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Stargate Atlantis: No One Loves Kavanagh

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Title: When I Saw Him  

Author/pseudonym: Tinnean  

Fandom: Stargate Atlantis  

Pairing: Kavanagh/Simon Wallis, Kavanagh/omc  

Rating: FRAO  

Disclaimer: Not mine. They belong to Brad Wright and Robert Cooper. And Sci-Fi.  

Status: new/complete  

Date: 3/19/06  

Series/Sequel: This is one in the No One Loves Kavanagh series.  

Summary: Kavanagh falls in love for the first time in his life.  

Warnings: A touch of noncon, minor spoilers for Rising 1.  

Notes: Many thanks to Wolfsbride, who pointed me in the direction of Canadia Tavern. Otherwise, Simon and Kavanagh would have wound up out in Pitt Meadow, which is *not* just off campus! She also helped regarding the registrar where Kavanagh left his forwarding address. At this point in time, Kavanagh doesn't have a canon first name, so I've decided to go with  Miles. Colonel Sumner's words, as well as Elizabeth 's farewell to General O'Neill, are taken from Rising 1. Thanks as always to Gail, the world's best beta.


When I Saw Him

Part 1/1


The only thing that meant more to me than my education was the career for which that education was preparing me. To that end, I blocked out everything else, including relationships.  


I sat in the front row of the lecture hall, center seat. I always did. In that way, the instructor saw me taking notes, looking thoughtful, nodding in agreement with his statements, even if, as was generally the case, they were less than profound.  

This class, Quantitative Biology, was something I was taking because I had nothing better to do on Wednesday evenings.  

There was a message scrawled across the chalkboard. //Professor Hewlett has been called away. A substitute instructor will take over his class tonight.//  

I was relieved. Lately, Professor Hewlett had taken to staring at me in a way that tended to make me a little uncomfortable.  

The substitute instructor was running late, and there were murmurs of impatience until he finally walked in, and then the murmurs turned to pleasure as he was recognized.  

"Dr. Wallis!" "It's Dr. Wallis!" "Talk about luck!" "This lecture is going to be so good!"  

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. As you can no doubt tell, I am not Professor Hewlett."  

The class chuckled in appreciation of his drollery, and he smiled.  

My heart lurched, and I was startled to realize I was fascinated by what I saw, by the brown hair and warm brown eyes, the way the shirt he wore seemed to cling to the torso it covered, the way the open collar revealed the strong lines of his throat, the way his trousers…  

I swallowed and forced my attention to his face and what he was saying.  

"My name, as some of you already know, is Simon Wallis." His eyes wandered over the students in the lecture hall. "I have no idea why I was chosen to replace Professor Hewlett tonight. I'm a medical doctor, not a quantitative biologist." That brought laughter. "However, I'll do my best not to let down the good Professor, and I hope by the end of this lecture, you'll leave having learned something."  

To my surprise, his gaze kept drifting back toward… me? The first time that happened I looked over my shoulder, but there was no one behind me. Could he like what he saw too?  

Dr. Wallis' lecture was interesting, much more so than any of Professor Hewlett's dry-as-dust, droning discourses, and I hung, not on his every word, but on each movement of his lips. I found myself running my tongue over my own lips, wondering what his might taste like.  

Afterwards, I remained by my seat, hoping there might be a possibility that I could speak to him, but it seemed everyone else in the hall had the same intention. He had a few words for each one, and the only reason I continued to linger was because he would smile each time he looked toward me and saw me still there.  

So I waited, and finally my patience was rewarded; it was my turn. My mouth was suddenly dry, and it was all I could do to croak out, "Hello." I pointed to my chest. "Miles Kavanagh."  

"Hello there, Miles Kavanagh," he murmured, his eyes running over my body in an almost palpable caress. "I couldn't help noticing you."  

"You couldn't?" Was that breathless voice mine? A hasty glance around showed me the hall had emptied of all the students. Yes, it had to be mine.  

"That surprises you?"  

"Ye… yes, Dr. Wallis."  

"Please, call me Simon."  

I cleared my throat. "Simon. I… er… I had to tell you how fascinating I found your lecture." I wanted to beat my head against the wall. Everyone had said that.  

"Thank you." He didn't start putting together the papers scattered on the desk, a sure signal that he was impatient to get away. Instead, he propped his hip against it, for all the world as if he was more than willing to spend time with me. "I spoke from Professor Hewlett's notes. The request that I fill in for him was on very short notice, you see."  

"You did better with them than he could."  

"You're very outspoken for an undergrad... "  

I opened my mouth to correct his assumption, but he continued speaking.  

"… and I'm glad to see you think for yourself." My chest swelled with pride at his words. "I was hoping you were more than just an attractive face."  

Whatever I was going to say flew out of my head. If he'd said I was handsome, I'd have scoffed and walked away. Well… I would have scoffed. I had a mirror, and it told me well enough that my looks were what he labeled them – attractive – and nothing more. But I liked that he was honest with me about this.  

"Th… thank you." I was startled to feel his fingers in a strand of hair that had somehow escaped from behind my ear, and then suddenly my hair was freed of the tie that held it back, and it spilled over my forehead and around my face.  

"You have wonderful hair." The tie dangled from his fingers.  

"I… I do?"  

"Yes. Wavy. Soft. Gorgeous blond highlights that are impossible to see when you wear it scraped back. You should always wear it loose. You look very … "  

I made a silent vow to never tie my hair back again.  

"… *very* this way." His grin was hungry.  

I opened my mouth, but couldn't get a word past my lips. No one had ever said such things to me.  

His smile became charmingly rueful. "Should I not have said that? Well, perhaps not."  

"It isn't true then?"  

"Oh, it's true all right. You look as if a lover has just finished having… his… way with you."  

How could he know what I myself had realized only a number of years before, that I preferred boys to girls? I'd been appalled and had tucked that knowledge away at the back of my mind, determined to say nothing to anyone. Not that there had been anyone to say anything to.  

My mother had warned my sisters when they were old enough to begin showing interest in the local boys. "They won't buy the cow if you give the milk away free. Remember the words of the revered Ann Landers. Or was it her sister, Dear Abby? No matter, just remember: 'When I saw him, I loved him. When I loved him, I let him. When I let him, I lost him.' So make sure you don't let him!"  

She hadn't see fit to warn me. As a male of the species, I was one of the ones to be warned against.  

"Look, I have a dinner engagement… "  

"You have to go. I understand." I started to turn away to power down my notebook.  

"I wouldn't mind getting out of it. Miles." My name had never sounded like that on anyone's lips before, and I started to melt inside. "Have dinner with me."  

"You … you want to spend time with me?" My voice cracked.  

"Yes." His eyes crinkled, and a slow, sensuous grin curled his lips. "Do you find that surprising?"  

Truthfully, I did. I wasn't what was referred to as a people person. Mostly I found that they were stupid and idiotic and not worth the time it took to get to know them, so I'd never bothered.  

Dr. Wallis, though – I'd like to get to know him.  

"Is there someplace we can go?"  

"There's Canadia Tavern, which isn't too far from here. They… uh… they serve Greco-Italian food."  

"I'm not in the mood for Italian. Or Greek. Unless… " He ran his tongue over his lips. "… you're Italian. Or Greek?"  

"No, I'm of Irish extraction," I said, completely serious.  

His lips curved slightly, and his eyes crinkled in amusement.  

"Oh!" Hot color rushed into my cheeks. I was hopelessly inept at flirting – no one had ever flirted with me before. My shoulders slumped, and I started to turn away.  

"Am I moving too fast?" He drew me back and ran his fingertips over my cheek. "I'm American, you see. Li… a friend tells me I have a tendency to do that."  

"Oh, no. Not… " I was helpless to look away from his eyes. "Not fast at all. I… I have…"  

"Someplace where we can go?" His expression was encouraging me to say 'yes.'  

I had to say, "No," and I sighed. "That is, I do, but I… I have a roommate."  

"And we won't be able to persuade him to make other sleeping arrangements for tonight? Or is it a 'her'?"  

"He's a 'he'." I gave him a wistful smile. "And I'm afraid not. He's very… rigid."  

His eyebrow rose, and I felt a slow flush rise to my hairline.  

That hadn't come out right. "What I meant was… I meant he… uh… "  

"Let me guess. He doesn't drink or smoke, and I suppose he doesn't approve of… boys playing with boys?"  

"Not only does he refuse to concede such a thing is even possible, but he doesn't approve of boys playing with girls, either. Not outside of marriage, anyway."  

Rolf was even less of a people person than I was. His beliefs were very inflexible, and he had gone through a number of roommates. For some reason the university's housing department came to the conclusion that I disapproved of premarital sex as well and had put us together.  

The truth of the matter was simply that I felt sex was too distracting, and I had no intention of being distracted at that point in my life.  

"All right then. Come with me to mine."  

"To yours?" I repeated stupidly, and I wanted to beat my head against the wall.  

"My place." He wasn't deterred? "My hotel." He wasn't deterred!  

"Where… " I was rock hard, and I licked my lips again and shifted, I hoped unobtrusively. I was relieved that I didn't follow the latest trends and that my trousers were loosely cut. "Where are you staying?"  

"At West Coast Suites. I have a premium suite."  

"But dinner?"  

"I'll order room service for you. Will you come?"  

Unable to get another word past lips that refused to open, I nodded. I closed my notebook and put it in its case, and followed him out to the parking lot where his rented car was. We got in, and he drove to the hotel. On the way he drew me out, more so than anyone else had ever done. I was flattered that he wanted to know about me, and my tongue untied. I babbled on, talking much more than I usually did.  

I was in the middle of an anecdote about how I had proved a previous professor's thesis wrong when he stopped the car.  

"Simon?" Had I bored him?  

"Miles?" He smiled. "We're here."  

"Already?" I looked around, surprised at how short the drive had been.  

"Already. Come on. I'm anxious for your opinion on my suite. I think you'll like it."  

He was right. I did like it. Very much.  

His suite had a telephone and a television, its own lavatory with a shower. Most of all, it had a bed that was large enough to hold the two of us in decadent comfort.  

Simon removed the wire-rimmed eyeglasses I wore and tossed them onto a table. "That's better."  

I blinked and squinted at him owlishly. Before I knew it, I was naked and on my back on that bed.  

"I… er… Wouldn't it be more comfortable if I was on my stomach?"  

"Maybe." His hands busy rolling on a condom, and then he petted me, chest, hips, thighs. "But I want you to know who's making love to you." He parted my buttocks and two slicked fingers prepared my back passage for his invasion.  

It was uncomfortable – his fingers hadn't looked that large – and I shifted, but he kissed me and whispered sweet nothings in my ear.  

"Such beautiful eyes, such thick, soft hair." He sucked on my earlobe, then rained kisses along my throat to the hinge of my jaw and to my cheek. "So hot. So tight." He removed his fingers, and I breathed a sigh of relief. "I could almost think you'd never done this before."  

I opened my mouth to tell him I hadn't, but something nudged my opening, he flexed his hips and thrust forward, and suddenly it felt as if he was trying to shove a baseball bat into me. I writhed in an attempt to escape the intrusion, tensing every muscle, and I whimpered.  

"That's it, baby. Let me hear how much you like this."  

How much I liked it? Was he insane? He was splitting me in two!  

I opened my eyes, about to demand he get off me, but I looked into the face above mine. This was Simon, and I… It hit me like a ton of bricks. I loved him. I wouldn't be letting him do this to me otherwise.  

I relaxed, and at the same time, he brushed across something inside me, and I yowled, a most embarrassing sound.  

"Yes, baby! Yes!"  

I felt on fire. He did it again, and I bent my knees, my soles flat on the mattress, and began to arch up strongly against him, trying to get him in deeper. A drop of sweat rolled down to my cheekbone, Simon licked it off, and I moaned.  

"Oh, yes!" He reached between us, circled my cock with his knowledgeable fingers, and with that touch I rocked up, clamped down with internal muscles, and began to spill myself all over his navel.  

Simon groaned, bit the side of my neck, and climaxed. I could feel heat deep inside me, blunted by the barrier of the condom he wore.  

"What did you do?" I asked when I finally had my breath back.  

"That's your prostate, baby," he told me. "Didn't you know?"  

I shook my head. "I've never… " I was too lost in what he'd made me feel to even wonder if I should conceal the fact that he was my first lover.  

"What, *never*?"  

"No, never." I smiled at that and let my hand drift over his cheek, throat, torso, and rubbed his nipple. "Not even hardly ever."  

"You have a sense of humor!" He seemed surprised.  

"Doesn't everyone, to one degree or another?"  

"I guess that's true." He slid out of me, caught the condom, and rose to dispose of it. When he returned from the lavatory, he went to the phone. Gloriously naked, he picked up the receiver and dialed.  


"I did promise you dinner, didn't I, baby? Room Service? I want your Dîner Romantique, si vous plait? Merci." He gazed across the room at me and covered the receiver. "That's shrimp and scallop ravioli in a creamy sauce and pears poached in red wine for starters – we can trade off bites – and for our entrée, filet mignon with Roquefort sauce, potatoes, cooked tomatoes, and watercress."  

"That sounds delicious!"  

"I think you'll find that it is, although not as delicious as you!" He turned back to the phone. "How long will that take? Ah. No, that will be fine." He hung up, met my eyes, and smiled, his gaze warm and loving. "Actually, it will be perfect."  

"What will, Simon?"  

"It will take approximately three quarters of an hour for our dinner to be ready."  

"How will that will be perfect?"  

"It will give us time to shower and… " He crossed to me, leaned down, and curled his hands around my shoulders, urging me toward him. I slid my arms around him, and we were chest to chest.  

"And… ?" I asked breathlessly. I enjoyed the feel of his chest hair teasing my nipples.  

"And… " His hands were on my ass, and he traced the crevice.  

"We can take a shower, and then… ?"  

"And then ... " He kissed me and led me into the bathroom.  

I'd never realized how much could be done in the shower besides bathing.  


We spent the next three days in his suite. "But your lectures, Simon… "  

"Mine were already finished when Hewlett asked me to cover for him. And there's nowhere else I need to be right now."  

I was so happy to hear that.  

By Saturday evening however, I knew our time was growing short.  

"I have to leave soon, baby."  

"Simon, let me go with you," I begged.  

"What?" I blinked at the sharpness of his tone. "Oh, baby, much as I'd love it… You can't." He cupped my jaw and ran his thumb over my lips. "You have to finish your classes and get your degree."  

"I have my degree." Actually a multiplicity of degrees, of which I was quite proud.  

His brows snapped together, and he straightened. "Then why were you in the lecture hall?"  

"I was auditing the course. I'm only here passing time until one of the positions I've applied for becomes available." I clambered to my feet, wincing from the sting of well-used muscles, and went to him, intent on kissing the confusion from his face. He backed away from me, and it was my turn to be confused. "Simon? Don't you want me to go with you?"  

He smiled and came back to me and kissed me, murmuring sweet words into my mouth. He crowded me back toward the bed, and I knew I had misread the situation.  


I woke the following morning, sore, covered in love bites and semen, and more in love with him than I'd been the night before, if that was possible.  

"Simon?" I called. The bathroom door was ajar, and I limped to it and pushed it open. "Sweetheart… "  

The bathroom was empty.  

Puzzled and confused, I went back into the bedroom. On the dresser was a note. //It was fun, baby, but I have to go, duty calls.//  

I tore open the dresser and then the closet. They were both as empty as the bathroom.  

I pulled on my clothes and hurried down to the first floor.  

"When will Dr. Wallis be back?" I asked the clerk at the front desk. He looked at me strangely.  

"Next semester, I assume. He's usually here at least once or twice a year."  

"Where did he go?"  

"I don't know." He shrugged. "He rang down around three this morning and asked us to get him an earlier flight out."  

He'd done that while I was sleeping? Then I realized there must have been an emergency that called him away.  

"Do you have an address for him?"  

"I'm afraid I can't give out that information."  

"But… "  

"Sorry." An old woman came to the desk, and he turned away from me. "Can I help you, Madame?"  

I stood there hesitantly, chewing my lip. Simon was gone?  

Professor Hewlett would know how I could reach my lover. As reluctant as I was to be in the same room with him, he was the man I needed to talk to. I returned to the University and tracked down him down to his office in the Biology Building .  

"Yes?" he asked impatiently. "What do you want, Kavanagh?"  

"Simon Wallis."  

"What about him?"  

"I need to get in touch with him."  

"He's returned to the States."  

"I'm aware of that." Although I hadn't been. Simon had just said he'd had to leave. "I need his address. He left something behind." My heart.  

Professor Hewlett gave me a pitying glance. "You let him take you to bed, didn't you?"  

"Excuse me?"  

He shook his head. "I don't know how he does it. He really isn't that attractive." He noticed how I bristled at that and gave a short laugh. "Every single time he comes here he manages to bed some foolish undergrad. Although, in your case… " There was a smirk on his lips. "Go home, Kavanagh. Simon Wallis has. To his wife."  

His *wife*? He couldn't be married. He'd made love with *me*! My expression must have given away my dismay.  

"Did he neglect to tell you that he's married? Tsk, tsk."  

"Who is she." I felt sick. "Never mind, I don't want to know."  

"Don't you? She's Dr. Elizabeth Weir. She's mediated any number of … "  

"I've heard of her. If you'll excuse me, Dr. Hewlett?" I didn't wait for him to tell me yes or no, I just turned to leave his office.  

"You were riding for a fall, Kavanagh. Arrogant and cocksure… " he said.  

"Are you insinuating I had it coming?"  

"If the shoe fits… " His lips stretched in a cold grin.  

"God knows I had no trouble holding out against you," I muttered under my breath as I stalked out. "Bastard!" Who did he think he was to say such things to me?  

I didn't deserve that, no matter what he might think. No matter what any of them might think!  

No. Professor Hewlett was lying. His assertion that Simon took unsuspecting undergrads to his bed was nothing more than professional jealousy, and I would shove his spiteful words aside. The Simon I'd come to know wouldn't treat me like that!  

I *knew* he wouldn't.  

I went to my room, hoping my roommate was taking a class or was in the dining hall, or was anywhere else away from there.  

When I unlocked the door, it was to find the room empty. A plain, buff envelope had been placed on my desk. My heart gave a bound.  

//Oh, Simon! You didn't just leave me without even letting me know when we would meet again!// I pounced on it and tore it open.  

It wasn't from Simon.  

It was an official letter from General Hammond of Stargate Command. They had heard of my work, had received my application, and thought I would be a welcome addition to their staff. If I was interested – if I was interested? *it was only my fondest dream!* – they would expect me in Colorado Springs in two weeks.  

I was going to be in the United States .  

I'd have to find a way to let Simon know! Of course we couldn't be together right away, but we'd be in the same country, and maybe eventually he could get a job with a local hospital, or maybe even Stargate Command. I was sure they needed medical doctors as much as hospitals did.  

Whatever he decided to do, the important thing was that we'd be together.  


Word that Simon Wallis had seduced and abandoned me – although it was no such thing – spread throughout the campus. I wanted to wait as long as I could, in hopes that Simon would come back and show that up for the vicious lie it was, or that he would get in touch with me at the least, but I couldn't face the smirks, the snickers, the snide comments, and I packed my things.  

But before I left, I made sure the registrar had my forwarding address, so Simon would be able to find me when he returned for me.  


Weeks and months passed, and finally a year had gone by. I liked what I did, although except for maybe Dr. Rodney McKay, the people I worked with were all idiots, as bad as the students with whom I'd gone to university. They never did things the way they were supposed to be done. Didn't they realize there was a reason why there was a chain of command?  

On occasion I would hear that Dr. Weir was expected at Cheyenne Mountain , and I would lurk surreptitiously in the background, hoping Simon would be with her, but he never was.  

If she had been married to anyone else but Simon, I might have been willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. After all, I wasn't a misogynist.  

As it was, I was certain she had tricked him into marrying her. I had no doubt her reputation as an excellent mediator was earned strictly on her back. Didn't General Hammond always send out his dress uniform to be pressed when she was expected to visit, and didn't he always see his barber, even if he had no more hair than Yul Brynner?  

Simon had probably been grossly deceived by her, and when he'd realized what she really was, cold and unloving, that was when he'd sought solace with others.  

And even if Simon had been driven to meaningless affairs, that wasn't the way it had been with us.  

He'd loved me.  

I just needed to be patient, and he would come back to me.  


Artifacts of the Ancients had been discovered in Antarctica , along with the address of their home in the Pegasus Galaxy.  

The scuttlebutt around the Mountain was that Colonel Sumner was going to head up the military contingent to Atlantis.  

"Catch me going there!" I muttered to myself.  

I learned that Dr. Weir would head up the civilian contingent. That meant that Simon would have to be going along too.  

I requested permission to be included.  

"Sorry, Dr. Kavanagh. We need people who can get along with each other."  

"Are you saying I can't get along with those idiots?"  

Dr. Boek, the scientist who was okaying the selection of expeditionists, smiled tightly. "Let me just say that if a ship was going down, you would be everyone's choice to leave standing on the deck."  

"What can I do to persuade you otherwise?"  

"I don't know that you'd be willing to do it. You're really not a team player, Kavanagh."  

I started to panic. He was going to make me lose my opportunity to be with Simon!  

"Give me the chance to show you otherwise," I blurted.  

He rose and locked his office door, and I felt cold when he reached for his belt and undid it, and pointed to the floor in front of him.  

//I'm doing this to be with you, Simon.//  

I dropped to my knees, took his cock in my mouth, and sucked it. I fought my gag reflex and sucked until my jaws ached and my throat was sore and he finally came.  

"Good boy." He stroked my hair as I knelt at his feet, swallowing convulsively and trying to prevent myself from vomiting. "And tonight you'll come to my room."  

"But… "  

"You want to show you're a… team player, don't you?"  

I thought of Simon. "Yes."  

"Good. Then you'll do what I want. Won't you?"  

My eyes rose to meet his. I hesitated for a second, and he arched an eyebrow. Defeated, I murmured, "Yes."  

"Be in my room tonight after dinner."  

When I arrived there I was startled by the ambience. The lights were low, there were candles on various flat surfaces, flowers scented the air, and there was a bottle of sparkling wine and two glasses.  

"This isn't necessary, Dr. Boek."  

"Call me 'Jan.'" He took off my glasses and set them aside. "You have beautiful eyes, Miles."  

"Please. Don't do this."  

"I'm afraid I have no choice. You see, I want you quite desperately, I'm afraid."  

"No. I meant… don't offer me pretty words or candlelight. We both know this isn't a seduction, won't be lovemaking."  

"It could be if you let it," he said softly.  

I shook my head, and his mouth tightened.  

"You're supposed to be showing me that you can be a team player, Miles. Take your clothes off, please."  

I thought of Simon, and I obeyed him.  

He stripped off his own clothes, and I couldn't avoid staring at his erect cock. It was thick, the crown, already beading with the moisture Simon had told me was pre come, flushed a dusky rose. My eyes widened, and I swallowed. He saw, and his lips twisted in a smirk. He pulled back the covers. "Now, lie down on the bed."  

//Oh, Simon, why isn't this you?// I did as he ordered and balanced myself on my hands and knees.  

"I want you on your back, Miles."  

I glanced over my shoulder at him. I *wouldn't* let him take me the way Simon had. "I'm sorry, Dr. Boek. I can't do that."  

"Shy, eh? Very well, I won't push you." I could hear the implicit, //This time.// He rolled on a condom and reached for a tube of Glide.  

I stiffened, then dropped my head to the pillow and braced myself, prepared to be sodomized.  

He surprised me, though. He was gentle, gentler than Simon had been that first time.  

That disloyal thought made my stomach turn, and I banished it from my mind. My lover had merely been eager to make love to me.  

I was even more surprised to find it wasn't... horrible. But... it wasn't Simon.  

Night after night, and sometimes even in the day, I would be at Dr. Boek's beck and call. He would have me on my knees or over whatever flat surface was handy.  

But always I had the small victory of never having to look into his face while he fucked me.  

I was beginning to think I would never get the approval to join the Atlantis team, but just before the expedition was set to leave, I was called to Dr. Boek's office.  

"Are you still sure you want to go?"  

"How do you want me now?" I asked wearily as I reached to unbuckle my belt.  

"No, no, I didn't mean… " He looked uncomfortable, almost… lost. "I thought once you… I never expected… " He cleared his throat and fussed with some papers on his desk. "I've just spoken to Dr. Weir."  

"Oh?" It was all I could do to prevent a shiver. I'd learned that she had the final say over who stayed and who went.  

"I feel I should warn you, Dr. Kavanagh, that this is likely to be a one-way trip."  

"Excuse me?"  

"The ZPM has perhaps enough power to establish a stable wormhole and open the gate to Atlantis, but there is a strong possibility that there won't be enough power for the return trip."  

"You're saying that if I go, I will not come back."  


Simon would be there.  

"I'll go."  

"Miles, please…"  

"I'll go."  

"Very well, Dr. Kavanagh. Godspeed."  

But I was already walking out of his office. I went straight to my quarters. I had already packed. If approval had been denied me, I'd intended to leave Cheyenne Mountain . I would have lost the chance to be with my one love.  

And how could I face the… colleague… who had debauched me?  

I would never tell Simon what I'd had to do in order to make sure we were together. Once we were on Atlantis, he would observe how Weir and I worked, and he'd realize how much better for him than his wife I was. He would leave her, and even if we were forced to remain in the Pegasus Galaxy forever, we would be together forever.  


I didn't see Simon before we stepped through the wormhole, but I wasn't surprised. Quite a number of people were going, and there was a large crowd milling around. It made sense that I couldn't spot him immediately.  

"Let's go, people." Colonel Sumner cradled his weapon in his arms and glanced around at his men. "We don't know how much time we've got. Security teams one and two… "  

"Hold on, Colonel." Dr. Weir rushed to join him. "We go together." Of course she'd insist on that, no doubt wanting the glory as much as to exercise her authority.  

How could Simon…  

Well, it would be perfect. He'd have to see the kind of woman she was.  

The military types went through, and after a few minutes they gave the 'all clear.' Now it was the scientists' turn.  

I licked my lips, hoisted my backpack to my shoulder, and walked forward through the iris of the gate.  

There was little illumination on the other side, and I shivered. For a brief… a *very* brief moment I wondered if I was out of my mind.  

Then I thought of Simon and what I'd had to do to get here.  

Lights began to come on, although their glow was feeble at first.  

"Teams one and two secure the immediate area," Colonel Sumner ordered. "Everyone else find an open space and park it until instructed otherwise."  

I ignored his words and lingered on the perimeter of the room. There were butterflies in my stomach now, and my cock was getting hard at the thought of finally seeing my lover again. I took a deep breath and touched my tongue to my lips.  

The last few scientists came through. Sumner looked them over, then gave a nod and said, "That's everyone."  

What did he mean, 'That's everyone'? That couldn't be everyone! Simon wasn't here!  

As little as I wanted to speak to her, I hurried up to Dr. Weir. "Where is Si – Dr. Wallis?"  

She gazed at me blankly for a moment, then seemed to shake herself. "Simon… My husband preferred not to come." She turned away and thumbed her radio. "General O'Neill, Atlantis base offers greetings from the Pegasus Galaxy. You may cut power to the gate."  

I watched in horror as the gate shut down. How could this have happened?  

"We have work to do, people. I suggest we get to it," that hated woman said, and in a matter of moments the room was empty.  

I stood there, alone and stunned, staring at the spot where the Stargate had been.  

I had planned on being here, with Simon, for a lifetime.  

Only… without Simon…  

It would be a useless, worthless, endless lifetime.



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