Yeah, I miss out the boring stuff.

"Come here, boy..." Jessica waved a bone at a scruffy grey dog that held the prison keys in it's mouth.
"Nice juicy bone!" Laura said, whistling.
"Come here, doggy, com eon..." Judy pleaded.

Rachel sighed from the prison cell next to them. "You can keep doing that forever but the dog is never going to move," she said quietly, not even looking up from her 'Love Hina' comic book. "Why are you guys here, anyway?"
"We almost killed Orlando Bloom, how about you?"
"I saved his life."
The three girls exchanged puzzled glances.
"So where's Louise, Rach?" asked Laura. "I thought you two were inseparable."
"Yeah, but we got separated."
"When?"
"In New Zealand last week." Rachel replied. "We broke into WETA Digital to look for secret Shelob pictures but then some bloody lawyers from New Line Cinema started chasing us and we had to split up. I managed to escape on our boat but I don't know what happenend to Louise..."
"You mean, you escaped on Eniye's boat," Jessica smiled.
"She's pretty pissed off, you know." Said Judy. "She's after your blood."
Rachel shrugged and turned back to her comic. "Who isn't?" she muttered.

Suddenly, a great deafening blast rand out from outside.
"I know those guns..." Rachel said, crawling to her little window and looking throught he bars. "It's the Walker..." she whispered.
"The Plank Walker?" Judy gasped. "You mean the ship of obsessed Bloomheads and plagiarists? You mean the ship with black sails thats crewed by the damned and captained by a girl so evil that hell itself spat her back out?"
"No any other ships like that?" Rachel answered.
"The Plank Walker..." Jessica muttered darkly. "I've heard stories... she's been preying on Orlando Bloom ever since 'Midsomer Murders'."

They stopped their discussion for a minute as each of them remembered Midsomer Murders and began to drool.

"She always bombs bookshops and libraries too," Laura said, bringing the subject back to life. "Never leaves any survivors."
"No survivors?" Rachel grinned. "Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?"
Judy, Laura and Jessica once again exchanged puzzled glancea.

The Plank Walkers jumped ashore and ran about causing mayhem- their ship still destryoing the battlements with her cannons. The girls were all filthy and mad-ass, some wearing Legolas t-shirts, some wearing nothing at all.
Elizabeth ran out of her hut with a sword , a hatchet and a knife.
"KILL, KILL!!!" She yelled.
"Elizabeth!" Her father smiled as he ran by. "So good to see you helping to stop this attack..."
"Huh? Attack? What attack?"

One of the Plank Walkers- a girl who looked remarkably like a small gnome- was chasing after a maid, screaming as if a fairy had just dived down her throat and had begun gnawing at her tonsils (Don't ask where the hell that came from, I've just had a week of exams and my sisters coming home soon- I have a lot of hate building up inside)
Anyway, Elizabeth threw her hatchet "Gimli-style" and it landed in the gnome gir's back. She gave one last Fairy Eating My Tonsils Scream before slumping lifeless to the floor.

Meanwhile, on the shores of Port Really Nice, two Plank Walkers had just arrived with a very important mission: To capture Orlando Bloom.

*GASP! Dum dum dumn!!!!!*

One of these plank walkers was called Terri and she had shoulder-length black hair in a bun that looked like a small hibernating animal, a really cool eyebrow piercing and a t-shirt that read "I AM SPARTACUS".

The other plank walker was called Sam but everybody just called her Medusa because of her crazy blonde hair that looked like snakes. She wore glasses which was pretty stupid because she only had one eye. She had replaced her lost eye with a wooden one. She was pretty skinny but recently she had grown breats 9WOW!!!! Still can't get over that! See Arousing Jack for details...)

Anyway, Terri and Medusa ran to the Governor's house, crashed through the gates and knocked on the door.
Orlando, who had been ordered to barricade himself and the Governor in his office, saw them coming and ran to the staircase to warn the butler.
"DON'T!" He yelled as the butler went to answer the door.
He completely ignored Orlando, opened the door and came across Terri and Medusa both wearing smart suits and sunglasses.
"Goodbye, Mr Anderson..." Terri muttered, raising her gun.
Medusa tapped her on the shoulder. "Um... Terri? Wrong film..."
"What? Oh for Christ's sake..." she shot the butler and they both ran into the house and chased Orlando up the stairs.
Orlando barred the doors of his bedroom and hid under hid bed (no, that would never be the first place they'd look)
Terri and Medusa entered and looked around, walking slowly.
"We know you're heeeeere, poppet..." Terri said in a sing-song voice.
"Poppet..." Medusa grinned.
"Come out," Terri continued. "We promise we won't hurt you..."
"Huh?" Medusa looked at her questioningly.
Terri gave her an obvious look and looked around again. "We will find you, poppet."
"Hey, why do we keep calling him poppet?" Asked Medusa.
Terri shrugged. "You've got something we want and it calls to us... The One Ring calls to us..."
"What?"
"We are seeking it, seeking it, all our thought is bent on it..."
"Um, Terri? Wrong film again."
"D'oh! Well, what IS calling to us? Is it the gold?"
Orlando poked his head out from under the bed. "I don't have any gold!"
"What? Damn! Medusa, what are we doing here?"
"Hey, he's getting away!"
"What? After him!!!"
They both tackled him to the ground.

"Mmm-mph mph mph mmph!"
Medusa looked up at Terri, confused. "What's he saying?"
"I think he said, 'Get your foot outta my mouth."
"What? Oh..." Medusa rearranged herself. Orlando gasped for breath.
"Raleigh!" He panted.
Medusa and Terri looked at each other and frowned.
"What?" Medusa asked.
"Raleigh," Orlando repeated. "I invoke the right of Raleigh. According to the code of the brethren set down by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew, you have to take me to your captain."
"Did you, like, memorize that or something?" Medusa laughed.
Orlando pouted and glared. "If an adversary demands Raleigh you can do them no harm until the Raleigh is complete."
"That is so sad," Medusa giggled.
"He wants to be taken to the Capatain!" Terri yelled. She turned back to Orlando and smiled. "And he'll go without a fuss... We must honour the code..."

Meanwhile, back in the streets of Port Really Nice, Elizabeth was being strangled by a big beefy girl.
"Say goodbye!" said Beef Girl.
Suddenly, a big sign fell on her, shortly followed by a large elephant, then the Titantic, then a schoolbus full of children, then an aeroplane and finally... a warg.
Elizabeth looked down at Beef Girl's crushed body and laughed. "Goddbye!"
She turned and saw Terri and Medusa dragging Orlando away.
"Orlando!" She shouted, but somebody stepped in her way before she could save him.
It was the Gnome Girl! The Gnome That Refuses Tio Die!
While Elizabeth tried to get her head around this, Sam Gamgee ran past and hit her on the head with his frying pan.
Everything went black.