alt.penpals.forty-plus-yrs 
The FAQ is not meant to be rigid, unbreakable, rules but
guides as to what is to be expected when reading, or posting, to the group.
First, we would like to welcome all newcomers and lurkers.
The purpose of this message (in addition to extending a sincere welcome to newcomers
and lurkers) is to share some information about this newsgroup and hopefully
answer some of the questions you may have. This FAQ is the result of the combined
efforts of people who participate in this group. Comments or suggested revisions
should be sent to me by email. The FAQ is organized in question and answer form. Once again, welcome.
QUESTIONS: Tell me about the group? When was it organized?
Why was it organized?
ANSWER: The alt.penpals.forty-plus-yrs (hereafter called
40+ NG) was created Monday, 2 September 1996. The need for such a group became apparent as more and more people 40 years and older had to sift through literally hundreds of messages in other groups to find people with similar interests.
Its originator stated in a booster message to system administrators
that 40+NG would be a place where mature people (yeah, if you're over 40,
you're supposed to be mature) could find e-mail pals and could also use the group to discuss items of broad common interest.
QUESTION: I'm confused. The title says it's a penpal group,
but when I read messages I see a lot of chatting. Is this a penpal group or
a discussion group?
ANSWER: Good question. Actually, it's both. It's a place
to find penpals, but it's also a place where people with similar interests can
share thoughts, ideas, suggestions, and even humor. (Yes, it's true, you don't have to stop laughing just because you hit the big 4-0.) We suggest that you include an introduction in your first posting to the group. Tell us about yourself.
To give you an idea of where to start, here is a generic list of the type of
information group members sometimes include in their introduction:
(1) Name (or nickname, if you prefer). QUESTION: Is there any way to know by reading the subject
line or header whether the message is someone requesting a penpal or just discussion?
ANSWER: I'm glad you asked that question. One of our members
mentioned that in another penpal group (that also evolved into a combination chat/penpal group) the members included the word PENPAL in all capital letters as the first word of the subject/header if the message was a request for penpals. QUESTION: I won't be 40 for a couple more years. Can I still participate in this group?
ANSWER: We've been known to stretch the rules and allow
30-yearolds to participate. But you have to promise to be nice <G>.
QUESTION: Is this group moderated?
ANSWER: No, it is not a moderated newsgroup. However, the
regular readers will not tolerate spamming, get-rich-quick
scams, or other inappropriate postings. More about this is discussed later in this FAQ. QUESTION: Is this group only for married people or people
in a relationship with a "significant other"?
ANSWER: Absolutely not! While there are many people in
the group that are married or currently in a relationship, there are also many
wonderful single people who are either between relationships or who choose
not to be in a relationship. Everyone is welcome!
QUESTION: I have a friend who doesn't speak English. Can
he participate in this group?
ANSWER: Yes, and he will be most welcome. This is an international
newsgroup, and as such, all languages are welcome. It is our hope that
someone in the group will be able to translate the message or at least respond
to the writer by e-mail.
QUESTION: What about flaming? (By the way, for any newbies,
messages directing anger or outrage towards a specific
individual is sometimes referred to as flaming. You might say the person who is getting "flamed"
is in the "hot seat.")
ANSWER: Because the 40+NG is comprised of people from different
races, backgrounds, religions and sexual preferences, and because
we're human, there will be times when you strongly disagree with something someone writes to the group. While it is certainly all right to express anger regarding a particular subject, we encourage you to control your desire to direct your anger or rage towards an individual. Many times it is better to ignore messages that trigger anger in you or that are offensive to you. However, if you absolutely feel you must reply, then we suggest you express your thoughts rationally. QUESTION: I have read a couple threads where people requesting
penpals of a specific gender were flamed. Will I be flamed if I state I
am only interested in writing to married women, for example?
ANSWER: This is a controversial question, and a difficult
one to answer. (Comments I received from group members regarding this FAQ
had differing opinions on this subject, so I have attempted to take a "middle-of-the-road" position.) Since this group promotes friendship and goodwill, we would encourage you to be open to receiving e-mail from either gender. However, if you absolutely want to limit your request to a specific gender or a specific sexual orientation, then that is your choice. However, please use discretion in the wording of your message. For example, if you post a message stating you are a MWM (married white male) looking for "fun and whatever else might develop" with a SWW (single white woman) or
perhaps with a MWW (married white woman), then you may very well get flamed. We do not wish to discriminate against anyone who genuinely
is interested in finding friends or, for that matter, finding a significant other. However, we also do not want to see the newsgroup deteriorate as some of the other groups have. This group should be a fun place to read messages and develop friendships, without having to sift through messages that are soliciting sex.
QUESTION: I am looking for romance. Are you telling me
I can't state that in my introduction?
ANSWER: We recognize that the Internet is yet another way
of meeting people, and sometimes friendships turn into
romantic relationships. If that happens, great. However, we suggest you form e-mail friendships with people
in the group, being open to receiving mail from anyone. If you mention you are
single or not currently in a relationship, then you may find yourself receiving
e-mail from others who share your circumstances. If you hit it off with
someone in the group, that's great! However, we would encourage you to be
considerate of others in the group and use discretion in the wording of your messages to the group. If group members perceive you are soliciting sex, you may be flamed, whether or not that was your intention. If that happens, please remember that one or two people's opinion do not necessarily constitute the opinion of the entire group.
QUESTION: I am gay, and would like e-mail pals who share
my sexual orientation. Is it appropriate to state that in my introduction?
ANSWER: Once again, we encourage everyone to be open to
receiving e-mail from either gender, whether homosexual
or heterosexual, whether male or female. However, it has been pointed out by various readers that gays or lesbians should have the right to specifically request that only other gays or lesbians write to them. It is not the job of this newsgroup or any of its readers to judge anyone on their religious or sexual orientation (I certainly don't!).
QUESTION: Are any topics off limits or taboo? ANSWER: Yes. Sexual explicit messages (such as stating that "only women who are horny need answer") will most definitely be flamed or ignored. Also, no advertising of commercial products or services of any kind is allowed. No "get rich quick" scams will be allowed. All such posts will be reported to the appropriate authorities. If enough complaints are lodged against you, you could lose your Internet privileges.
QUESTION: WHY DID SOMEONE GET UPSET WITH ME BECAUSE I WROTE IN ALL CAPS?
ANSWER: On the Internet, writing in all capital letters means you are SHOUTING. I know it may seem like a silly rule, but I didn't make it up-that's just how it is. Also, you may want to add a <G> (which stands for "grin") at the end of a comment you meant to be humorous. This tells
readers you are teasing or trying to be funny, and may help avoid misunderstandings.
QUESTION: What about spamming?
ANSWER: Spamming is posting the same (or similar) message to many different newsgroups (whether simultaneously or individually, with minor
revisions). While it may be appropriate to send the same message to 2 or possibly 3 groups, cross-posting to more than 3 groups is generally considered
inappropriate. QUESTION: What about binary files? Can we send them to this group?
ANSWER: Not unless you want to get flamed severely, and
really make lots of people upset with you <G> . (Although I'm grinning, I am
quite serious.) QUESTION: I've read messages about the pros and cons of snipping. What is snipping and should I do it?
ANSWER: Snipping is just another word for deleting, such as deleting a portion of a message. When you participate in a thread, writers will often include the previous person's message. There has been an ongoing debate about whether or not to include the entire previous message or to snip the irrelevant parts. QUESTION: Some messages are signed and others aren't? If
my name shows up in my e-mail address, do I need to still sign my messages?
ANSWER: It's a good idea to sign your messages even if
your name appears in your e-mail address. In this way,
if a person quotes part of your message, your signature will be intact.
QUESTION: Speaking of signatures, what is a sig file?
ANSWER: Most newsreaders allow you to create a signature
file and it will automatically attach to the end of all your messages. It
is common courtesy (netiquette) to not have a sig file more than 4 lines long.
Because this is an international group, people like knowing where others are
from, so some of our writers include their location in their sig file. The choice
is yours.
QUESTION: Any suggestions about posting humor or jokes?
ANSWER: This group is known for its excellent humor (some
of it is rather tongue-in-cheek). Jokes are also posted from time to time.
Should you decide to post a joke or humorous story, we encourage you to put a
short one-line message before the joke stating the subject matter. This will allow others who maybe offended by the subject to skip the message. For example, if the joke contains religious references, the following sentence may be appropriate: "CAUTION: The following joke contains religious references and may be offensive to some people." If the joke contains adult humor, the following sentence may be appropriate: "CAUTION: The following joke contains adult humor and may be offensive to some people." Well, you get the idea. I might also add that while adult humor is posted from time to time, we discourage tasteless jokes or jokes that insult a race or nationality. Be considerate of others.
QUESTION: Aren't you done with this FAQ yet?
ANSWER: Okay. I can take a hint. I know this has been long,
but I hope the above information will be helpful to you. The 40+NG is a nice place to hang out and make new friends. Once again, welcome.
(2) Age (only if
you're brave enough).
(3) Occupation. (Yes, "Retired" is considered an occupation
- one I wish I had).
(4) Where you live (generally). (Some people include this
information in their signature line so readers will know where the writer is from.)
(5) Hobbies and interests.
(6) If you do not wish to join in the discussion
(and you can always change your mind later), but you do want penpals, state that
in your introduction.
That assists other readers who are only looking for penpals to know which messages to read.
After you compose your message, delay sending it until you have had
a chance to "cool off." Then re-read the message to see if you expressed your
thoughts rationally and coherently, rather than ranting and raving. Then decide
if you still want to send it.
Remember, if you find messages from a particular
person or in a particular thread are upsetting to you, you can skip those
messages instead of clicking on them. Flame wars take up band width, and do not
add to the peaceful and harmonious atmosphere of the group.
If you reply to a message asking for e-mail pals of a specific
gender or specific class of people, please reply only by e-mail.
So the choice is yours. You may either indicate you only wish to correspond
with other gays/lesbians, or you want to state in your introduction that
you are gay or lesbian (without stating you only wish to write to gays/lesbians).
That will give other group members a choice of replying or not. You
may, in addition, want to check out some of the newsgroups that are designed for gays and lesbians.
Should you be flamed, please remember two things: (1) The opinion of one or two people do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the entire group, and (2) The wording of your message may determine whether or not you
are flamed
As an aside, by limiting your request for penpals to other gays or lesbians, you may miss out on getting acquainted with some very nice straight people. If you reply to a request for a penpal/e-mail pal of a specific sexual orientation, etc., please reply by e-mail.
Should someone choose to report you for spamming, you could lose your Internet privileges.
Remember, that many people have to pay by the hour for their
online time. In addition, in many countries, users are also charged by the
minute for the telephone time. Therefore, binaries and other such files that
require a long time to download become very expensive for these users. Please
be courteous and thoughtful. There are special groups designed especially
for binary files, and you may want to check them out. You may also be interested to know that 40+NG has a webpage where binaries can be downloaded. One of our members,John Wilson has graciously provided this service and space. The URL is http://www.wilsonjo.demon.co.uk/apfpy.htm.
When you reply to a message, most newsreaders will automatically include the message to which you're replying. There will be some sort of symbol in front of each line (such as > or :) which indicates that was the previous message.
Unfortunately, what can happen is a person may snip part of
a message and take something that was written out of context, and it changes
the meaning. At other times, a person may not leave the signature intact, so sometimes the wrong person may be credited with having written the message.
Some writers have to snip because their Internet service will not allow them to post a message that is shorter than the message they're replying to. (Did that make sense? Hmmm....I didn't think so.) <G>
My suggestion would be to use your best judgment when snipping. Try to keep the signature line intact, and try not to take something out of context. Some writers put their reply at the beginning of the message, with the original message following their reply. This allows people who didn't see the original message to be able to read it, yet also allows a person to skip the original message without having to make that little mouse run all the way down the page.
PJ amended by Marianne 8/97
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