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Open Mike with Mike Bullard
Peter Paige ~ January 31, 2002

Open Mike Logo

Mike: Our first guest tonight has become a very good friend of the show. His series, Queer As Folk...[audience cheers]... 'people are strange,' which is the British series that Queer As Folk is based on can be seen on Showcase television Monday nights at 10 p.m. Please welcome Peter Paige!

Peter saunters out, looking very cute and VERY buff in a tight charcoal t-shirt, tan pants, and a knit wool cap; he is also wearing yellow-tinted sunglasses. He then hugs Mike, and wraps his leg around the host. LOL!

Peter waves to the fans in the audience, and as he goes to sit down, he accidentally knocks over his mug of water and spills it on Mike's desk.

Peter: Oh my god, Mike!

Mike: It's perfectly all right.


Peter: I just spilled water all over Mike, you guys!

Mike begins cleaning up his desk, handing things to Peter.

Mike: Hang on to this, and hang on to this, move this here, let's put that over there...

Mike lifts the desk top off the desk to allow the water to pour off.

Mike: I knew this damn desk would come in handy one of these days.

Peter: Aww, look at that! [laughing] I spilled water!

Mike: There we go. That's what I call perfection, my friend. Just set that stuff back there.

Peter: That's yours, that's mine... [he sets the QAF DVD box set on the desk] ...we'll pimp that out later!

Mike: I like a little fluid when I'm having friends over.

Peter: Hey!

Mike: There we go - let me put that back up there, let me turn my chair around and give my undivided attention to you.

Peter: Hey!

[cheers and applause]

Mike: How are you, Peter?

[Peter waves to the crowd]

Peter: My whole fan club came. In its entirety. There are only four of them. They couldn't find a fifth person for the "R." Thanks for coming out, you guys! [smiles and waves]

[Audience cheers]

Mike: You look like a longshoreman who just unloaded a shipment from IKEA.

[Peter laughs}

Mike: You look fantastic!

Peter: Thanks, thanks.

Mike: You got a little sun, too. You just got back from the Sundance Film Festival?

Peter: A little sun? What are you talking about? Yeah, that's in Park City, dude. It's the coldest place on earth.

Mike: You got a little windburn.

Peter: Exactly.

Mike: You just got back from the Sundance Festival?

Peter: I did. I just got back and I'm glad that you asked me about my sunglasses, [takes off glasses - laughs] because, didn't but...

Mike: No, I like that!

Peter: I was at Sundance...

Mike: Not enough eye protection when you're going to be throwing stuff around the studio.

Peter: [laughs] Exactly!

Peter: When I was at Sundance, sometimes they give you free stuff, which is really crazy. You finally get a job and they feel like they have to give you stuff, but it's great. So, I was at Sundance, and who should walk right up behind me? By the way, the whole point of wearing these was not to look like a dingleberry, it was actually to tell you this story so I could name drop. So anyway...

Mike: You don't want to look like a - dingleberry [looks at the audience]

Peter: [laughing] Right!

Peter: So, I'm trying on sunglasses and who should walk up behind me but Jennifer Aniston!

Mike: Right.

Peter: Yes. The one, the only. I *love* her. She is so great!

[audience cheering]

Peter: And she was so nice and she helped me pick these out, so I thought I'd wear them on the show so I could say that I'd met Jennifer Aniston.

Mike: Then a scant two days later, she got in a traffic accident and rear-ended a guy [ed. that's not exactly how it happened *g*].

Peter: She did. I think she was thinking about me. I'm not sure, but...

Mike: Never mind that. We've talked about that, let's talk about Queer As Folk.

[loud cheers and applause]

Peter: Alright [takes off glasses]

Mike: Now, you've begun the new season.

Peter: We have.

Mike: We're all very, very excited. We're waiting with bated breath.

Peter: Masturbated breath?


Mike: Sure!

Peter: It's that kind of show, Mike!

Mike: Yeah, we're all waiting with masturbated breath.

Peter: Yes [laughs] Yes, dude. We are off to a rockin' start here in Canada. We set a record for Showcase - the highest numbers they've ever gotten for a single episode of television. The season premiere.

Mike: For a single episode?

[audience cheers and applauds]

Peter: Yes.

Mike: I guess that would explain why we've seen that one over and over and over again on Showcase.

Peter: You have not! You've seen it once. They're new. The other ones you've seen a million times.

Mike: Let me ask you one thing about the show though.

Peter: Yes...

Mike: You guys are nude, you have sex.

Peter: Yep.

Mike: As far as I know, men are only familiar with one position. Why not show that scene over and over again. It would be cheaper to make the show, wouldn't it?

[audience laughs]

Peter: Wow. I don't even know where to start with this! Like, we could turn this into a whole discussion of man-on-man love, but I think that probably isn't....

Mike: Man-on-man love [laughing].

Peter: Yeah [laughs] Man-on-man love. Yeah.

Mike: Sounds like a new Comedy Network show.

Peter: There are so many different positions.

Mike: Man-on-man...

Peter: A lot of people did say after they saw the show, "I never knew two guys could do it face to face." Everybody thought we were doing it from behind all this time.

Mike: Pretty hard to watch the hockey!

[audience laughs]

Peter: Actually, it's easier, because nobody can tell what you're doing. Do-dee-do-do - whatcha lookin' at?


Mike: Why don't you update me on some of the characters, and then we're going to go to a clip.

Peter: Oh! This is a great season for Emmett. Emmett is having all sorts of good adventures. He's finally, uh, going to get a boyfriend a little later this season...

[audience cheers]

Peter: So that's a good thing. We're happy about that.

Mike: What a rarity on this show.

Peter: Well, for the boys to settle down it is a little bit rare, so it's actually a bigger deal than it might sound.

[audience cheers]

Peter: Exactly. [looks out at the audience] Go ahead - yuck it up. Sure, you're not naked. But, he gets this job working for a really politically correct gay couple, and they don't want him to take his clothes off. So he thinks they're just spectacular - best people ever. And then he's home one day ironing some pants, and one of them hits on him and they end up, you know, Emmett can't say no, so they end up getting it on. Then, later that night the other one comes home, and that's where this clip takes place.

Mike: Watch me. Watch me as I do this. [looks toward the camera] Heather? Could we see the clip now? [ed. I thought he was talking to me, LOL]

Peter: Nice.

[audience cheers and applause]

Peter: Oh yeah!

Mike: This, of course, is the DVD set of the first season.

Peter: Yes, it is

Mike: It's selling very, very well.

Peter: It's selling like hotcakes. We're in the top five on Amazon, and it just went on sale this week here in Canada. Go out and pick it up. It's the whole first season. All sorts of stuff you didn't see.

Mike: Six discs, all right on top of each other.

Peter: That's how we like it. That's what we call a good time at Queer As Folk.

[audience laughter]

Mike: Now, you've been here a full season now, and a half, here in Canada.

Peter: Yep.

Mike: Have you noticed any differences between Canada and the U.S., your home country?

Peter: Really only one. There's one big one. Where do you guys get those beady little black squirrels from?

[audience laughter]

Peter: Do you grow them here? I don't understand. We don't have them in the States, and I've lived in New York, like upstate New York, I've lived in Michigan. States that - they touch Canada. Do you guys stop them at the border?


Peter: Apparently you can't stop a guy with a bomb, but a little beady black squirrel, you, back, back!

[audience jeers, Mike laughs]

Peter: I'm kidding! We're the ones who should be stopping. It's a joke! Oh my god!

[audience laughs]

Peter: Very touchy, this crowd! I sloshed here through a lot of snow. How brutal is that out there?

Mike: Well, due to the behavior of some of your male movie stars, we do not allow the black squirrels into the U.S.

[Peter laughs] I hear that.

Mike: This could be a good time for a shot of 'that one guy.' [He is speaking about a clip of a lone audience member who stands up and applauds...]

Peter: The one guy...

Peter: Look at him.

Mike: See a little squirrel tail there?

Peter: I want to ask you something. I heard a quote the other day that made me think of you. Somebody said, "Orange is the new pink, navy is the new black, and men are the new women." It made me think of you.

[audience laughing]

Mike: Hmmmm

Peter: No, seriously. You're a very manly guy, you know, and yet somehow oddly feminine.

Mike: As a matter of fact, I often take it to the point where I bitch-slap myself before I go to sleep.

Peter: Do you? Nice. Are you free later?

Mike: Yeah.

Peter: No, okay, but....

Mike: Later I'm $100 an hour.

Peter: [Mimes a 'ba-dum-bump' rim shot, but the drummer doesn't give him one]

Mike: Thank you for doing that. It's a shame someone didn't care to join you.

Peter: I actually have something. I have a little clip. You'll see what I mean. Men are the new women, and I think you're a prime example of that. Can we roll that clip?

Mike: Let's take a look at this.

Peter: I think you'll like it.

[clip with Peter giving commentary]

Peter: See, here you are. You're dribbling a basketball, sort of... okay, and now you're going to back up into the man....

[audience laughing] a strangely feminine, erotic way.

[more laughter]

Peter: And then you pass it to someone, and then you get it back and then...see?

[back from clip]

Mike: I don't want to let the cat out of the bag, so to speak, but many of our guests are gay.

Peter: Really?

Mike: And I go out of my way to make them comfortable.


Mike: Peter Paige, ladies and gentlemen! We'll be right back....

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