Pasha and Eva arrived at The Guarded Inn at well past dark, hauling Irina between them. They had purchased a rug at the marketplace and rolled her up in it.
“I don’t see them.” Pasha said.
“All riff-raff looks alike. Keep your eyes open.” Eva instructed, peering around mugs and hoods.
“Are you riff-raff?” Irina asked.
“Yes. So are you. Be quiet, you’re a rug, remember?” Eva shook her end of the carpet roll. Irina gave a muffled squeal.
“You don’t want to hurt the kid, Eva.”
“I’m tempted to just drop her.”
“Don’t drop me!” Irina shrieked. Eva shook the rug again.
“Shh!”
“Excuse me, bartender? We can’t seem to find our party.” Pasha graciously addressed the man behind the counter.
“Tall fag, scrawny guy with a walking stick, and a stocky man weighted down with a bunch of bags? Came in on a donkey, loaded with money?” The bartender asked, wiping out a glass.
“Loaded with money? That’s not them.” Pasha shook his head.
“Wait!” Eva almost dropped her end of the rug. Irina squealed again. The bartender didn’t blink.
“Was the scrawny guy with the walking stick practically glued to the tall fag?” Eva asked. The bartender nodded and filled up a mug of beer.
“That’s them.” Pasha confirmed.
“They said they were expecting a woman and a boy.” The bartender sent the mug sliding down the bar, where it crashed into several empty mugs in front of a boisterous crowd of what could have been inland pirates.
“A boy?” Pasha asked, offended.
“I guess that’s you two. They’re in the Open Purse Room. Let yourself in.” The bartender fished a key out of his apron.
“The Open Purse Room?” Eva repeated.
“Private dining room. That way.” The bartender pointed across the room to a set of doors before returning to his duties.
Pasha and Eva jostled their way through the crowd, using Irina to knock down those who would not move from their path. They arrived at the door of the Open Purse Room none the worse for wear.
Inside, Isidor, Matvei, and Ruslan were helping themselves to bread, cheese, fruit, coffee, various types of alcohol, an assortment of meats, and plenty of chocolate. They sat on cushions around a low table.
“Where did you get the money for this?” Eva asked, dropping her end of the rug to the floor. Irina let out a small squeak. Pasha lowered his end of the rug down and began untying the bundle.
“We waylaid those robbers up on the path. There weren’t very many of them.” Matvei shrugged and began to put together a sandwich.
“Looks like you did well for yourself.” Eva said.
“You, too. That’s a nice rug.” Matvei nodded towards where Pasha was unrolling Irina.
“Eh. We bought that on the way in.” Eva took a seat next to Isidor and helped herself to a pear.
“Oooo… I’m dizzy.” Irina sighed.
“Pasha, who is that?” Isidor asked, spotting the robber girl first.
“Hostage.” Eva said through a mouthful of pear.
“Eva.” Ruslan scolded.
“Don’t look at me. This was Pasha’s idea. I wanted to kill her.”
“We do not kidnap or kill maidens! We’re supposed to rescue them, remember?” Ruslan threw a grape at Eva. She threw it promptly back.
“We’ve never rescued anybody.” She retorted.
“You rescued me.” Isidor said.
“Yeah, but that was an accident. We’ve never intentionally rescued anybody.”
“Oh, but they did rescue me!” Irina protested, wide-eyed, as Pasha untied the ropes around the girl.
“We did?” Eva folded some cheese into her bread.
“Yes! My wicked uncle is the Robber King and he took me away from my true love so I could marry him in two weeks’ time.” Irina cried out. Ruslan looked genuinely startled.
“I thought you said you were a thief.” Eva said, highly suspicious.
“My wicked uncle has been making me steal.” Irina began to weep into her hands. Eva rolled her eyes and Matvei shook his head. Ruslan and Pasha were the pictures of compassion. Misha crawled out from a pile of pillows and into Eva’s lap. Isidor was once again completely absorbed in eating his dinner.
Ruslan rose from his spot and went over to Irina. He put his arm around her shoulder and made a great show of wiping her eyes.
“There, there, young lady. Don’t cry. We’ll bring you back to your true love.” He said soothingly. Eva made gagging noises into her napkin and Matvei hid a smile. Ruslan glared at them both while Pasha smoothed out Irina’s rug-rumpled clothing.
“Evpraksiya, I’m ashamed of you. You do absolutely nothing to help others. Ever since we started going on quests you’ve done nothing but be pessimistic and bitter. And you- Matvei- you just snicker and look brawny.” Ruslan scolded.
“Oh, poor Ruslan. Is Matvei out-brawning you?” Eva mocked through a mouthful of dried dates. Out of the corner of her eye she caught Isidor quietly sizing up Matvei and Ruslan.
“I’m the hero and he’s the bard!” Ruslan exclaimed. Irina burst into sobs and cried onto Pasha’s shoulder.
Eva rolled her eyes and chewed her mouthful of dates.
Six