How to Talk So Others Listen With Their Hearts

Telling yourself 'the house is a mess and I'd better clean it', is less motivating than telling yourself 'the house is a mess, and, after I've cleaned it, I won't be embarrassed when friends visit, so I'm going to feel really good'

You give yourself an appealing emotional reason or motive to clean the house . You explicitly state a motive that makes you feel emotionally good.. Learning these short articles enables you to communicate to people about what THEY want, so that your communications will be that much more effective, and you will get great satisfaction out of it.

If you have no emotional reason for reading these articles, you won't want to read them! However, different people may have different emotional reasons. Even if you don't give a fig about communication, you might be keen to read this material to satisfy your curiosity - a powerful emotional reason. Others may have different emotional reasons, but everyone has an emotional reason for doing something. Even if it is to read it to please their spouse!

To use this technique you need to find out makes the other feel good. This means you have to care about people. You need to be interested in them to use it properly - a good way to improve your interpersonal relationships.

The method is to ask someone to do something and tell them that - after they do it - they will experience good emotional feelings!

Are you aware of how easy it is to change when you know how to?

How to get 100% agreement - every single time!

But how can you get someone to agree with you 100% of the time? Easy. For example, at this moment I am sitting at my computer. I am typing this article. The sun is shining. It's quite hot. In my area it is very quiet. Trite? Dross? Perhaps, but I certainly can't disagree, can I? It is all true.

Making statements that the other must agree with (or which you know they will agree with) is called pacing. By commenting on the physical universe, for example, you get 100% agreement because you are referring to what is! If it rains, the other has little choice but to agree!

By making several of the above type statements and then one you want the listener to accept you can tremendously increase your ability to get agreement. Are you aware of how easy it is to change when you know how to?

Getting into Rapport Quickly - even with difficult people.

Here's how:

Mirror their

• Breathing,
• Body posture,
• Voice, Speech Rate
• Inflection and
• Speak at the rate they are breathing, saying your most important words when they are exhaling.

How do you know when they are inhaling and exhaling?

When someone is talking they are exhaling, when they stop they are inhaling. So, when they are talking you should be breathing out, and when they stop talking (for a gasp of breath!) You should breath in.

How do you tell whether they are inhaling or exhaling when they are not talking? Look at their shoulders (not at their chest!!!) and notice the rise and fall of their shoulders against the background. Try looking at them at different angles, to determine what is best for you. When you speak at the rate they are breathing, using the same tone of voice as they are, you are irresistible. It is as if you are their own unconscious mind speaking to them.

As you breath in rapport with them, begin to experience the emotion you want them to feel. Gradually turn it up. Eventually, you will have created in them a state of extreme excitement, or whatever emotion you wished to create in them. Or another may have done the same to you! So make sure you learn this technique!

15 Seconds to Mirror and Match!

When Matching the posture and mannerisms of another it is important to wait about 10 seconds or more before you match, otherwise the technique may be obvious. Get the idea of how long this is! Ten seconds is about the time we listen and wait when we hear a strange sound, and we wait to find out more. If we hear nothing else, we tend to forget what we heard before.

Are you aware of how easy it is to change when you know how to

Seven Powerful Motivators - To Get Others To Do What You Want Them To

I do not think that these lead to happiness, but I do think they are common factors in all of us. When we use these motivators, we can affect people very powerfully.

Are you aware of how easy it is to change when you know how to?

Utilisation - using what you have to attain whatever you want!

With utilisation you use whatever is available to attain your goals. Utilisation is the stuff of genius!

When we think and feel that we can't do something, this is something we are doing - not a negative. We are actually doing an inability. For example, if you forget something, you have actually done something. You have forgotten and you have succeeded in doing this.

For instance, you want to be self confident in a given situation but you can't do it. You can lack confidence. You can do that, but you can't be self-confident.

Let's utilise this. You have the ability to lack self-confidence, and you have the ability to 'not be self-confident.' That is you can think, do and feel non-self-confident things. You are actually doing this. You are not merely lacking self confidence, you possessing the skills of lacking confidence. Be sure to understand that we are not here talking about negatives but actual things that are said and done. For example, you might think, 'I want to give my opinion', then feel anxious, and think 'I'll just make a fool of myself.' You are doing things! You are succeeding in making yourself lack confidence. Utilisation requires us to recognise that we have skills and abilities to not-do what we'd like. It doesn't merely concentrate on what we wish we could do. We recognise and acknowledge what we can do, even if it doesn't lead to our goal!

Now, utilising what we have, what would it be like if you used your ability 'not to be self-confident' to lack the ability to be not-self-confident? Now this isn't merely words. You can think of the situation and think 'I can't be self-confident.' Supposing you use these real feeling and thoughts and apply them to you 'lack of self-confidence' and you think about yourself lacking self confidence and think, 'I can't do that!' If you couldn't lack self-confidence, you would be self-confident wouldn't you?

1. Note the skills and abilities that you have in a given situation. The actual results of the skills might not be what you want, the skills themselves are useful. Note and acknowledge the skills you are using.
2. How can you use these skills to get what you want? For example, suppose you prevent yourself from being relaxed in a situation by feeling anxious. You can feel anxious. You can create feelings, in this case you are creating anxiety, but the same skill can be used to create any skill. You also have the belief that you can't feel relaxed. You can't help feeling anxious.
3. Utilise the skills and abilities which you have. For example, thinking I can't be anxious about feeling anxious.
4. Imagine yourself in that situation, thinking I can't be anxious. Just as you thought you didn't have the ability to relax, and you succeeded in not relaxing, what will happen now when you use this skill. Can you see yourself thinking and feeling I can't get anxious and as much as you try, you just can't do it. So are you relaxed?
5. Remember, this is not mere words. You must utilise the actual thoughts and actual feelings that you use.

The Magical Authority Voice

When we hesitate because we feel unsure, say when asking a question, our voice tone rises. We become more screechy! When we make a statement, our voice tone drops. A skilful speaker can use intonation to completely change the meaning of the words! We respond more to intonation patterns than to meaning! We do this unconsciously anyway. Learn to hear the patterns and use them consciously.

News readers receive training how to speak using the authority voice, because how they say things has greater impact than what they say. The same thing said in one voice - the Voice of Authority - and we believe it, and in another voice, and we do not believe it.

We need to practice this because when under stress our voice tone tends to rise, making us sound childish and weak.

When you use the Authority Voice you will automatically become more powerful and influential.

Practice by listening to others speaking and note how their voice changes, and what impression it creates. Listen especially to news readers! You will then be aware of the trick and you may use it yourself!

Are you aware of how easy it is to change when you know how to?

When you find out their magic words of influence you become absolutely irresistible!

To determine another's criteria ask these question:

Having determined the other's magic words, use these exact words exactly as THEY have used them to create a powerful influence. If they mispronounce or misuse words, then you should mispronounce and misuse them too. Just as they did. When you do this, you can frame your message in a way that is magically irresistible to the listener!

Although each of us has our own magic words - which differ from others - there are certain magic words that appeal to most of us.

The list given varies but tends to include:

new
easy
free
health
money
sex

These words represent some of the criteria we all share. But our own personal criteria, which we reveal in response to the questions at the beginning of this article, influence us most of all.Discover and use these and your communications will be magically irresistible!

Are you aware of how easy it is to change when you know how to?

Being Criticised!

1. We can do better in some area, for ourselves and for others.
2. The other person has done something wrong to us or to others unjustly.
3. We have done something which is wrong for ourselves or for others, by harming them unjustly.

When another criticises us, often they have done something wrong to us (usually without our knowledge). What they say surprises and confuses us because of the over-reaction or complete fabrication.We mentally search for what we might have done (although we did nothing). Because we turn inwards to search for an answer, we go into a trance. In this state, we recall some bad things we have done (although they might not be that bad!) and this makes us feel bad. The other has concealed their bad acts to us and hurt us more.

We should always think:

"What have you done or said, which you wouldn't like me to find out about?"

We would say, however:

You seem to be upset about something, let's sit down and talk it over. Now what specifically has been annoying you?

After you listened to the complaints, ask:

We have talked about what I have done wrong. Now I wonder if there is something you'd like to tell me?