 
HEY KIDS!
Welcome to Sammy's Land of Wonder! I'm Sammy, and I'm going to be
your guide as you ease your way into a life of love and happiness in The
Loving Church of Bronson Pinchot!
Remember how
scared you were the first time you went swimming? That pool sure
did look deep! But you stepped in the water one toe at a time, and
before you knew it...WAHOO! You were having the time of your life!
In the same
way, Bronson Pinchot may seem scary at first. But I just know you'll
grow to love him just as much as me and the hundreds of others already
members of The Loving Church of Bronson Pinchot!
Today,
We're gonna answer some of the questions you probably have about your new
religion with the help of our non-gender or racially biased gallery of
kids!
Here
we go!
 
Bronson Pinchot is one of the most talented actors of all time.
But, more than that, he is the way by which we as human beings compare
ourselves to perfection. As long as we are not all just like Bronson
Pinchot, we will never be perfect and will forever suffer a fate of eternal
darkness. But, with the help of The Loving Church of Bronson Pinchot
and its members, you or anyone else can gather in a circle of fellow Pinchot
lovers. Together, we can rejoice, celebrate, and strive to be just
a fraction of the soul that is Bronson Pinchot. Doesn't that sound
like fun? |
 
Of course not! Your mother and father love you very much (almost
as much as they love Bronson Pinchot), and they would never drag you into
some "crazy cult." Maybe they did some searching before settling
on The Loving Church of Bronson Pinchot, but that should just go to show
you how much Bronson means to them. Out of all the Branch Dividians
and Heaven's Gates in the world, your parents have chosen to raise you
with the same love of Bronson Pinchot that they have discovered in their
own hearts.
And thank your lucky stars they aren't forcing you to be Catholic!
Did you know that those people can't even use condoms? Nutty!
|
 
Yes they are! And we're glad you've taken an interest in sharing
Bronson's holy love.
You're in luck! Your pal Sammy here happens to be working on
building you your own interactive Pinchot Youth Club! How 'bout that?
You'll be able to read and see just what Bronson Pinchot has given you
and all of us. You'll even be able to chat with other kids in the
Pinchot Youth Club! So, just check back here at Sammy's Land of Wonder
every now and then, and you'll be amazed at the world that unfolds! |
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