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CHAPTER ONE

Elizabeth stood at the stern of the ship, the wind blowing through her long light brown hair, the salt of the sea on her face. She softly began to sing...

"We stalk him, we love him, we'd die for his touch.
Drink up me 'earties yo ho!
Our parents worry coz we love him too much.
Drink up me 'earties yo ho!

Yo ho yo ho a Bloomhead's life for me.

We hate that Kate Bosworth, we wish she would die.
Drink up me 'earties yo ho!
If Orli dropped dead, we know we'd all cry.
Drink up me 'earties yo-"

"Elizabeth," JK Rowling, the captain of the ship, sighed impatiently. "Don't talk of such things. Those Orlando Bloom fans are freaks,"
"I think it would be rather exciting to meet a Bloomhead," Elizabeth said boldly.
"Think again, Miss Swann," JK Rowling snarled. "Crazy inbred hicks, the lot of them. They write strange fanfictions about Orlando Bloom and half of them don't even use their own ideas. They turn into evil, obsessed...... plagiarists." She shuddered in disgust at the word. "Vile, theiving slanderers with no imagination of their own..."
Governor Swann- Elizabeth's father- who, I'm sorry but it has to be said, has a really REALLY stupid wig, stepped forward. "Lieutenant Rowling, I'm concerned about the effect this subject will have on my daughter.
"My apologies, Governor Swann." Rowling walked away, still glaring at Elizabeth over her shoulder as she left.
Elizabeth looked up at her father. "Actually, father, I find it all fascinating. I think it would be quite fun to be a Bloomhead," she smiled. "I mean, he is quite cute after all..."
"Yes, that's what concerns me." Her father also walked away, leaving Elizabeth alone, listening to the waves crashing against the ship, the wood creaking and moaning in pain.
With a sigh, she looked out across the water, wondering what she would do if Orlando Bloom was on the ship right now...

Funnily enough...

"Lando! Lando, come back!"
"Please have sex with us!"
Elizabeth looked up and saw three young girls in a boat, chasing after an incredibly GORGEOUS guy who was swimming rapidly through the water, desperate to get away from them.
"Leave me alone!" he shouted.
"But we luuuuuuuurve you!"
"I wrote a new song about you, Orli. Would you like to hear it?"
"NO!"
"Oh well, we'll sing it anyway. Ready with that tambourine, Jessica?"
"NOOOOOOOO!!!!" The guy made a miraculous leap as the girls closed in on him and managed to grab a hold of one of the wooden lifeboats tied to the side of Rowling's ship. He looked up and saw Elizabeth leaning over the ship gawping at him. "Help me!" He pleaded. Elizabeth nodded and ran across the ship to where the little boat was tied. She hauled him up and pulled him aboard, gasping for breath. They both leaned over and looked down at the three girls in the boat, who were shaking their fists and gnashing their teeth.
"You can run, but you can't hide!"
"We know where you live!"
"We'll get you yet, Orlando Bloom!"
Elizabeth gasped and looked up at him. It WAS Orlando Bloom! She closed her eyes and opened them to make sure she wasn't hallucinating, but when her eyes opened she was lying in bed one year later, awakening from a dim and distant dream....

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