Many of you may not know Josh Ressler. For those who do, you would know he often says very stupid things. In late January, Tait the bassist began to record these quotes. We have a notebook with six pages of quotes in it. Please realize that these were not said or meant to be funny. Please excuse the profanities, I have starred the harsher ones. **MAY BE OFFENSIVE**
Shut the damn up!
I'm the son of hell.
Do you want to have kids?!
I'll bite your f****** head off!
It hit me right in my leg-shoe!
Three ambliances had to take me out of there!
Jeff, stop! It's an unstable signal!
West Philly
Shizu yah.
Shizu in your mouth and you like it yah!
No dice.
Grrrr. Slipknot!
Everyone get inside! The clouds are forming a horeshoe!
Look at that twirling leaf! It's a mini-tornado!
Yeah, I'm really into Led Zeppelin. So what's this song again? (While Stairway to Heaven is playing)
I don't believe in God, I believe in Mullenism.
Actually Tait, heroin is safe if your water it down.
Yo hook!
Huh! You sound like a Japanese asshole!
They drugged me into the room.
I'm going to Afghanistan and kill Omasa bin Laden.
I'll bit your f****** balls off!
You're not going to be annoying or my foot is going to be on your two things called balls!
I'm going to stick to you like saran wrap to a sandwich!
My penis catches better than you do!
The air speed velocity made it bounce off.
Another fifteen minutes there might be a rupture.
My head is gonna be in a plce it doesn't belong. (This is not meant sexually.)
Ozzy is crazy, he bites bats off their heads!
Holy dude!
Adam did us a favor that was not necessary.
**The next four quotes were all said in five minutes**
Who threw a pig at my crotch?!
Adam cut my eye open with my own pair of glasses.
You know what's really ironic? You hurt your right eye and I hurt my left.
According to my mother I was jumping off counters at the age of 18. (He's 15)
He dark slid him one.
I'm gonna ship you off to Afghanistan in a Navy Boat.
I need to hide under my insecurity blanket.
It's off the hizook.
You scared the bilesus out of me!
I'll take my bookbag before they take mine.
My friend told me he didn't know Satan was in Mardi Gras when I came out of my locker this morning.
I think I'm thinking...
I didn't know my father had bells.
It's still the first quarter. (Refering to a hockey game.)
I'm so extremely morbidly obeast.
If you join then I'm going to just so I can kick your ass on the ice hockey field.
Ow, my knuckle, I mean my elbow!
I'm so stupid I can't even remember her own name!
Don't look over there or he'll come over and kick the s*** out of his ass!
Adam told me a wrong lie.
I think Matt's eyes flashed before him!
Is this making a chemical reaction with my teeth or something?
This table can only accomidate the people on the end of the table.
I don't want to have track practice, I just want to run.
She froze my brain when she touched her hands on my neck.
Amy is a different exception.
That's Slipknot you hiz-ay!
Move your shizz-it!
What are you gonna do, camp in the hole?
I tried to pull up my ass, but it failed because I had on a belt.
Did you get me recording laughing?
Would you like me to make an ass print with my ass?
Left foot right! (Calling positions for Twister.)
