And so the day of the glorious Prom arrived. Anyone who wasn't a complete loser was there- which would explain why I'm sitting here at home listening to Japan-A-Radio all alone instead of having a 'good time' at the prom... *sigh* Um, anyway back to this piece of crap I call a story, the school gym was decorated like a bar mitzvah and some crappy band played crappy imitation rock music... I have a bleak outlook on parties, can you tell? Anyway, Frieda and Sam hit the dance floor- Frieda holding Sam away from him at arm's length while Sam desperately tried to get nearer.
"I hate you, Rachel."
Arwank and Araporn were also dancing, looking very nervous and anxious about the wild, passionate night of crazy alsatian sex instore for them.
"You're not helping, Rachel." Arapron hissed.
Meanwhile, Legohash and Isawien were dancing, the only couple on the dance floor who looked like they were actually enjoying themselves.
Later on, the gang hung out outside the doors. Galadri-hell as usual, was drunk... Really drunk.
"Okay," she slurred. "I'm here for your dumb... dumb meeting."
Araporn was just about to speak when Gimpli walked by with an even hotter girl than last by.
"I am indeed. Thank you, Rachel." He walked off grinning. The others foamed at the mouth (how attractive). But hey, that's what they get for always picking on the lad.
"Alright, how do you guys stand?" Araporn asked. "Well, we know where Borrow-Queer is, but he can't use that as an excuse. Frieda?"
"My date's a homosexual gardener hobbit. That answer your question?"
"Galadri-hell?"
"DAMMIT ARAPORN! WHAT'S WITH THE ATTITUDE?!" Galadri-hell roared.
"Attitude? Me?" Araporn said angrilly. "I think that you guys should be more enthusiastic. Shit, we've been trying to get laid forever, and tonight's the night we've been waiting for. We're in this together. Don't back out on me now!"
"Back out?" Frieda frowned. "You don't need us to get laid. You afraid or something?"
"No, but come on guys, we made a pact!"
Ganja sighed. "Araporn, it was just a --"
"It was a pact. You break it and there are no excuses. You guys have to --"
Freda interrupted, very pissed off. "I don't have to do shit! Forget it already!"
Araporn looked very shocked. He didn't even notice that Galadri-hell had vomited on his shoes.
Frieda broke out into the rant of all rants- the UberRant if you will, or the QuasiRant...
"I'm tired of all this bullshit pressure! I mean, I've never even had sex and already I can't stand it! I hate sex! I don't want it, I've never wanted it, and I'm not gonna sit here busting my balls over something that just isn't that damn important! So fuck this stupid pact, fuck you, and fuck sex! Now, I'm gonna go hang out with that gay over there, 'cause at least he's got something else to talk about besides sex!" He walked back over to Sam, who bear-hugged him and asked him when they were going to have sex.
Araporn stormed off. The others looked at each other, not knowing what to say...
"At least I got rid of that damn fan club..." Legohash muttered.
Later on, the others felt kinda guilty though, and went back outside, where they found Araporn sitting on the steps, very depressed.
"Araporn, the bus to Rivenhell is gonna be here soon." Frieda said nervously.
"I'm not going." Araporn sighed. "This isn't how I wanted things to turn out. Making the pact wasn't just
about getting laid. It was about doing one last thing with you guys before we graduated. But now I've
just wasted my last few weeks here trying to do what? I don't even know. All I managed to do was fuck up our friendship."
Legohash shrugged. "I still think you're okay."
"So do I." Said Frieda.
"Me too." Ganja agreed. "For the most part."
"Nah." Araporn shook his head. "Fuck, you guys are right, I don't know what I'm doing. I mean I'm acting like I've got it all together tonight. But I know Arwank is gonna ask me if I love her. And I don't know what I'm gonna say. So now it's like, maybe I'll just wimp out on the whole thing."
Galadri-hell suddenly woke from her alcohol-induced coma and slapped Araporn. "Come on, you chicken-shit wimp-floyd!!!Tonight is THE NIGHT!!!! We're finally going to a post-prom party, you shit. We've benn waiting to do this for the last four years. Besides, Elbong's going to be there!!!!! You gotta go!!!!!!!"
Araporn sighed. "Fine."
Right on cue, the bus arrived to whisk them away to Rivenhell.
"I wanna go get something from my house first." Said Frieda. "Will you guys come with me? Sam might get the wrong idea if I take him back to my house alone..."
The others agreed and while Frieda searched throughout the house for Dildo's secret bong, Ganja and Galadri-hell crept down to the wine cellars and got knee-walking drunk on alcohol and acid. One thing led to another and..........
Ganja ended up on the roof screaming "I AM A GOLDEN GOD!!!!!!!!"
Arapron, Legohash, Very Merry, Pipe-in, Galadri-hell, Isawien, Sam and Arwank all cheered. Frieda came running out of the house and gasped.
"I AM A GOLDEN GOD!!!!!" Ganaj repeated, louder.
"Ganja!" Frieda shouted. "Don't jump!!!!"
"You can tell Sarucan the Wise that my last words were..... I'm on drugs!!!!!"
The others cheered.
"I think we should work on those last words!!!" Frieda yelled.
"OK, OK! I've got it, this is better... I dig magic...."
"I'M ON DRUGS!!!!"
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
"Just come on down and we can go to Rivenhell..." Frieda tried to calm him down.
"OK," Ganja said immediately, about to walk down the slope that led back to the garden (you'll have to remember how small hobbit-holes are).
The others groaned.
"JUMP!" Pipe-in yelled.
Ganja stopped, turned back round, ran and dived straight off the roof and landed right in the Slaggins Cesspool. Everyone cheered, except for Frieda of course.
"I'll save you, Ganja!" Very Merry squealed, also jumping into the water. The others joined in and by the time they got to Rivenhell, soaking wet, a lot later than everyone else and smelling very bad, the party had already started.
