Rusty, I rally did think you were the one for me. When I invisioned my future, it was waking up besides you, our kids crawling onto the bed with us. But now that I've ruined it all, now that I've lost you, Everything is so blank. I wish I could see you, even if just in passing. My heart aches everytime I close my eyes and see that turtle tattoo I know you got to remind yourself of me (I used to wear that turtle necklace when I first knew you). Have you given up on me, dispite the countless times I've tried to reach out to you? Is there someone new in your life, some not as neurotic and crazy as I am. You always said that was why you liked me so much, I was different, unusually unusual. God I miss you. I love you. I know that without you in my life, I will probably never feel whole again. I will drink to feel human. I will smoke to forget the pain. I will cut so I can feel the hurt when I'm supposed to. I'll go on pointless dates and find myself making up flaws so I can be alone again. You were the first person to call me beautiful and make me belive it. You were the first one to tell me you loved me, and made me believe you meant it. I thought you were my future. And now I don't have a future at all.