Author unknown
Used by : Liberty Bell
SAYING OUR LORD'S PRAYER
Our Father, who art in heaven.
YES?
Don't interrupt me, I'm praying.
BUT_YOU CALLED ME.
Called you? No, I didn't call you. I'm praying. Our Father, who art in heaven.
THERE_YOU DID IT AGAIN.
Did what?
CALLED ME. YOU SAID, "OUR FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN." WELL HERE I AM
.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
But, I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's Prayer. It makes me feel good, kind of like I'm fulfilling a duty.
WELL, ALL RIGHT. GO ON.
Okay, Hallowed be Thy name...
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?
By what?
By "HALLOWED BE THY NAME"?
It means, it means...good grief. I don't know what it means. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. How in the world should I know?
It's just part of the prayer.
By the way, what does it mean?
IT MEANS HONORED, HOLY, WONDERFUL.
Hey, that makes sense. I never thought about what "hallowed" meant before. Thanks.
Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.
DO YOU REALLY MEAN THAT?
Sure, why not?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT IT?
Doing? Why, nothing, I guess. I just think it would be kind of neat if you got control of
everything down here like you have up there. We're kind of in a mess down here you know.
YES, I KNOW; BUT, HAVE I GOT CONTROL OF YOU?
Well, I go to church.
THAT ISN'T WHAT I ASKED YOU. WHAT ABOUT YOUR BAD TEMPER?
YOU'VE REALLY GOT A PROBLEM THERE, YOU KNOW. AND THEN THERE'S THE
WAY YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY_ ALL ON YOURSELF. AND WHAT ABOUT THE KIND OF BOOKS YOU READ?
Now hold on just a minute! Stop picking on me! I'm just as good as some of the rest of those people at church!
EXCUSE ME. I THOUGHT YOU WERE PRAYING FOR MY WILL TO BE DONE. IF THAT IS
TO HAPPEN, IT WILL HAVE TO START WITH THE ONES WHO ARE PRAYING FOR IT. LIKE YOU _ FOR EXAMPLE.
Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang ups. Now that you mention it, I could probably name some others.
SO COULD I.
I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I would really like to cut out some of those things. I would like to, you know, be really free.
GOOD. NOW WE ARE GETTING SOMEWHERE. WE'LL WORK TOGETHER_ YOU AND ME. I'M PROUD OF YOU.
Look, Lord, if you don't mind, I need to finish up here. This is taking a lot longer than it usually does. Give us this day our daily bread.
YOU NEED TO CUT OUT THE BREAD. YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT AS IT IS. Hey,
wait a minute! What is this? Here I was doing my religious duty, and all of sudden you break in and remind me of all my hang_ups.
PRAYING IS A COMMITMENT. DON'T PRAY FOR ANYTHING YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO
BECOSE. YOU JUST MIGHT GET WHAT YOU ASKED FOR.
REMEMBER YOU CALLED ME_ AND HERE I AM.
IT'S TOO LATE TO STOP NOW. KEEP PRAYING. pause.....WELL, GO ON.
I'm scared to
SCARED? OF WHAT?
I know what you'll say.
TRY ME.
Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
WHAT ABOUT CAROL?
See? I knew it! I knew you would bring her up! Why, Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories. She never paid back the money she owes me. I've sworn to get even with her!
BUT_ YOUR PRAYER_ WHAT ABOUT YOUR PRAYER?
I didn't_ mean it.
WELL, AT LEAST YOU'RE HONEST. BUT, IT'S QUITE A LOAD CARRYING AROUND
ALL THAT BITTERNESS AND RESENTMENT ISN'T IT?
Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even with her. Boy, have I got some plans for her.
She'll wish she had never been born.
NO, YOU WON'T FEEL ANY BETTER. YOU'LL FEEL WORSE. REVENGE ISN'T SWEET.
YOU KNOW HOW UNHAPPY YOU ARE_ WELL I CAN CHANGE THAT.
You can? How?
FORGIVE CAROL. THEN, I'LL FORGIVE THROUGH YOU;
AND THE HATE AND SIN WILL BE CAROL'S PROBLEM_ NOT YOURS.
YOU WILL HAVE SETTLED THE PROBLEM AS FAR AS YOU ARE CONCERNED.
Oh, you know, you're right. You always are. And more than revenge, I want to be right with You...., (sigh) All right...all right... I forgive her
THERE NOW! WONDERFUL! HOW DO YOU FEEL?
Hummm. Well, not bad. Not bad at all! In fact, I feel pretty great! You know, I don't think I'll go to bed uptight tonight. I haven't been getting much rest, you know.
EAH, I KNOW. BUT, YOU'RE NOT FINISHED WITH YOUR PRAYER ARE YOU? GO ON.
Oh, all right. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
GOOD! GOOD! I'LL DO THAT.
JUST DON'T PUT YOURSELF IN A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN BE TEMPTED.
What do you mean by that?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
Yeah. I know.
OKAY. GO AHEAD. FINISH YOUR PRAYER.
For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen
DO YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BRING ME GLORY_ WHAT WOULD REALLY MAKE ME HAPPY?
No, But I'd like to know. I want to please you now. I've really made a mess of things.
I want to truly follow you. I can see now how great that would be.
So, tell me...how do I make you happy?
YOU JUST DID!
God bless you! Make it a GREAT day!
~Author unknown:~
Furnished to LIBERTY BELL
By Mike Sharp
The Atheist
A college professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class. He
shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going
to prove there was no God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted:
"God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this
platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"
The lecture room fell silent. You could
have heard a pin fall. Ten minutes went by. Again he taunted
God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."
His count-down got down to the last couple of minutes when
a Marine just released from active duty and newly registered
in the class - walked up to the professor, hit him full force
in the face, and sent him tumbling from his lofty platform.
The professor was out cold! At first, the students were shocked
and babbled in confusion. The young Marine took a seat in the
front row and sat silent. The class fell silent...waiting.
Eventually, the professor came to, shaken. He looked at the young
Marine in the front row. When the professor regained his senses
and could speak he asked: "What's the matter with you? Why did
you do that?"
"God was busy. He sent me."
Frunished to LIBERTY BELL By:
Mike Sharp
Negotiations
The prime minister of Israel sits down with Arafat at the beginning of negotiations regarding the resolution of the conflict. Prime Minister Sharon requests that he be allowed to begin with a story. Arafat replies, "Of course." The prime minister begins his story: "Years before the Israelites came to the Promised Land and settled here, Moses led them for 40 years through the desert. The Israelites began complaining that they were thirsty and, lo and behold, a miracle occurred and a stream appeared before them. They drank their fill and then decided to take advantage of the stream to do some bathing -- including Moses. When Moses came out of the water, he found that all his clothing was missing. "'Who took my clothes?' Moses asked those around him. "'It was the Palestinians,' replied the Israelites. "Wait a minute," objected Arafat immediately, "there were no Palestinians during the time of Moses!" "All right," replied the prime minister. "Now that we've got that settled, let's begin our negotiations."
Author unknown
Used by: LIBERTY BELL
The leaf
A little boy opened the big family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's suit!"
Author unknown
Used by:
LIBERTY BELL
BUBBA CALLS 911!!!!!!
Betty Jo passed away right sudden like, and Bubba, he called 911.
The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "Down 'ere at the end o' Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her on over to Oak Street and you pick her up there. . . "
Author unknown
Used by: LIBERTY BELL
Children and the Bible
The following was written by children,
no corrections have been made.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, and a ball of fire by night.
The Egyptians were drowned in the desert.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of geritol.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son
to stand still and he obeyed him.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they
had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
Solomon, one of David's sons had 300 wives and 300 porcupines.
It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed
to get the tombstone off the entrance.
The people who followed the Lord were called the twelve decibels.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
St Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony,
which is another name for marriage.
A Christian should only have one spouse. This is called monotony.
Author unknown
Used by: LIBERTY BELL
