The girl wandered along the harbour and towards an enormous ship called 'The Interceptor' (sounds a bit dirty really. Might as well call it 'The Penetrator' or 'The Stimulator'). Chewing pensively on her pen, she marched straight past the guards 'on duty' (ie: gambling) and headed for the boat.

The two guards (who try so hard to be like Merry and Pippin but fail magnificently) spotted her and jumped in her way.
"This dock is off limits to civillians," said Wannabe Token Twat #1.
"I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know," the girl said calmly. "If I see one I shall inform you immediately." she tried to continue on her way but they stepped in front of her once more. "I don't see how you can stop me," she shrugged. "I don't live here, therefore I'm not a civillian."
"This dock is off limits to ALL people," Wannabe Token Twat #2 scowled. "Not just civillians," The girl smiled and that was all it took for the guards to realise that they were dealing with something far beyond their limits.
"Well..." she said in no more than a low mutter. "it's a good job I'm not a person then, isn't it?" She delicately stepped around them and sauntered onto the ship.

The guards flipped out and ran after her- one of them purposely tripped over and then got back up, red faced and grinning, satisfied that he had proven himself a twat... He was nowhere near in the same league as the legendary Merry and Pippin but it made him happy to think he was getting there.

Anyways, they jumped onto the ship and pointed their guns at the girl. "You don't have permission to be aboard there, missy!"
The girl lazily put her hands up. "I'm sorry. It's just such a pretty boat."
"You mean ship."
"Oh... what did I say?"
"You said boat."
"Did I?"
"Yes."
"Well, I'm sorry. I meant boat."
"Ship!"
"Huh?"
"You said boat again!"
"Really?"
"Yes!"
"Oh."
Wannabe Token Twat #1 sighed. "What's your name?"
"Mouse. Or Mousey if you like," the girl replied.
"What's your purpose on Port Really Nice, Miss Mouse?" Wannabe Token Twat #2 asked.
"Yeah and no lies!"
"Well... it's my intentions to commandeer this boat- i mean ship-" she hastily added on the guards' poisonous glares. "And attend this year's Literature Awards to plagiarise, slander, mock and steal... possibly kill JK Rowling and maybe kidnap Orlando Bloom if there's time..."
The guards both gasped.
"A plagiarist!"
"And a Bloomhead!"
The girl shrugged yet again. "What other kind of person would try to steal a boat?"
"For God's sake, it's SHIP!"
"Whatever..."

"There he is!"Jessica, a slender girl with long brown hair, green eyes and olive skin whispered to her two friends as they hid behind a stone pillar and watched Orlando Bloom sitting on the battlements of the fort drinking wine.
"Oh he is sooooooo cute!" Laura, a tall girl with brown hair and blue eyes sighed.
"Do you think we should go talk to him?" Judy, who at the moment has no description (talk to me, Jude!!!!) asked.
"No!" The other two hissed.
"We only just got OUT of prison, remember?"
"I ain't going back to that hell-hole!" Laura declared angrily. "Not for you, not for anybody!" Judy and Jessica exchanged alarmed glances.
"Erm... OK."
"Oh shit!!!" Judy whispered. "Someone's going over to talk to him!"
"Who? Who?" Jessica demanded.
Laura pulled out a huge pair of binoculars. "It's-" she gasped. "It's JK Rowling!!!"

"May I have a moment?" Rowling asked, smiling as she sat down next to Orlando on the battlements.
Orlando nodded.
"You-er- you look lovely, Orlando." Rowling stammered.
"Is that it?" Orlando blinked. "Is that all you wanted to tell me?"
"Um... no, no!" Of course not, I-" she sighed. "I apologize if I seem forward but I... I must speak my mind. So......... marry me."

Judy, Laura and Jessica froze, their jaws dropped in great O's of shock and horror.
Even Orlando seemed quite shocked. "Ah..." he stuttered. "That- That WAS very forward."
"Well?" Rowling smiled. "What do you say?"
"Um..."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The three Bloomheads sprange from their hiding place and ran at Rowling- who ducked at the last minute. They toppled over her and crashed into Orlando, who tripped over the battlements and hurtled down towards the raging sea ang jagged rocks below.
"Ooops..." said Judy, before all three of them began to cry uncontrollably.