My korny joke page!!!
Heres my korny, funky, odd, and somhow refreshingly funny joke page.....enjoy?
This guy goes to a costume party with a girl on his back, "what the heck are you?" asks the host. "I'm a snail" says the guy. "But, you have a girl on your back," replies the host."Yeah," the guy says "that's Michelle!"
This fellow had owned this large farm for several
years. He had a large pond in the back forty, and had
it fixed up for swimming. One evening the old farmer
decided to go down to the pond as he hadn't been there
for a while. As he drew near, he heard voices and laughing,
and saw a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and
they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women
shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man replied, "I didn't come to watch you ladies swim
or make you get out of the pond, I only came to feed my alligators.
A cowboy goes on the internet to buy a horse. He finds
a beautiful horse, but it goes by unusual commands. You
say "praise the Lord" to make it go and you say "holy crap"
to make it stop. He buys it anyway. The next day he's
riding his new horse for the very first time. So he gets on
and says, " Praise the Lord". He rides for a while until he
wants to stop. But the cowboy can't remember what to say.
Then he goes through a forest and sees a cliff ahead.
So he starts saying "Holy Lord, Holy shoot.... As he gets
to the edge of the cliff he yells out "HOLY CRAP!"
The horse stops, and he looks at the sky and says "Oh, praise the
lord."
Q. What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
A. DAMN!!
Every night, Joe would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, then left.
The next night, after he finished his 4th beer, the doorbell rang. He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left.
The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot cockroach was standing there. This time, he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left.
The fourth night Joe didn't drink at all. The doorbell rang. The cockroach was standing there. The bug beat the snot out of Joe and left him in a heap on the living room floor.
The following day, Joe went to see his doctor. He explained the events of the preceding four nights. "What can I do?" he pleaded. "Not much" the doctor replied. "There's just a nasty bug going around."
A man walks into a doctor's office.
The man has a sausage coming out of his ear, a waffle out of his nose
and a slice of bacon out of his other ear.
He asks the doctor what's wrong. The doctor replies, "You're just not
eating properly.
A man walks into a doctor's office.
Mum and Dad went to a restaurant one day.
Dad was about halfway finishing his meal when took a hard look at the potato.
He called the waitress and said, "This potato is bad."
The waitress picked it up, smacked it, and put it back on the plate, then said, "If that potato causes any more trouble just let me know."
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
A: He sold his soul to santa.
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are truly a "professional". Scroll down for the answer. The questions are not that difficult.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is:
Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly
complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Wrong Answer :
Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the
refrigerator.
Correct Answer :
Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the
repercussions of your actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the
animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer :
The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory.
OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions,
correctly, you still have one more chance to show your
abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do
you manage it?
Correct Answer:
You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting!
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Andersen Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of
the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old
p A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog
on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you,
but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into
the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in
his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like
crazy at the funny parts. Don't you find it unusual?"
"Yes," she replied, "I found it very unusual. He hated the book!"
More to come...
