"Cour?"
The voice drifted though the rooms with an air of unsurety about it. Cour, standing in the washing-room of his master's house, turned from the bowl he was sterilizing in an attempt to pinpoint its location. He knew who it was. That voice was too familiar to not be recognized, and the little kernel of knowledge nestled in his heart told him the exact reason for the visit. Not that Taydren hadn't visited before merely out of interest in Cour's company; there weren't any their age in the pack who understood either one of them, and it was good to just be together. Still, they hadn't ever become true friends, and for a moment Cour wondered why. Was it only because Taydren felt different among this pack, not safe enough to make friends his own age? He knew that Taydren's early life had been a jumble of pain, and that often the cub-bearer did feel alone and unwanted, just because he was old enough to remember his own pack's traditions, and his own family, and things were not done that way here. Cour had felt the loneliness in Tay on many occasions since his arrival-the day one of Cour's cousins had taken a mate, and Tay had hidden in the woods with shame because he did not know what he was supposed to do to honour the new couple; the day Kinlin and Kiplin had been born, when Tay was very young, and he had refused to touch or even go within a mile of the newborns, because in his pack it was taboo to risk a newborn litter's lives by going near them and possibly transmitting to them some type of illness. Cubs had been too precious in the dying pack that was Taydren's. Poor Tay had been horrified to find that he had accidentally insulted the twins' parents by not coming to visit.
Even worse, the day the elders had declared Cour of age. In the customs of Cour's pack, a youngling was of age when he acted like it-thought like an adult, worked like an adult, could be trusted with more than just a few small tasks. All day long, Taydren's eyes had mournfully followed him about, watching, until Cour was sure that something was bothering him. Late that night, Cour had made the mistake of asking Tay what his own pack had done for the coming of age. Taydren had first choked, then calmed down and replied thoughtfully that in his own tribe's reckoning, a youngling was not of age until around his fifteenth birthday, the age of the first Change, when he was fully capable of providing cubs for the pack. When he reached this goal, Tay had said, the one chosen by his father would come and lie with him to train him in the ways of life: an adult cub-bearer to a young male, or an adult male to a young cub-bearer. Most often in the case of a cub-bearer, unless the one in question was greatly stubborn and staked out a mate of his own, this male would end up becoming his spouse. Here Taydren had drifted into his own little world, continuing the recollection in a hushed tone, as though speaking to himself. His father had had his future husband chosen already when he left-he'd flinched a bit at the memory of his 'leaving', then gone on. Taydren's chosen had been a man who looked much like Vayrsila, with dark gold hair all bound up in the proper braid to stay out of the way, and shale-coloured eyes, but his nose had been sharp and curved as a hawk's beak rather than Vayrsila's straight sloping one.
Cour had not realized that he was gaping in revulsion at the thought of being forced to submit to a person one did not love, or having a lifemate 'picked out' by one's father, until Taydren had looked up and he had seen the look turned back on him with the pain it caused in Tay's eyes. Tay had fled before Cour could make amends, and Cour had regretted that moment ever since. It had reaffirmed Tay in his belief that here the people thought that his kin, and by extension he himself, were barbarians, and that he would never fit in no matter how hard he tried. It had taken a long time for Vayrsila to make some headway in training that out of him.
Cour ended his musings when the cry came again, more uncertain this time, and Denen, his teacher in the ways of the corolaitè, called out from the next room over, "Cour, I think Taydren wants you."
"I can finish the washing-up later?"
"No, I'll finish it." There was a smile in Denen's voice. "The herbs are all in order now, and I'm getting bored without anything to do. Go see what he wants, and then you may have the afternoon off if you like. There's no work left. Just be back before evening."
"Yes, sir." Cour abandoned the bowl and dried his hands on his tunic while heading for the door.
Tay, meanwhile, had nearly lost his nerve, and was in the act of turning to go find Kelper and his brothers and tell them that the mission had failed when Cour appeared, still drying his hands. "What is it?"
Taydren's heart lurched. Why did this have to be so hard? "I-I want to speak to you, in private. Have you got time now?"
"Denen said I can have the afternoon. Come on, we'll go to the hollow in the peak of the hill. No one can see us there, but we'll be able to see anyone coming." Cour took Tay's hand and set off. This was what Taydren liked most about Cour: if Tay asked something of him, he did it with no question, and took command without being bossy about it, which ultimately lifted all sense of lurking responsibility from Tay's mind and put him at ease.
The hill, luckily, was deserted, and Cour guided Taydren to the cupped place in the ground at the pinnacle. It was big enough for three people at once, so Taydren and Cour fit easily. Tay curled up on his back and stared at the clouds, absently trying to calm his jittery stomach by rubbing at it. Cour watched the way he did it; unconsciously mapping it out, tracing the curves and pressing in lightly as if to feel the lumps of his cub's tiny body. Cour wondered just how old it was exactly. Tay was young, and his body would change to accommodate its burden; besides this, Taydren's pack supposedly birthed smaller cubs than most others. If this was true, then even at the end of the pregnancy it might be difficult to tell he was carrying anything at all by looking at him.
"Have you told Vayrsila yet?" Cour asked without thinking.
Taydren started, turning towards him. "What?"
"About the cub."
Taydren's eyes were as big as two grey saucers, but he replied with as much calm as he could muster. "I don't-no, I haven't."
"Why not?" Cour wasn't surprised-Tay rarely told anyone anything, much less something as important as this-but he was still curious.
Tay went a bit pink, and his gaze shied back to the clouds. "I-I just didn't want to. They'll want me to stay in, and lay around all day, and I don't want to."
It was a very bad lie, but Cour could tell from the expression on Tay's face that pressing any harder would only upset him. Not bothering to ask how he intended to keep it a secret once there was a squealing cub to care for, he went along. "You'd better stay away from the other corolaitè then. Until the cub comes."
Taydren nodded. If one of them found out, there would be no keeping it in.
The next question on the tip of Cour's tongue was the obvious, "Whose is it?", but he could see that Tay's nerves were already a bit frayed and, being used to dealing with pregnant cub-bearers, he decided not to opt for that one just now. Best to wait until Tay approached that himself. Instead, he moved on to less personal matters. "Have you told anyone?"
Tay nodded, then thought about it and shook his head. "I haven't told anyone, but Kelper knows, and the twins only because he told them."
Understanding dawned in Cour's eyes. "Ah. Kelper. Denen said he was starting to show signs."
Again Tay nodded. "He came to find me this morning, with the twins. Of course." Tay rolled his eyes. As though Kelper would go anywhere without the twins. "But he saw, and he told me."
There was something about the way he said this that made Cour ask, "You didn't know before that?"
Tay shook his head, beginning to pink up once more and carefully studying the cloud formations. "I didn't think...I mean, I went out to hunt with the others. Even if I had thought-after that, there was no way." He paused a moment before adding ashamedly, "Besides, it was only my first time, and I thought..." He stared at the sky in silence, looking thouroughly miserable.
Cour understood. It wasn't common among the Kindred for a cub to be conceived during a cub-bearer's first time, and therefore it was thought of as impossible, but there were occasions when it did happen. Cour was glad that the subject of the cub's conception had been breached, and he began to ease slowly further into it.
"How many more months until it comes? Do you know?"
Taydren laughed suddenly. Cour cringed. Damn, forgot the mood swings...
"You're asking the exact same things Kelper did," Tay laughed. Cour couldn't help but notice the hysterical edge. "Next you'll want to know who the father is, and how many choices there are."
This took Cour by surprise. Choices? "He asked that?" Cour blurted, losing grip on his well-maintained calm.
"Of course. He is Kelper. And no, there aren't choices. Like I said, it was my first time. My only time." Tay sighed, biting his lip. "Look, what I came to ask you is if you would help me. You know, tell me what I'm supposed to do to take care of myself so this cub will be alright, help with the birth, all that. You're the only one I can trust. Kelper and the twins are too little to help, even if they want to. So, will you do it?"
Silently, Cour nodded. It wasn't something he had to think about. If Taydren wanted to keep this a secret, that was his choice, and even though Cour didn't agree he couldn't just leave Tay to fend for himself.
"You won't tell anyone?" Tay challenged, soft but serious. Cour nodded again reluctantly.
"Not a soul."
"Are you sure?" Tay groaned for the hundredth time, reluctantly lying down on the blanket Cour had brought.
"Yes, I'm sure," Cour said authoritatively, kneeling beside him among the pine-needles and twigs. Cour had decided on a quick examination to determine how Tay was doing, and though Tay had been maneuvered beyond the blushing and stammering stage, he still wasn't so sure that he wanted to have a boy he was very nearly in love with playing around that end of him.
"Now stop arguing," Cour continued, "or the demons will return from their meal and you'll have to put up with them seeing too."
That settled it. "Fine," Tay groused. "Get on with it then."
Cour stopped to smile at the effectiveness of his plan, then went on to positioning Taydren for easier accessibility. "Don't worry, Tay, most of this will have nothing to do with what you're thinking of. I just want to know so you'll be alright. Now settle down and don't wiggle. Let me get you all ready." Quickly, with as little fuss as possible, he hiked up Taydren's tunic, covering his legs and pelvis with a spare blanket to avoid any unnecessary embarrassment, and began probing his stomach. Tay gasped and began making small choked noises as Cour's fingers came into contact with the bared skin.
"That tickles!"
"Just a minute more," Cour replied intently, pressing a line down one side, then the other, and finally kneading Tay's stomach gently. Finally, he sighed and sat up straight again.
"Well, I can't feel it exactly yet, but it still has time to grow." Cour looked up at Tay and stopped. "What is it?"
The expression on Tay's face spoke great worry. "Will it-show?"
Cour laughed. "Is that all? No, it shouldn't show much. A little weight gain is all. Your pack is supposed to birth small cubs, and you said five months. You'll only go ten months, it should be big already if it's going to show that badly. Hiding it should be easy enough."
Taydren looked doubtful. "You're sure."
Cour rolled his eyes. "I keep saying yes, but you still keep asking that question. Yes, I'm absolutely sure. Now, are you ready for the rest?"
"Go on," Tay murmured reluctantly. "But please be quick about it?"
"I will. Do as I say, and it'll be done in a minute." Cour lifted and bent Tay's legs, noticing the way Taydren's eyes closed tightly, his mouth tightening slightly. He realized suddenly how unhappy Tay had sounded when he spoke of it being his first time. He hadn't sounded at all excited at the memory, as though merely resigned to the fact that a first time was needed. Like he hadn't wanted it. But no Kindred would ever do that, Cour thought bemusedly, never letting his hands slow in their work but pondering all the time. Why would he have done such a thing if he didn't want it?
The answer took him completely by surprise, nearly knocking him out of his senses. It was so obvious! He didn't realise that his hands had stopped until he was pulled back by Tay's query of "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," Cour told him quickly, recovering enough to push the new information toward the back of his mind for later thought. "Okay. Just relax." He inserted his fingers gently into the yet untried birth canal, feeling Tay's body tense and a tiny gasp escape. "It's fine, Tay. Relax for me, alright?" He began speaking in a firm tone, trying to keep Taydren's mind off what he was doing with his hands.
"Have you thought of any names yet?"
At this Tay grinned, wincing when Cour's fingers pushed deeper. "For mercy's sake, Cour, I only found out this morning! Leave me a little time!" He paused and stiffened, hissing between clenched teeth. Cour looked up uncertainly. "Does it hurt that badly?"
Tay smiled sickly and nodded, not unclenching his teeth. Cour frowned. "It's not supposed to. Just hang on a second and I'll be done, alright?" As gently as possible, he probed the delicate lining that would separate the unborn cub from disease until its birth, trying to get a more accurate idea of its positioning and size. He nodded. "The size is perfect. Just a little more than half the size it should be at birth. Like this," indicating with his hands. "And you'd better not ask if I'm sure, or I may have to smack you."
Taydren giggled halfheartedly, and, satisfied, Cour withdrew his fingers. Tay flinched, hissing again, but the withdrawal took less time than the insertion, and it was over so quickly that he barely had time to make the sound before the pain had gone. He snuggled his head back into the blanket. "Tired," he announced in an undertone, shutting his eyes and sighing comfortably while Cour slid his tunic back into place and folded the newly freed blanket, tucking it beneath Tay's head like a pillow.
"Sleep then, while you can. I'll stall the twins and Kelper for you when they find us. They'll understand." Cour grinned. "I hope."
Tay smiled back and drifted off into sleep.
He awoke to the gentle rippling of voices through his consciousness. A silvery laugh, low and beautiful, and the mingled chattering and giggles of children woke him further. He struggled to clear his mind of the drowsy fog that held him captive, to comprehend what they said that they found so amusing, hearing a cub's tones, lilted mirthfully over words that meant nothing to Taydren's sleep-addled brain. Finally he gave up on it, and shifted to go back to sleep.
The voices stopped. Then suddenly he heard one quite clearly: "Sshh. Stay here." A movement, then, "Tay?" Warm, tender hands stroked his face, and he moaned.
"Go 'way."
"Tay, it's time to wake up. They'll want us home soon."
Tay opened his eyes groggily. "Hm?"
"Time to go home." Cour smiled at him. "You've been asleep all afternoon."
Flustered, he jerked fully awake. "I have?"
"Sleepyhead," Kelper said teasingly from behind them. Tay turned to face he and the twins, sitting up and holding his stomach. Cour looked worriedly at him, reaching out to help him. "Does it hurt?"
Taydren shook his head. "Just aches a little." He leaned against Cour's shoulder sleepily. "When did the demons get in?"
"We found you a while ago, but you were sleeping, so we played with Cour 'til you woke up." Then Kelper looked serious. "And you never got your dinner."
Tay smiled at his concern. "I haven't been eating dinner for months now, I don't think once more will hurt." He laughed. "At least now I know why I've been so hungry all the time."
Kelper nodded solemnly. "The cub's stealing your supper."
"Exactly." Tay said, smiling. "It's going to be a piglet, like you three."
All three cried out indignantly. "Piglets!"
Tay's smile widened. "Yup. Piglets."
Cour rumpled his hair. "Are we going home or not? Denen said I had to be back by evening."
"Might as well." He stood up, Cour supporting him carefully on one side, and together they began the journey home, the twins skipping around and under their feet as they walked.
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