“You four are real bastards, have I ever told you that?”
“Last time something like this happened.”
“When was the last time something like this happened?”
“Eva turned me into a potato and you and Pasha implemented me in a juggling act because Pasha complained I was taking his share of the soup.”
“Ah, yes. Well, we made good money with the act. Matvei’s a good publicist, I’m not such a bad juggler and Eva did turn you into a very convincing potato.”
“It would have gone towards more food if Rus hadn’t spent it on that wench he was wooing.”
“He would have gotten her, too, if he hadn’t convinced Pasha to steal a harp and then made you play it for the poor girl. What was her name? Pushya, Ivisha… I don’t keep track of his whores…”
“Ilsha. The saucy one who wouldn’t sell you and me any powdered newt.”
“Morning, all. Ah! I see you’ve started breakfast. Isidor, pass the oatmeal.”
“Get your own damn oatmeal, Rus. Better yet, have Akilina get it for you.”
“How much do you love your cat, Evpraksiya?”
“You wouldn’t dare, you overstuffed peacock. Leave Isidor alone and get your own oatmeal, he had a bad night.”
“YOU LOCKED ME OUTSIDE! NAKED!”
“I didn’t lock you outside. I just chose not to let you back in, and Matvei went along with it.”
“Fine. Pasha locked me outside. Naked.”
“You can’t prove that I did anything.”
“So what you’re saying is that some other swain came into our room, stripped me naked, folded my clothes and left them next to the bed, put you into the bed and tucked you in nice and snuggly, left me in a horse stall, went back inside, locked the doors, and didn’t give it another thought?”
“I’m saying you can’t prove that it didn’t happen that way.”
“Next time we stop at an inn, I’m bedding with Matvei.”
“I’m not sleeping in the same bed as Pasha!”
“Now, now, Little Eva… am I so terrible?”
“I’ve no desire to wake up naked anywhere.”
“Damn. That was our next money-making scheme, too.”
“Pasha.”
“Sorry, Rus.”
“Akilina! Good morning, turtle dovecote.”
CRASH
“Have I ever mentioned that coffee flatters your complexion very nicely?”
“Isidor. Not… Another… Word.”
“I think the buttered toast in the hair is a nice statement. Matvei, Eva, what do you think?”
“Or anyone else.”
Four