My dad and his girlfriend, Big Kate (we call her Big Kate coz i have a sister called Kate too and it avoids confusion if we say big kate or little kate). Anyway, they have a kitten called Tigger and during the summer, this nasty little ginger cat from around the corner kept sneaking through the cat flap and eating all of Tigger's food. Dad was getting very annoyed with this and one day, very carefully, he planned out his revenge...

The poor little cat never saw it coming. He came through the cat flap as usual and just as he was about to tuck into Tigger's food (the cat, i mean, not my dad), Dad, who had been hiding behind the door, leapt in front of the cat and slammed the kitchen door behind him. He had this big metal ruler in his hands, which he slammed against the wall, terrifying the cat out of it's wits. The cat ran to the door, eager to leave through the cat flap. Of course he didn't know that dad had changed the dial so that cats could get in, but they couldn't get out.

He flew backwards after the impact and staggered around the kitchen dazed. Dad opened the back door and began to repeatedly open and close it to tease the cat. Unfortunatly, after a few disastrous attempts the cat managed to get through and ran into the back garden. Dad swore loudly.
I came into the kitchen. "Dad, just let him go now." I said. "He's had enough."
Dad looked over his shoulder at me and gave me the look. I've come to recognise that look now. It's the look he gave me just before he screamed down my ear as i went to touch that starfish in Skegness (i'll never get over that). It's the same look he gave me just before he pushed all that water off the stall canopy roof onto me when we were at the Market. The same look he gave me just before he pushed me back into the car, locked me in and ran off laughing. It was the kind of look that says, "I'm mad, me. Even I don't know what I might do next."

After this look of pure evil, he opened the back door again and ran out. He dropped the metal ruler and it fell to the floor with a clang. I yelled after him but he was already off down the lawn, shouting and waving his arms at the cat, who was running as fast as his little stumpy legs could take him. Then, Dad stopped and the cat stopped, trembling in his wake. Then, slowly, Dad turned and looked at the hose near the garden shed. He smiled evilly.
"Dad?" I said quietly. "Dad...Dad, no...no!"
Dad gave me that look again and walked over to the hosepipe. I ran across the lawn to try and stop him, screaming, "NOOOOOOO!!!!" but by the time i get there, it was way too late...

And Dad was evil enough to put his thumb over the hose just to ante up the pressure. I just stood there horrified, as the cat, now completely drenched, skidded across the mud and hauled itself up onto the fence and in half a second it was gone.

Never did come back after that...