Chapter 6
The Bronze was crowded. The music was loud. First bouncing against the exterior walls
then echoing in screeching vibrations around the people jammed into the
nightclub. It made Xander's head
spin. Stopping in his tracks just inside
the door, he blinked a few times to get used to the mixture of darkness and strobe
lights flashing through the crowd. Releasing
the breath he always seemed to be holding, his guard slipped just a
little. In this place, he was just one
more kid out for a good time. The same crowd that ignored him at school ignored
him here while his friends were still there for him. That was cool with him.
Except for Spike. The girls promised that Spike wasn't going to
show up tonight. Xander wasn't sure if
he should believe them or not, but the lure of getting out of his house was too
much temptation. His dad was gone on one
of his 'business trips' so Xander was free to go out without a lot of
hassle. As long as he didn't cause
trouble for his mother, she didn't try to control him, and she never told. Their household resembled the
"Come on, Xander,"
Buffy said, tugging on his arm. "There's
a table free over there." She
pointed to a high top table near the dance floor. Right where she could see who came and went
and where everyone would see them. Which
meant she was hoping Angel would show.
Not arguing, he followed;
glancing around just to make sure Spike wasn't there. He didn't spot the blond anywhere. He wasn't sure if he was disappointed or
relieved. Or both. Keeping Spike away from him was the best
thing for both of them. Yet his heart
screamed for his friend. He should never
have kissed Spike. At least before that
fateful move, Spike was around him all the time and he wasn't left with this
aching separation.
An overwhelming flood of hate
for his father overcame Xander. If only
a horrible accident would keep his father from ever coming home. Sliding onto a stool across from Buffy,
Xander told himself that if the indiscriminate wish came true, he would be
filled with guilt. Yet, it didn't
silence the small voice that whispered that he wouldn't really care that much
about the man who fathered him. The
death of the man who was so cruel could only bring a heady freedom, but it was
too much to hope.
"Okay,"
"Thanks," Xander
said. "So, what do you girls think
of the new duds when they're actually being worn?" He ran his hand down his chest that he puffed
out as he twisted for the girls to take a look.
"Looks good,"
Xander chuckled because Buffy
wasn't even paying attention to them.
She was too busy looking for the current object of her affections. Nibbling on her lower lip let him know she
hadn't spotted Angel yet. Leaning over,
he waved his hand in front of her face.
"What, huh, what did I
miss?" Buffy asked, glancing
between her friends with a confused look.
"Xander wanted some
admiration for the clothes you bought him this afternoon,"
"Of course he looks
good," Buffy said, reaching over to squeeze Xander's hand. "I wouldn't have gotten him the outfit
unless he would. Only the best for my
friends."
During the trip to the mall
after school, Buffy somehow decided that Xander needed a makeover as much as
she did. Having her mom's credit card
gave her a bit of leeway when it came to the extra duds, but she took his
clothes out of her budget so they wouldn't get in too much trouble. Certainly, his parents wouldn't give him any
money to buy new clothes without a good reason.
His mother bought him a few new things before school started and he
learned to make do with them.
"You do look good,"
"No," Xander shook
his head. "We're over. Remember?
No Spike and Xander anything."
"That's not true,"
Buffy said.
"I agree,"
"You're both
dreaming."
If only he wasn't. Xander hid his face in his drink, swallowing
it down as he fought back his emotions.
He didn't want to admit it, but he really wanted Spike to take a second
look at Xander in the clothes Buffy picked out.
The khaki cargo pants and green striped shirt was nothing like the
standard jeans and on sale shirts that his mom bought for him. Earlier, when he stared at himself in the
mirror he could see a glimpse of the man he wanted to become one day. The man he would be, he swore, if it were the
last thing he ever did. A life he wanted
to share with Spike.
"He's here," Buffy
said, leaning toward them.
"Spike?" Xander asked, wanting to shrink into himself.
"No, Angel," Buffy
said, sitting up, pushing her boobs out.
She flipped her hair before trying to appear casual. That was impossible as much as she was
bouncing around.
"Uh Buffy,"
Xander looked behind them to
see Angel holding hands with Cordelia as they headed for the dance floor. It pissed him off for some unfathomable
reason. Buffy was better off without the
big wooden jerk, but if she wanted him then he should be paying attention. The girl was about ready to cry. It had taken her hours to get ready, a ton of
money to pay for the clothes that revealed too much, and now it seemed to be
all for nothing.
"He's an idiot,"
Xander muttered, standing up. He took
Buffy's hand before giving a small bow and a flourished wave. "Will you dance with me?"
"Not now," Buffy
whispered. "You don't have to be
nice."
"I'm not," Xander
declared. He winked at
"Go on,"
Buffy slid off her chair to
let him lead her onto the floor. The
song playing was somewhere between a fast number and a slow song. One of those that made you want to run, and
lay down to dream all at the same time.
Deciding that closeness was what they needed, Xander pulled his friend
close against him. Buffy leaned against
him. He buried his nose in her hair,
wishing that things were different for all of them. There wasn't any reason
that they shouldn't all be happy. Life
was playing some cruel tricks on them.
"What's wrong with
me?" Buffy asked, pulling back
enough to look up into his eyes. Her fingers
played with the hair curling against his collar. "The three most important men in my life
and I don't do anything for them."
"As for me, your lack of
a penis doesn’t help the situation," Xander quipped. "And you and Spike have done quite a
bit. He adores you, body and all. And,
hey, I'm insulted to be put in the same category as dead boy."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Why do you call him that?"
"Because he has
absolutely no personality. He's wooden,
but I guess that's what you see in him."
Giggling, Buffy swatted at
him. "That's bad." She stared at his top button for a
second. "Look, I'm sorry about last
night. I know that you and Spike
don't…well, look at me like you do each other."
"It's okay,
Buffy."
Hopefully the reassurance
would cut off a long apology session.
They'd made up. He didn't hold it
against her. After all, they all
exchanged more than a few kisses and gropes since obtaining puberty. It was like
"If you say so,"
Buffy said. "So, what was
Xander pulled her closer,
letting his hands run down her back.
"Give me a second to maneuver us into a good spot, then do what you
want, honey. It's not going to hurt
me."
When Buffy turned around to
wiggle her ass against his groin, Xander almost groaned. It was going to hurt as he felt his body
respond to the stimulation. She owed him
big time.
~~~~~~~
Watching the couple on the
dance floor hurt. They looked so at ease
with one another that it made him jealous.
It made Spike wonder if he would ever be so comfortable around Xander again. He missed his friend. Taking a sip of the ill-gotten beer in his
cup, he slid into the seat next to
"Spike? You're
here,"
"It's okay, Red. Just stopped by your table to say hi, then
I'll get out of the way."
"No, no, it's okay. You should stay. I just thought, that you know, when you
showed up that Buffy would know first.
So, that Xander wouldn't run."
"He doesn't even want to
hang out with me?"
Spike hated that he sounded
like some damn lovesick ponce. To keep
anyone else from noticing, he took a long drink of his beer. How could something that hadn't crossed his
mind a week ago now consume his every thought?
Xander was beautiful. Somehow,
tonight he looked more confident than usual, more comfortable being
himself. Usually Xander was ready to
jump out of his skin if someone made a sudden move around him. Holding Buffy, laughing over some secret joke
with her, Xander appeared to be more of a man.
As if something had happened to give him an edge over the life he
usually led. Whatever it was made Spike
was jealous that it wasn't something he did making Xander happy.
"Spike, you in
there?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm
here. Just thinking about stuff."
"Well, I was telling you
that Xander does want to be around you.
He was trying to push Buffy and me away, too. Mr. Harris is on some kick that we're
corrupting his son, pressuring Xander to stop hanging around us, and especially
you."
"Long speech,"
Spike commented on
"Spike, please be
nice,"
"I'm always nice,"
Spike retorted, feeling backed into a corner.
He could see Buffy and Xander winding their way through the gyrating
couples. Part of him wanted to run, and
another longed to be close to Xander. He
hated that part of him, but that same part of him hated Xander, too. It left him unsure of how to act or what to
do with his sweaty palms.
"Hi," Buffy said,
kissing his cheek and giving him a hug.
Spike pulled her close
against him. "You're a conniving
little bitch. Getting us both
here."
"Don't," Buffy
whispered back.
"Already got the lecture
from Will. I'll behave if he
will." Spike released Buffy. He took a deep breath to calm his racing
nerves before looking at Xander.
"Hey there," he said.
"Hi," Xander
replied.
They looked briefly into each
other's eyes, and then glanced away before looking again. The second time it took a little longer
before Spike could tear his eyes away.
Everything he was feeling was echoed in Xander's expression. It only made it hurt more. It also made him want to grab Xander, hold
him tight until they felt safe again.
Sex wasn't the goal, but rather a hiding place where there weren't so
many rules, only them and their feelings.
A smile curled the edges of Xander's lip making Spike want to smile too
until another blonde stepped between them.
"Harmony," Spike groaned. "What are you doing here?"
"You said you hung out
here a lot," Harmony said.
"It's Friday night and I was lonely. Thought we could do last night all over
again."
"You were together last
night?" Xander asked, staring at
the chit who was ruining Spike's night.
Spike opened his mouth to
come up with the first plausible lie, but it was already too late. Harmony's answering giggle told Xander
everything he needed to now. It was
enough to make the brunette leave without another word. The world was crashing again. This time Spike wasn't sure that anything could
make it go away.
to be continued…
