Welcome to Sams site OMG, I m a cripple, went and broke my arm dint i! Hi everybody! Im glad u came to look at this site, but, basically you are wasting your time, because this is all a load of bollox!! But anyway, im gona try and think of cool stuff 2 put on here, but 2 b honest, im too much of a dumbass, and i dont no how to use this beast! So if ne1 got any clean suggestions, mail me! O and if ne1 got any cars dat need washin, give me a call,(i washed 5 this mornin) anyway, ill spk 2 y'all later! ********************************************************************************************************************************************************************* STUFF THAT PISSES ME OFF!!!!!!!! ******************************************************************************************* 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? **************************************************************************************************************************** 2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. ******************************************************************************************************************************* 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". f*cking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it? **************************************************************************************************************88 4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? ************************************************************************************************************ 5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid £8 to come to the cinema and stare at the f*cking floor. ************************************************************************************************************* 6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine? ******************************************************************************************************** 7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. ************************************************************************************************************** 8. When people say "life is short". What the f*ck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!! What can you do that's longer? ***************************************************************************************************************** 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead? 10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? ears, wellington boots? ******************************************************************************************************************* 11.When your eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting i always eat stuff i hate. *************************************************************************************************************** 12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image i really didn't need. ************************************************************************************************************************* 13. Mcdonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It has to be a Mcchicken Sandwich, just a Chicken Sandwich get blank looks...........Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you McTosser. ********************************************************************************************************************* 14. When you involved in a accident and someone asks 'are you alright?'. Yes fine thanks, i'll just pick up my limbs and be off ********************************************************************************************************************************************************************* FUNNY, BUT A BIT SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Howard goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Annabel, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Howard turns to Annabel and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?" She asks "What?" He replies "SEX!!!" Annabel exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!" "I know", Howard says, "but it would be nice if a woman just held it for a while". "Well, I can oblige," says Annabel, who gently unzips his trousers and removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Annabel would hold Howard's manhood. Then, one night, Howard didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Annabel decided to find Howard and make sure that he was O.K. She walked around the home until she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident who was holding Howard's manhood! Furious, Annabel yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does she have that I don't have?!?" Howard smiled and replied..............."Parkinson's" ************************************************************************************************************* BLONDE JOKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ************************************************************************************************************ A blonde was driving down the motorway when her car phone rang. It was her husband, urgently warning her, "Honey, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!" "It's not just one car!" said the blonde, "There's f*ck*ng hundreds of them!" _*****************************************************************************************************************************************____________________________________________ Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, 'Oh, cr*p, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again. The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, 'You don't like getting flowers?' The redhead says, 'I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air.' The blonde says, 'Don't you have a vase?] ************************************************************************************************************** SORRY 2 ALL BLONDES! BUT HERE IS 1 U WILL LIKE! **************************************************************************************************** Dealers!!!!! Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,"Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching!" Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men. ************************************************************************************************** INTERESTING FACTS!!!! but some of them have 2 b rubbish!!! ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************** If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) ************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************ If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.(Now that's more like it!) *************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!) ********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************* A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.) ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************* A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.) ****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not try this at home......maybe at work or school.) **************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!") ************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************* The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes...can you imagine?) ************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************ The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) *************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity.) **************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.) ********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************* The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm........) ********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) ***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump. (OK, so that would be a good thing....) ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************* A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?) ****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that. AHEM, lowe) ***************************************************************************************************************88******************************************************************************************************************************************************************** Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.) ********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************* Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.) ************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************ Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig???) ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************* MORE COMIN SOOOOOOOON, and im gettin abit bored of stars**** au revoir ********************************************************************************************************************************************************************** Thanks for visiting Sams site of absolute trash, COME BACK SOON!!!!!!! **PS. TELL YOUR FRIENDS, IM HAVIN A HIT COMPETITION **O yeah AMIT STINKS!! ***O, and another thing, Dave can i have a go in ur porsche?????
Cool Sites to visit
Andy j's site!!
Play pool here
The funniest site on da net!!
Harry's gay car site!
