increases the water holding ability of the soil and provides a more favorable soil environment for earthworms and beneficial microorganisms..."
"Hmmm..." Frieda sighed, trying so hard to be interested.
"...It also slows erosion, and in later stages of decay, organic matter releases nitrogen and other nutrients to growing crops. Carbon dioxide from decaying organic matter brings minerals of the soil into solution, making them available to growing plants. Many soils of the world have been ruined, mainly because they have been depleted of organic matter from prolonged cultivation without proper soil management."
"Right." Frieda said flatly.
"So, are we gonna screw soon? I'm getting kinda antsy."
Frieda sighed. "Fine," he groaned, getting to his feet. "I don't like this song much anyway. Let's go..."
Sam gasped. "Really? You mean it."
"Yes."
Sam squealed and clapped his hands. Then he grabbed Frieda, slung him over his shoulder and ran off, giggling excitedly.
"Now, I have two rubbers," Sam said breathlessly as he carried Frieda up the stairs. "Wear them both, it'll desensitize you. I don't want you coming so damn early.
"Why, uh, what makes you think that I-" Frieda stammered.
"Come on," Sam smiled. "I was gardening that day. I saw the whole thing. Everyone else saw it on the net but I got the live show through your bedroom window! Why do you think I accepted this date? You're a sure thing!"
"Uh... yeah."

Back in the basement, the scotch bottle was almost empty. Elbong and Galadri-hell smoked cigarettes.
"Would you object if I said you're quite striking?" Galadri-hell asked.
Elbong smirked. "Miss Galadri-hell, are you trying to seduce me?" (Is it just me or does somebody else out there also think Elbong sounds really hot in this chapter?)
"Yes sir, I am." Galadri-hell replied.
They both looked at each other and... well, you can guess what happened next.
"I had no idea you'd be this good!"
"Neither did I!"
Later on, after pretty much everybody had had sex (Roll 'em managed to find Dozy after all!), Elbong and Galadri-hell were still going at it when suddenly, the door opened and-

"DAD?!" Arwank gasped, completely horrified.
"Oh hey, Arwank!" Galadri-hell smiled.
Arwank looked like she was about to throw up... instead, she passed out.

The morning afater. Sam woke up in bed, alone. He looked around.
"He's gone." He whispered. He considered this for a moment... "Oh my God. He used me." He considered this further and smiled. "Wow! I was used! Frieda Leaf USED me! Cool!"