I should have been overjoyed at that point, but I wasn't, I was angry for some reason. "Don't you dare say that if I love you too, I'd do this for you," I retorted.
A hurt look played across her face. She wasn't expecting that at all, but recovered rather quickly. "I would never do that to you Becca. I'm not telling you this to make your decision tougher. I really do mean it. But I would really like you there at the VMA's with me. This is a big day for me. I want to be able to share it with you and not be ashamed about it." She took my hand in hers. "Becca, you mean the world to me and I want the world to know that."
I sniffed. "What about the media? The label? The fans? I don't think you're realizing the consequences of your actions."
"I've thought a lot about this," she started to say, but Brian interrupted her.
"Krystal, we are the only ones who know about this relationship. Us and Mook. Yeah, he's been holding off the Firm for a while now, but when this comes out how do you know they're not going to raise their own concerns? And what about the label execs? The fans, if they're true will support you, but the media is gonna take this and run with it."
Kevin placed a hand on Krystal's knee. "Brian's right, you know. I mean look at what they did when AJ went into rehab. Some people painted it as a positive, but most everyone said it was the beginning of the end. And the tabloids were all over it spreading lies about a cocaine addiction that didn't exist. You were there; you saw it. Have you really thought this through?"
The two green eyed beauties looked at each other almost daring the other to look away. Krystal broke the stare first, glancing at the ground. I turned to Brian, knowing full well that he still hadn't adjusted to the idea of my relationship with his friend, but a serious question weighing on my mind. "Brian, what made you and Leighanne want to be so public about your relationship, especially the wedding?"
Brian smiled a small smile before answering, obviously thinking about his wife. "We talked a lot about it," he confessed.
"But you must have broken a million hearts over it. I mean, it got so much publicity that I know I wanted to hurt you." It was true, though. It seemed like the Littrell-Wallace wedding was everywhere the week that it occurred. TV, magazines, and then to add salt to the wound, they were also featured on a special about celebrity weddings almost six months later.
He laughed at me and laughed harder when I told him that I could've fooled people telling them that I was there with as much about the ceremony as I knew. "We weren't trying to make the fans feel bad. We just felt that they had supported us for so long that they deserved to be included as much as we could." I smiled at him.
Krystal wrapped her arm around my shoulder and I looked back at her. "I'm sorry Babe," she started. "I should've discussed this more with you. I know you're only looking out for me."
"It's not just you I'm looking out for," I added. "I'm looking out for myself. I know the second you step onto that red carpet with me on your arm my anonymity is history. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that."
She pulled me into her shoulder and kissed my head. "I'm sorry. But hey, there's still a month or so until the ceremony. That's plenty of time for you to decide if you want to walk that walk with me, okay?" I nodded.
"So are we done here?" Brian asked, standing up.
"I think so," Krystal said, my head still on her shoulder. Kevin stood up and patted my shoulder as he walked away from us. I didn't know what I was going to do. I mean, I did love Krystal with all my heart, but I didn't think I was ready to step out from the shadows. "I guess it's a good thing that the Boys own the label, huh?" Krystal finally said after several minutes of sitting alone in silence.
I pulled away from her and ran my hand through her short hair. "Yeah, I guess that's a plus. They're on our side, at least I think they are."
"Of course they are," she replied. "Now quit drooling over me."
"Huh?"
"Don't think I didn't notice." She grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. "I saw you. Come on. Let's go get wet." I gawked at her as she quickly stripped out of her clothes. I wanted to reach out and grab her hips, pulling her close to me, but somehow managed to restrain myself. She stepped into a swimsuit of her own, and I cursed my lack of courage. She grabbed a towel and then my hand, pulling me out of the room. We raced for the pool, yelling at AJ, Brian, Kevin, Nick and Howie as we passed them. They chased after us and we managed to hit the water first, jumping in feet first, hands latched together. When we surfaced we saw AJ peeling his shirt off his body and tossing it on a pool chair before he jumped in the water with us. All the men managed to make it into the water before too long and we started splashing around and trying to slip Nick's shorts off his body. No one managed to do that, but they did manage to strip AJ naked, like he cared. He would rather be naked. Krystal and I kinda hung back from the water-fighting men, afraid of what they might do to two little women in their space. Nick swam over to us and managed to splash both of us in one swipe. That got us started. We ambushed Nicky and pushed him under the water. After about thirty minutes of fooling around, we stopped and Krystal and I decided to go jump in the Jacuzzi. The Boys let us as they each stretched out on pool chairs to allow the sun to dry them off.
At first we sat directly across from each other in the warm water, but it didn't take long for Krystal to swim over and sit beside me. "Are you okay with this?" she asked me, snuggling down against my shoulder.
"I guess," I replied. "I mean, yeah, I did have the crush on you, but this is just all so new to me."
"Me too," she admitted.
"But why do you want to go public?"
She leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Think about it Becca. We're young. How many other young people out there are doing the same thing we are? Sneaking around, not sure of their feelings, trying to hide their relationship from their family and friends."
I glanced at her. "I never thought of it like that." I sighed and then leaned against her spiky hair. "If only everyone heard what I hear in 'My Religion'."
Krystal sat up in my arms and looked directly at me. "What do you hear in 'My Religion'?" she inquired of me.
I smiled. "I hear someone who has no prejudices, no fear of people. I hear someone who loves everyone and understands that everyone is different and unique. Unfortunately, the world isn't like that." I sighed again. "Yeah there may be nothing wrong with following your heart, but some people aren't going to see it that way. They're going to see it like Brian does. That no matter what we do, it's wrong. At least Brian understands."
"You know, as many times as I've sung 'My Religion', I've never thought about it as it relates to us." She smiled and kissed my nose causing me to smile. We spent a good deal of time talking about our feelings, which was something I knew I would never be able to do with a man. We weren't close to done by the time we were wrinkling with over exposure to water. We climbed out and walked over to Nick, who had fallen asleep on his stomach. The rest of the guys hadn't noticed, but I could tell that he was not going to be a happy camper. He was horribly sunburned. I reached over and shook him gently waking him up. He stared at me through blurry, sleep filled eyes. I leaned over and told him to stock up on aloe.
"Why?" he asked, sitting up.
Krystal was giggling into her hand as I broke the news. "Um, because you've been lobster-ized." Nick rolled his eyes and groaned, catching on rather quickly to my point.
"How bad?" he asked, trying to turn his head to see.
"You don't wanna know," AJ said, patting his shoulder. Fortunately the burn was still new so Nick didn't feel any pain, but that would change.
By the next morning, Nick thought he had died and Krystal and I had talked most of my fears out, amid yelling and screaming at each other. I had to admit I did love the make-up make out sessions. Not that I enjoyed fighting with her, but she was understanding of my viewpoint. Through it all though, I never admitted to her my true feelings, that I loved her with all my heart. I was terrified that after we came out into the open about our relationship that that would change, so I didn't want to get her hopes up or mine.
I left a few days later, driving home after Krystal and I said goodbye at the airport. We had actually said goodbye at the hotel, so that no one would catch on the truth about us, but we hugged before she got on the plane. I hugged each of the guys as well and went on my way home, thinking about what to do about the VMA's. Two weeks later I had decided. I would go with her, just as long as she didn't embarrass me too much. Now came the hard part, deciding what I would wear.
