"Rachel?" All three asked.

"Nothing to fear then..." Borrow-Queer muttered.
BANG!
"AAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!"

Legohash and Isawien looked down at Borrow-Queer's sizzling and burnt body and laughed, walking away arm in arm.

Frieda walked into his Maths class, sat down next to Sam and slammed his head down on the desk.
"What's wrong now, Mr Frieda?" Asked Sam.
"Bleph,"
"What?"
"Sploo,"
"Um... Ok then."
Frieda suddenly realised what Sam had asked.
"Wait a minute, you have no idea why i'm angry?"
"Is it because of Dildo again?"
Frieda laughed. "Yeah..." he said. "That's pretty much it."
"I thought so."
"Um, Sam? Do you- do you wanna be my date for the prom?"

It was Sam's dream come true. His eyes widened and bulged, you could see them sparkling. He grinned madly.
"Really?" he said, his voice so high-pitched that only dogs could hear him. "You seriously want to go with me?"

Frieda looked at him. He seriously didn't. But Sam was the only guy who wasn't pointing at him (well, he WAS pointing but in a different way if you catch my meaning...)
"Yes..." Frieda said slowly. "Seriously."
"Are we going to the party at Rivenhell afterwards?"
"Sure, Sam. Whatever you want."

Sam went into a major spasm and suddenly ran, singing and skipping, out of the room. He crashed into the PE class, who were making their way towards the showers.
It was definitly Sam's lucky day. First, Frieda asks him out and now, he bumps into a group of hunky, sweaty men about to get naked together.

"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Sam shouted, gligging and flapping his arms as he ran off.
Araporn turned to Pipe-in. "What the fuck's up with him?" He asked as they entered the changing rooms.
Pipe-in shrugged, just as Very Merry ran up to him and smacked his ass with a wet towel.
"Come on, Pipe-in, last one in the showers is a little sissy girl!"
They both giggled and ran into the showers, tickling each other.
"Don't let Uncle Very Merry catch you!"
"What the hell's wrong with everyone today?" Araporn frowned. "Is it Gay Week or something?"
"Um.... yeah, actually," Ganja replied. "Didn't you see the posters?"
To make things even more homosexual, Legohash stepped into the showers (drool slobber grunt) put his hand to his heart, closed his eyes and began to sing in a very feminine high-pitched voice...(if you want to sing along, these lyrics are based on 'May It Be' by Enya and they were written by the lovely Louise Hillier)

And so, the next day, Borrow-Queer waltzed into school with a big smile on his face. He'd finally had his revenge...
"Hey Araporn..." he smiled, casually leaning against his locker to talk to him. "Seen Legohash?"
"W-Why?" Araporn asked suspiciously. "What did you do to him, Borrow-Queer?"
"Nothing," Borrow-Queer answered, his smile widening. "I don't think he's going to have a problem with Legolas fans anymore though." He pulled a small bottle out of his pocket and showed it to Araporn...

"OH MY GOD, IT'S LEGOLAS!"
"Get outta the way! MOVE!!!" Legohash pushed his way through the annoying fans and sprinted along the corridors, his bowels going through complete torture. Only one thought went through his mind...
'Please God, let me find a toilet...'
"Right this way, Sir." It wasn't God that spoke of course. It was Borrow-Queer. In any other situation, Legohash wouldn't have trusted him but the entire contents of his bladder, intestines and stomach were about to throw themselves out of his anus and make a run for it so he hurtled through the door Borrow-Queer held open without question, unaware of the fatalmistake he had just made.

He didn't notice the supreme lack of urinals as he ran towards the cubicles nor did he find the Tampax machine in the corner of the room unusual (bit of an idiot really, isn't he?) But all that mattered was finding a toilet and blowing it up as he relieved himself.

Just as he was about to do a Beyblade (ie: let it rip), he heard the doors open and girlish giggling filled the room.
"Oh no..." Legohash whispered. "I'm in the girl's bathroom!"

He tried, Lord knows he tried, to hold the rest in but he could feel it all building up inside him and he knew that sooner or later his buttocks wouldn't be able to take it and they would open sesame and release the demons within.
"So Isawien," said one of the girls. "Are you still going to the prom with Boromir?"
Isawien sighed. "No, I told him I didn't want to anymore. He seemed pretty upset but... fuck him. I think I'll ask Legohash at the State Championships tomorrow. I hope he says yes. God he's just so..... refined, you know?"

Little did they know he was actually in the cubicle behind them trying with all his might to stop anything escaping. Little beads of sweat trickled down his temples, he punched the wall, screwed up his face and gripped the sides of the toilet, squeezing his buttcheeks together. The pressure was intense... but you could tell it wouldn't last...

It's the engines, cap'n! They canny take no more!
Yes that's right...
A little fart broke free.
"Um..." said Isawien. "Becca, was that you?"
"No!"
They suddenly heard a tiny voice from inside one of the cubicles whisper "Can't... hold...it..."
And then the inner circles of hell began to land in the toilet.

Isawien and her friends screamed and ran out of the bathroom while Legohash tried not to die. It was coming out with such force that it's a wonder he didn't rise up into the air and crack his head on the ceiling.

"RACHEL! What are you doing? You can't watch me!"

It took a good ten minutes for Legohash's bowels to empty. He wiped the sweat from his brow and stood up.
"I think it's finished now," he whispered.
But just as he was about to unlock his door his bladder said 'I don't think so, mate, sit back down' and Legohash threw himself back onto the toilet just in time.
"Agggh! False alarm!"

Another ten minutes of excrutiating pain followed and as Legohash flushed what remained of the toilet, he swore he saw a colony of ants on a lollipop stick, rowing through the water singing 'Hooray, we're off to Chocolate Island!"

He felt tn stone lighter and you could see his ribcage as he left the bathroom... but what he then saw made him want to go back and shed another seven stone...

Pretty much every student at the school was there laughing at him. And right at the front, with his arm around Isawien (who was trying very hard not to laugh but failing spectacularly) was Borrow-Queer, laughing the hardest of them all.