Borrow-Queer watched cookery shows and read books by the Bronte sisters (Wuthering Heights made him cry). Ganja tried to give up drugs. Frieda plucked up the courage to say hell to Dozy. Araporn sent flowers to Arwank and wrote her love songs... "Hey Legohash, wait up!" Ring... Ring... One Sex Bible to rule them all...
None of them got anywhere...
Legohash stopped and turned around. Araporn ran up to him.
"Hi Araporn," Legohash smiled. "What's up?"
"You're friends with Arwank, aren't you?"
"Sure, I have lots of girlfriends..." Legohash suddenly realised what he said. "Wait, no! I don't mean I'm going out with them all or anything, I just- I just happen to have a lot of friends who happen to be girls who-"
"OK, Legohash, calm down."
There was a pause.
"I'm not, you know, I'm not gay or anything." Legohash stuttered. "I just-"
"Legohash!" Araporn snapped, sending Legohash into a terrified silence. "I get the picture! Anyways, you're friends with Arwank so... has she been saying anything about me?"
"Only that you're a pig-headed ogre and that she hates your guts. She's still pissed that you threw her necklace away."
"Oh for god's sake, it was just a necklace!"
"Apparently it would have made you immortal..."
Araporn's jaw dropped. He tried to recover quickly and cleared his throat in a rugged and manly way. "Yeah but- but it would have made me look girly! Arwank knows how I like to look masculine and tough and she knows how sorry I am..."
"Do you love her?"
Araporn blushed. "I- I don't think you can really ask me that..."
"If you wanna make her happy, just tell her you love her. That's how I dooped a girl."
"I don't wanna doop her! And you didn't tell the girl you loved her you just sat there and lookedlike Legolas!"
"OK, OK, if you really wanna make Arwank happy, give her an orgasm!"
"But I-" Araporn sighed and blushed some more. "Legohash, I probably won't be able to give her one..."
"Oh, it's easy..." Legohash smiled. "Especially for a rugged, handsome guy like you..."
Araporn blinked at him, very alarmed.
"I-I'm really not gay, honest!" legohash said quickly.
"Hello?"
"Fara-Queer?"
"Hey little bro, what's up?"
Araporn jumped up and down next to Borrow-Queer. "Ask him if he-"
Borrow-Queer pushed him over and continued to speak with his brother. "Listen, Fara-Queer, I need some advice..."
"I'm listening."
"Right, well Araporn and me... we-we want to know how to be sensitive to girls and how to make them-"
"ORGASM!" Araporn yelled, snatching the phone off Borrow-Queer. "I want to know how to make her orgasm!"
"Is that all your after?" Fara-Queer asked. "You just want some tips on sex?"
"W-Well, no... not exactly..." Araporn stammered. "I- I want to know how to return the favour and... stuff..."
Fara-Queer laughed quietly. "Congratualtions guys, you've just qualified."
"Huh?" said Borrow-Queer, wrenching the phone out of Araporn's hands. "Qualified for what?"
"You've both just inherited the Bible. It was created by the very first captains of Gonads. They put in some ideas, some tips you know... and it just kind of grew from there. You have to give it back at the end of the year though... and be careful with it, it's precious to me..."
"Um.... precious?"
