Nadianic Purity Test

The Nadianic Purity Test

Okay, kids...you know how a purity test works. This test goes to show you how much Nadia dwells in your soul. Most of the things on this test were done by me or mi amigos. One day I may put up a page explaining them all. That day is not today. For every question you answer "yes" to, check the box for "yes".
The "submit" button is at the bottom.

Are you a freak, goth, crack ho, drama punk, techie, pothead, exotic dancer, artist, angsty writer, morbid photographer, etcetera?
Are you more than one of the above? (Example: goth pothead exotic dancer)
Do you call people freaks for the irony of it?
Do you keep meticulous track of crimes no one has caught you at?
Have you ever pushed when the sign clearly said pull?
-and the sign was on an ice dispenser?
Have you ever called a friend and said "do you like scary movies" only to discover it was a wrong number?
Are you a wanted criminal for trespassing and disruption of peace?
-in more than one state?
Have you ever led a sing-a-long during a solemn moment?
Have you ever danced on a grave just to mock other people?
Is your bedroom strung with Mardi Gras beads?
Have you created crepe paper spiderwebs anywhere in the room?
Are your curtains tied back with orange or black crepe paper?
Do you have a dealership plate on your wall?
Do you spend hours studying the little details of "I Spy" posters on your wall?
Have you hung windchimes over your bed because they "make you feel catlike"?
Have you covered the door to your room with ticket stubs, programs, fast food advertisements, stickers, receipts, candy wrappers, etcetera?
-is one of said assorted items a large poster of a saint?
Have you ever had the urge to decorate with spray paint and galvanized steel buckets?
Do you have a Jesus poster next to a Ozzy Osbourne poster/ pin-up girl/ gay pride notice/ you get the picture?
Do your friends rearrange your furniture to bug you?
Are your collections of bottles, buttons, dead plants, steel buckets, rubber stamps, paint samples, etcetera arranged alphabetically?
-on your bedroom floor?
Do you insist on sleeping with your blinds open even though the sun kills your eyes in the morning?
-do you sleep with sunglasses on/on your stomach for this reason?
Do you find missing persons in your closet?
Is the Great Pile of All Lost Things under your bed?
Is your room referred to as “The Fortress of Solitude” by other members of your family?
–or is it called “The Shed of Doom”?
Is a calculus book propping the door open?
Is your room the unholy dominion of evil piskies?
–do said piskies often migrate to your friends’ rooms and infest their pens?
-have you placed a sign on the door to warn people of said piskies?
Is the exterminator afraid to enter your bedroom?
Do you have a wooden rooster in your room that is the subject of various sexual jokes?
Have you ever eaten Spam?
Do you eat bulgoki just because you think the name is funny?
Have you ever become engaged in a discussion about whether or not honey is poisonous to aquatic frogs?
Do you warn people of the dangers of eating cheez-its and drinking orange juice at the same time?
Do you think cinnamon bagels with mustard and cream cheese are a great snack?
Do you deny all phenomena attached to this question number?
Do you have a real love of vanilla pudding
-is it because of the song "One Week"?
Do you mock Teddy Grahams as you eat them?
Have you ever made voracious fun of a chocolate rabbit?
Do you wish you were salt?
Have you always classified tomatoes as fruit?
Are you a vegetarian because someone dared you to become one?
-when asked about it, do you explain that you're not a vegetarian because you love animals, you're a vegetarian because you hate plants?
-did anyone believe you?
Do you think pie eating should be an Olympic event?
Do you frequently make soup out of whatever random food you can find? (ie cheese, ham, tofu, carrots, croutons...)
Do you go to resteraunts just to bug the waiter?
Have you ever burned a CD comprised entirely of songs about food?
Is Publix the greatest store of all time?
Is the answer always bacon bits?
Have you ever had a discussion about eating eggs with Tabasco sauce in the Governor's Mansion?
Do you think Wendy's salads are insanely large?
Have you ever brought a raw yam in your lunch?
Do you find the phrase “pink Jello straws” to be incredibly funny?
Did you like the movie "Labyrinth" because David Bowie was in it?
Do you know all the dialogue to any of the following movies, starting with Highlander 1?
-The Muppet Movie?
-Disney's Robin Hood?
-Excalibur?
-The Princess Bride?
-Mr. Mom?
-Ferris Bueller's Day Off?
-Labyrinth?
-Dune?
-Monty Python's Holy Grail?
-Vampire Hunter D?
-Life of Brian?
-An American Werewolf in London?
-The Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Have you ever been told you looked like someone out of RHPS?
Have you memorized the words to any Blue Oyster Cult song?
Have you ever watched "The Twilight Zone" for more than four hours straight?
Have you ever had a discussion about "The Twilight Zone" for more than four hours straight?
Have you ever compared your life to an episode of "The Twilight Zone" for more than four hours straight?
Do you often ponder Arthur's Question in "Camelot"?
Do you know who Drusilla is?
-have you perfected her accent?
Were you upset and disappointed when BtVS "mainstreamed"?
-did you watch the 1992 movie to solace yourself?
-and understood every obscure early nineties cultural reference therein?
Were you crazy with anticipation over the X-Files season eight ender?
Do the words "Louis, Louis, Louis. It's getting so easy to find you," mean anything to you?
-do you think that the song "Bloodletting" by Concrete Blonde should have been played over the ending credits?
-do you know who played Claudia in that movie?
–do you know what movie about beauty pageants she starred in?
-have you ever gone on a rampage to remember Claudia's name?
Do you still love Sesame Street?
Have you developed lengthy theories about whether or not Freddy off "Scooby Doo" is gay?
Have you spontaneously burst into singing the "Captain Planet" theme?
Do you randomly sing showtunes in public?
Have you familiarized yourself with dozens of obscure and sometimes pointless ballads?
Do you spend significant amounts of your time tracking changes and cultural influences/motivations in ballads or folklore?
Have you ever searched for subliminal messages in "Where's Waldo"?
Do you ever seriously ponder the meaning of Spam?
Do you know the signifigance of the following, starting with Zaphod Beeblebrox?
-Jabberwocky?
-Jordan College?
-Icarus?
-Paradigm City?
-Pointe du Lac?
-Carterhaugh?
-Binky Bill?
-Count Tyrone Rugen?
-Ramses, New York?
-The Talamasca?
-Henwen the Prophetic Pig?
-Tribbles?
-Ruth the White Dragon?
-"When the dark comes rising, six shall turn it back, three from the circle, three from the track?"
-Pandora and Marius?
-the Kwisatz Haderach?
-five-feet-six of wavering light?
Have you named the little devil and angel on your shoulders?
-is one dead and the other missing in action?
Do you have complex theories about alternate universes that also explain heaven and deja-vu?
Do you have a running list of endangered crayola colors? (my favorite is cerulean)
Can you recite Latin phrases backwards?
Has anyone ever complained in class that “(your name here) won’t stop speaking Latin!”
Are you able to stare at a puddle/candle/lava lamp/soap bubble/dryer/etcetera without a moment of boredom?
Do you make up little games to amuse yourself?
Have you ever gotten stuck in a logic loop?
Do you think of other people as "my serfs"?
Do you randomly change the screensavers or wallpaper on school computers to relate to your interests?
Have you ever signed into a school computer lab as the administrator and set all the PC calenders three days ahead and switched all the clocks to Greenwich Mean Time?
-never bothered to change it back, and it remained that way for the rest of the year?
Have you ever saved pornography onto the favorites list on a school PC to get the next person online in trouble?
Have you argued the rationality of pi with your math teacher?
Do you waste classtime creating sheets of grafitti and mentally constructing soap opera plots involving your classmates?
Have you written a dissertation on reality?
Has the introduction to your thesis paper ever involved Spiderman?
Have you ever written a paper comparing a great classic with an Anne Rice book?
–did you get an “A” on said paper?
Do you walk around school with random signs pinned to your shirt?
Have you ever been the source of a school legend?
Can you write entire five paragraph essays, compose flashcards, and forge signatures 2 minutes before they're due?
Have you ever engaged in a school library war?
Have you written complex tongue-twisters on the backs of bleachers, cafeteria tables, school bus seats, etcetera?
Do you have a "stabbing pencil"?
Have you ever turned in a paper explaining how hobos use math?
Have you offered to striptease for the school talent show?
For some reason, have you ever recieved detention for going to detention?
Do you frequently turn in your school papers written in crayon?
Do you break the dress code just to be sent home?
Have you ever talked a teacher out of giving you a detention?
Have you ever sung the "Tom Bombadil Song" for more than an hour?
Do you sing "watermelon coconut" when you don't know the words?
Have you created a song about "It's A Wonderful Life" to the tune of "Hark the Herald Angels Sing"?
Do you routinely bluff knowing the music during band class?
Have you created choreography for the song "Hotel California"?
-are some passages rather graphic?
Have you written a rhyme about nunchucks?
Have you written a bizarre rhyme based on “Tam Lin” and “Sing a Song of Sixpence”?
Can you sing all the songs from "The Phantom of the Opera"?
-doing complete character voices?
-producing your own solo production? (that was curiously redundant)
Have you ever hula danced and sang "Aloha" in the middle of winter with a guy wearing a Santa hat?
Do you slam dance to Christmas carols?
Do you think 3DOs games have the best music?
Did you try to convince the priest officiating your baptisim to have the choir sing Iron Butterfly's "Eden"?
Have you ever formed your own religion?
Does it feature a duck as its central deity?
Have you ever stood on the roof of a church and shouted "I am God!"?
Have you ever answered an essay question with "because I am God and I say so"?
Has your Sunday school class ever become engaged in a discussion about Amish televangelists?
Have you adopted the grave of somebody you know nothing about for the sole reason of that the inscription on the tombstone was cool?
Do you torchbear just to threaten your fellows acolytes with your torch?
Do you tell your guidance counselor that you want to become a Hare Krishna and sell flowers in the airport?
Have you ever worn a rosary as an "exotic" accessory?
Have you ever been accused of having “secret Catholic inclinations”?
–was the reason for this accusation based in your wearing of a rosary?
Have you ever suspected that your communion wafers were really Saltines?
Do you read the Book of Common Prayer for fun?
Have you ever engaged a priest in a conversation about why infant baptisim is an incorrect doctrine?
Have you ever petitioned to have a friend cannonized?
Have you ever petitioned to have a friend elected Pope?
Is your favorite insult “your mother is the Pope”?
Do you ever encourage people to “get in touch with their inner Buddha”?
–even if they’re perfect strangers?
Is Winnie-the-Pooh the perfect example of Zen enlightenment?
Do you believe that the monk in Romeo and Juliet should have been defrocked, and did you heatedly explain why to your English I class?
Have you ever tried to exorcise a priest?
Have you ever delivered a sermon?
–a sermon your parents had never heard before it was presented?
Does God talk to you?
–does Satan?
Do you love the story of how the angel got on top of the tree?
When your creative writing teacher has your class write a heartwarming Christmas story, was yours the only one that ended with all the principle characters dying?
–when questioned did you say that you find it heartwarming?
–do you find it heartwarming?
Do you like to form your own bizarre holidays to coincide with the Christmas season, and use them as excuses to avoid holiday gatherings you’d rather not attend? (Nope, can’t make, I have to bake the St. Gargamel cookies)
Do you bike through your neighborhood singing deranged Christmas carols?
–in July?
Does your version of The Gift of the Magi involve Satan?
Is your favorite Christmas movie Rudolph’s Happy New Year?
Have you ever dressed as Spam for Halloween?
–Mayor Rudolph Giuliani?
-Jesus?
Do your Halloween house decorations scare small children witless?
Bonus points if the Easter decorations do as well.
Have you ever crucified a toy bunny for an Easter decoration?
Have you ever dyed hollow eggs black for Easter decorations?
Placed dishes of black and orange jellybeans around your house for Easter decorations?
Tied pastel bows around the necks of little stone gargoyles and given them their own Easter baskets for Easter decorations?
Have you ever barbecued egg plant on the Fourth of July?
Have you ever spent the Fourth of July inside, creating a geneology chart for a fictional family?
Has a flying saucer (the firework, moron) ever tried to kill you?
Have you ever emptied all the dynamite from a box of Pop-Its into one plastic bag to make a Super Pop-It?
Have you ever flown the French flag over your house and hung paper cut outs of the Eiffel Tower in your windows in celebration of Bastille day?
Do you regularly celebrate the Mexican Day of the Dead?
Do you spend Thanksgiving watching old Mafia movies and looking at your family suspiciously?
Have you ever tried to liberate the Thanksgiving turkey?
–did you succeed?
*. –did your family refuse to speak to you until Christmas, and then it was only to tell you not to touch the turkey?
Do you like to ride in the car just to hang your head out the window?
Have you ever considered improving upon a van by taking the seats out and installing a pool table in the back?
Have you ever been in a massive Go-Cart collision?
Have you ever CAUSED a massive Go-Cart collision?
Have you ever driven while stoned?
–stoned on an everyday substance, such as rubber cement or nailpolish?
–driven while drunk?
Have you ever gotten drunk while a designated driver?
Have you ever driven any vehicle naked?
Have you ever rode in a vehicle naked?
Ever had sex in a moving vehicle?
–while driving?
Do moving vehicles turn you on?
Do you go everywhere on a bike?
Are there more than ten items hanging from your rearveiw mirror?
Have you ever ridden a tandem?
Have you ever ridden long distance on someone’s handlebars?
Ridden long distance with someone on your handlebars?
Been on a roadtrip to Jacksonville?
–Birmingham?
–Seattle?
Do you love riding the Greyhound bus?
Are you and friends saving to ride the greyhound bus to another state?
Do you frequently sing on public transportation?
Do you grafitti public transportation?
Ridden public transportation coming home from a party in the morning?
–were you stoned?
–were you hung over or drunk?
–were you wearing all black/ all Day-Glo/ spikes and leather/ the opposite sex’s clothing?
–were you missing clothing?
Have you ever lost clothing you were wearing on a school bus?
Have you ever lost clothing in a taxi?
–was it because you were playing strip poker?
–by yourself?
Have you ever been kicked off of public transportation, including a school bus?
–more than once?
–more than five times?
–all for the same reason?
Have you ever squeezed a friend into your jacket and tried to convince a city bus driver that you’re siamese twins and demand to ride on a single fare?
–a friend who looks signficantly different?
–did your ploy work?
Have you ever ridden a city bus in formalwear?
Do you enjoy crossing main roads?
Have you ever gotten everyone in your vehicle completely lost because you were holding the road map upside down?
Have you ever stolen a car?
Have you ever ridden on the back of a moving vehicle?
Have you ever raised your score attempting to cheat at miniature golf?
Have you ever arranged an air hockey tournament?
Have you ever stolen an air hockey puck?
Do you have a pinball obsession?
Do you have a list of every single pinball machine you’ve ever played on?
–ever played on an Addam’s Family themed machine?
–Simpsons?
–Labyrinth? (if you have, tell me where!)
Do you alter the rules of all games to make them strip games?
Have you ever played the X-Files drinking game?
Do you freestyle (also known as live-action) role play?
Have you ever had one role-playing scenario go on for half a year?
–a year?
–multiple years?
Have you ever formed a written RPG?
Do you role play things that were never intended as role playing material? (Amelia Atwater-Rhodes books, Buffy, Anne McCaffery books, Analog stories)
–did you like your versions of the stories/shows better?
Have you ever role-played in public?
Have you ever role-played during an important event? (wedding, funeral, graduation)
Have you ever convinced a stranger that you are your role-playing character?
Have you ever played the car counting game? (count cars and shout their number at them as they go by and see what they do)
Do you like to play hide-and-seek in Wal-Mart?
Have you ever had a contest to see who could cover a stop sign with chewing gum the fastest?
–was legal action taken against you afterwards?
–did you talk your way out of an arrest?
Have you ever played “When I am rich” in the mall?
Where’s Waldo?
Have you ever raced basketballs?
Have you ever hosted a movie marathon?
–was it an old horror movie marathon?
–an alien/space movie marathon?
–a Disney movie marathon?
–a foreign film marathon?
–a marathon for movies with a certain actor?
–a marathon for movies with a certain director?
–a marathon for movies released in a certain random year?
Do you have an irrepressible love of Twister or Monopoly?
Do you know how to play Pyro Rules Scrabble?
Has a fight ever broken out in your game of Pyro Rules Scrabble?
–over the word Passamaquoddy?
Have you ever played the Name Game in class while over the age of ten?
Do you have a betting problem?
Have you ever played a board game all night long?
Have you ever put together jigsaw puzzles at two AM?
–while not under the influence of drugs?
Do you drink a case of soda, eat a bag of Pixi Stix, paint your nails, and read physics books in attempts to trip?
Have you ever consulted a Magic 8 Ball ™ about what to wear in the morning?
Did it result in an interesting combination of clothing? (sandals, orange socks with Jesus fish, a kilt, a pink halter top, and a bowler hat)
Do people try to tell you that navy blue and black don’t match?
–did you defend your outfit by saying you got dressed in the dark?
Do your parents think you’re colorblind, but your friends think you look cool?
Are Army fatigues a major part of your wardrobe?
Have you ever worn your rave/clubbing clothes to church?
–did the ushers refuse to let you in?
Have you ever worn a role-playing costume to school, work, church, a wedding, etcetera?
Is your wardrobe entirely monochromatic?
Do you own a hand-knit Italian flag scarf?
Do you insist on dying your own hair or making your own clothes?
Have you ever repaired clothing in class?
Have you ever removed important articles of clothing during class?
If female, have you ever left your bra in a desk?
Do you regularly wear more than eight bracelets?
–and you’re a guy?
Do you think kilts are dead sexy?
Do you wear a Simba baseball cap?
Have you and a friend of the opposite sex ever switched shoes?
Do you collect magazine cutouts of shoes?
Have you ever worn your shoes on the wrong feet to see if anyone would notice?
Do you compliment complete strangers on their clothes?
–even if they’re wearing something nondescript?
Do you have a “security (bracelet, necklace, anklet, earring, ring, etcetera)”?
Do friends make you jewelry on a regular basis?
Have you ever ridden a bike wearing a kimono and bedroom slippers?
Do you go barefoot as many places as you can?
Is your hair more than twice the size of your head?
Is your hair home-dyed purple/green/blue/pink?
Have you ever shaved your head and dyed your scalp?
Do you have a “freak checklist” that you use for buying clothes?
Have you ever dressed up as a cheerleader and had people not recognize you?
Have you ever created an all-black Santa-ette, cheerleader, Easter Bunny costume?
Have you ever gone to school dressed as a nun? (or monk)
Have you ever referred to an article of trendy clothing as a “fashionista mock-up”?
Have you ever slept in a cardboard box?
Have you ever given a speech about the benefits of sleeping topless?
Do you have absurd bedtime traditions?
Have you ever stayed up late and come up with Deep Thoughts that turn out to be either incomprehensible or blatantly obvious (aka “Sleeping vampires look very much like dead humans”)?
Is your bedtime dawn?
Do you like to randomly set people’s alarm clocks for strange hours of the night?
Do you refuse to shower during the day?
Can you only sleep if it’s raining outside?
–and you live in an arid climate?
Do you like sleeping in bushes or trees?
Have you ever slept on the garden furniture of a Wal-Mart in your rave/role-playing clothes because you were exhausted and had another seven miles to walk home because you were kicked off the city bus for the fifth time?
Have you ever fallen asleep in a graveyard?
–on a grave?
–on a headstone?
–in the arms of graveyard angel statuary?
Have you ever voluntarily slept in the bathtub?
Have you ever created a Gothic insomnia mix tape, featuring songs that would keep normal people awake in fear?
Have you ever spent all of church writing lullabies and trying to make yourself fall asleep in the pew?
Do you sleep in a blanket nest on the floor, despite the fact there are two unoccupied beds in your room?

The Nadianic Purity Test

Are ya'll ready for this?