Site hosted by Build your free website today!

Stargate Atlantis

New Page 1

Title: WTF  

Author/pseudonym: Tinnean  

Fandom: Stargate Atlantis  

Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay  

Rating: FRAO (fan rated adult only)  

Email address:  

Disclaimer: Not mine. They belong to Brad Wright and Robert Cooper. And SciFi.  

Status: new/complete  

Date: 12/04  

Series/Sequel: This is the companion piece to But You Would Do That, Right?  

Summary: John realizes a few things.  

Warnings: m/m, spoilers for Rising1 & 2 and Home  

Notes: This first appeared in the My Mongoose E-zine, The Many, Many More Chapters of The Sentinel. The show's website can't seem to decide what Simon's relationship is to Dr. Weir, so for this story, I've made him her husband. Some of the lines were taken from Home. Thanks to Patt for asking for it, to Tim who introduced me to this show, and as always, to Gail, for her marvelous job beta-ing.  



Part 1/1


I stood at my usual vantage point, the one that gave me a view of all of Atlantis, but my eyes were on the man who stared out at the ocean.  

Of all the people in Atlantis, my… libido… had to settle on McKay?  

Everyone at Stargate Command in Colorado Springs knew who he was. His reputation was legend. He was snarky and brilliant, and he never let anyone – man or woman – near him.  

The first time I met Dr. Rodney McKay was when I was ordered to fly him up to the Arctic . His back was to me, and as I approached to introduce myself, he bent to pick up something that had fallen to the floor.  

The uniform he was wearing was on the baggy side, but that movement pulled it tight over his ass, and I caught my breath, suddenly wanting to run my palms over the curves.  

Yeah, okay, so I liked guys. They floated my boat in a way women never could.    


Pilots and astrophysicists, especially astrophysicists whose IQs were off the charts, didn't generally mingle, so I made sure that all I did was look. I kept my hands to myself.  

But things changed when we were marooned in the Pegasus galaxy on a planet that contained Atlantis, a city of the Ancients…  

The Ancients, a civilization that was reaching its peak long before our ancestors came down from the trees that offered some protection from the predators that fed off them, had seeded many worlds, including, eventually, Earth. Those who carried the mutant gene were able to access the Ancients' technology – the gadgets, the weapons, the city called Atlantis.  

I was one of the ones who carried the Ancients' Technology Activation gene, although I didn't know it at the time. The ATA was what enabled me to avoid the drone weapon that attacked the helicopter I was piloting for General Jack O'Neill. The weapon had been accidentally set off by Carson Beckett, a doctor who also had the gene.  

McKay was the one who had urged him to sit in the Ancients' chair. Each time Beckett did, he learned more about them.  

Wrong place, wrong time? Wrong place, right time? I could never tell which of the many variables of this universe it was that saw me a part of the task force that journeyed to the Ancients' city of Atlantis , which was deep below the surface of the oceans on a planet in the dwarf galaxy known as Pegasus.  

All I knew was that McKay was there too. I looked, and I fantasized, but I still kept my hands to myself; just because I wanted to shove him up against a wall, kiss him stupid, strip his pants off, and fuck his brains out, that didn't mean he wanted to do any of those things with me.  

We had our first encounter with a species so deadly the Ancients had finally been forced to resort to sinking this city and setting up force fields to protect it from the Wraith and the water that covered it.  

Thinking the force fields around Atlantis were collapsing, we headed for the nearest planet, Athos, and set into effect a chain of events that resulted in our making the acquaintance of a predatory race known as the Wraith.  

Colonel Sumner was the military commander of Atlantis, until the Keeper, that Wraith bitch, sank her talons into his chest, painfully draining his life force. I couldn't save him – my attempt to kill the Keeper by firing three rounds into her back had only infuriated her, and she'd drawn more of his life force to repair the damage. I'd seen the agony in his eyes, and I'd put a slug through her hand… and into his chest.  

Talk about one pissed-off chick. She'd have drained me dry, and not in the fun sense, uncaring that she'd never get the location of Earth, a potential new feeding ground for her kind, but Lieutenant Ford showed up, and with his help there were two less Wraith in the universe.  

I got our people and the surviving Athosians into the Puddle Jumper, and after playing hide and seek with Wraith Darts, the ships they flew, I finally got us safe and sound back through the Stargate and into Atlantis.  

No longer under the sea, she floated on the ocean's surface, a majestic beauty.  

And I found myself her military commander.  


McKay was the one who picked up the energy fluctuations on M5S 224, and he insisted on checking it out. When we returned to Atlantis, he attempted to persuade Dr. Weir to let him remove the control crystal of the city's Dial Home Device.  

"I'll insert our control crystal into the DHD on M5S 224. The energy created by that planet's atmosphere can easily open a wormhole back to Earth."  

Lieutenant Ford looked uncomfortable, and Teyla Emmagan argued against it. "Do you not run the risk of disabling the other Stargate?"  

"Only if I screw up. Which is extremely unlikely." He looked so affronted to have his expertise questioned that I had to swallow my grin.  

Dr. Weir gave the okay, and we gated to M5S 224 and stood around watching as McKay contorted himself on the floor, wriggling this way and that to the mutter of grunts and some rather inventive swearing. I happened to notice the seat of his trousers pull snug, and I found myself with a hard dick. I had to clench my fingers to fight the desire to touch, and I glanced around cautiously to see if anyone noticed my interest in his ass.  

All eyes were on McKay, and I relaxed. The last thing I needed was to have everyone on Atlantis knowing I had a letch for our astrophysicist.  

Finally he got the control crystal into the slot, and the five of us gated back to Earth, to Stargate Command.  

General Hammond met us in the gateroom. For a moment I thought his eyes looked a little vacant, but then he smiled and greeted us.  

"Dr. Weir. How nice to see you again. And you, Dr. McKay. Major Sheppard. I don't believe I know these two young people."  

"Lieutenant Ford, my second-in-command. Teyla Emmagan, leader of the Athosians, our first allies in the Pegasus galaxy."  

Lieutenant Ford stood at attention and snapped off a salute. His expression, which the General completely overlooked, told how little he liked being called young. At twenty-five, he was still sensitive about his age. 

Teyla gave him a small, respectful smile, but I'd been around her long enough to know the respect was for General Hammond's rank, not the condescending man.  

"Come along, come along."  

We came along, following him to the briefing room. He listened to us carefully, and then he blew us off.  



"I don't believe it!" Dr. Weir fumed as we left SGC. General Hammond had informed us that the Pentagon was considering abandoning the Atlantis project. "We can't leave those people in the Pegasus galaxy at the mercy of the Wraith."  

"What mercy?"  

"Exactly, Rodney. This is… "  


She sighed. "Well, there's nothing we can do until the Pentagon goes over our reports."  

"What will you do, Elizabeth ?"  

Her smile was soft. "I'm going to see Simon."  

"Well, keep your cell phone on." I could hear the testiness in my voice. No one had ever smiled at me like that. McKay arched his eyebrow at me. Dammit, why couldn't *he* smile at me that way? I turned back to Dr. Weir. "We'll need to be available if something comes up."  

"Yes, Major. Do you know what's odd? General Hammond says Simon left my convertible in the long-term parking lot."  

"What's odd about that?"  

"I don't have a convertible. I always wanted one, a red one, but Simon thought that type of car wasn't suitable for someone in my position."  

"Maybe he wanted to surprise you, Dr. Weir." Lieutenant Ford  had a tendency to look on the bright side. But his words were like a birthday gift. Dr. Weir's face lit up.  

"Darling Simon! I've got to see him!"  

"Uh…" Before I could mention something that was niggling at my brain, she was gone.  

McKay looked from me to Teyla. I wondered if he'd invite himself along on our shopping trip. I wouldn't have objected.  

"I think going home for a bit sounds like a good idea. I must have a backlog of messages on my answering machine."  

"Your many admirers?"  

He didn't answer, but his smile was smug. "Ta and ta, people." He sauntered away, whistling something that sounded like a Beach Boys' melody.  

I frowned after him. He probably did have a swarm of women waiting for him, all bidding for his attention.  

"How about you?" I asked my lieutenant.  

"I'm gonna go see my mama!"  

"Okay, Lieutenant. Have a good visit."  

He tossed me a salute and followed Dr. McKay down the corridor. His stride was all military, and it did nothing for me.  

Teyla had no one to go to, and my family was gone, so I took her with me, and we went shopping. She'd never pass as Terran in the clothes she wore.  

While I waited for her in the car, I had plenty of time to think. I thought about McKay.  

Finally Teyla slid into the back seat wearing an attractive outfit and flushed from her successful hunt of the elusive bargain — she may have been leader of the Athosians, but she was a woman.  

"You are looking very relaxed, if I may say so, Major."  

"Huh?" I looked down at myself. I was wearing navy blue jogging pants and a matching jacket. On my feet were a pair of Adidas running shoes that were out of the price range of an Air Force Major. "Uh… " I licked my lips. "Take us to the Green Moss Park area, would you, please?" I asked the driver.  

"Sure thing, Mac."  

And I got even more pensive. Since when had military drivers addressed an officer, even one in civilian clothes, as anything other than 'Sir'?  


I opened the door to my apartment and stepped aside to let Teyla enter first.  

"This is quite an interesting abode, Major." Interesting? Her eyes were wide as she gazed around. "So much space for just one person!"  

"Yeah, well, I like it." On the wall near the door was a NuTone radio intercom system. With a CD player. I pressed the keypad and music floated through all the rooms. Of course there would be one in every room.  

I strolled over to examine the plasma screen TV in the corner. The windows on either side were equipped with bamboo shades that would keep the sun from reflecting on the screen. There'd be no glare on this baby.  

Yep. Nothing but the best.  

"Oh, look!" Teyla had hurried across the hardwood floors to the back of my bachelor pad and was staring through glass sliders. "Major! A most extraordinary pond!"  

I joined her. "That's a swimming pool, Teyla."  

There were coral and green tiles surrounding the kidney-shaped pool. Long enough to swim laps, it had broad, shallow steps at one end, and a diving board at the deep end high enough for some fancy dives. A raft floated on the sparkling blue water, and loungers with holders built into the arms that would hold a can of beer.  

Over to the side was a hot tub that bubbled gently, steam rising in the cool Colorado air. I wondered if a cabana bath was just out of our line of vision. It would have its own shower, shelves stacked with thick, plush towels, spare bathing suits, anything a swinging bachelor, such as myself, would want for his guests.  

"It is amazing!"  

"Maybe later we'll go for a dip."  

"A dip?"  

"Swimming." I thought about a beer. Tall, cool, the bottle sweating with condensation… I hadn't had one since we'd traveled the Stargate to Atlantis. "Teyla, I'm going to see if there's any beer in the fridge. Would you like one?"  


She didn't know much about the way we did things here on Earth, I reminded myself. "It's an alcoholic beverage made from grain."  

"Grain? The feed that sustains our beasts?" She gave me a dubious look.  

"Not exactly." She was starting to get on my last nerve. I thought about McKay. I was willing to bet he wouldn't turn down a beer. Just then the doorbell rang. "Why don't you get that? I'm pretty sure there's some beer in the fridge."  

Teyla walked to the front door.  

Now, if I recalled correctly, the kitchen would be right through … "Ah." And it was unbelievable. Oak cabinets with raised panels. Stainless steel appliances. Granite countertops. A butcher block with all manner of knives. Behind a roll-up door nestled beside the fridge would be a Cuisinart food processor with all its accoutrements, neatly out of the way.  

What a shame I didn't cook.  

I went to the side-by-side refrigerator and opened it. As I'd hoped, there were tall bottles of Budweiser. I took two on the off chance I could persuade Teyla to try one.  

"Major Sheppard!" she exclaimed. "It is Dr. McKay."  

My heart gave a funny flip.  

The doorbell rang again, and Teyla called, "I will answer it."  

I turned to find him leaning against the kitchen doorway, and for a minute I thought my eyes were going to fall out of my head.  

He was wearing board shorts, swim trunks guys wore when surfing. Canadians surfed?  

I blinked. The trunks were purple, black, and green in a wild design that seemed in constant motion. On his feet were black sandals. A towel of a surprisingly mundane white was draped around his neck, partially concealing his chest. What I could see of it appeared firmly muscled and covered in a pelt of dark brown hair. I throat was dry, and I swallowed.  

"Hey, Doc. Wanna beer?"  

"Thank you, Major." He took a beer from my hand, tapped it against my bottle in a silent toast, and raised it to his lips. For long seconds I couldn't tear my eyes from his throat and the rhythmic movements as he swallowed.  

"Dr. McKay, how did you know… ?"  

"Call me Rodney. Or better still… They called me the Rod Man in university. Call me… Rod."  

//The Rod Man?//  "Rod?" I licked my lips.  

"I'd say I thought you might be lonely, but …" He raised an eyebrow and looked over his shoulder.  

People were walking through the door, smiling at Teyla, "Are you Mrs. Sheppard?" Looking around curiously.  

The corner of Rodney's mouth curled, and his eyes raked over my body. My cock went from half-hard, which was normal for me around him, to rock hard. I forgot all about the people milling around in my living room.  

"What are you… " I had to pause to clear my throat. "What are you doing here? I thought you had all those women panting for you."  

"You've got a swimming pool, right?"  

"Uh… Yeah."  

His eyes flicked to below my waist, then rose to meet mine. "I decided I'd rather … " He smiled.  

"Go swimming in my pool?"  

He nodded. He raised the beer to his mouth and took a long swallow. When he took the bottle from his mouth, a drop was clinging to his lower lip. His eyes on mine, his tongue swept out to catch it.  

"Why are you coming on to me, Rod? You are coming on to me, aren't you?"  

He nodded again, and his blue eyes had a devilish glint in them, a glint I had never seen. If I had been thinking clearly, I'd have given that more thought than I did. But my little head was doing all the thinking right then.  

I took his beer and put both bottles down on the counter, grabbed the ends of the towel, and pulled him against me. I buried my hands in his hair and moved his head first one way, then another, searching for the ideal position for our first kiss. Who would have thought his hair was so thick and soft?  Excited puffs of breath bathed my mouth. Who cared?  

I kissed him.  

Rodney's lips parted under mine, and I slid my tongue into his mouth to explore. He tasted of beer, and I became drunk on the taste as I never had on beer. His teeth were smooth, the roof of his mouth was rough, his tongue…  it rubbed against mine, and I shuddered and bit at his mouth.  

He was panting when I raised my head, and his eyes were heavy-lidded. A flush colored his cheeks. His mouth was puffy.  

I was breathing heavily too, and I battled the desire to take his mouth again.  

I never thought…  

"Come to bed with me."  

"You have guests."  

I groaned as I remembered the people in my living room. I made myself let him go and peeked through the door, hoping that maybe they'd gone home.  

No such luck. It was filled with people I hadn't seen in… I blinked.  

"John!" Was that my sixth grade teacher?  

"Shep!" The bartender of my favorite bar?  

"J!" My best friend from high school?  

"Major! Look at all the people who come to wish you well!" The doorbell rang, and Teyla hurried back to open the door.  

More people came in. What the fuck? One was the drop-dead gorgeous brunette who had refused to date me in college.  

"It is good to have so many friends!" Teyla started to close the door. "I was wondering if there might be any who would come to welcome you home. You are very lucky."  

"Yeah. Lucky. That's me. Would you mind entertaining them while…"  

"Teyla! Whoa! Whoa!" My lieutenant angled himself into the house, just missing being hit by the door. He was wearing casual slacks and a short-sleeved shirt that had blue and tan vertical stripes and three buttons at the neck. His arms were filled with boxes of Dominoes Pizza.  

"You've got a new job?" I asked sourly. My dick wasn't happy that he wasn't buried balls-deep in McKay's… Rod's ass.  

"I met the delivery man at the door." People began crowding around him, and he passed out the boxes of pizza. "This one's pepperoni. Meatballs. Sausage and peppers. Veggie. Anchovies." There were concerted groans, but the gorgeous brunette took the box and scurried away with it.  

"Uh… Yeah. I'm leaving you in charge, Lieutenant. Dr. McKay and I are going to have an in-depth discussion about wormhole physics. Help yourself to a beer. I'm sure there's plenty in the fridge." That last remark was caustic, but he didn't seem to notice.  

"Yes, *sir*!" He grinned happily.  

"All right, Doctor. If you'll follow me?" I wound my fingers in the towel and dragged him through the house to my bedroom. Two steps through the door I came to an abrupt halt. "Holy…!"  

The room was enormous. French doors let in soft sunlight that dappled the oriental rug covering a portion of the hardwood floor. In an alcove was a day bed facing another plasma screen TV. The walls were lined with built-in bookcases, and in the middle of them was a fireplace that had a plush rug in front of it.  

It was too warm to light a fire, but if I could persuade Rodney to get naked on that rug, I'd light one.  

There was a black lacquer armoire and a matching dresser and night tables. The bed… jesus! It was round and big enough to hold the entire Denver Broncos football team comfortably.  

"Like to watch yourself, Major?" Rodney smirked and glanced upward.  

"Excuse me?" I followed his glance. There was a mirror on the ceiling. "I … guess so."  

"I like the idea of you watching us while we fuck." Rodney leaned into me and fastened his lips on the side of my throat, first nipping, and then sucking hard.  

"That's… that's gonna leave a… a mark." As if I cared. My eyes were closed, and I wallowed in the sensations his lips and teeth and tongue were causing.  

"But you don't care, do you?" How could he know what I was thinking, almost to the exact words?  

Before I could question him, he stepped away from me, a lazy, seductive grin on his face. He yanked the towel from around his neck, popped it and tossed it aside, then eased off his swim suit and left it in a puddle of riotous color on the floor.  

My mouth dropped open. Who would have thought Rodney McKay, genius, would have a cock that could make the angels weep?  

"Are you going to stand there staring, or are you going to…" He ran his palms over his nipples and down to his cock. "… do me?" He crossed the floor, and I got my first glimpse of his naked ass. My fingers tingled with the urge to touch, to squeeze, to… He settled himself on the bed. His groin was covered with thick, wiry hair. I usually preferred my partners smooth-skinned, almost hairless. "Is… is something wrong, Johnny?"  

His cock, which had been hard and proud and flushed with desire, began to deflate.  

I snapped my mouth shut. "Nothing's wrong, Rod." Maybe in the future, and I had no doubt we would have a future, I could persuade him to shave his body. His cock swelled with arousal again. "That's what I like to see."  

I toed off my running shoes and stripped off the jogging suit. I always wore Air Force issue skivvies, but I didn't bother questioning the fact that this time I wore nothing under my clothes.  

"The lube and the condoms are in the …" I blinked and gave a slow smile.  

Before I'd left for my assignment in Antarctica, the guys in the BOQ threw me a party, and as a gag gift gave me a box filled with every size and brand of condoms: snugger, roomier top to bottom, three inches, and they'd kidded me about that one, to ten inches, Trojans, Hot Rod, KISS KONDOMS, warming, self applicating, even flavored condoms.  

The lubricant was mine. Even though I'd always made it a point not to sleep with anyone within the chain of command, I'd hoped I might find someone among the non-military staff in Antarctica . I found McKay, and wound up spending most of my down time jerking off.  

When I first settled into my quarters in Atlantis, I'd found drawers built into the wall. They were very convenient and saved space, and I'd placed some personal items in there. But a dream bachelor pad wouldn't have that.  

"They're in the night table."  

"You don't need to wear a condom, John. Not if you'd rather not."  

"For a genius, you can be really dumb. You know only committed couples do that."  

He looked at me through his lashes. "You could pretend we're committed. Wouldn't you like to do that, Johnny?"  

"*Wouldn't* I?" I yanked the drawer open so hard it flew off its track and just missed my toes. I scrabbled through the contents, found the lube and the condoms – I was horny as hell, but I wasn't stupid – and got busy. It didn't take long to roll on a condom and slick it up, but I took my time preparing my lover. I was going to give him an experience that would make him come back begging for more.  


The sound of laughter and splashing roused me from a light doze. "What the fuck?"  

It sounded as if everyone who had ever claimed to be a friend of mine was having fun in the pool.  

"Johnny? Do I smell a barbecue?" Rodney snuggled his head deeper into the pillow.  

"I'll go see what's cooking."  

"You're so funny, lover."  

"Yeah." I gave a weak smile that he didn't see. I hated that pet name. Well, we'd talk about it another time. Maybe the same time we talked about him shaving his body hair. I kissed the back of his neck and rolled off the bed.  

"Don't be gone long." He gave me a smoldering look over his shoulder. "I love you, John."  

He did? In that case, maybe 'lover' wasn't such a bad pet name. "Hold that thought!"  

The French doors opened onto the patio. I could see my guests making use of the pool and hot tub. Someone with his back to me was standing by the brick barbecue, poking hamburgers to see if they were done enough. He turned to say something to the man beside him, and my breath caught.  

It was my friend Dex. He reached out a hand to accept a beer from... I swallowed hard, and my stomach started to churn. Mitch.  

Mitch and Dex had flown Black Hawk choppers under my command in Afghanistan .  

Things fell into place with a vengeance, and I backed away from the French doors.  

"*Teyla*!" I spun around, grabbed up my clothes, and scrambled into them. "Get dressed, Rod. We're getting out of here."  

"Is something wrong, Johnny?" He sat up in bed, gloriously naked, but I didn't have time to be interested.  

I thought for a second. "There should be something in my closet that will fit you." I stepped into my Adidas and left him to find the sweatpants and sweatshirt that I knew without a doubt would be there, and in his exact size. I jogged out into the living room. "*Teyla*!"  

"Yes, Major Sheppard?"  

"We're leaving."  

"Ah, you don't want to do that, do you, Cap?" Dex and Mitch were standing at the end of the room. I'd been a captain, the last time we'd all been together.  

Dex glanced at Mitch, then walked toward me, his hands outstretched, a conciliatory smile on his face.  

"Uh, Major?" Lieutenant Ford looked concerned.  

"Hey, you got a promotion? Way to go, Cap!"  

"They were telling us stories about your adventures in Afghanistan ," my lieutenant offered.  

"Was that before or after they were out in the backyard barbecuing?" I pulled out a gun. Sure, why not? I'd thought there'd be one in my waistband, hadn't I? "Don't come any closer, Dex."  

Lieutenant Ford half rose from the edge of an armchair. "John, they're your friends!"  

"Are they?"  

Dex kept coming toward me.  

I fired a shot that caught him in the shoulder. He spun around and fell to the floor. Mitch stared at me as if he'd never seen me before.  

"Are you fucking crazy?" Dex demanded as he rose to his feet, clutching his shoulder. "That fucking *hurt*!"  

"Does it?" There was no blood.  

"Major, please!" Lieutenant Ford's face was as pale as it could get, considering his dark complexion. He held out a hand. "Give me the gun!"  

"You don't understand. They're dead! They were killed outside of Khabour!" I turned the weapon on him. "And I'm not too sure you're who you're supposed to be, Lieutenant, so don't press your luck. *McKay*! Shake your ass! We are leaving!"  

He didn't appear in the doorway. I chewed my lower lip. I'd be taking a chance, but I had to. I kept my gun pointed at my 'friends' and backed to the bedroom door to see what was keeping him.  

He wasn't there.  

"Will somebody tell me *what the fuck is going on*?"  

The atmosphere seemed to shimmer, waver, and abruptly we were in what appeared to be the lab at Stargate Command, all of us, including General Hammond.  

Teyla stood beside me, wearing that skirt and top she'd bought earlier that afternoon.  

Dr. Weir had on a pink top and slacks that stopped just below the knee, not the outfit I had last seen her in.  

Rod was in a rumpled gray shirt and trousers, not at all like the sweats I'd imagined to be in my closet.  

Lieutenant Ford was a few feet away, dressed in his fatigues instead of the casual shirt and pants he'd had on five minutes earlier. He had what looked like a love bite on his neck. His expression dazed, he looked around. "Where's Carson … Dr. Beckett?"  

"I imagine he's on Atlantis, where he's been all this time." I hated seeing his face fall. "This whole thing, it's been nothing but a fake." I met General Hammond's eyes, only now I could see there was something in them that was not General Hammond. "What did you do? Look into our minds and give us what we wanted most in the world?"  

"I did not expect you to put it all together so soon, Major."  

"Yeah, well, the dead guys were a dead giveaway."  

He said nothing, his eyes blank.  

"I should have realized." Dr. Weir looked so sad. "Our house isn't within a half hour's drive of SGC. And Simon never would have gotten me a convertible." She was a smart woman and deserved better than someone who treated her like an empty-headed piece of fluff.  

"Of course." It was Dr. McKay and not Rod who stood there looking thoughtful, and not a little disappointed. "Why else would…" I took a step toward him, then stopped when his eyes met mine. He seemed to gather himself and continued, "Why else would the brunette in 302 go from 'You're a creep, but I like your cat,' to 'I missed you.'"  

Of course. What we wanted most in the world.  

It hadn't been McKay who'd been rolling around on that decadent bed with me, who had said he'd loved me; it had been what *I* had wanted, and it was a figment of my imagination.  

"How did you spend your afternoon, Major?"  

Not about to let him see that it felt as if I'd taken a blast from a P90 direct to the heart, I gave him my patented John Sheppard grin. "Not nearly as exciting as yours. I took Teyla shopping."  

"The Major then took me to his home."  

"Which was what I'd always dreamed a bachelor pad would be. The only thing is that for the last eleven months I'd been billeted in the Antarctic."  

"*You* …" Teyla started to say.  

"… wouldn't believe all the old friends who showed up." I interrupted her before McKay could realize what a fool I had been. She gave me a puzzled glance, and I hoped the minute shake of my head would keep her from blurting out the fact that she'd opened the door to McKay. I upped the wattage on my grin.  

And McKay returned it. With interest. "What a shame some of them were dead." The bastard.  

I hunched a shoulder and turned back to see that Dr. Weir was arguing urgently with 'General Hammond'. If I didn't put in my own two cents,  we were going to wind up dead, the food and drink we'd be consuming no more than a thought planted in our minds.  

The beings who called M5S 224 home were the mist, and each time the Stargate was activated, they died. If we used it to create a wormhole to go home to Earth, millions would be destroyed. It was them or us, and of course they chose their own race.  

"We will never come back to this planet!" Dr. Weir swore. "We will never again use your Stargate."  

"You have our word as civilian and military representatives of the planet Earth," I assured 'General Hammond'.  

"But your desire to return home is very great."  

"Yes, we want to go home, but not at the cost of your people."  

"Look into our minds," Dr. Weir urged. "You've done that before, to give us what we wanted. If you look into our minds, you will see that we are telling the truth!"  

Long minutes dragged by as the being attempted to verify our words.  

And then, "Yes. I do see."  

Again there was the shimmer and waver, and then we were regaining consciousness on the planet's surface.  

"Suppose he's faking us out?" McKay always did see the glass as half empty rather than half full.  

"Take the control crystal out of there."  

"We could think we're awake and back on Atlantis," he grumbled as he went down onto his hands and knees and began fiddling with the crystal, "but we could still be unconscious on this planet's surface."  

The voice of the being we had perceived as General Hammond echoed around us. "This *is* the reality. You have *my* word."  

The being's word was good. We made it home. To Atlantis.  


I stood at my usual vantage point, the one that gave me a view of all of Atlantis, but my eyes were on the man who stared out at the ocean.  

Was he regretting the brunette who wasn't here?  

"Problem, Doctor?" //Talk to me, Rodney. Tell me what's bothering you.//  

"No. Everything is peachy-keen."  

I could see he was going to play the strong, silent type.  

"Good." I gave him my John Sheppard grin and started walking across the commons.  

I took my time, but he didn't call my name, and when I reached the far end, I paused and looked back, my mouth open to say something flip.  

He wasn't there.  



Three days had passed since the M5S 224 incident. I still woke each night from torrid dreams of that afternoon, and I jerked off until I could find some peace, but my hand wasn't as satisfying as the hot, tight grip of Rod's ass.  

I stared into the mirror in my bathroom and stroked fingers across the spot on my neck where Rod had sucked a livid bruise.  

There was nothing there. There had been nothing there.  

My stomach rumbled, and I sighed and left the rooms I had selected as my quarters, and headed for what served as Atlantis' mess hall.  

Kavanagh sat by himself. Well, no one much liked the know-it-all scientist who had a tendency to get on everyone's last nerve. He glowered at me, then hunched a shoulder, picked up his dinner, and walked out, his stride so stiff he could have had a bat up his ass.  

Grodin, a scientist who was better-liked than Kavanagh, met my eyes, rose hastily and left.  

Sergeants Stackhouse and Markham jumped to their feet, saluted, and followed the scientist in a rush.  

Lieutenant Ford stayed at his place, but his expression was wary.  

Dr. Beckett was sitting beside him, poking at what was on his plate. "Aiden, ma wee man, what does this look like to you?"  

My second-in-command grunted, and Beckett followed his gaze. His brows beetled, and he scowled at me.  

What the fuck was wrong with everyone?  

"What the fuck is wrong with everyone?" I demanded.  

Dr. Weir gave me an exasperated look. "Since we've come back from M5S 224, you've been unbearable, John."  

"Unbearable? Me?"  

"Aye, you, laddie." Beckett stood up and approached me. He whispered in my ear. "Ya need ta get laid, Major." He glanced apologetically at Dr. Weir, but she didn't appear to have heard him.  

She was sending a happy smile toward the door. "Rodney."  

That smile looked familiar. Hadn't she smiled like that when she'd thought of her husband?  

'Slut,' I growled under my breath.  

" Elizabeth ." That voice was like crushed velvet, but it wasn't directed at me.  

My cock hardened anyway. I glared down at it.  

"Major Sheppard."  

"Dr. McKay."  

Icicles dripped from our voices.  

"What is it with you two?" Dr. Weir was drumming her fingertips on the table. "I thought you were… okay, not best friends, but at least colleagues?"  

I made a noncommittal sound. I wasn't about to tell her that I'd fucked who I thought was my 'colleague' through the mattress on M5S 224, but apparently *he* had been busy screwing a brunette who wasn't me. I was interested in hearing what McKay had to say.  

"How is the food?" he asked Dr. Weir.  

I wanted to grab him and…  

No. I had to accept that he didn't want what I wanted.  

Well, obviously, he'd had the opportunity to have me on M5S 224, but he'd gone for the brunette bimbo instead.  

I wasn't going to hang around; I wasn't that hungry, and anyway, I could order something brought to my room. I turned to leave, walking right into Teyla. "Sorry." I stepped aside and headed for the door.  

Just as my ATA gene was causing it to slide open, I heard Teyla say, "Dr. McKay. May I sit with you?"  

Oh, that was just great! Now the Athosian was going after him. I wanted to punch the wall. I looked over my shoulder to find both of them watching me.  Teyla looked interested, and Rodney… McKay… I couldn't decipher what was in his blue eyes.  

This time I didn't even bother with the smile. I just left.  


By the time I got  back to my room, I'd lost my appetite. I took a shower, put on a casual shirt and trousers, and made myself comfortable on my bed. I picked up the book I was reading. War and Peace. I was on page 17.  

We were able to bring a few things with us when we volunteered to go through the Stargate to Atlantis, and I figured a book as large as Tolstoy's classic would be about right. Who knew we'd wind up marooned and with no hope of returning to Earth anytime soon?  

I was still on page 17 when my door slid open. McKay stood there, looking a little disgruntled as he usually did when his engineered version of the ATA gene worked the gadgetry of Atlantis.  

"Yes, Doctor?" I closed the book, not bothering to hold my place with my finger. I wasn't likely to forget that I'd made no sense of the page I had been re-reading for the last fifteen minutes.  

His eyes narrowed, and he stalked across the floor, his hands clenched into fists. Behind him, the door slid shut with a soft shhht.  

"Why didn't you tell me?"  

"Tell you what?" I put the book down, swung my legs over the side of the bed, and got to my feet. No way was I going to let him loom over me.  

"You spent that day with *me*!"  

"What day?"  

"Jesus, Sheppard, don't play dumb. That day we were on M5S 224. And don't try to deny it! Teyla saw you kiss 'me'." I could feel the color drain from my cheeks, but he didn't seem to notice. "She saw you go into the bedroom with 'me'!"  

Oh, shit. "Uh… Look, McKay. It didn't really happen. It wasn't you there."  

"But you *wanted* it to be me there." Well, yeah, but was he blaming me for a fantasy?  

"It didn't really happen," I repeated slowly, emphasizing each word. "It was just a mind game. No harm, no foul."  

He grabbed the front of my shirt and gave me a shake, and I got my hands between us and onto his chest. I was relieved I wasn't holding the book. I'd have dropped it, and it would have crushed my toe.  

"But. You. Wanted. Me."  

"Look, how many times do I have to tell you it wasn't real and nothing happened?" His chest was warm under my palms, and I flexed my fingers. I could feel his nipples through his jacket. It took a second before I snapped out of it and shoved. He didn't let go.  

"You mean to tell me you didn't do anything more than kiss my double? You were just showing me… him… your etchings?" he demanded.  

"Uh… Well… Y'see…" I shut my mouth. If I told him how far I had gone with Rod, would he even want to continue working with me?  

"Major Sheppard at a loss for words? That is one for the books!" He gave me another shake. "Be honest with me for pity's sake!"  

"Look, McKay. Before Teyla opened her big mouth, you had no idea I wanted you. Why can't you pretend you never heard otherwise?"  

"No idea you wanted me?" His voice deepened to a growl. "I don't tease straight boys, Sheppard! I had no idea you were gay!"  

"Uh… bi, actually." Oh, who was I kidding? After the few abortive attempts during my early days in the Air Force, I'd stayed with the home team. I gave him a weak smile.  

"You *dope*!" McKay was shaking me again.  

"You're gonna give me whiplash, Rodney."  

He ground his teeth and pulled me close to him, getting right in my face. "I want you to want me! I've wanted that since before we got here!"  

"Huh? But what about the brunette in 302?"  

"She went back to 302 when she realized I wasn't interested in her."  

"Then…" My mind was whirling out of control. "Then what brunette did you spend the afternoon with?"  

"*You*, you moron!"  

"Don't call me a… Me? Really?" I started to grin, and it was nothing like the grins I'd been forcing the last few days.  

"Yes, 'you, really'. Jesus, for someone who's a genius in math, you don't have much in the way of smarts, Sheppard."  

"Yeah, but you love me anyway?" It was meant to be snarky, but it came out a hopeful question in spite of myself.  

"Smart ass." He dropped his hands, and I jumped when he pinched my butt. Then one palm stroked over it, tracing the crack, squeezing the cheeks, while the other urged me closer. "You've got an awesome ass, John."  

"You like it?" I could feel his dick pressing against my groin. I slid my arms up around his neck, unable to take my eyes off his mouth.  

"You could say that. It's been driving me crazy. I've wanted to touch, but I knew I didn't dare, not if I wanted to keep my head on my shoulders."  

"Now who's a dope?" I licked my lips and leaned toward him; I was going to kiss that mouth. My eyes started to slide closed, my lips parted, and then I pulled myself up short. "Wait a second! How do I know this is really happening?"  

"It's happening. You have my word," he intoned, imitating 'General Hammond.' He gripped the back of my neck and drew me into the kiss. His lips were warm and soft, and oddly enough, they felt nothing like the Rod I'd taken to bed on M5S 224. I held onto him and let him have his way with my mouth.  

Finally, we had to break the kiss in order to breathe, and he leaned his forehead against mine, panting lightly. His breath was warm on my face.

"Listen… " I remembered what Rod's double had called me, and I bit the bullet, "… lover… What?" He had got a pained look on his face.  

"I *hate* that, John."  

"You do? You … I mean your… um… Okay." I didn't think it would be a good idea to tell him his doppelganger had used it. "Can I call you 'Rod'?"  

He grinned. "You can call me whatever you like, Johnny." He was petting my ass again; I liked it a lot.  

Even the way he said 'Johnny' seemed different from the Rod on M5S 224. "Except 'lover'?"  

He shuddered. "Too right."  

"Works for me. So, Rod. Could I interest you in… uh… seeing my etchings?"  

"I thought you'd never ask."  

"Let's get this show on the road!" I couldn't prevent a happy grin, and I reached for the hem of my shirt, ready to pull it over my head. "My bed's right here."  

"I noticed." His hands went to the collar of his uniform jacket, and I stood frozen as he yanked at the fastenings. Under it was a tee shirt that read, 'I'm not a size queen, but my boyfriend is.'  

"Nice shirt."  

"I don't believe in hiding my light under a bushel." He hung his jacket over the back of a chair, then took off the tee shirt.  

"Rod!" My eyes widened. His chest was so much better than … It was as muscled, but instead of a thick pelt of fur, he had a thin covering that went from each pectoral to meet in the center and drift down to the waistband of his trousers.  

If this was different about him, was I going to be disappointed when I saw his cock?  

"Get naked, Johnny."  

"Huh? Oh, yeah." I pulled the shirt over my head, undid my fly, and let my pants slide down my legs, then stepped out of them. "Your turn, Rod."  

He dropped trou. The line of hair flared over his groin as if pointing the way to his cock, and my mouth went dry.  

"Well, fuck me!" It was even better than his doppelganger's equipment.  

"I intend to, Johnny."  

I dragged my eyes up from that glorious cock and licked my lips. "It's been a long time, Rod."  

"I'll take care of you, John. Do you trust me enough to do that?"  

"Yeah." But his cock suddenly seemed enormous, and I began to wonder if this was such a good idea.  

He tipped my chin up, forcing me to meet his eyes. "Condom and lube?"  

"Uh… Yeah. Sure." I went to the drawer the Ancients had built into the wall. While I reached for a condom and the tube of lubricant, I looked over my shoulder at him. "I know it was dumb to bring this stuff along – I mean considering we most likely weren't going to find anyone to… um…"    

"John. You're babbling."  

I took a deep breath. "I am, aren't I? Sorry." I shoved the foil packet and the Astroglide into his hands and got on the bed on my knees. I remembered the drill. I buried my head on my arms and waited.  

"I'm flattered, John."  

"Excuse me?"  

"Foil." He chuckled. "The large, economy size condoms are in foil."  

"Ha ha."  

The sound of the packet being ripped seemed so loud. I jerked when I felt warm, slick fingers explore my crack, then dip into my hole. I took another breath and tried to relax.  

I hadn't been kidding when I'd said it had been a long time. One of my early experiences with a guy had been rough. I thought I knew what to expect, but there'd been no foreplay and almost no preparation. He'd slammed into me, called me bitch and whore, and other names when I hadn't been able to regain my erection because it hurt so bad. After that, I hadn't trusted anyone enough for more than mutual hand-jobs or blow-jobs.  

Abruptly my thoughts shattered as Rod's teeth grazed over my ass. He bit down gently, and I didn't recognize the sound that came out of my mouth; it was a mixture of moan, gasp, and groan.  

"I've wanted to do that forever, Johnny." He licked the spot he'd bit. "Turn over."  

"Hmm?" I was wallowing in the sensations that seemed to run directly to my cock.  

"I want to see your face when we connect for the first time."  

"O… okay." I did as he said.  

"Breathe." Rodney stroked my cheek and wouldn't let me look away. He pushed my legs back and made a space for himself between them, and his cock began to press for entry. "That's it, relax. Johnny, do you know how long I've wanted this? I used to jerk off every night thinking of having you like this, under me, taking my cock, *wanting* to take my cock…" Rodney leaned forward and ran his tongue over my lips and teased the seam until I opened my mouth. "Hold me, John," he whispered just before he kissed me.  

I gasped, and his tongue was in my mouth and his cock was in my ass, and I wrapped my arms around him and held on. The stretch and the burn seemed to vanish as he hit my hot spot, and I saw every star in the Pegasus galaxy.  

"That's better." Rodney laughed, his breath warm against my neck.  

"Rod!" I locked my ankles behind his back and rocked up. Jesus, this felt so good… My cock was hard against his belly, and each undulation of his hips rubbed the wiry hair of his groin against it. "More!"  

"I like a demanding lover, Major." Rodney drove into me, deep and hard, and I shook and clamped down on his cock with internal muscles, arching into his thrusts, and clawed at his back to get him closer.  

He groaned, and bit and sucked my neck, and worked a hand between us and closed his hand around my cock. He rubbed his thumb over the tip, which was slick with the precome that was oozing out.  

My balls drew up tight, and I knew I was close. So close. So…  

He stroked the precome he had gathered on his thumb over my lips and over his own and kissed me, and I exploded.  

When I finally caught my breath, Rodney was shuddering into his own climax, and I ran my palms over his back. It felt damp, and I grinned smugly at how I'd caused him to work up a sweat.  

I grinned until I looked at my fingers. My fingertips were dotted with blood.  

"Oh, jesus, Rodney, what did I do to you?"  

He raised his head and smiled into my eyes. "You've… you've done what no one else ever…ever got carried away enough to… to do. Each time I put my… my shirt on, I'll be feeling what… what you've done. Just as I imagine you… you'll be feeling what I've done to… to you."    

"Will I!" I groaned. "I'll be walking funny for a week!"  

"You're exaggerating."  

"Well, maybe, but not by much. Do I get a shot at your ass?"  

"Certainly. I'm very versatile, I'll have you know."  

"I've lost you." His cock had softened and slid out of  me.  

"You're never going to lose me, Johnny." He kissed my jaw, caught the condom before it could spill its contents, then eased it off and knotted it.  

"No?" I liked that thought. I took the condom from him and tossed it aside. When I turned back to him, he was lying on his back, one hand behind his head, the other rubbing my come into his chest. "If Teyla hadn't told you I'd … uh… kissed your twin, would you have ever made a move on me, Rod?"  

"No. I'd have lusted after you in silence."  

"Why?" I started to lick his chest clean.  

"John, I thought you were straight. You concealed your orientation very well." Rodney ran his tongue over his lips, and I leaned down and kissed them, catching a hint of myself still on them. He gave a sated smile. "What about you, Johnny? If I hadn't come bursting through your door, would you ever have acted on your feelings?"  

"No. I'd have looked, but I wouldn't have touched."  

"Why, if I might ask?"  

"Because you did a damn good job of hiding your orientation."  

"And the director of the theatre group in university said there was no hope for me."  

"Ass." His stomach rumbled. "Rod?"  

"After you left the mess hall, and Teyla told me how you had really spent your time on M5S 224, I weighed my choices. Food, or you. You won. Just don't expect me to give up food for you often." He gave me a frosty glare, then ruined it by sniggering.  

My stomach chose that moment to announce it could do with some food.  

"Well, we are a pair, aren't we?"  

"Yes, we are. And John, I'd like us to stay a pair. If you have no objections?"  

"No objections, Rod Man. "  

"Where did you ever hear that nickname?" He looked as if he'd swallowed a lemon.  

"You mean someone actually called you that? Well, well."  

"Never mind, John. Let's get dressed and get something to eat. Do you think the mess hall is still open?  

"They'll be open for me. It's good to be the commander," I murmured as I finished dressing.  

"John," he seemed hesitant, which surprised me, "I'd… I'd like to do this again."  

"So would I. I wish we could share quarters."  

"You'd really want to do that, Johnny?"  

"Yeah. I'd like to fall asleep with you in my arms."  

He flushed. "If you're serious…" He laughed at the look I gave him. "Okay, you're serious. I found a passageway that leads from my rooms to this corridor."  

"I never heard about this!" I'd chosen these quarters so I'd have complete privacy. I liked the people I worked with, but not enough to be around them 24/7.  

"I don't tell all my secrets, John."  

"I guess you're a genius in more than astrophysics."  

"It's always so nice to be appreciated."  

"Ass. So you'll spend the night with me?"  

"Yes. I'd like that very much."  

"So would I." I paused at the door and kissed him. He sighed into my mouth and licked at my tongue. His eyes were heavy when our lips finally parted. "Let's eat. I'm starving."  

My gene caused the door to slide open, and we stepped out into the deserted corridor and walked to the mess hall.