There once was a girl named Lindsey. She liked to read. Then one day a sun rose overhead. She had never seen the sun before. She said:
“If I wasn’t alive right now, I’d be dead.*” That was such a profound statement that people from all over the world came to hear her utter it. They were all amazed. One such person was named Sven. Sven was a teacher and sick of hearing his students say stupid things and not know what 25 to the fifth is off the top of their heads. So he came to see the person who could utter such a profound statement.
To his amazement it was a girl about the age of the students he taught. He couldn’t believe that the kids he taught were so stupid and could not say such philosophical things. Sven went back to his school a changed man. He saw his students for what they really were, philosophically challenged. So he began teaching them the classic philosophies, which confused his students to no end because Sven taught math. But he taught it in a creative way.
For instance, he would pose a problem about a horse pulling something. After the class had solved it (except for the two girls in the back of the class who always passed notes and never did the problems) Sven would ask, “What is a horse?” Then the class would have a discussion on Plato and his theory of ideas. All the students got used to it and began making profound statements of their own. However, Sven was not satisfied. In his opinion, nothing could be as profound as Lindsey’s statement. So Sven left his teaching job and traveled around the world looking for someone to say something profound. You can still see him wandering today.
The End
MORAL: Mixing math and philosophy will lead to despair.
*profound statement property of Clair Weaver