Harry heard his uncle’s angry footsteps thundering up the stairs and dived under his duvet, hoping he wouldn’t be found… Just as all hope seemed lost, all hope definitely became lost as a flying car appeared at Harry’s window and there was the freckly face of Harry’s best friend, Ron Sleazy.
“Boy, I hope you like dinosaurs…” Vemrin yelled as he burst into Harry’s room like a erm… bursting… thing, that… er… bursts and stuff (shut up, still sick over here). “’Coz I’m spanking you back to the Stone Age!”
“What?” Harry exclaimed, emerging from the covers. “That’s it? Aren’t you going to stop me from going to school?”
“Nah, the writer wants to kick your ass and I’m gonna let her.”
“Bloody hell!” said Ron (Bloody hell being pretty much the only sentence his tiny little brain was accustomed to.
“Erm…” said Fred, Ron’s older brother. “I think what Ron meant to say was ‘Hiya Harry, we’ve come to rescue you. Get your stuff.”
Everybody, as usual, ignored me. Harry was outraged (about what Fred said, that is. Nobody cares about little ol’ me… *sniff!*)
“No!” Harry shouted. “I don’t want to be rescued! I don’t want to go back to Bogwarts! Rcahel will kill me if I helmp make JK Rowling richer and-” Harry stopped talking as agun was pushed into his face.
“Get in the car…” Ron’s other brother, George, muttered threateningly.
Harry sighed and climbed into the car. “Alright,” he said. “Bu if that evil wizard who’s already tried to kill me twice now comes back, I am SO blaming you…”
And so they drove off into the starry skies and afte a very rough car ride (some geese had flown straight into them and it got pretty ugly… wait a minute… can geese fly? I can’t remember… You’d think I’d know, being a Gosling and all… *sigh* my jokes get worse with each one of those stupid parody stories I write…) they arrived at The Burrow- Ron’s house. On the porch, waiting for them with open arms, was Mrs Sleazy.
“Mum!” Ron grinned. He ran to hug her but received a hefty blow to the head instead (heehee… me rhyme).
“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!” Mrs Sleazy roared. “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BABYSIT GINNY WHILE YOUR FATHER AND I WENT OUT TO DINNER! BEDS EMPTY, NO NOTE, CAR GONE! You could have died! Or worse! EXPELLED!”
“Mum, that’s Hermione’s line!” Fred told her.
“Yeah,” George agreed. “And she says that in the first book, not the second!”
“I DON’T CARE!” Mrs Sleazy screamed, taking her fury out on Ron again.
“Ow! Bloody hell!”
“Oh shut up!”
Can you feel the love?
Mrs Sleazy suddenly turned her angry eyes on Harry and smiled. “Hello Harry. Did you have a nice birthday?”
“Oh it was alright, I suppose. Crazy house-elves, threats of spanking, throwing cake at people… the usual.”
Later, while they were wolfing down some breakfast, an owl crash-landed in Harry’s bowl of Coco Pops.
“Bloody hell!” said Ron.
“Post’s here,” said George.
“It’s our letters from Bogwarts,” said Fred, giving everybody their letters. “Hey Harry, you got two! Cool! The second one’s written in blood!”
“What?” Harry cried opening the letter. Inside, written in blood, it said:-
“Oh my god… It’s from Rachel!” Harry whispered (don’t know why on earth he’d suspect ME!) “She says I have to destroy all the Harry Potter books!”
“Well, there’s only one place to do that…” Mrs Sleazy smiled as if looking directly at a camera. “Diaphragm Alley.”
