The other day at lunch, my friends and I were talking about the highly publicized(and contested) renovations soon to be done on the high school. Everybody had something to say, though most of it was non-verbal; one girl sniffled and sneezed through the discussion, her friend, because of laryngitis, whispered her views, I was coughing, and the guy at the end of the table could barely be heard over the collective chattering of our teeth. I sincerely hope this million-dollar, taxpayer-pay-for-it-ourselves project will fix the ventilation system, because I am fed up with being sick and cold.
In Science class we watched a film about the composition of the atmosphere; what percentage of which gases are up there and whatnot. Through careful, breakthrough scientific research, conducted in the few minutes between second block and A lunch, I can now reveal exactly what we’re snorking down our windpipes with each breath: 15% cigarette smoke(you though it’d be more than that, didn’t you?), 10% anthrax spores(eat your heart out, Saddam), 25% dust, 20% pollen, 10% air-borne mold, 5% fungus, 10% vaporized sweat(what, you thought that your gym clothes just cleaned themselves?), 4% Ebola virus, and 1% oxygen.
I swear, the air vents haven’t been cleaned out since the Franco-Prussian war. There’s probably Black Plague germs up there. What’s worse, because we have no windows in the school(death before fresh air), the air just gets recycled over and over again. That means, if someone comes into the school with the flu, or any other air-borne illness, it isn’t long before everyone has it.
Perfect example; I have a friend who’s a techie, and while hanging out with him one day we had to change a light-bulb in one of the machine rooms above the stage. That room, filled with the roaring of the ventilation system, contained a large air duct, the outside of which was growing some kind of gray extra-curricular life. We’re talking heavy duty fungus; this colony was so advanced it was registered for Medicare. That night, I began not to feel so well, and by the next day I was sick with a respiratory virus.
Also, I’m getting really fed up with having to have different outfits for each classroom. The math room is so hot that you could fry eggs on the desk while doing quadratic equations, while the French room is so cold that if you accidentally fall asleep during class, you’ll be in cryogenic stasis by the time the bell rings.
In winter and summer, I concede, a building does need to have some manner of climate control, but it’s not quite conducive to education when the students need to drink antifreeze at lunch to last through fourth block(new lunch option, Halite Sidewalk Salt, large antifreeze, and fries). This is not Siberia, why does it feel like it? You know how if you put a rubber band in liquid nitrogen, it freezes and can shatter? That’s why I have to be careful not trip on my way out of English.
Some classrooms, however, have the opposite problem. My Science class in sophomore year was eighth period(remember that, when classes were only 45 minutes?), and that room was so swelteringly hot that I was forced to commit photosynthesis just to stay hydrated. I swear, by the time the afternoon announcements came on, we were all in advanced states of mummification.
So, if those renovations ever are settled on, and ever actually take place, I’m suggesting that they put in a new air system, and while they’re at it, some windows that open. Where ever I am then, now matter what college I have to come home from, I’ll walk through the doors of the new high school and breathe easy. That will be a glorious day, but I’m not holding my breath.
